Break up hurts , No Contact need advice

[tkz]

Nice guy finishes last, girl seeing someone need the experts
I had been seeing this girl for 5 months and we kind of went on and off and she wanted it off, but l liked her and persisted for a full year ,l was always a gentleman even during our dating days , travelled her wherever , flew her on trips and even after we broke up l was there for her l was helping her with her rent, bills and she asked me to help get books for her sisters in Africa last few weeks and l did that.in a nut shell she is a high mantainance and loves to spent and show off girl but l let it slide because l loved her.l basically spend $1500 for the books last few weeks and got get a guchi bag and would meet her every need.In the last 4 months l spend close to $7000 helping out.It was not about the money it was the concern and the care for everyone in her family.Now l am a guy who has a good job and very good salary so the moneyy was not as bad.l helped her so much to point were she did not appreciate it and would sound as if it was my duty and still l tried to be a nice guy.A week before she told me she wanted to start life with a new man she said to me we would get back together in the future even suggested that we will be married and talked about how l was the only person she could trust and who was responsible and good guys going places and we talked about how l would build my business empire and end up with her family working for me and stuff and she seemed on board only to be told a week later that she met a guy two days before and wants to start a new thing with him.I told her l would not interfere, nor contact because l want her to get a chance to be happy and if it does not work out l dont want to be implicated.l treated her like gold she got all her desires and l genuwinely helped from the heart but l guess l was used and now l am hurting.l have not talked to her in 10 days but she does not care l guess.l am focused on improving myself to higher things in my career but l guess we will never talk again.

 

[sph21]

I'm not an expert but here's the thing I've leant from my past: You can't buy her attraction. If you try to buy her affections by buying her expensive stuffs, she'll think that that's all you can do and you don't have any other skills.

You need to learn some skills such as humor, unpredictable, confident, indifference, a challenge, etc (read DJBible).

If you treat her like a queen, then she'll treat you like a slave. Be a prince and kill your desperation. Here's a good article to get you started: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16903

 

[pinkfl]

Why on earth would you pay rent and for a designer purse for a woman that you have only dated for five months?

Pay for dates, fine. MAYBE a trip together if it's an anniversary gift (legit anniversary, not any of this childish nonsense of "it's our 3 month anniversary!" No. Anniversaries are once a year.) But under NO circumstances would a girl with high moral fiber accept such expensive gifts unless she could reciprocate in kind or she is engaged or married to you.

You got used, plain and simple.

Don't throw your money at women. Never volunteer information about how much income you have. Never volunteer to pay a bill. If a woman really needs help, let her ask you, but draw up paperwork to show that it is a LOAN and not a GIFT. It needs to be PAID BACK with a DEADLINE. This is just good general practice for life.

The money you spent on her is as good as gone. Trust me, she'll come back with her tail between her legs the second she needs money again. BLOCK ALL CONTACT WITH HER. There is NO way to salvage any type of healthy relationship from this woman. She's a leech.

 

[Driggs]

Sounds like a Nigerian scammer.

The good news is, this will never happen to you again.

Oh, and... if you really believe your money went to books for her sister, I have some swampland to sell you.

 

[user name]

Golden post OP.

It ought to serve as a warning for anyone who thinks of doing the same and what happens to you if you do.

 

[mikey2012]

Was in same situation as you. Bought dress the second time since she didn't have much of a wardrobe. Thought she was a good gal and not materialistic . Then she kept ASKING for more! Sunglasses , a $1200 purse, earrings , handbag , more dresses etc. I also took her on luxurious vacations and paid for some of her rent .
Later I wised up and got fed up. She said loved me and we fvcked a lot so I guess it wasn't something for nothing . But I think she fvcked coz she also had it good. The good gal turned into the materialist I've ever met. Later I found she had BPD. And get this she was married . Lucky for me. She went back to her loser hubby who she treats like a doormat. She later gave me an uktmatum to be with her. I didn't and when NC. Be strong and NC. She will suck the life out of you. And remember she not love you . She just loves what you do for her .

 

[Big Nuts]

OP: Re-read your post and always do the opposite for the rest of your life.

 

[adam225]

OP: Re-read your post and always do the opposite for the rest of your life.

I agree... totally. Lesson to be learnt for sure...

One of my golden rules is -- Never put anymore into someone than they are prepared to put into you.

If they can't be bothered with you, then don't bother with them.

 

[Eugene123]

Focus on your own life. No contact should not be about the girl and it should be completely about yourself. It is a time where you should really love who you are and appreciate all the things that you can do for yourself.

Most people think that when going into no contact one day the girl that they are going no contact with will suddenly message them and then that girl will be back in their life. What you need to do is take a step back and enjoy your life maybe once you have emotionally cleansed yourself, you could possibly message her. In your whole post you keep on focusing on the girl "l want her to get a chance to be happy" focus on yourself man. This is your life not hers.

"In the last 4 months l spend close to $7000 helping out" Come on man... You seem like you have a second motive and you're trying to buy her affection. If your going to fork out 7,000 on a girl don't expect so much. Might as well just pay an escort.

 

[blindnowisee]

I took out a personal loan to pay off my own debts + the debts of my ex.

Never doing that again