I came across this on another message board... I thought it was an interesting read.
"Putting a Stop to Being You"
So here you are; at any hour of the night, wishing that you were a specific number of months in the past. This feeling is no different for you than it has been in that same number of months. You know who she is, you know why you can’t be the person that you know you are. You may have dated, or not, that’s not at all the point. The simple point of all of this is that she is the center of everything that you need to be you. Like me, you may find that there isn’t a time schedule for anything anymore. You will do only what you have to, and then return home to be alone where you were before you left. Finding that you are uncertain at the very least about every one of your major goals, as well as not caring what happens to them, you will carry on with each day just like you keep showing up for a job that you no longer want. There are a million other fish in the sea, and there are supposed to be more than a few better, but better is not what you feel that you want. You want exactly what you had, nothing more, and nothing less. Every one of the impossibilities in your life started the day after you lost the only part of you that you don’t have any control over. You now realize that you are supposed to deny your feelings as well as the ways that you want to act on them. Each encounter with the second part of you that you will spend the rest of your life chasing becomes nothing more than a test of maintaining your sanity. There is really no good way to end love of any kind, and that’s precisely why they say that it doesn’t end. You may separate from that part of you forever, but you will never be able to loose it in your mind. Eating and sleeping become a secondary priority to waiting. Surrounding you is more than one physical reminder of the past, no matter where you go; try as you might, you will never escape this. Keep the pictures up, keep whatever it is that you wear everyday that reminds you, because getting rid of these things just makes it hurt worse. Maybe this is unhealthy, but just like everything else; you don’t seem to notice the deterioration of health along with everything else. The hardest part of this whole nightmare is not being alone; it’s being able to be near anyone else without a reason to be there. There is always at least one person of the opposite sex that you know of who now becomes someone that you can’t stand due to the fact that you know that they want to be something different to you than what they are. That space is not for rent, and you don’t need anyone else trying to fit into a mold that is so detailed that there is nothing that will fill it but what came out of it. The beauty of all of this is that the idea of superiority is wiped out of your mind. There isn’t anything that you want, there is nothing better, and really there is nothing worse than being where you are. You are stuck somewhere that is comfortable enough to stay in until the right person extends their hand to pull you out. You know that you are not going to be bringing anyone of the opposite sex home with you, so there is no reason to change the appearance of your room since the last time you had what it is that you need. You will begin to make promises of hanging out with people of the opposite sex, but won’t be able to go through with it when it comes time to actually finalize plans. This Supergirl, for some reason is probably someone that you still occasionally talk to, and each time there is probably some kind of a conflict. The way you let your self be pulled into all of this just to talk to her is nothing short of completely unexplainable. Here’s where the real tough part is, I can tell you that those tears aren’t going to help anything at all. Neither her tears nor yours are made of anything but the acetone that will weaken the bond between the two of you. Now, I’m sure that you would think that I would have some outstanding advice for you on how to make things better, how to become friends, how to have everything back to what it was, or even how to fill what’s missing in you in even some small way; well, there isn’t any advice out there to accomplish that. If nothing else, rely on your friends, eventually you may find that she becomes part of that group of people, and you may find that you did something right after all. Good luck, you’re not the only one who will need it.
-K.J. Learnings
December 4th, 2003
-comments? I've never been in a LTR so I can't say much.
"Putting a Stop to Being You"
So here you are; at any hour of the night, wishing that you were a specific number of months in the past. This feeling is no different for you than it has been in that same number of months. You know who she is, you know why you can’t be the person that you know you are. You may have dated, or not, that’s not at all the point. The simple point of all of this is that she is the center of everything that you need to be you. Like me, you may find that there isn’t a time schedule for anything anymore. You will do only what you have to, and then return home to be alone where you were before you left. Finding that you are uncertain at the very least about every one of your major goals, as well as not caring what happens to them, you will carry on with each day just like you keep showing up for a job that you no longer want. There are a million other fish in the sea, and there are supposed to be more than a few better, but better is not what you feel that you want. You want exactly what you had, nothing more, and nothing less. Every one of the impossibilities in your life started the day after you lost the only part of you that you don’t have any control over. You now realize that you are supposed to deny your feelings as well as the ways that you want to act on them. Each encounter with the second part of you that you will spend the rest of your life chasing becomes nothing more than a test of maintaining your sanity. There is really no good way to end love of any kind, and that’s precisely why they say that it doesn’t end. You may separate from that part of you forever, but you will never be able to loose it in your mind. Eating and sleeping become a secondary priority to waiting. Surrounding you is more than one physical reminder of the past, no matter where you go; try as you might, you will never escape this. Keep the pictures up, keep whatever it is that you wear everyday that reminds you, because getting rid of these things just makes it hurt worse. Maybe this is unhealthy, but just like everything else; you don’t seem to notice the deterioration of health along with everything else. The hardest part of this whole nightmare is not being alone; it’s being able to be near anyone else without a reason to be there. There is always at least one person of the opposite sex that you know of who now becomes someone that you can’t stand due to the fact that you know that they want to be something different to you than what they are. That space is not for rent, and you don’t need anyone else trying to fit into a mold that is so detailed that there is nothing that will fill it but what came out of it. The beauty of all of this is that the idea of superiority is wiped out of your mind. There isn’t anything that you want, there is nothing better, and really there is nothing worse than being where you are. You are stuck somewhere that is comfortable enough to stay in until the right person extends their hand to pull you out. You know that you are not going to be bringing anyone of the opposite sex home with you, so there is no reason to change the appearance of your room since the last time you had what it is that you need. You will begin to make promises of hanging out with people of the opposite sex, but won’t be able to go through with it when it comes time to actually finalize plans. This Supergirl, for some reason is probably someone that you still occasionally talk to, and each time there is probably some kind of a conflict. The way you let your self be pulled into all of this just to talk to her is nothing short of completely unexplainable. Here’s where the real tough part is, I can tell you that those tears aren’t going to help anything at all. Neither her tears nor yours are made of anything but the acetone that will weaken the bond between the two of you. Now, I’m sure that you would think that I would have some outstanding advice for you on how to make things better, how to become friends, how to have everything back to what it was, or even how to fill what’s missing in you in even some small way; well, there isn’t any advice out there to accomplish that. If nothing else, rely on your friends, eventually you may find that she becomes part of that group of people, and you may find that you did something right after all. Good luck, you’re not the only one who will need it.
-K.J. Learnings
December 4th, 2003
-comments? I've never been in a LTR so I can't say much.
