BPD EX left and blocked need help processing and moving on.

[Roma]

Hi everyone, i ve been reading a lot of posts in regards to this matter and i generally understand that high quality male attracts high quality female and if the relationship doesnt work out there is a reason for it so the main thing to do is move on but i just cant for the moment and looking for some support and insight.

Long story short - im 31 she s 28, had a long distance relationship for over a year. Spent lots of time together even though it was long distance (facetiming everyday for hours, visiting each other for a few weeks here and there). The girl has major trauma as she s native, got physically abused in the past, got cheated on by all her exes. She really tried making this work and did truly love me (her family and friends confirm that she s trying to be very serious about this relationship). We got engaged and she chose her residency (medical practice) depending on where it would be easier for me to move. Now that the move is upon us she is really trying to get out of the relationship. She has tried we before, she broke up with me tons of times always coming back after a day or two letting me know that i deserve better and that she s just too miserable and too unhappy in general to do anything about how she is. She has tried seeing therapists but it doesnt seem to help her. She was diagnosed with both BPD and Bi-polar by specialists. She keeps telling me that i do seem the perfect guy and i seem like a perfect fit for her life but she just cant shake the feeling that something is wrong, that i might have a secret agenda and that for some reason (she cannot understand why herself) we should not spend the rest of our lives together.

She doesnt deny the fact that we are a good match on pretty much everything and that we r both a catch but yet we are settling for each other. There hasnt been anger issues as she just shuts down when something upsets her and hates talking about her feelings or the relationship (always trying to change the subject or just not answering).

Obviously for me to be stuck on this there has been tons of good times and good memories, i would even say most of the time. We dont fight or argue except when it comes to her pushing me away out of the blue and trying to get out of the relationship. Everytime i let her go she keeps coming back either as if nothing happened, either telling me that i have to make a choice and i m free to do whatever i want (take her back or not).

This breakup however feels different as she calmly told me (after telling me she misses me the day before and showering me with videos and sexy snaps) that she feels like she s unable to move on, she wants to cut all contact so that she can grieve the relationship and move on.

I know it sounds like a rational good decision but why does she even try to move on and get out if she admits to loving me and has a good time with me. I ve unfortunately invested tons of time and energy into this. Trying to play it the right way, not make her feel engulphed but also not triggering her abandonment fears. It has not been easy as her behaviour is sometimes erratic.

I know at the end of the day, i will find someone who treats me better and who appreciates me without all the useless drama, however at this moment I just dont want it. I miss her and we were so close to moving in together and actually seeing if we can work out as a couple or not. Long distance certainly didnt give us any certainty or stability therefore it was the final lap to see what happens.

I m just lost at the moment as i feel like we r dead to each other now that we are blocked and it's sad as we both grew very close to each other.

 

[Ohso-Phresh]

Hi everyone, i ve been reading a lot of posts in regards to this matter and i generally understand that high quality male attracts high quality female and if the relationship doesnt work out there is a reason for it so the main thing to do is move on but i just cant for the moment and looking for some support and insight.

Long story short - im 31 she s 28, had a long distance relationship for over a year. Spent lots of time together even though it was long distance (facetiming everyday for hours, visiting each other for a few weeks here and there). The girl has major trauma as she s native, got physically abused in the past, got cheated on by all her exes. She really tried making this work and did truly love me (her family and friends confirm that she s trying to be very serious about this relationship). We got engaged and she chose her residency (medical practice) depending on where it would be easier for me to move. Now that the move is upon us she is really trying to get out of the relationship. She has tried we before, she broke up with me tons of times always coming back after a day or two letting me know that i deserve better and that she s just too miserable and too unhappy in general to do anything about how she is. She has tried seeing therapists but it doesnt seem to help her. She was diagnosed with both BPD and Bi-polar by specialists. She keeps telling me that i do seem the perfect guy and i seem like a perfect fit for her life but she just cant shake the feeling that something is wrong, that i might have a secret agenda and that for some reason (she cannot understand why herself) we should not spend the rest of our lives together.

She doesnt deny the fact that we are a good match on pretty much everything and that we r both a catch but yet we are settling for each other. There hasnt been anger issues as she just shuts down when something upsets her and hates talking about her feelings or the relationship (always trying to change the subject or just not answering).

Obviously for me to be stuck on this there has been tons of good times and good memories, i would even say most of the time. We dont fight or argue except when it comes to her pushing me away out of the blue and trying to get out of the relationship. Everytime i let her go she keeps coming back either as if nothing happened, either telling me that i have to make a choice and i m free to do whatever i want (take her back or not).

This breakup however feels different as she calmly told me (after telling me she misses me the day before and showering me with videos and sexy snaps) that she feels like she s unable to move on, she wants to cut all contact so that she can grieve the relationship and move on.

I know it sounds like a rational good decision but why does she even try to move on and get out if she admits to loving me and has a good time with me. I ve unfortunately invested tons of time and energy into this. Trying to play it the right way, not make her feel engulphed but also not triggering her abandonment fears. It has not been easy as her behaviour is sometimes erratic.

I know at the end of the day, i will find someone who treats me better and who appreciates me without all the useless drama, however at this moment I just dont want it. I miss her and we were so close to moving in together and actually seeing if we can work out as a couple or not. Long distance certainly didnt give us any certainty or stability therefore it was the final lap to see what happens.

I m just lost at the moment as i feel like we r dead to each other now that we are blocked and it's sad as we both grew very close to each other.

She has low self-esteem. Thank your lucky stars, you’ve dodged a bullet.

Think of what all you’ve described would be like with kids in the mix.

 

[Robert28]

ALL of her exes cheated on her? ALL? Is that what SHE told you? That sounds like covert narcissism to me. Be the victim, blame all the exes. I’ve dated a covert narcissist and my alarm bells went off just now reading that. It’s what they do, gain sympathy by playing the victim, nothing is ever their fault. They were all abused in the worst way according to them, all their exes did them wrong, etc.

 

[Roma]

We domt want kids though.. so that simplified it for me a bit.. i m just sad that after this connection we had we r gnna go to being absolute strangers and i will have somone else and she will have another relationship (possibly more stable even tho I put so much effort in) with somebody else..

 

[Exil]

My ex was NPD and BPD so totally get what you're going through. They have a way of worming their way into your world and you just have to go through it and move on. All her exes cheated? Why do you think that is? Physically abused in her past? Why do you think that is? You're just experiencing the end game of her relationship cycle and it will never be any different. All of those guys seemed like a "good match" at some point until they got sick of her BS and lost all respect for her, that's when the cheating and physical abuse can start. Sounds like she's a button presser, a trigger puller, whatever you want to call her. F it off bro, doesn't even sound plate-worthy if I'm honest.

 

[Roma]

I just feel so lost because everything i ve been focusing on is to build a new life with her and she s been trying to do it as well but she keeps pulling oit at random times. I dont know if its cuz she feels suffocated, cuz she feels that she s so miserable and noone can / should love her or cause she feels trapped or the fear of being abandoned. It could be so simple just give in to the love u r feeling and since rationally it makes sense for us to be together.

There is a chance that she ll reach out to me again as she s broken up with me tons of times before but i wouldnt bet on it as she seems very adamant about her decision this time and the blocking part she s only done that once before in the very beginning.

 

[Exil]

I just feel so lost because everything i ve been focusing on is to build a new life with her and she s been trying to do it as well but she keeps pulling oit at random times. I dont know if its cuz she feels suffocated, cuz she feels that she s so miserable and noone can / should love her or cause she feels trapped or the fear of being abandoned. It could be so simple just give in to the love u r feeling and since rationally it makes sense for us to be together.

There is a chance that she ll reach out to me again as she s broken up with me tons of times before but i wouldnt bet on it as she seems very adamant about her decision this time and the blocking part she s only done that once before in the very beginning.

So she has a history of break up/make up too? It's literally like they're all reading the same instruction manual. Same playbook. This will never be any different pal. I know it's hard to accept. I still have days when I think about the "what ifs" but the reality is she will never be change and will never be good enough for me. I have two kids and 10 years with mine too so I really do get what you're going through.

I've often asked myself if I could go back in time to the time I met her and not meet her, would I and the answer is no. I needed to meet her so my kids could be born, I needed the experience to force me to grow and see that there are people out there that will f you up if you let them. Use this as a lesson and let it go. You'll go through turmoil. You'll have days when you're literally lost without her but after a few months it really does pass.

Rebuild yourself, you have the technology.

 

[Robert28]

I just feel so lost because everything i ve been focusing on is to build a new life with her and she s been trying to do it as well but she keeps pulling oit at random times. I dont know if its cuz she feels suffocated, cuz she feels that she s so miserable and noone can / should love her or cause she feels trapped or the fear of being abandoned. It could be so simple just give in to the love u r feeling and since rationally it makes sense for us to be together.

There is a chance that she ll reach out to me again as she s broken up with me tons of times before but i wouldnt bet on it as she seems very adamant about her decision this time and the blocking part she s only done that once before in the very beginning.

That’s her painting you black and splitting you in her mind. Those cycles get longer and longer and the “good times”(where she paints you white) get shorter and shorter. That’s how these crazy cluster B’s do. She’s liable to be back but she’s liable not to be, you never know with them.

 

[Roma]

Pity also plays a big part. When you hold the person so dear to you and she cries that she s a miserable person that she mean to everyone that she s never happy and you feel like u d do anything for them and you show it and still out of the blue: "i need finality, we need to move on... i m blocking you"

 

[Billtx49]

Pity also plays a big part. When you hold the person so dear to you and she cries that she s a miserable person that she mean to everyone that she s never happy and you feel like u d do anything for them and you show it and still out of the blue: "i need finality, we need to move on... i m blocking you"

Yep, that’s how they play a man, and in the end they will make the Break decision after he’s been devalued if he can’t do it himself …
Crazy cannot be fixed by you. She did you a favor, realize that fact…

 

[Georgepithyou]

She sounds insane and looks like she did you a favour by leaving, count your lucky stars you didn't get a stalker.

Now go and improve yourself, start working out at home and when the lockdown ends you can go out and find a new girl

 

[Roma]

Day 1 no contact. It s hard af. Been trying to focus on myself do some hobbies take care of the family but thoughts keep going back to how good this was or how great that adventure was (scumbag brain). Its weird to not talk to the person u v been talking to every day from the moment u v met them (over a year). I know that i cant go back to it and its actually a good thing that she blocked me. I hope it ll get easier to let go. I m suspecting however that she ll find a reason to contact me and try to draw me out.

Its sad that bpd individuals rlly get you to experience such amazing hughs only to drop you n stomp you once you hit the ground. The experiences you live with them r just so unique and full of joy and excitement creating so many memories that just become bagage that you have to carry on later on. I know its probably for the best hearing the stories you guys tell on this forum and i can imagine that this relationship would hit a wall either way. Its just hard to think that all ur future plans r now gone in the wind.

 

[Tilex]

Listen up

When she blocks you, there's no going back.
Even 5 years from now or 10 years. That ship has sailed.
My advice is to burn her pictures, burn her love letters, delete her from your contact list, delete her number, and don't associate with anyone in her social circle.

Your memory of her needs to be erased and rewritten.
Try imagining your life as if you two never met.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

She wasn't yours, it was just your turn.
You weren't hers, it was just her turn.

That was the peak and unfortunately there is to be no more high points. Everything is going to be ok.

Time to Next and build abundance with a dozen more females.

Don't forget to look for red flags in the future. You now know what the red flags look like. Make a list. Keep the red flag list in your wallet or in your cellphone.

 

[sosousage]

OP "ex left me and blocked"
also OP "she must have BPD"

 

[Roma]

OP "ex left me and blocked"
also OP "she must have BPD"

Sure you can see it that way. However she has been diagnosed multiple times and told me to stay away for that exact reason to begin with. My dumbass decided not to listen.

 

[NSX-R]

Guess what. She’ll return . And you’ll go back to her like a kid .Do what everyone here said . Move on and if she texts you ignore her like for real . You’ll be doing yourself a big favor.

 

[Robert28]

Guess what. She’ll return . And you’ll go back to her like a kid .Do what everyone here said . Move on and if she texts you ignore her like for real . You’ll be doing yourself a big favor.

She can’t text you if she’s blocked Most don’t block though. I do.

 

[NSX-R]

She can’t text you if she’s blocked Most don’t block though. I do.

I thought that his ex blocked him . My mistake . Still they find a way to come back into communication. Most men don’t have self control and i don’t think this dude has either .

For myself i never block . Blocking someone means that it burns me inside and I’m too co.cky to even show that .If she’s next , she’s next , I’m not entertaining the idea in my head that some magic going to happen and be back together .

 

[Exil]

Sure you can see it that way. However she has been diagnosed multiple times and told me to stay away for that exact reason to begin with. My dumbass decided not to listen.

So I'm assuming she's smoking hot, right? You weren't drawn in by her amazing personality or BPD charm. You're not in love with her, you're in love with a fantasy. An image you created of her in your head and the sooner you can actually accept that, the sooner you can move on. Seriously man, I studied this sh1t a few years back when me and my ex split for the 4th or 5th time and couldn't work out what I was doing wrong (blue pill as fvck) so started digging and studying to fill my need to have to psychologically understand everything that's happened. It took me years to really come to terms with my loss and the way I did it was to act as if she was dead because in a messed up way, she kind of is or at least the fantasy of who she is and of her being the perfect partner is.