Best friend rejected me, now she is considering me?

[Atheros88]

Hey guys,

Like a month ago I posted here about what happened with this girl who rejected me.
( full story here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=168838 )
She has been my best friend for a year. I started to feel more after a couple of months for her and showed interest, she rejected me but she wanted to remain friends with me. I didn't want to remain friends because that would only hurt more. She was devastated by this and cried so much and even hyperventilated because I was dumping her as a "friend".
Everything is oke now, I decided to give up on her and we kept being friends. I learned from that lesson and was going to make sure never to end in the friend zone again!
Quickly after all that drama I started dating 2 other girls. Since she was my friend and I had given up on her I just talked with her about it(and of course to rub it in her face).

Yesterday I got back from holidays and she started flirting with me. She came up with a strange story that her dad was suspicious about "US" and that she caught him looking at my profile(lol) and that since then her family has been asking about me and mentioning me in her house several times a week. "So.... how is --NAME--- doing?(with a big smile)
So from that on we kept flirting. The flirting became intense and I kept constantly neghitting her during the conversation to maintain the upper hand. She wouldn't just give up with the flirting. So I decided to halt it and ask her wtf this conversation was about?

Me: the whole conversation has actually been about me meeting your family and the dating bla bla bla. We shouldn't be joking about that after what happened, correct?
She:no we shouldnt.oke let me put it this way
Lately I have been thinking a lot of what I feel for you or not, purely because I reacted so heavily on what happened before. I am just trying to figure it out even though I know that door is already closed for you, I just owe it to myself to know what I feel.

To make it short, I reacted shocked and was like “What the hell *name*, why you drop this **** on me now? Why now, when I moved on and want to be happy and have fun. Why when I start seeing other girls that do value what you didn’t?

She: I know…! Don’t blame me, I realized when it was too late. You were so right about me not knowing what I want.

Convo went on and conclusion is that this girl still doesn’t know what she wants from me! She rejected me once, I moved on, kept being her friend, and started seeing other girls. Now she is jealous, and is reconsidering me. She wanted to meet up with me and I said NO. I told her to figure out what the **** it’s she wants and that I am not going to move a finger because I don’t know any longer if I want her or not, other than that I told her she is ****ing with my head. I also reminded that I was seeing another girl and that I didn’t saw a reason to stop seeing her.

Basically what I did was leaving the ball on her court, she said she was going to figure it out and then would let me know and that then I could decide what to do with it. She is afraid of taking it further because she still is not completely sure. She said she has already put so many thoughts about it,, basically the whole 2 weeks I was away I have been in her head.

I do like her, but I am not going to make it easy for her. Today I didn’t talk to her. I am planning to remain low and keep the ball on her court.

I would love to see some thoughts shared by you guys. Thanks in advance!

 

[TheSplat]

Sounds like too much trouble. You said you're dating two other girls. Keep concentrating on them.

And the next time you guys flirt, KINO ESCALATE. That'll tell u all u need to know.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Dude, when a girl is into you, she "knows" and "for sure". What you did, which was withdraw and kept her as a friend, made her get logical about the whole situation. These kinds of things happend and get settled on a different level, not just logically. You need to start "SHOWING" instead of "TELLING" at this point. As Splat says, you can expedite this process by making a physical advance on her. That will tell her what she really wants. Don't wait to see what she has to say.

She's "negotiating" her attraction for you with herself. That is not how it works. If I were to ask you, do you want to be with her, are you into her, my guess is you wouldn't need to take a few days to think about it. You know you are attracted to her. You wouldn't say, "Weeeeelllll (with that whinny tone women use), I am not sure about it. I have to figure out if I am attracted to you that way. I mean, I know I have affection, but attraction? Weeeeeeeeeeelll, I don't know. I need to think abou it."

You wouldn't have a need for time to figure it out. Even after getting yourself together after she rejected you, and after you started dating 2 other girls, you still know, right way, without hessitation, that you're attracted to her. You don't need to lock yourself in your basement and figuring it out.

She has affection for you, not attraction. She is confused about the difference between those two emotions. You in turn, are not confused about them. I wouldn't even bother with this one anymore. Unless she calls you and says, "Atheros88, I want you all for me. I can't stop thinking about you and I and I here I am naked, all for you only."

Between the above scenario, and where she's at now, there is a huge gap! Not worth the hassle, specially after you already got yourself together.

 

[jophil28]

THis is just another classic example of a woman resorting to waving the pvssy (via flirting) to hoover a guy back into her friendzone after he starts dating other women.

Gangster is right..absolutely right !. Attraction is like toothache or an orgasm. You know when it is happening- and so does EVERY woman. They do not need to "think about it" ..That is just feminine BS , and it is also a popular way for women to keep guys in a state of suspended hope.

I would dump her until and unless she gets naked.

 

[jophil28]

to make it easy for her. Today I didn’t talk to her. I am planning to remain low and keep the ball on her court.

Actually you hold the BIGGEST racquet here and you can decide to hit whatever ball she hits back at you...or not. Well done.

You have skillfully grabbed control back- Woman often attempt frame control be playing the old game of," I am confused- I need time to consult my feelings."
This is total BS. Women pride themselves on being "in touch" with their feelings and attack men for not having "emotional intelligence" , but when it suits them, they resort to talking about their confusion about their "true feelings."

NO wonder most of them are unfit to be in LTR's.

 

[Relations]

Keep her feeling confused. Show that you can be a confident guy. Mention other women that you are dating, lower your contact, but keep the flirting heavy whenever you can. Eventually the tables will turn as she wonders "Why isn't he supplicating to me anymore? I need to get him to like me!" Once that happens, she is putty in your hands. but even at that stage, be aware that any sign of desperation or neediness will put the ball back in her court. You don't want that if you still want her.

 

[PlaysToWin]

You're doing well and are in a position to pretty much get what you want. So decide what you want. Then make it happen.

For example, you might decide that this thing just complicates your friendship and you have to drop her agaiin and this time permanently.

Also you might decide that if you're going to do that then there is nothing to lose by actually going for her romantically 'just to see how it works out'.

Or you might decide that you aren't interested and want to keep her as friends in which case probably just tell her that she hasn't a hope, to sort herself out and get back in touch with you when she's 'over you'.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

You're doing well and are in a position to pretty much get what you want. So decide what you want. Then make it happen.

For example, you might decide that this thing just complicates your friendship and you have to drop her agaiin and this time permanently.

Also you might decide that if you're going to do that then there is nothing to lose by actually going for her romantically 'just to see how it works out'.

Or you might decide that you aren't interested and want to keep her as friends in which case probably just tell her that she hasn't a hope, to sort herself out and get back in touch with you when she's 'over you'.

WRONG! I will respectfully disagree with your post.

SHE is in control. She has the vagina. She has what he wants. He is the one who is attracted to her romantically/sexually. He already exposed all his cards. She alreay got him to agree to every single possible scenario possible.

Now, if he seduces her and gets her to be into him (she is clearly not there yet, and most likely won't), and it gets sexual, then he will start to regain some of the power he lost very early on, a long time ago.

He's only in a position to choose what he wants to pursue, but not to choose the outcome with the girl we're talkigna bout. So either,

a) Pursue her and get out of the friend zone. A major task that might or might not be worth it at this point. Chances are not good, maybe 30- 40% chance at this point. Might be a little generous.

b) Keep dating and moving along with the 2 other girls he's working on, and doing good.

c) Keep dating more girls, including a bunch of new ones.

d) Any combination of the above.

 

[Atheros88]

Thanks for the replies I will just lay low and not contact her at all until she talks to me.
One thing for sure, there is only one way for me. If she wants me, OK then I might give it a shot and would take it slow with her.

BUT if she comes again to the same decission I am gonna dump her PERMANENTLY for messing with my head. Last time I did that, she was a TOTAL MESS, cried so much and begged me to be her friend.
Since then I have changed and she has noticed. I decided to see new girls. I know it bothers her, because most of the times she just change subject or leaves when I am rubbing it in her face.

But it would be UNACCEPTABLE if she just slows down my progress again and she not gives me what I want.
I mean, I don't get it! I gave up on her, and now she comes with this?

Funny thing, I am on MSN right now and so she is. Since yesterday she has things on her name like:

"Still sick"

"Sick of feeling sick" "Look and you will find(A)"

I keep strong and won't talk to her, but is she trying to grab my attention by this?

 

[Atheros88]

Well guess what, she made up her mind, she just spoke to me and wants to be with me. She said I should now choose what to do if I want to date the other girl or her. She said she would understand if I choose the other girl and that it's oke that I think about it before deciding.

Things seems to be going my way? I am now just playing it bit hard and not taking her right away. I will make her suffer a bit and make her value what she once didn't and now wants.
I do will take it slow with this girl, as we have been very good friends for over a year and then I will see where it all goes!

I am going to take all the power now and will call all the shots! I am going to date her and the other girl too :woo:

 

[sodbuster]

There you go! Date them both,make her EARN it this time. Don't break up with the other one. Maybe even find a better one.

 

[Igetit!]

Well guess what, she made up her mind, she just spoke to me and wants to be with me. She said I should now choose what to do if I want to date the other girl or her. She said she would understand if I choose the other girl and that it's oke that I think about it before deciding.

THIS IS THE WEIRDEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN.


This is TOTALLY mindboggling to me.


I would have bet you a million dollars that this never would have happened.


I've been a member here for a year and a half,and this is the first time I've ever come across something like this.



Well....I guess this is what you wanted. You wanted to date her,and now you've got her.



Hmm. I just can't picture in my mind this girl walking around,pacing back and forth trying to decide if she should date you or not.





It almost seems like she had to come to the decision logically,like she had to weigh out the pros and cons,then choose,but that can't be.


That can't be right. It's like one of the members here said:"Women don't negotiate attraction". But that appears to be what has happened here.




I'm hoping my reasoning is off or something. I just can't shake the feeling that something's just...I don't know...just "off" about this.



One this I do know though,if this turns out to be legit,that "jealousy plot line" crap is the most POWERFUL "trick" or tactic I've EVER seen.





I do believe that some of this is ego driven by her. It seems like she spent 2 minutes telling you she wanted to date you,then the next hour and a half trying to get you to "make a decision" to choose her.




If you were to go to her and tell her that you decided to leave the other girls alone and date her only,I wouldn't be surprised if she suddenly had another change of heart and just wanted to be friends again.





She had ALL THAT TIME when you were pursuing her to agree to date you where she was constantly rejecting you,then when you tell her you decided to move on,NOW she wants to see you.

Wow.




Well good luck man.

 

[prairiedog24]

This thread is now officially awesome. Igetit is boggled.

Here's my theory;

all of us do some things very well and some not so well. When I discovered this site, I was wallowing in some misguided intuitions and often acted on them in some embarrassing ways. Even so, apparently I was doing something right because I'd often have some very attractive and sought after targets spending a lot of time and interest on me before I'd unravel and go AFC on them. My absolute inability to build attraction in some areas was compensated for in others... but only up to a point.

Every person has different tolerance levels for certain "unattractive behaviors." This isn't unique to females. We do the same thing. Putting pressure on the issue usually magnifies it and causes the girl (or guy) to run. In this case, other discomfort (i.e., jealousy) was enough to distract from the real issue.

The "negotiating" was tolerated by this girl, because she probably justified it in her mind as a one time thing, and because the other aspects of the situation tipped the balance just enough that her cognitive dissonance kicked in and wiped it out.

It's sort of like twisted a horses' ear when you give them a shot. I don't think Igetit was wrong at all. Instead, the stars aligned, and a few things done well ended up working despite the circumstances.

 

[Atheros88]

Thanks guys, I was posting this on another forum too and someone asked me what whas the whole process I did to get this turning in my favor. This is what I posted.

Wow! I am very surprised to hear this. Congrats man!

Can you give us more details as to what exactly transpired after she friend-zoned you? Did she just stay single or she started dating other guys? After how long did you decide to go after other women?

The reason I ask these questions is because I am trying to understand why she would reject you in the first place only to change her mind later?

Alright, after she said "let's just remain friends" I treated her bad and I didn't want to be friends any longer because I felt mislead by her. At that point we would talk every day for hours, we were really close, maybe too close. I dumped her as a friend and didn't want to deal with her anymore. She took this very, very hard and the next day I saw her at school she was a total mess. And it kinda hurt me to see her so much more affected by it than myself. I mean, she really was DEAD that day, people even asked if something bad happened, like if her boyfriend dumped her. She even didn't made an important exam we had because of all what happened. Later she told me she had cried so much that she even had hyperventilation which she never had before. She felt terrible sorry because of all the flirting and that she thought it was just a game because I never showed romantic interest (Which I didn't at the start of our friendship. Our friendship started when I told her that my ex(4,5 year with her) had dumped me. Since then we became really close because she is such a good listener and helped me get over my ex.) Our connection is so special, we just can talk about every stupid stuff,it doesn’t matter we can have the deepest conversations about the littlest thing. There is never a silent moment. (Now it’s going the romantic way, I will stop that stuff tho ) I will make her miss me once in a while, not be always available.

Well because I wasn't as much as affected by her turning me down as she did and all her begging to remain friends I decided just to give up on her and maintain the nice friendship we had. And by giving up on her, I mean really giving her up. I even said the next day to her that I started on two other girls. She got bit offended by it because she wondered how I could move on so fast after it? I simply told her, *Name*, I had to rip you out of my heart completely to maintain our friendship, I did this for you. If I would just wait and let the time sink what I feel for you, our friendship might have been damaged very much.
So after that day I just kept talking about all the girls I was playing around with(this was all true, I didn’t had to lie so much about it . Of course I would make it look bigger once a while. But it never was my intention to get her back, just to rub it in her face a bit.

I knew I have always had been the nice guy and so far it hadn't got me the results I wanted. I started to change totally; I wanted to be semi bad ass. I have always been extremely confident and my personality is very strong. She has always admired me for being so confident, speaking out my mind and being so direct. She knows that starting a discussion with me has no point as I would win the arguments 99% of the time. So she respects me for that.
I decided to abuse this and use it on girls. Girls tend to ask me, are you always so confident (I tend to be a little arrogant/****y and) and I simply just answer, yeah why? you got any problems with it? =)

The next day after giving her up I immediately started to flirt with 2 old girls I had met. This went really well and until today I still am going to date one of the girls and the other one I sent to hell for being so full of drama.

What I did was tell her all this stuff (since she was my best friend and I wasn’t looking for any romance with her anymore. I started to brag all this and that I was playing these two girls and that I was going to date them both, blab la bla. I basically told her all the stuff I was doing with girls. Sometimes I lied to make it look bigger than it was. (Lie till you make it)
In one month I told her about 5 potential girls. I could notice she didn’t like this, she had seen that I changed from being the nice guy to a semi bad ass that just wanted to have fun with multiple girls at the same time. Sometimes she asked me why I had changed so much, I told her I wanted to be happy and live my life, I told her that I could get what I wanted with little effort. I made plans to improve myself. I told her I was going to start salsa classes and when she asked me why, I told her: “Very simple, my friend told me that there tons of girls there learning salsa. So I am going to take classes as well and since I already know how to dance I will go and have some fun with the ladies there and perhaps I can learn them more than just some “dancing”.

Other things I did when I was too busy to give her attention and she asked what I was doing was answering to her: “Oh sorry, I am talking to my date” or “Yeah sorry *NAME*, but dates come first, then friends ” She definitely didn’t like this. So I just kept rubbing it in. Actually, all this rubbing it in her face happened on a subconscious level. It was just the little revenge I took on her. All the time, I wasn’t trying to win her.

That was basically what I did after she rejected me. I started to regain control of my life. Play around with other girls, forget about her in a romantic way and just show her how much I had changed in such a short time. That has always been my revenge; show them how good you are doing after they left/rejected you.

About her, she never had very serious relationships. And she hasn’t dated for like a year, purely because she is so extremely picky about guys. So during that time she rejected me, she hasn’t dated any other guy.
Besides, she knows very well she is playing with very high stakes. I already dumped her once and didn’t want to see her anymore. She felt terrible; she said it was AWFUL not to have me around anymore. She knows I would do that again without hesitation if she messes up.

I think it’s a mix of seeing how I changed and jealousy. She now knows I can get whatever I want without much trouble and that if she didn’t want me, another one would. She started to notice that I was giving her less attention because other girls appeared. She said the last past two weeks I have been in her head all the time. And that she is sorry for letting that chance she had pass away. She made final decisions and she wants me now in a romantic way. I will go out with her and have some fun, but I am telling her I expect her to put effort in it if she wants it to work out. She knows about the other girl, and she asked me what I was going to do about that but I didn’t respond to it yet. I don’t feel like I owe her any explanation about it YET. I will start with casual dating her and tell her my rules. I don’t see any reason for ditching the other girl, first she will have to prove herself. From now on I am taking the lead and will call all the shots.

 

[Igetit!]

This thread is now officially awesome. Igetit is boggled.

Ha,ha,good one Prairedog24.


I guess the reason I was so perplexed by this is because I've never seen it before.


To be honest,I'm still struggling trying to wrap my mind around it.


My question to the Op (Atheros88) is...


Are you two dating now? Or is everything on "hold" until you come to some sort of decision?



Is she being sexual (hugging/kissing/sex) with you now,or is she waiting until you drop this other girl?



The reason I ask is because that's logic. If she has "feelings" towards you RIGHT NOW,then she'd be expressing them NOW,and not just by her words,but by her actions.


I want to know if her current actions match her words.


(LOL,boy this is weird.)


I want to know how she's behaving towards you.



The thing is this:Before you told her that you were going to move on and stop pursing her,you two were just "friends".



You were close,and could tell each other anything,but while all that was going on,you two were NOT being sexual with each other.




And you continued not being sexual all the way up to when you made that other thread and then told her that you were no longer going to pursue her.




At that point,(where you told her you wouldn't pursue her anymore),according to her,her feelings changed and now she wants to date you.



Well,did her behavior reflect her "sudden desire" to date you?




Because if it does,I want to know at what point the "change" occured.



I just can't see her saying,"Ok,I had some time to think about it,and I want to date you". Then she starts being receptive to hugging,kissing,and having sex with you after there being no sexual contact AT ALL for the entire time you've known each other.




I believe what you're saying Atheros88,I just wish I could make some sense out of it,lol. :crackup:

 

[Waking Up]

The whole thing is pretty simple. I'm guessing that this girl is use to getting her way with men, and wants to win every man she interacts with, in other words, be the one that says LJBF and forces the guy to resign as if it were some stupid mental battle of chess.

Essentially now that you're seeing other girls she wants you for her own ego validation. Doesn't mean you can't sleep with her though, I would, just try to keep it at a lust level and don't develop feelings for this girl. Whatever you do as you already know do NOT stop dating other girls, it's what's holding her attraction for you. Lose the other girls and focus exclusively on her, and she'll LJBF you.

The whole thing is pretty obvious. You know what you have to do. Bang her, don't initiate convo, see her sexually, and focus on the other chicks.

 

[PlaysToWin]

I knew you had her hooked.

 

[Prodigy746]

Dood she is an attention ***** and now that she saw you moved on she wants to suck you back in...! She is not happy that you are not thinking about her as much and like other girls. I wouldn't be surprised if that conversation is just to see if you still had feelings for her, maybe she needs to feed her ego.

There is a reason many people said move on and dont continue being friends with her but you didnt listen.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

Ha,ha,good one Prairedog24.


I guess the reason I was so perplexed by this is because I've never seen it before.


To be honest,I'm still struggling trying to wrap my mind around it.

Actually, he accidentally did a sort of door pattern on her. That's what's going on. He holds all the strings to her emotions...her whole world as she sees it as well. He can make her want to live and he can make her want to die.

From the previous thread

She wasn’t even able to make the test today and asked the teacher to do it another day. People started to notice that something was wrong with her, and a girl in our class said that it looked like she had been dumped by her boyfriend. She didn’t know where to put her head and didn’t respond… I saw in her eyes that she was breaking from the inside…
What I just don’t understand, if she is taking it so heavily.. crying so much, being devastated

She was on a high with trust and respect (mentor) for op, then she got smacked down really farking hard as far down as possible when she would not do what he wanted (not making a judgment, i remember the thread and he didn't realize how it looked from her perspective)...she was all the way down for a bit (wanting to die, etc...) and then she got another shot at feeling good (wanting to live, she could be needed again, etc...) again. This set him firmly in her mind as the one who can most emotionally rock her world and it can easily turn into an unhealthy drug.

He's got her but he'll always have to rule her by emotional force because that's why this is all starting. If he doesn't provide drama/rollercoaster, she will because that's the entire frame of the relationship now and it so deeply impacted her emotionally it can't be rewound.

He got the girl but she's going to completely depend on him. She's going to be extremely clingy, constantly terrified of losing him. etc... etc... etc... He'll have a lot on his plate to deal with.

 

[prairiedog24]

Wow good catch TMG, I didn't realize this was the same dude.

(lol, just noticed he linked it. <-- I'm a dork)