Broken marriage, man chasing young woman

[Sage2013]

Hello, I am a 40 year old dude, and first time poster.

I am presently in a marriage with zero intimacy, me and my wife have sex maybe once ever 3-6 months. She once cheated on me, I found out, we stuck it out, but it is basically a financial arrangement now.

I recently met a young woman, very into partying (burning man), etc.

When we first met she pursued me, very playful stuff, ask me to hang out all of the time. After enough horse play and requests, I took her up on it. After our first hang out, and i blew a sex/kiss opprotunity by asking her if i could kiss her. Things cooled tremendously.

But now she had it reversed and i was chasing her. After some back and forth on FB, I told her that she was unique, and that I respected her, etc. Next day things were on my side again, and she was pursuing (weird).

Later that day, we hung out, and i did not miss the second chance she gave me to get fresh. .... Later that night we had gratuitous sex all night till about 5AM. I made the mistake of busting one in her.....but oh well. I am certain considering my level of experience, and know the difference between a fake and a real orgasm. That she came many times (not sure if this is relevant).

Earlier she told me about an old flame that she is not done with...FYI for perspective.

Now she is avoiding me. Not showing at work, not taking my calls, not responding in a timely manner to my texts, etc...(keep in mind...one phone call, one text, and two fb messages that were random ****)

I know for many of you, this might be ideal to have a girl just jet after you got what you wanted. But i like her, and want her.

After reading some stuff here, I think I may have some how ****ed **** up and may be in the no communication challenge zone.

Any insight?

 

[Sage2013]

Update:

She returned my messages

I previously texted her and asked her over...told her it would be a guaranteed good time.

Took her about 12 hours to reply, I knew she was out of town, and in the process of moving, and running some errands, and thought she would be back that night.

She replied and said "that she wasn't there and that she was not well"

I told here that "I hoped to see her again before she left"

Today: she replied and said "that she was sure that we would see each other, at least a little."

Any interpretations? So ****ing confounding this one.

 

[Desdinova]

There is so much going on here that it's difficult to tell you where to start.

First of all, you're completely lacking game which is understandable since you're married.

I'm going to ask you a few questions...

1) Do you seriously want a mistress? Or is it just this particular woman?

2) Does she know that you're married?

3) Have you considered the destruction you could cause if your wife finds out?


From a purely "gaming" point of view, I'm going to point out what you're doing wrong with regards to attracting this woman:

After some back and forth on FB, I told her that she was unique, and that I respected her, etc. Next day things were on my side again, and she was pursuing (weird).

Be careful of what you say to this woman. You don't want to put her too high on a pedestal. Do NOT let your feelings out too much and don't compliment her. Telling her she's interesting or intriguing is okay, but don't tell her she's pretty, sexy, hot, etc.

As far as texing her goes, I'm going to give you the advice I give everyone else. Keep your texts fun, interesting, and light-hearted. There's nothing wrong with teasing her through texting. Keep the serious stuff out of it. Serious = boring, and women don't like boring.

Also, don't bombard her with texts when she doesn't respond. One text for one is a good ratio to maintain (unless she's really compulsive with the send button)

Now I'm going to point things out from a "having a mistress" point of view:

Earlier she told me about an old flame that she is not done with...FYI for perspective.

This works in your favor for a mistress arrangement. You both have to cover your tracks and have things to lose if your significant others find out. It places the both of you on a level of mutual understanding.

I made the mistake of busting one in her

Unless you're fixed, wear a condom. Having a child with someone other than your wife will complicate your life beyond belief. You should know this.

You need to realize that this woman is NOT the primary woman in your life. Your wife is. Unless you end the marriage, any mistress you have can NOT be your primary woman. A mistress is easily replaceable, the things you could lose in a destroyed marriage are not. Keep your priorities in order. If you lose this particular woman, then cut your losses and move on. You CANNOT fall in love with a different woman at this particular point in your life.

The first thing I want you to do is go back to the posts in the "Married Man" forum, and go to the stickied post called "So You Want To Have (or Are Having) An Affair". Download that ebook. Read it twice. It will help prevent you from fvcking your life up.

 

[Sage2013]

So yes, she does know I am married.

I broke a lot of rules with her, most of the ones you mentioned. After reading so much here, I have no idea how i got in her pants, i should have botched it.

To make things more interesting, I started following some of the rules, and she started texting me, even called me.

Weirder still, is that all the sudden my wife wanted sex from me, and even asked me to buy her sex toys and ****, like we used to do in the old days....Its almost like she can sense something. Maybe guys are hotter when they are getting laid and have a nonchalant attitude...I have no clue.

Regarding blowing my marriage and having things to lose...well I may not be thinking logically about things, but i feel like I need out..but i think you are right in general, and timing is everything.

I will find that link and read that book...Thank you.

 

[Desdinova]

Weirder still, is that all the sudden my wife wanted sex from me, and even asked me to buy her sex toys and ****, like we used to do in the old days....Its almost like she can sense something.

What's likely going to happen is you're going to become a much more pleasant person to be around because you're having your sexual needs taken care of. Women are attracted to people who are positive and happy, and having your mistress in your life can cause this. In turn, your wife is going to find you more attractive.

I still urge you to read that ebook. It covers so many bases that you may not have even thought of.

 

[speed dawg]

Sage, do you have kids with your wife?

 

[dasein]

My guess is LSE/self doubt-loathing that accompanies impulsive sex in women, source of lots of hot/cold in these types of deals IME, and guilt is compounded by the fact she knows you are married. She has gotten positive reinforcement and reward (attention, supplication) from this kind of guilt related push-pull in the past, and so it's ingrained and repeated. Agree with others about your playing with fire in your marriage also. Good luck.

 

[San]

Ah....

 

[LiveFreeX]

You are an idiot for

I found out, we stuck it out, but it is basically a financial arrangement now.

this reason

I recently met a young woman, very into partying (burning man), etc.

and this one.