Bit of a specific situation (Korean girl)

[NomdePlume]

Hey guys, first post but I've been reading a lot the past few days. I'm about to get out of a LTR and part of what's giving me the courage to do that is this Korean PT at my gym. But yeah, since I've been out of the market for 4 years I have no game at all. I do know some concepts/theories from listening to my friends talk though (plus what I've been reading lately). Honestly, if it was any other girl I think I'd be alright but this one's a bit particular.

First, she's only been in the country 2 years so her English isn't great. We can communicate but it takes a bit more effort (probably more on her part).

Second, I see her at least twice a week at the gym regardless of whatever game plan I have going on.

Third, I've heard Korean dating is a lot different to Western. I'm aware attraction is universal but I'm sure there's some cultural spin on this.

Also, how much should I text her? So many mixed opinions about this one - apparently Korean girls expect a lot of texting but in general too much would be bad.

You can skip everything below this line (wall of text about what I've been doing so far):
________________________________________________________________

I hope some of you have experience with Korean girls ... I think she's older than me (haven't brought up age yet) but no idea how old.

So far I think I'm just skating by on my good looks (not to brag - I have no game since I was in a LTR but I'm tall and muscular).

A few things: I text her more than I should (if it were any other girl). This is because I've heard Korean girls expected you to text a lot. Not sure if this applies to the chase or only when you're already together. As a result I've been saying goodnight and goodmorning (which she has replied to every time except the last night).

I can't be ****y funny because she doesn't get it so I just smile and be confident and kino. I think I need to escalate soon though but I have work and so does she (she takes it pretty seriously which I find attractive since my last girl had no sense of responsibility).

Since we see each other in the gym (often while she's working - training someone) I'm not even sure how to act. I don't want to **** up her work by butting in all the time but at the same time it doesn't feel normal to not do stuff with her after the texts I've been getting. Even when she's not with clients she's still trying to work out (but she is much more receptive to conversation when she's not with clients).

Anyway, fast forward - here's the progress I've made so far.

Introduced myself. She was a bit nervous/intimidated (and she was working) so I exited quick.

Got her number next time I saw her (she was alone, not with a client this time). She didn't really hesitate to give it to me.

First night of texting good. Lots of IOIs (or just straight up compliments? Stuff like how I have a perfect body, height, broad shoulders, etc.)

Second night of texting, a bit less enthusiastic.

Third day, I see her at the gym (as usual). Bit of kino, she seems comfortable with me touching her. She touches me back when I'm about to leave. However, conversation doesn't flow amazingly. It's decent - same old. Not really as good as I expected given her initial IOI.

Third night, not much texting going on. I teased her a bit and she didn't respond (she normally always wears a jumper but she wore a tank top that day at the gym so I said "First time seeing you without a jumper! Trying to impress someone? "). This was the longest she didn't respond to any of my texts. I ended up saying goodnight a few hours after and she replied a few minutes later saying she was having dinner and saying goodnight back to me. I get the feeling she doesn't respond well to teasing at all.

Fourth night, (Friday! No more work) I get a good texting convo going. I manage to get her to say something along the lines of "teach me how to dance". I also try and lock in a day to meet up with her for some 1on1. She said sure but after her clients. When I asked when she's finished with her work she said not sure.

Fifth night (Saturday now). ****ing raining like **** or I would have called her out. Texted once in the morning. No reply all day. Once again at night. No reply.

Sixth day (today). Haven't texted her since. Saw her at the gym. Same old. I kino a bit - hand on her waist when I say goodbye. She touches my arm when I leave. I did ask when she was done for the day but she said "I have a bbq on remember" (she told me about it earlier). I should have asserted myself but I just said "oh yeah" then forgot what I said after that. Anyway, that was my **** up.



Not sure where to go from here. Was thinking I won't text her for a night and a day and then text her tomorrow night (I'll see her the day after - Tuesday - at the gym, she always has a client then).

I know I really need to take her out soon. Reckon it can wait another week for the weekend or do I have to do it on a work day?

What's with the random silence. I'm pretty sure she's still interested in me (maybe a bit less than at first though). Need to escalate soon?

Am I being too forward? There was one text where she said "I also hope I can be friendly with you" (not sure if she meant LJBF or not). I replied "Just friends? We will see hehe. Goodnight [nickname]." That was the best I could come up with then...

 

[Sonny Knight]

my nigga you think i'm gonna read all that sh!t

you're out of you fu cking mind

have a nice day

 

[NomdePlume]

my nigga you think i'm gonna read all that sh!t

you're out of you fu cking mind

have a nice day

Fixed my nigga. Skip everything below the line.

 

[Sonny Knight]

I need the abridged version

 

[cordoncordon]

You are texting way way way way way way way wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
too much.

My word man. Wtf? Stop. With. The. Texting.


You text this girl more than most guys do who are in a serious dating situation. Not to mention some of them she isn't even responding too. Here you have a FOB Asian over here, can barely speak English, probably doesn't know a ton of people or have a ton of friends, and you are giving her all the power with your clingyness. It should be the other way around. But you are being way too nice, way too needy, way too everything.

Here is what you do.

STOP TEXTING!

Don't say anything to her for a few days except maybe say hello to her at the gym if you happen to pass by her. But nothing else. After a few days she will either start to wonder what is up or forget about you. She may even text you if she really starts to wonder. But regardless, after about a week of basic no contact, the next time you see her at the gym ask her out. Face to face. She will either say yes or she won't. But at least by then you will have reestablished some level of self respect for yourself so she doesn't think she has you by the balls...which right now she does.


Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[NomdePlume]

You are texting way way way way way way way wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
too much.

My word man. Wtf? Stop. With. The. Texting.


You text this girl more than most guys do who are in a serious dating situation. Not to mention some of them she isn't even responding too. Here you have a FOB Asian over here, can barely speak English, probably doesn't know a ton of people or have a ton of friends, and you are giving her all the power with your clingyness. It should be the other way around. But you are being way too nice, way too needy, way too everything.

Here is what you do.

STOP TEXTING!

Don't say anything to her for a few days except maybe say hello to her at the gym if you happen to pass by her. But nothing else. After a few days she will either start to wonder what is up or forget about you. She may even text you if she really starts to wonder. But regardless, after about a week of basic no contact, the next time you see her at the gym ask her out. Face to face. She will either say yes or she won't. But at least by then you will have reestablished some level of self respect for yourself so she doesn't think she has you by the balls...which right now she does.


Good luck and keep us posted.

Thanks man, sounds good and is pretty coherent with everything else I've read. Only thing making me unsure about the whole texting thing is http://forums.eslcafe.com/korea/viewtopic.php?t=188665&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Plus a few other sites where people have said Korean girls expect a lot of texting. Ignore and pursue as if she is just another girl?

 

[NomdePlume]

Thanks for the reply bro, pretty coherent with everything else I've read. Only thing making me unsure about the texting thing is that I've read in various places that Korean girls expect a lot of texting - it's part of how the dating scene works in Korea.

Ignore and pursue as if just another girl?

Cheers man.

You are texting way way way way way way way wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
too much.

My word man. Wtf? Stop. With. The. Texting.


You text this girl more than most guys do who are in a serious dating situation. Not to mention some of them she isn't even responding too. Here you have a FOB Asian over here, can barely speak English, probably doesn't know a ton of people or have a ton of friends, and you are giving her all the power with your clingyness. It should be the other way around. But you are being way too nice, way too needy, way too everything.

Here is what you do.

STOP TEXTING!

Don't say anything to her for a few days except maybe say hello to her at the gym if you happen to pass by her. But nothing else. After a few days she will either start to wonder what is up or forget about you. She may even text you if she really starts to wonder. But regardless, after about a week of basic no contact, the next time you see her at the gym ask her out. Face to face. She will either say yes or she won't. But at least by then you will have reestablished some level of self respect for yourself so she doesn't think she has you by the balls...which right now she does.


Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[cordoncordon]

Thanks for the reply bro, pretty coherent with everything else I've read. Only thing making me unsure about the texting thing is that I've read in various places that Korean girls expect a lot of texting - it's part of how the dating scene works in Korea.

Ignore and pursue as if just another girl?

Cheers man.

I don't know. To me a girl is a girl. My fiance is Asian, from Taiwan, moved to the USA when she was 6, and when we started dating I barely texted her starting off. Granted she was pretty much Americanized and had no accent, but as I said a girl is a girl. Especially since you haven't even been on a date yet, use texting to just set up a date at most. To be wishing her good morning and good night? Dude, I don't ever do that with a girl I'm dating, let alone someone you aren't dating yet.

Just way overboard.

 

[NomdePlume]

Cheers for the tips. I am also considering just outright telling her I have no idea how much I should text her but that I like her (probably during the date - will avoid texting until then). Bad move? It makes my intentions clear and shows some honesty but it might make it seem like I think about it too much?

I don't know. To me a girl is a girl. My fiance is Asian, from Taiwan, moved to the USA when she was 6, and when we started dating I barely texted her starting off. Granted she was pretty much Americanized and had no accent, but as I said a girl is a girl. Especially since you haven't even been on a date yet, use texting to just set up a date at most. To be wishing her good morning and good night? Dude, I don't ever do that with a girl I'm dating, let alone someone you aren't dating yet.

Just way overboard.

 

[cordoncordon]

Cheers for the tips. I am also considering just outright telling her I have no idea how much I should text her but that I like her (probably during the date - will avoid texting until then). Bad move? It makes my intentions clear and shows some honesty but it might make it seem like I think about it too much?

Very bad move. I really suggest that you read the DJ bible and start fresh, as every preconceived notion you seem to have is wrong. Or just do a Constanza. Whatever you think is right? Do the opposite and it will really be right.

You are seriously coming across as way too much of a nice guy. Way too emo. Way too lovey dovey. My fiance is laying next to me in bed while I'm typing this and I read it to her. She just shook her head and said it goes to show there are a ton of Eric's out there. Eric is my cousin who is the biggest AFC nice guy ever and who continually gets abused by girls.

Don't tell her you like her. Make her guess. Make her wonder. Don't say a thing about texting. Just go out and have fun with her. Don't put any pressure on her or any future relationship. As I said whenever you think you should say something super nice? Just do the opposite and you will be fine.

 

[NomdePlume]

Haha. Ok man, I'll be less nice. I was told that negging/teasing/****y doesn't work as well on fob girls because they don't get it but since Im coming out of a LTR im probably still way too nice.

Very bad move. I really suggest that you read the DJ bible and start fresh, as every preconceived notion you seem to have is wrong. Or just do a Constanza. Whatever you think is right? Do the opposite and it will really be right.

You are seriously coming across as way too much of a nice guy. Way too emo. Way too lovey dovey. My fiance is laying next to me in bed while I'm typing this and I read it to her. She just shook her head and said it goes to show there are a ton of Eric's out there. Eric is my cousin who is the biggest AFC nice guy ever and who continually gets abused by girls.

Don't tell her you like her. Make her guess. Make her wonder. Don't say a thing about texting. Just go out and have fun with her. Don't put any pressure on her or any future relationship. As I said whenever you think you should say something super nice? Just do the opposite and you will be fine.

 

[NomdePlume]

Sorry bro, gonna bug you one more time.

Going to read up a bit on first dates but want to give me a quickie?

I'm guessing I shouldn't ask her out as a question, but just assume i.e. "Let's go out on sunday for a coffee. What time should I come get you?" Better than "Are you free on sunday?" (And how to make sure she's free - or if she says she's busy how to recover?)

And the date itself - short, like 30~45 mins? I've picked a Korean coffee shop. Tables are pretty small so we'll be close to each other.

Sit opposite? Kino over the table might make her uncomfortable but my leg resting against hers?

Have an engaging conversation then cut it off at a high point and say I'm busy/have to go? If conversation starts to die "Hey lets talk about something else." as opposed to letting it go cold?

I'm just throwing in stuff I've read now haha.

Very bad move. I really suggest that you read the DJ bible and start fresh, as every preconceived notion you seem to have is wrong. Or just do a Constanza. Whatever you think is right? Do the opposite and it will really be right.

You are seriously coming across as way too much of a nice guy. Way too emo. Way too lovey dovey. My fiance is laying next to me in bed while I'm typing this and I read it to her. She just shook her head and said it goes to show there are a ton of Eric's out there. Eric is my cousin who is the biggest AFC nice guy ever and who continually gets abused by girls.

Don't tell her you like her. Make her guess. Make her wonder. Don't say a thing about texting. Just go out and have fun with her. Don't put any pressure on her or any future relationship. As I said whenever you think you should say something super nice? Just do the opposite and you will be fine.

 

[zinc4]

Hey guys, first post but I've been reading a lot the past few days. I'm about to get out of a LTR and part of what's giving me the courage to do that is this Korean PT at my gym. But yeah, since I've been out of the market for 4 years I have no game at all. I do know some concepts/theories from listening to my friends talk though (plus what I've been reading lately). Honestly, if it was any other girl I think I'd be alright but this one's a bit particular.

First, she's only been in the country 2 years so her English isn't great. We can communicate but it takes a bit more effort (probably more on her part).

Second, I see her at least twice a week at the gym regardless of whatever game plan I have going on.

Third, I've heard Korean dating is a lot different to Western. I'm aware attraction is universal but I'm sure there's some cultural spin on this.

Also, how much should I text her? So many mixed opinions about this one - apparently Korean girls expect a lot of texting but in general too much would be bad.

You can skip everything below this line (wall of text about what I've been doing so far):
________________________________________________________________

I hope some of you have experience with Korean girls ... I think she's older than me (haven't brought up age yet) but no idea how old.

So far I think I'm just skating by on my good looks (not to brag - I have no game since I was in a LTR but I'm tall and muscular).

A few things: I text her more than I should (if it were any other girl). This is because I've heard Korean girls expected you to text a lot. Not sure if this applies to the chase or only when you're already together. As a result I've been saying goodnight and goodmorning (which she has replied to every time except the last night).

I can't be ****y funny because she doesn't get it so I just smile and be confident and kino. I think I need to escalate soon though but I have work and so does she (she takes it pretty seriously which I find attractive since my last girl had no sense of responsibility).

Since we see each other in the gym (often while she's working - training someone) I'm not even sure how to act. I don't want to **** up her work by butting in all the time but at the same time it doesn't feel normal to not do stuff with her after the texts I've been getting. Even when she's not with clients she's still trying to work out (but she is much more receptive to conversation when she's not with clients).

Anyway, fast forward - here's the progress I've made so far.

Introduced myself. She was a bit nervous/intimidated (and she was working) so I exited quick.

Got her number next time I saw her (she was alone, not with a client this time). She didn't really hesitate to give it to me.

First night of texting good. Lots of IOIs (or just straight up compliments? Stuff like how I have a perfect body, height, broad shoulders, etc.)

Second night of texting, a bit less enthusiastic.

Third day, I see her at the gym (as usual). Bit of kino, she seems comfortable with me touching her. She touches me back when I'm about to leave. However, conversation doesn't flow amazingly. It's decent - same old. Not really as good as I expected given her initial IOI.

Third night, not much texting going on. I teased her a bit and she didn't respond (she normally always wears a jumper but she wore a tank top that day at the gym so I said "First time seeing you without a jumper! Trying to impress someone? "). This was the longest she didn't respond to any of my texts. I ended up saying goodnight a few hours after and she replied a few minutes later saying she was having dinner and saying goodnight back to me. I get the feeling she doesn't respond well to teasing at all.

Fourth night, (Friday! No more work) I get a good texting convo going. I manage to get her to say something along the lines of "teach me how to dance". I also try and lock in a day to meet up with her for some 1on1. She said sure but after her clients. When I asked when she's finished with her work she said not sure.

Fifth night (Saturday now). ****ing raining like **** or I would have called her out. Texted once in the morning. No reply all day. Once again at night. No reply.

Sixth day (today). Haven't texted her since. Saw her at the gym. Same old. I kino a bit - hand on her waist when I say goodbye. She touches my arm when I leave. I did ask when she was done for the day but she said "I have a bbq on remember" (she told me about it earlier). I should have asserted myself but I just said "oh yeah" then forgot what I said after that. Anyway, that was my **** up.



Not sure where to go from here. Was thinking I won't text her for a night and a day and then text her tomorrow night (I'll see her the day after - Tuesday - at the gym, she always has a client then).

I know I really need to take her out soon. Reckon it can wait another week for the weekend or do I have to do it on a work day?

What's with the random silence. I'm pretty sure she's still interested in me (maybe a bit less than at first though). Need to escalate soon?

Am I being too forward? There was one text where she said "I also hope I can be friendly with you" (not sure if she meant LJBF or not). I replied "Just friends? We will see hehe. Goodnight [nickname]." That was the best I could come up with then...

I was married to a Korean girl and have dealt with several having lived in Korea for one year....they are beautiful for sure..the better looking ones that is...

Yeah, it's different with most Korean girls but it depends on what kind she is traditional or non traditional....but over all they are more clingy acting than western chicks and push to get serious quickly...this is on average...they view any dating as potential marriage.....and korean guys on average are pretty beta...so i am sure she is used to your behavior but yeah, stop texting so much...if she likes you you will hear from you because they will chase...you have to stop texting though and get her out on a date for her to begin to really chase you.....

 

[NomdePlume]

I was married to a Korean girl and have dealt with several having lived in Korea for one year....they are beautiful for sure..the better looking ones that is...

Yeah, it's different with most Korean girls but it depends on what kind she is traditional or non traditional....but over all they are more clingy acting than western chicks and push to get serious quickly...this is on average...they view any dating as potential marriage.....and korean guys on average are pretty beta...so i am sure she is used to your behavior but yeah, stop texting so much...if she likes you you will hear from you because they will chase...you have to stop texting though and get her out on a date for her to begin to really chase you.....

Sweet, thanks for the specifically Korean advice.

So I guess I was too clingy too soon. That's for later huh? Will keep that in mind, cheers. I've never thought of girls chasing so I wasn't sure lol.

 

[zinc4]

yeah man, get the date secured and have good conco there... she has to feel she has a sense of knowing you and a comfort level...push for kino and kiss and stuff and go from there....stop trying to do so much by text...overall, the same principles apply like gaming any other white or other chick...and most Koreans travelling overseas get very wet and aroused in general by more alpha acting foreigners because it is so drastically different than what they are used to...but you are acting like a typical Korean guy haha...no offense...just come off like you are interested in her but not the least bit needy at the same time and willing to drop her like a bad habit if she disses you...that is what most ethinic Asian women respect...they just want a strong guy that likes only them and not other women...hence the word strong...not needy...while western women get off more on the whole playboy image....

 

[NomdePlume]

yeah man, get the date secured and have good conco there... push for kino and kiss and stuff and go from there....stop trying to do so much...overall, the same principles apply like gaming any other white chick...and most Koreans travelling overseas get very wet and aroused in general by more alpha acting foreigners because it is so drastically different than what they are used to...but you are acting like a typical Korean guy haha...no offense...just come off like you are interested in her but not the least bit needy at the same time and willing to drop her like a bad habit if she disses you...that is what most ethinic Asian women respect...they just want a strong guy that likes only them and not other women...hence the word strong...not needy...while western women get off more on the whole playboy image....

At this point I should mention im Chinese but I'm 6'2" and muscular so that helps haha.

But yeah, i honestly wasnt sure what approach i should take. I thought it might be smart to put a cultural twist on it and do the korean guy thing but that was my mistake. Will go back to being aloof.

 

[zinc4]

it's just one chick man...get her on the date or drop her if you fail to do so...put things into perspective...one girl out of millions and billions....she aint that special you just have a hard on for her right now....quit wasting so much mental and emotional energy and ask her out already if she says no then drop her...

 

[escaleraroyal]

Ymca?

 

[popsickle]

I was in an LTR with a korean girl and have spent lots of time in Seoul. I hope you're ready for the rollercoaster...

 

[JoeMarron]

You just got her number and you're texting her good morning and goodnight? No, no no no no no. I don't give a fk if she's from Zimbabwe or the moon you don't do this. Ever. Read your bible, text her only when your about to set up a date, ask her out and escalate, profit. Also don't be afraid to fail. You can't expect to have all your questions answered here. Go out and practice what you've learned and do what your common sense tells you to. That's the only way you'll learn.