Best friend becoming a resentful and competetive seducer

[Jariel]

This has been on my mind for a while and I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with a very competetive friend.

Basically, I noticed a big change come over him the last two months. He used to be a great guy with a lot going for him, but lately he's become obnoxious and egocentric and his behaviour is quite unsettling. I found out that he's been studying seduction tactics (not sure where from) and it all clicked into place. I'm recognising all my old mistakes en route to becoming a "seducer/DJ/PUA".

In fact, he has given me a second person perspective and is one of the major influences behind me giving up on all seduction based performing and techniques. These days when I'm out, I just have conversations, focus on having a good time and it just happens that women pursue me more.

So with that said, we're not wingmen, he's not my rival and I'm happy to take a backseat and let him seduce whoever he wants. But he still sees me as a threat and keeps trying to undermine me or embarrass me around women. He doesn't know I'm onto him, but I'm pretty sure he's intentionally trying to "AMOG" (alpha male other guy) me.

For example, he keeps trying to patronise me; he calls me "pretty boy" or "girly boy", mimicks me, undermines things I say to other people or laughs sarcastically if I make a joke. When a woman pays me a compliment or flirts with me, or vice versa, he draws attention to it or he'll try to take over with a C+F routine about how he is better than me. A while ago, a woman complimented my body and asked me if I work out, then he suddenly challenged me to an arm wrestle (which I declined). So he's blatantly competetive.

His seduction tactics are all textbook acts and techniques, which I recognise and women can see right through. Some female friends have told me he creeps them out or pisses them off and he's even had women publicly tell him off for interrupting or acting childish.

Recently, when he's been rejected or spurned, he's tried to turn it against me, saying things like "I bet if Jariel asked you to go out you wouldn't refuse". I'm just minding my own business, yet he drags me into some kind of competition. I can sense that he's becoming more and more resentful towards me and he's always on edge and I'm worried he's going to snap.

Just the other night I was in the middle of a conversation with a girl, he interrupted again and started neghitting her. I commented "awww, I think somebody wants attention" and he stormed out and went home.

Anyway, we had an argument about this tonight and though we have resolved this particularly issue it goes so much deeper. I've spoken to him before about his attention seeking and how destructive it is, but it doesn't make a difference, which is why I'm writing this post asking for advice.

I have been trying to keep my distance from him lately, but as I said he is not my wingman, he's my best friend and women are secondary to me. He's helped me out and put up with my sh1t in the past, so I'd like to help snap him out of this phase for his own good as well as my own.



*As a footnote, hopefully this post has also pointed out some of the dangers of getting sucked into the seduction game and being absorbed by one's ego - as I've explained in much greater detail here:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=75166
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=77796

 

[Julian]

Sounds like dude is corrupted.

 

[Jake-inator]

Sounds like you got the better of him... good w/ enemies not necessarily w/ best friends.

I'd try the old kill him with kindness routine, but at this state he'll probably just get pissed off even more.

I don't think you can save him, he's the one with the issues. Just wait till he crashes and burns of his ego trip, then be his friend and guide him along.

 

[Bradshaw]

Whenever people get jealous of me and try to AMOG me I have this technique that I use:

I say (pretty damn loudly)

"Yeah, I've noticed that whenever there are groups of girls around I seem to make a lot of the Beta males in the group insecure. This would make a really interesting paper for my social psychology class. It is like the beta males are trying to de-escalate the status of the one Alpha male (point to yourself) in hopes that it will increase there chances of securing mating rights with the females in the group. But, if you notice...... the alpha male doesn't feel the need to respond...... because he looks around at the beta males in the group (look at the other guy(s)).... and he doesn't see much of a threat." (big ****y grin on your face at the end)

I find that this works well because: a) you didn't get upset b) you called these guys on exactly what they were doing c) if they continue, everyone in the group (esp. the girls) know exactly what they are doing.

Hope this helps.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Competition can either bring out the best or the worse in us.

 

[Bonhomme]

Drop him or educate him

The way I see it, there are 2 options at this point:

1) Don't hang out with him.

2) Some time you're with him in a relaxed situation, point out to him how bad what he's doing is making him look. Geez, it gives me the willies just reading about it.

You might even do it in the third person, so he can see himself in "someone else's" actions.

Whatever the case, you have no obligation to deal with such a pain in the ass.

 

[drixsa]

Jariel-

Help him to meet women.

Be Subtle but try it out. Nothing like fighting hate with love.

 

[Metalixia]

Do nothing. Just be patient with him and wait it out. I'm sure this is just a phrase.

 

[Bloke]

It's obvious he's consciously doing it, & would relize the affect it
's having

If he doesn't wake up to himself & continues & losses his friends/reputation/chances he will relize it was his fault entirely, & return to being your mate again

 

[Oxide]

This is your friend we are talking bout here Jariel...

I dont know about you guys but everyone in my company is down for each other. Sure we joke around and occasionaly poke fun at each other but we never INTENTIONALLY try to fvck each other's chances of getting with a girl.

Even when i was a major *******, it would affect just me. I didnt make fun of my friends, i made fun of girls.

I wouldnt ignore it. Instead i'd say. "Hey man, we've been friends for how many years now? You know that you can put your faith in me.. so what is this nonsence. Sure, go ahead and try all this seduction stuff, but we are not competing against each other.. women come and go.. but friends stick around for a long time. Come on, you know i wouldnt trade you for some skank i just met!"




Be honest, you shouldnt care that he is trying seduction, but AMOGing you is simply stupid. If he still didnt listen, next time he pulled some line on me in front of the girls, i would say "Oh, he is just jelous becuase he wants me all to himself"

 

[Mr.De Beer]

Confront him directly man. I mean, if you go out to have fun and he makes it less fun than its supposed to be, you should go talk to him (in private.) Better yet, introduce him to sosuave, he prolly got some info on a site where it tells you, if youre a jerk you get woman. Help him out.
Show him the way of a true Don Juan. If he doesnt want to budge, avoid him when you go out into the field.

Good luck

 

[Jariel]

Thanks for the replies. I see a lot of useful advice here and it's helped to see some objective perspectives.

As much as he pisses me off, I do understand his behaviour. He's always been a nice and sweet kind of guy who women put in the friendzone and walk all over. I think if I can at least help him overcome this, it will help a lot.

I'm meeting with him over the weekend and will use that time to have a private chat with him and take it from there depending on the outcome. I definitely want to try the friendly and helpful approach with him before I have to start putting him in his place as that could turn nasty.

Thanks again guys.

 

[Luveno]

Hey Jariel,

normally any man that would do this to you would be someone you'd avoid for the rest of your life. But this is your best friend.

I remember that when I first discovered the methods of seduction I was really anxious to use them and get success. And when I failed there was still that AFC frustration in me.

It appears that your friend is a rAFC and is on the road to becoming competent.

What you have to do is talk to your friend about exactly what he is doing and why he should not be doing it to you. Be straight up with him - he is your best friend after all. Be patient and things will get better.

 

[TheLadiesChoice]

If you dont like it stop hangin wit dude till he cuts the **** out. Man up bruh, you shouldnt tolerate DarkSide behavior from ANYBODY, especially if its clouding and salting your game