Break or End?

[Adoniel]

I have been going out with my girlfriend for almost eleven months now.
She is very clingy and calls me everyday and like an idiot I answer most of the time.

I don't tell her, " Leave me alone today." or "I'm busy right now" or "I'll call you back later." because i dont want to create any arguments or anything.
So i have been swallowing, if you will, all the times she annoys me or pisses me off by calling me or being with me.

Just recently, about a week ago, I had a serious problem. After coming from work, tired and sleepy, I talked to her for like 15 minutes. I wanted to be alone but i didnt want her asking me "Whats wrong? Are you ok?" and that bs.
I felt like telling her " Leave me F alone for one day please"
After I hanged up the left side of my face froze for some minutes and it left me in bad shape. It seems that the all the times i have "resisted" and "swallowed" these annoyances i have been hurting myself.

It has been a week that i have not talked to her and i am considering breaking up with her. My nerves are shot n im losing my patience very fast from her to really.

Any advice I would greatly appreciate with all honesty thank you

 

[joekerr31]

ok, first you need to identify the real problem. in this scenario it could be one of two things (or both)

1) its NOT the fact that she calls you that is annoying. whats annoying is that the two of you don't seem highly compatible - as such, when you are stressed, talking to her annoys you. if you had a chic that was more compatible with you then even when you were stressed you wouldn't mind talking with her.

2) you may be poor at dealing with stress, and she is the constantly proverbial straw that breaks the camels back at the end of the day. she may not actually be that annoying, but your tolerance levels are so low that you see her as such. if this is the case then you'll have this problem with just about any woman out there.

now, i actually have a simple solution to this problem, one i use with women regularly.

when they do the nagging, 'whats wrong? tell me about it. im here for you." sh*t (which can be very very annoying), i establish from the get go that if they really want to help me after a bad day giving me a massage is the best.

you'd be surprised how many women actually could care less about your problems - even the ones who love you. but they think that to show you they care they have to pry it out of you - they think you are like a woman and that all you need to do is vent and you'll feel all better. i sh*t you not, this is what they are thinking.

but you'd be yet further surprised when you offer them alternatives how they are happy to use those things as 'proofs' to how much they care. if a back massage makes you happy, they are more than willing to do that to show you that they care.

for men we don't really need to talk about our frustrations. our bodies don't work like womens. whning and complaining for an hour doesn't lower our stress levels, it just makes us angrier. what men like is to either get laid or a massage (or to be left alone).

anyway, only you can decide whether the problem here is compatibility, your inability to handle stress well, or something as simple as giving her alternative methods for showing you that she cares.

btw, the biggest mistake you made in all this was seeing your options as either putting up with her nagging or telling her to sh*t up. you can find a middle ground by simply being open and honest with her up front - 'babe, when im stressed out i basically need to just be alone for a while. if you'd be interested in giving me a massage that would help, but other than that i just need some quiet time to decompress."

99% of women are totally fine with that.

 

[Adoniel]

Thank you joekerr31. Live and learn right?

I am compatible with her and I am not reacting offended or anything by your comment. I can see another point of view from your comments and that is always good.
I'm sure you wouldn't like a woman calling everyday to "shoot the breeze" with you or being with you all the time. Yes, i enjoy her company and talking to her. But i also like my time and doing my things in peace like working or going to college and just focusing on those activities for example.

I am not poor with dealing stress with her but I am tired of putting up with her and not putting my foot down. That has been my problem and i recognize it now. Thank you for reminding me that a man has to put his foot down for his sake and mind. And all this can be done in the "Don Juan" way. Cool, relaxed, and with a working mind like you have implied.
Thank you for your comments. I love her and care for her just like she does for me. But i have to set limits from now on

 

[KontrollerX]

She's the female equivalent of an AFC and I'm sorry to say man you haven't been acting much better by what you've told us.

You need to learn and apply personal boundaries for yourself so this does not happen again as well as establish a clear list of red flags when it comes to chicks you get involved with so you can filter out the crap like this and get some quality.

Like someone you'd enjoy being with who won't be so damned clingy.

 

[jophil28]

I have been going out with my girlfriend for almost eleven months now.
She is very clingy and calls me everyday and like an idiot I answer most of the time.

Her need to talk to you so frequently is ANXIETY at work. It seems that she needs endless reassurances that you and she are still 'connected' and that "everything is OK ". This constant requirement to feed her insecurites is tiring and irritating. You report that your "nerves are shot " -so it has gotten to that, eh ?

I do not want to put a more negative spin on this situation, however ,I am wondering about how "setting limits" on your contact with her and refusing to answer her calls is going to fix this dilemma ? It is likely to make it worse because she will "feel " it as you being retreated and distant. Then it is likely that her anxiety will surge upwards, and she will seek you out even more vigorously and you may get even MORE pissed off.
MY suggestion is to seek professional guidance or therapy.
I really do not think that you and she can resolve this INSIDE the relationship. If this were possible you and she would have moved toward a solution in the past eleven months - the impression that I get is that this issue is now worse that it has been in the past and no solution is in sight - hence your post here.

Good luck..

 

[Adoniel]

She's the female equivalent of an AFC and I'm sorry to say man you haven't been acting much better by what you've told us.

You need to learn and apply personal boundaries for yourself so this does not happen again as well as establish a clear list of red flags when it comes to chicks you get involved with so you can filter out the crap like this and get some quality.

Like someone you'd enjoy being with who won't be so damned clingy.

You're right dude. I haven't been behavin and thinking like i should. I think i needed this kick in the ass to wake me up and start behaving like a man and communicate better with her. Of course this will not happen again with her and of course i will treat myself better also. I want us to talk like we are doing right now and reach a middle ground that both of us can agree upon. I'm not going to ignore her.
KontrollerX thank you for your insight and your comments are helping me reach a better solution

 

[Adoniel]

Her need to talk to you so frequently is ANXIETY at work. It seems that she needs endless reassurances that you and she are still 'connected' and that "everything is OK ". This constant requirement to feed her insecurites is tiring and irritating. You report that your "nerves are shot " -so it has gotten to that, eh ?

I do not want to put a more negative spin on this situation, however ,I am wondering about how "setting limits" on your contact with her and refusing to answer her calls is going to fix this dilemma ? It is likely to make it worse because she will "feel " it as you being retreated and distant. Then it is likely that her anxiety will surge upwards, and she will seek you out even more vigorously and you may get even MORE pissed off.
MY suggestion is to seek professional guidance or therapy.
I really do not think that you and she can resolve this INSIDE the relationship. If this were possible you and she would have moved toward a solution in the past eleven months - the impression that I get is that this issue is now worse that it has been in the past and no solution is in sight - hence your post here.

Good luck..

Very savvy jophil28.
Yes, she will get more anxious like you are saying and that is why I have to set limits from now on. I had thought of not answering her phone calls or visits but when i thought about it...it would only make the situation worse. I don't want to cause trouble in any way in our relationship.

But she said and we are talking right now on how to fix this problem. We both want to reach a good solution and we both want our relationship to last forever. Thank you for your comments and thoughts and rest assured that we are getting to a desirable goal. I want this relationship to work and so does she.