Blindsided Breakup

[Bougner]

OP this is a mindset issue. @DEEZEDBRAH hit it right on the head. Her leaving really shouldn’t have been a problem to begin with.

Her - “I’m breaking up with you”

You - “By all means. The door is to your left.”

And you do so knowing full well that the breakup doesn’t really hurt you in any way.

That's pretty much what I've been portraying since she left to her friends. It was the initial shock that knocked me on my ass. Not seeing it coming. I'm usually so good at reading people and situations.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

That's pretty much what I've been portraying since she left to her friends. It was the initial shock that knocked me on my ass. Not seeing it coming. I'm usually so good at reading people and situations.

"Since she left to her friends"? What does that mean?

 

[Bougner]

"Since she left to her friends"? What does that mean?

Her best friend works with me. Since she left, when I've been around her friend at work I've acted normal, happy, joking around, as if nothing bothered me with the breakup.

 

[Jager]

That's pretty much what I've been portraying since she left to her friends. It was the initial shock that knocked me on my ass. Not seeing it coming. I'm usually so good at reading people and situations.

Why is that bothering you? Core concept I understand, but you’ve put a lot of thought and brainpower into this particular case. Is there a reasoning behind that? What’s your mindset about it?

 

[Bougner]

Why is that bothering you? Core concept I understand, but you’ve put a lot of thought and brainpower into this particular case. Is there a reasoning behind that? What’s your mindset about it?

I honestly don't know. I haven't figured that part out yet. Like I've said, this is the first time I've been dumped so it's a little different this time around. I also don't like that I didn't see it coming. Losing control of the situation is definitely a part of it. With each passing day I seem to care less and less about it, so this will pass before I know it.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

OP this is a mindset issue. @DEEZEDBRAH hit it right on the head. Her leaving really shouldn’t have been a problem to begin with.

Her - “I’m breaking up with you”

You - “By all means. The door is to your left.”

And you do so knowing full well that the breakup doesn’t really hurt you in any way.

+1

Abundance, options, spinning plates etc is GOAT STATUS. The reason all the OGs before us emphasise on having other women. I will take it one step forward.

I smashed a girl rotten on a week night. From the walk out of her bedroom of her apartment to the parking lot, i was hitting on more babes before i left.

I am not saying every man needs to go full retard on pickup. I am saying nearly every man is amateur hour with complacency. Even if no pull or digits, seed being that guy if she gets out of pocket.

That's pretty much what I've been portraying since she left to her friends. It was the initial shock that knocked me on my ass. Not seeing it coming. I'm usually so good at reading people and situations.

The red flag you missed was her unavailability. Her always having plans meaning her spinning plates and your at her beck and call.

When XYZ happens, you don't communicate. You begin your disappearing act like Houdini. You are out with the boys and getting more girls. LTR or not, spin plates. You aren't married which is phaggotry anyway. LTR means not your girl just your turn. Act as such.

I wont kick a man while he's down. Playboy, the best way to get over a girl is to get under a hotter one. #nextSet is the solution to all girl problems.

 

[Jager]

I honestly don't know. I haven't figured that part out yet. Like I've said, this is the first time I've been dumped so it's a little different this time around. I also don't like that I didn't see it coming. Losing control of the situation is definitely a part of it. With each passing day I seem to care less and less about it, so this will pass before I know it.

You’re right, it will. I’ve seen this kind of outlook before. It’s rife with men of the modern age. What are your goals, man? What do you want out of life? Read my “I’m Going To Win” post, as it can be applied to goals, specifically the bottom statements. Focus every ounce of speed and intensity on your aspirations. If you look at posts made by myself, @Epic Days, @Spaz, @stormrider, and others, there’s a common theme, and I really like @stormrider take on it. Total, unrelenting pursuit of mastery on his goals.

This kind of mindset, based on my observations, is the most common missing part of a man’s life in the modern world. He wants to be something better, stronger, more intelligent. 90% of men will know that something is out of place. It just doesn’t feel right.

I don’t know what your state in life is on this topic, but the best thing you can do right now is pursue your ambitions with an unrelenting determination. Women are the bonus, a side dish, the dessert to being who you have chosen to be when you do this. She was never the focus. Ever. And somewhere, deep down, you already knew that. In fact, she doesn’t even play into how you’re going to live your life. She’s just along for the ride, man. Develop yourself, respect yourself, and you’ll soon find out that when you get value from yourself, you’ll no longer be looking to control situations like this. You simply won’t care, because it’s immaterial if she wants to be with you or not. There’s a thousand women hotter than she is downtown. Fvck it, have 5 or 6 women in your collection of plates.

 

[Bougner]

I thought I'd provide a quick update on this case.

I found out this weekend that my ex did leave me and return to her ex boyfriend. Everything she said during our breakup was pretty much a cover for this as I suspected. Goes to show how emotionally unstable and weak she is to return to a guy that stuck her with so much debt to the point where she had to file for bankruptcy, and used and abused her. He has no full time employment and her friends hate him. It'll only be a matter of time until she's back to taking LOA's from work due to the same emotional distress he put her through before.

 

[sazc]

I thought I'd provide a quick update on this case.

I found out this weekend that my ex did leave me and return to her ex boyfriend. Everything she said during our breakup was pretty much a cover for this as I suspected. Goes to show how emotionally unstable and weak she is to return to a guy that stuck her with so much debt to the point where she had to file for bankruptcy, and used and abused her. He has no full time employment and her friends hate him. It'll only be a matter of time until she's back to taking LOA's from work due to the same emotional distress he put her through before.

The ex gives her emotional fluctuations she cant/didnt get from you. She is probably convinced he has changed OR she can change him/save him.

6 months from now you'll get a text from her, make sure you have moved on

 

[Bougner]

The ex gives her emotional fluctuations she cant/didnt get from you. She is probably convinced he has changed OR she can change him/save him.

6 months from now you'll get a text from her, make sure you have moved on

I completely agree. They were on again off again for 18 months. It was so dysfunctional, but that's what she grew up with. He actually reminds me of her father so I wouldn't be surprised if she has a lot of daddy issues.

No chance I take her back. If she knows what's good for her she won't reach out to me again.

 

[Bullbearpig]

You got out unscathed...no kids, marriage, financial obligations. Consider yourself lucky my friend.

 

[Albatross953]

Above times 10

 

[Bougner]

You got out unscathed...no kids, marriage, financial obligations. Consider yourself lucky my friend.

100% agree

A couple weeks later and I honestly don't really care. I'm glad I know why she bailed, and I'm somewhat relieved it's him she went back to. She'll get ****ed over again like she did every other time she was with him and she'll be right back where she was when I came along. I on the other hand will be and already am in a much better position in my life then I was when I first met her.

I didn't expect finding this out to feel like such a win.

 

[JayAce]

You deserve better and will get better down the road, my friend.

She made a dumb decision that she’ll now have to live with.

 

[Mazer]

Let that bish go. You got a fridge fully stocked with groceries from that bish. Invite a new chick over make some dinner. Good luck.

 

[Bougner]

Let that bish go. You got a fridge fully stocked with groceries from that bish. Invite a new chick over make some dinner. Good luck.

Hahaha I haven't had to buy much in terms of groceries over the past two weeks!

 

[highSpeed]

100% agree

A couple weeks later and I honestly don't really care. I'm glad I know why she bailed, and I'm somewhat relieved it's him she went back to. She'll get ****ed over again like she did every other time she was with him and she'll be right back where she was when I came along. I on the other hand will be and already am in a much better position in my life then I was when I first met her.

I didn't expect finding this out to feel like such a win.

Great perspective here man. Yea, it may have sucked a bit in the beginning but like the other poster said, you dodged a real f*cking bullet. Imagine trying to have kids with this broad? Can you imagine the personal hell you'd go through either way, whether it worked out or didn't? Imagine trying to get access to your kids when she went back to this loser. Imagine your kids being around this loser. F*ckin hell, she did you the biggest favor in the world. No long drawn out divorce battles so she can suck your resources dry. No long drawn out marriage so she can suck your resources dry. Seriously, spin plates, enjoy the relaxing situation of not having to deal with her nonsense anymore. You win, no matter how this turns out, always remember that.

 

[Dash Riprock]

This girl will come crawling back in a month, tops. Be ready. She will have gone out and banged several losers though so just know that. Pawn the watch, ignore her with all your soul.

I agree with this.

Grass is always greener somewhere else, until it isn't. I bet even money she tries to come back. Some women just cannot pair bond. If things are going too well, they wreck the relationship on purpose. I think @Medina is right too about you being too predictable and "safe." Women need stimulation. According to Tony Robbins, the first two core human needs are Certainty and Uncertainty https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/6-core-human-needs-by-anthony-robbins/. I think this is amplified in relationships and with women in their lives. Women are always craving "excitement."

I don't think she cheated either. And even if she did, most women won't leave a 10 month relationship over some ONS or fling. If she takes an ex back who saddled her with $40K in debt, she's the type that craves abuse and mistreatment. If this is the case, she did you a huge favor.

Let us know how it turns out.

Good luck.

 

[Desdinova]

What gives with this one?

She probably wants to fvck her ex who, without your knowledge, came back into her life. That's usually the reason for a sudden non-sensible breakup

 

[Bougner]

I agree with this.

Grass is always greener somewhere else, until it isn't. I bet even money she tries to come back. Some women just cannot pair bond. If things are going too well, they wreck the relationship on purpose. I think @Medina is right too about you being too predictable and "safe." Women need stimulation. According to Tony Robbins, the first two core human needs are Certainty and Uncertainty https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/6-core-human-needs-by-anthony-robbins/. I think this is amplified in relationships and with women in their lives. Women are always craving "excitement."

I don't think she cheated either. And even if she did, most women won't leave a 10 month relationship over some ONS or fling. If she takes an ex back who saddled her with $40K in debt, she's the type that craves abuse and mistreatment. If this is the case, she did you a huge favor.

Let us know how it turns out.

Good luck.

If she didn't cheat, she definitely broke things off to pursue her ex again. It's no coincidence that he bumped in to her two weeks before she dumps me out of the blue, messaged her and tried to add her on social media the week leading up to her dumping, and then two weeks after dumping me she's suddenly back with him.

Like I've said, I'm the winner here and I don't miss her one bit. She clearly has emotional and/or mental health issues to return to a guy so easily when he cheated on her, put her in debt to the point of bankruptcy, and forced her off work due to emotional distress for two months, not to mention two of her closest friends have kicked her to the curb for going back to him. They know he's a womanizer and is just looking to get laid and leech women's bank accounts. It's not the first friend of theirs he's done this too either. He has no full time job and has three kids with different women.

If this had happened even 6 months later I would be out several thousand dollars, and that's a best case scenario for me.

No matter what happens between the two of them, I win.