Boundaries

[Jolil2019]

Hi guys,

New to this so please be kind...or kind-ish anyways.

Been with my lady now for a couple of years and recently there have been two things which have pricked up my Spidey senses. I don't know if I'm over thinking things/being mean or not, and wanted your opinion.

1). First instance was tonight. Having not been on holiday in over 2 years, I was looking at package deals online. She snoops over, questions what I'm doing and I tell her I'm thinking of going somewhere on my own for a few days. She flips out at this saying I'm being inconsiderate, but the problem is she is a single mum and I don't see why I should arrange my life/travel/ambition around her and her kid from her ex.
Would you guys bow to her or do what you wanted?

2). Found out the other day she obtained a credit agreement to buy a new washer 2 days after she moved in with me. She asked me to help her pay for it, but refused to let me have a look at the credit agreement. I asked why and she stated "It is none of my business.". I told her it is my property and want to know what she is hiding. Am I o rethinking this? Is she being disrespectful here?

 

[Serenity]

1) I'd start by asking why she's flipping out about it. You'll probably not get any good reason, I'd probably just gone anyways.

2) This one is even more concerning. If you're asked to help pay it is absolutely your business. Buying stuff on credit without being able to pay for it is a massive red flag anyways.

I think you should get away from her.

 

[DariusTheBartender]

1. We are late in the game, this should be defined before you are dating if you are going to travel together or not. Depends on the nature of the trip. I wouldn't do a Vegas trip etc if I was dating someone because I know my nature but if she gave me crap for an adventure/camping/historical trip she's done.

2. Yes this is a huge problem.

We are here to help brother, but after a very short post I am feeling high red flags for you... What does she bring to the table for you?

 

[Spaz]

Once you take in a single mom and her kid, it's a package deal, for all intents and purposes, it's now ur kid.

So holidays etc, you'll need to be inclusive just like a regular family.

Otherwise this won't work out.

The 2nd part of ur problem might stem from you and she's reacting by being secretive.

However buying a washing machine on credit is actually a minor issue since it is really cheap, don't dwell on it, if you got the funds, pay it off in full and be done with it.

 

[Trump]

she is a single mum

she moved in with me.

Is she being disrespectful here?

Once those 2 things are in play, everything else is a minor detail. This week its the vacation, next week it’s the ex, week after it’s driving to a soccer game for HER offspring, Come on bro, how are you having sex with her and don’t think ahead?

I would first get her out, then you can do whatever you want. Go on vacation, buy a dishwasher, get a mistress, buy a dryer. But first you have to get her out. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. The sex is never worth the peace of mind.

What do they say, can’t see the forest for the trees?

 

[Desdinova]

She flips out at this saying I'm being inconsiderate, but the problem is she is a single mum and I don't see why I should arrange my life/travel/ambition around her and her kid from her ex.

No, you don't need to take her and her kid with you on your vacation. I can't help but question why you're even with a single mom. You will never be her priority.

Found out the other day she obtained a credit agreement to buy a new washer 2 days after she moved in with me. She asked me to help her pay for it, but refused to let me have a look at the credit agreement. I asked why and she stated "It is none of my business.". I told her it is my property and want to know what she is hiding. Am I o rethinking this? Is she being disrespectful here?

Now I'm going to question why you moved in with her. You've given her the impression that you're willing to form a family with her and the kid that isn't yours. She's expecting you to take her child on as if it's yours.

Second, if you didn't discuss buying the new washing machine and she just went and bought it because she wanted it, you're going to run into problems with how she spends money. Yes it's your property, but since you've invited her to live on it, she's going to expect that she can get away with anything she wants.

I would seriously reconsider not only living with this woman, but being with her period.

 

[Jolil2019]

Hi

Thank you all for your intelligent and constructive advice.

In regards to the going on holiday part, allow me to elaborate. For the last 5 years, before I met her I bought my own place and spent a long time and lot of hard work paying the mortgage balance entirely. This was to allow me to go on holiday whenever I wanted, upgrade my car etc. There's s lot of the World I would like to go and see and explore, but I feel like she is telling me I can't do it. Whenever I've discussed going away with her I always get "Oh we can't do it then because my daughter is at school" or "I haven't any days left to book off work". In the nicest way, I'm young, footloose and could book things on a whim. I feel like she is dragging me down and restricting me.

She has also told me I cannot drink, smoke, must not chew in such a way that makes a noise, must put her daughter before my own kids etc.

I am an after thought, someone essential but who noone pays any attention to.

As I write this, I'm sat on the couch and her and her daughter are on the other couch playing a game. The pair of them haven't spoken a word to me since I've been home. I am simply a ghost who pays for the bills, petrol, electric, gas etc whilst then sit in first class

 

[backseatjuan]

Sounds like you were just looking just for v*gina to begin this “relationshp”..

Why?

Why?? Settle for sht? And then suffer? Why?

Enter the world of sleezeballs. We have plates. Women like yours we fck and dump. Graduate. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0it1cu-mt_IcvLTQ4CWcHw

Ain’t no vag worth a post on sosuave or what tou going thru.

Question.

Does she initiate s x with you?

Is she always available on her phone?

 

[lamath]

Hi

Thank you all for your intelligent and constructive advice.

In regards to the going on holiday part, allow me to elaborate. For the last 5 years, before I met her I bought my own place and spent a long time and lot of hard work paying the mortgage balance entirely. This was to allow me to go on holiday whenever I wanted, upgrade my car etc. There's s lot of the World I would like to go and see and explore, but I feel like she is telling me I can't do it. Whenever I've discussed going away with her I always get "Oh we can't do it then because my daughter is at school" or "I haven't any days left to book off work". In the nicest way, I'm young, footloose and could book things on a whim. I feel like she is dragging me down and restricting me.

She has also told me I cannot drink, smoke, must not chew in such a way that makes a noise, must put her daughter before my own kids etc.

I am an after thought, someone essential but who noone pays any attention to.

As I write this, I'm sat on the couch and her and her daughter are on the other couch playing a game. The pair of them haven't spoken a word to me since I've been home. I am simply a ghost who pays for the bills, petrol, electric, gas etc whilst then sit in first class

This should be an easy decision.
You really want to be with a women that is just using you for your ressources with contributing for ****?

 

[backseatjuan]

You really want to be with a women that is just using you

Not necessarily for resources.

Are tiu that desparate for vag?

Question remains, does that btch initiates sex?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Not necessarily for resources.

Are tiu that desparate for vag?

Question remains, does that btch initiates sex?

Does he even get vag?

 

[lamath]

Not necessarily for resources.

Are tiu that desparate for vag?

Question remains, does that btch initiates sex?

From reading what he wrote i dont think he get much *****.

 

[backseatjuan]

@lamath @mrgoodstuff at op @Jolil2019

I do not mean to be mean. I want to know simple questions to judge her interest level.

Question remains. Does she initiates sex?

Is she available whenever you call?

 

[lamath]

@lamath @mrgoodstuff at op @Jolil2019

I do not mean to be mean. I want to know simple questions to judge her interest level.

Question remains. Does she initiates sex?

Is she available whenever you call?

It is a good question and the anwser can be telling of best course of action.

 

[RangerMIke]

When you move in with a woman you severely limit your ability to set boundaries and control your life. You either dump her and move out, or put up with passive aggressive BS.... as you slowly get beaten down into what she wants... these are two options....

There is an option 3... she'll find another dude who will give her what she wants, then one day you'll come 'home' and find your sh!t on the lawn. But if you have to put up with this for too long, that actually isn't going to be a bad option.... since you will get your freedom and sanity, and the worst that will happen is your stuff gets damaged or stolen. "Stuff" can be replaced, your mental state takes time to recover, and might require expensive therapy.

 

[Billtx49]

I feel like she is dragging me down and restricting me.

She has also told me I cannot drink, smoke, must not chew in such a way that makes a noise

I am an after thought, someone essential but who noone pays any attention to.

The pair of them haven't spoken a word to me since I've been home. I am simply a ghost

If this was my situation there would be no need to post about it here as she would already be evicted from my premises …

 

[Dr.Suave]

OP is only 35 and dated a single mom, first mistake. Only 35 and moved in with a single mom, second mistake. I would prefer a childless HB7-8.5 over a hotter single mom any day of the week and twice on sundays.

 

[Epic Days]

Hi guys,

New to this so please be kind...or kind-ish anyways.

Been with my lady now for a couple of years and recently there have been two things which have pricked up my Spidey senses. I don't know if I'm over thinking things/being mean or not, and wanted your opinion.

1). First instance was tonight. Having not been on holiday in over 2 years, I was looking at package deals online. She snoops over, questions what I'm doing and I tell her I'm thinking of going somewhere on my own for a few days. She flips out at this saying I'm being inconsiderate, but the problem is she is a single mum and I don't see why I should arrange my life/travel/ambition around her and her kid from her ex.
Would you guys bow to her or do what you wanted?

2). Found out the other day she obtained a credit agreement to buy a new washer 2 days after she moved in with me. She asked me to help her pay for it, but refused to let me have a look at the credit agreement. I asked why and she stated "It is none of my business.". I told her it is my property and want to know what she is hiding. Am I o rethinking this? Is she being disrespectful here?

There’s a good reason why she flipped out about the separate vacation. Lol
What exactly do women do on a separate vacation? Did you think she was stupid? LMAO

 

[DariusTheBartender]

For the last 5 years, before I met her I bought my own place and spent a long time and lot of hard work paying the mortgage balance entirely.

I paid my mortgage off early this year as well, great feeling isn't it!??? Don't waste anymore time on this chick. Guys like us that can manage money and pay off houses early are extremely rare, unless you are ugly AF you will get another chick before she even has a chance to monkey branch with her kid.

 

[Jolil2019]

Its awesome yes, a real feeling of achievement. We are literally in the top 1% in regards to housing and living situations!

Not sure if I'm ugly or not - I could always post a photo on here of myself and her together and you could decide?