BPD 'attempted break-up'

[Le killeur]

Ok, so after nearly 2 years I told my BPD girlfriend that i'm sick of her jealousy, insecurity, manipulation etc. that i don't think it can work out anymore and what I witnessed was pretty funny.

I've heard the term hoovering before and i've witnessed her do it a few times but oh wow this took the biscuit. She was crying saying how much she still loves me, brought her closeness to my family and recounted the good times we've had. After 30 minutes of this back and forth about ending the relationship she said can we just speak about something different for 2 minutes.

HA, fast forward 40 minutes we have been talking as if nothing ever happened and she suddenly turns happy and back to normal, as if she completely forgot what just happened, constantly reminding me of the good times and basically attempting to win me over. The entire time im playing along but kind of laughing in my head at how pathetic and futile it is to see her begging.

This was pretty fascinating to witness and I can see why people get sucked into their trap and why their promises to change and manipulation reel you back in. We ended the conversation and she thinks she has saved the relationship, I could see she felt pretty smug about it and it wouldn't surprise me if she went out the same night and fu*ked another guy. However, my mind is made up and it will not continue. We are currently LDR which is no-no anyway and i can see why.

Just curious how you think I should proceed. Im emotionally detached and this has no chance to f*ck me up as I simply don't care enough. How would you guys handle this?

Anyway im curious what i should do, wait till we meet in person again and end it or just finish it via internet/skype?

Lead her along, play with her, put her out of her misery? Do you think I owe her anything? I know if i told anyone i know the way i viewed and felt about this they might see me as a monster, so im curious how you DJ's view this, do you have empathy for your BPD ex's? Or do you want to one up their games with your own games?

 

[jurry]

Relationships are a womans bread and butter my friend, you're not outsmarting anyone. As you said she is probably out banging someone else while you're writing a page long post about how you dont care about her.

 

[Le killeur]

Ahh, im not like everyone else though. My bread and butter is manipulation. The only reason i say she is out f*cking some guy is because by doing that i gain the upper hand out of the relationship as our social lives are so entwined and thus i need her to think she has won or to do something that makes her look bad as said above. So if she is out f*cking some guy then its a victory for me and its because i've push her into doing it.

I'm curious regarding your opinion on how to proceed, as in would you string her along for the fun of it? Or would you just end it?

I can see your opinion jurry but im a cold emotionless bas*ard.

 

[djthiago1]

Ahh, im not like everyone else though. My bread and butter is manipulation. The only reason i say she is out f*cking some guy is because by doing that i gain the upper hand out of the relationship as our social lives are so entwined and thus i need her to think she has won or to do something that makes her look bad as said above. So if she is out f*cking some guy then its a victory for me and its because i've push her into doing it.

I'm curious regarding your opinion on how to proceed, as in would you string her along for the fun of it? Or would you just end it?

I can see your opinion jurry but im a cold emotionless bas*ard.

You're proud this woman doesn't want you? You think it's a good thing she's swallowing jeff's load instead of yours? Bro you need to look at yourself in the mirror and smack your own face. Wake up bro.

 

[Le killeur]

I never said i was proud? I simply stated, i do not want this girl in my life any longer, but the situation is very complicated as she has a lot of my stuff at her place, our friendship groups are linked together etc. Therefore the breakup will be messy.

Solution? Make her the bad party, Get people to pity me and i win/come out better off.

With regards to what she does it is none of my business anymore, i don't much care what she does. I view her simply as a toy that im bored of and wish to throw away. BUT this toy might come back to bite me so i have to be careful.

Maybe my situation/feelings are unfathomable to you but just take what i say as the truth, you dont need to put yourself in my place. Im just curious in my situation what you norms would do? Seems everyone likes to pile on hate

 

[djthiago1]

First off this was your girlfriend not your wife, she shouldn't have had stuff at your house.
Second it sounds like you're trying to play the blame game, if it was your fault accept responsibility like a real man does and improve yourself so it doesn't happen again, learn from your mistakes, don't try to make someone else the "bad party" if it's not her fault, that's just being childish.
Now you gotta realize that women don't just get out of your life if you're doing everything right, so chances are, you weren't.
Now, if it really is her fault, then you can ignore everything i just said.

 

[Le killeur]

We are students, my stuff is at her's as im currently not there, i did it to save money. It's neither of our 'faults' i just simply no longer want a relationship and she does. BUT shes BPD... and you know what these girls are capable of so its quite tricky you see.

My problem thiago is how do i just get her out of my life when she doesnt want too without working up a sh*tstorm? -> make her think she ended it and give her the upper hand. This part is the hard part as no matter how much im pushing her away (hopefully into the arms of another man) she just comes back stronger most likely due to the BPD abandonment fears.

 

[Le killeur]

UPDATE: after a day of crying she agree's its for the best. success.

 

[Dgwizdal]

HA, fast forward 40 minutes we have been talking as if nothing ever happened and she suddenly turns happy and back to normal, as if she completely forgot what just happened, constantly reminding me of the good times and basically attempting to win me over. The entire time im playing along but kind of laughing in my head at how pathetic and futile it is to see her begging.

This was pretty fascinating to witness and I can see why people get sucked into their trap and why their promises to change and manipulation reel you back in.

http://gettinbetter.com/perfect.html

Splitting/Splicing

She is trying to forget all the bad things in her head so she can remain attached to you.

Stems from her abandonment issues of bottling up negative experiences with one of her parents so they wouldn't see her as weak and possibly reward her with love for it and be one big happy family. NOT

This is why BPD's never realize that their negative actions have long lasting consequences. They're so accustomed to burying the hatchet in fear of losing someone.

 

[Dgwizdal]

UPDATE: after a day of crying she agree's its for the best. success.

Yea right...

Ignore. Although I have read that ignoring her completely will f*ck her up in the head even more and forever solidify you as her kryptonite (which is a good thing if you're dtf down the line), it is the only way for you to break free. She will be hoovering more and the more you string her along the more you're going to be caught up in misery and BS.

She's most likely shattered already - she lost. Don't be responsive to anything she does now. You're friends already know she's nuts. Be done with it.

 

[Le killeur]

Dgwizdal, thanks for the response, i appreciate it. I now feel asif i have lost something and feel slightly sick but i understand its a natural response ill be over in a few days.

She wants to remain friends, i know this will f*ck her up severely and she is broke and completely lost and I'm unsure how I feel about it. She seems fairly sincere in the breakup but I am unsure if its typical BPD as you mention. Should i competely ignore her for a month?

 

[Dgwizdal]

Dgwizdal, thanks for the response, i appreciate it. I now feel asif i have lost something and feel slightly sick but i understand its a natural response ill be over in a few days.

She wants to remain friends, i know this will f*ck her up severely and she is broke and completely lost and I'm unsure how I feel about it. She seems fairly sincere in the breakup but I am unsure if its typical BPD as you mention. Should i completely ignore her for a month?

Completely. No friends - that's just a hoover attempt. She will try to manipulate you aka not respect your boundaries and guilt trip you. Do not be a victim again. Break hold of the grip she has on you and find your supply within or you'll be back on the crazy train for another go around the tracks. You will be happier within A COUPLE OF DAYS let alone a month. You'll have highs, you'll have lows, you'll feel sympathy and remorse, but it will be liberating. You will find yourself maturing very quickly without having to deal with someone who has the emotional capability of an 8 year old. Stick with it.

The best decisions are often the hardest ones to make. Do not let feeling bad about it cloud your judgement.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Double post.

 

[GS750]

Oh this thread brings back some fond (NOT) memories of trying to break free from a BPD. It's like going around in circles until you finally realize that complete NC...complete and total silence is the only thing these fruit loops understand. Some members here helped me see the light. I told her that I don't do friend-zone and that being in contact was no longer an option (more than once). She said she understood, though she never used the word "friends" with me. Sure enough she'd come back. Twice with guilt trips like Dgwizdal said. I finally blocked her altogether. NC is the only way to go, for your own sanity. They are emotionally unstable, crazy, selfish girls. They don't respect your boundaries because inside they are a 4 year old child and they don't understand the concept. Don't worry about her, she'll rebound in about 2 days with another guy and start the crazy cycle all over again. I'd be willing to bet she's got a guy or two waiting in the wings to hop on the crazy train. Be careful if she tries rubbing it in your face. FB and other social media are a BPD's best friend.