Being the 'Butt' of People's Jokes

[thursday]

So you're hanging out with a group of 'friends', or new people, or even a girl and a topic comes up, and you can see it coming, and of course: THEY MAKE A HALF JOKE about your appearence/personality which is really just A FLAT OUT INSULT DISGUISED AS A JOKE. What can you do? Each has it's problems.

1) Say Nothing or just sarcastically laugh along
Basically you're giving in here, they've successfully taken the piss out of you and made you feel like **** in front of everyone

2) Make a quick and witty comback
Their response will always be "oh but I was JUST JOKING! Dont take it SO SERIOUSLY!"

3) Give then **** about it and say it's not on
Same as above "Chill!! I was just HAVING A LAUGH! No need to get all wound up!"

This is my problem. People make these HALF JOKES and get away with them. I've tried all three responses on several occassions and each has been met with exactly the above.

In other words, these ****$ have the ability to INSULT me whenever they feel like it and whatever my response is, they have a get-out clause or escape route.

Does anyone else ever find themselves in this predicament? How the hell can you salvage it without

a) letting them know they can walk all over you
b) coming across like a d1ck who can't take a joke
c) feeling sh1t about yourself for them flat out insulting you.

Thanks.

 

[djSlvt]

In the same old group of friends, you already have the frame set up. There isn't much to do to make it different, except get new friends.

All 3 responses you mentioned are the same exact thing: because you are reacting in the same exact way. You are defensive about what they said. That little thing has affect on you and they will dig into you because it's a weakness. You are weak because words get to you. That's something to work on.

What can you say? Words make up only 7 percent of human communication, the other 93 percent are your actions, body language, your image, etc.. It's not important what you say, it's how you say it. To learn how to say it you must fix that problem I mentioned above that I think you have. This defensiveness is in your head, fix it, alter your perception.

Ultimately, you feel bad that they are doing it to you, and you want to come back at them and get some revenge. Bad motive, which motivates you to respond always in the same way, no matter what you say.

Getting back at them easy. Change your friends. You're not doing that, meaning you are not capable of doing that. SPEAKING to them that you are not capable of doing that. 93 percent of human communication is not speech.


Don't take this literally as in ditch your friends. Don't rush with that. Just be aware that it will be hard to reframe yourself within this group of friends.


BTW: If you're fat, smelly, or otherwise have something you can control but choose not to, if that's the case then you should listen to your friends and change that one thing about you.

 

[djSlvt]

Case in point: this other thread on here guy reports about AFC in his class, and how the AFC sucks. Those are words, the rest that he said is that he needs assurance that he is not like that, and he wants to get it from here, by having someone post and agree with him about this AFC guy being a total looser. Words are only so much, I never look at those, since words are not important at all.

 

[thursday]

I believe you're right. My approach is wrong. In terms of what they joke about... it is in regards to me being skinny and undateable. In a way this is true, maybe that is why it bothers me, but the funny thing is though, they are of a similiar build to me, and if anything, i've been out with more girls.

Naturally, though, it bothers me a little, resulting in my defensive response as you point out. I guess I just find it difficult because IF I were to make a similiar joke on them, they would go all serious and not be amused. They obviously just feel they can walk over me, but as stated in the previous post, whatever my response, this will be the case.

Anyway, djSlvt.... very good advice, a relative rarity on these boards nowadays.

Few more examples

1) I have a 'friend'. He has almost a split personality. Sometimes he is fine and a good mate, other times he can be incredibly annoying. Case in point: we all get spots sometimes, but if you get a spot, HE WILL TELL YOU by saying something like :"you've got a spot there, maybe you should take better care of your face".

The laugh of it is, when he said this to me, he had a spot too!!

He was also sitting beside me once (he's 6"7 and built like a **** brick house) and he looked at our legs and said "your leg is really quite skinny".
How do you respond to that? It's just impossible!

2) In a conversation with a girl, she just randomly says for no apparent reason "you DONT have a nice ass!" I'm like "wtf?". She's never seen my ass. We'd only met a short time and because of the coat i was wearing it would be IMPOSSIBLE to tell, but she was serious about it. How do you respond to that?

 

[djSlvt]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=18040

That way when you decide to adopt and confirm with him you're at least look like him. Plus it makes you less of a tool.

 

[DJDamage]

Your the follower not the leader. Social hierachy has been already established in this group and you got yourself pegged at the bottom of the barrel. The good news is that you are not depended on your friends for survival so if they piss you off too much you can stop hanging around them because you don't find pleausre in their company. The bad news is that since they are used to you being the butt of all jokes, trying to change your behaviour all of the sudden will cause the group to increase their butt jokes in order keep you back into place.

You are either weak phsyically or suffer from low self esteem. Go hit the gym and start growing your body and take some martial arts class to build confidence, and being big will make people think twice before they hurl an insult at you. Also you need to go out and be social alot more and realise people break other people balls all the time so its no big deal. Once you have confidence and not care what people say about you, you will enjoy people's company more.

 

[dot]

Your the follower not the leader. Social hierachy has been already established in this group and you got yourself pegged at the bottom of the barrel. The good news is that you are not depended on your friends for survival so if they piss you off too much you can stop hanging around them because you don't find pleausre in their company. The bad news is that since they are used to you being the butt of all jokes, trying to change your behaviour all of the sudden will cause the group to increase their butt jokes in order keep you back into place.

That's not necessarily true. Iono about you, but with my friends we always make jokes about each other. Everyone is made fun of for something.

It is interesting how the whole social hierachy thing goes though.

Anyway, I'm interested in dealing with it coming from girls. Usually I had just stood up for myself, and usually just walk away and forget the girl, not caring and not really thinking twice about it. Reading Espi's comments about it, I might think about doing that. I don't insult people that often though. Especially not 100% coldblooded heartfelt insults.

 

[Jariel]

I used to get the same thing. My friend started digging at me in front of people to try and put me down, but he'd always say it in a jokey tone. I used to just accept it and not say anything. I was thinking it was harmless because it was done as a joke, but then I realised if it was really so harmless, why did it bother me?

The solution was so simple. I waited for him to do it again and I just asked him why he said things like that. I didn't snap at him, or lose my cool, I just said:

"I've noticed you make these little remarks and I'm just curious why."

He tried to laugh it off and said "Cos it's funny". I replied, "Ok mate, just wanted to know". It really reduced him, but I figure that's what he was trying to do to me, so why should I feel guilty?

End of problem.

 

[Bonez]

dude dude, I been on a crazystreak at work.

Girls and guys will say anything to look good. Drunk girls will say anything to scam a man. It al comes down to what you make of what they give you.

1) If somebody insults you, turn it into a compliment or something you can brag about.

2) Same goes if they compliment you, you can act offended about anything and still keep a smile on your face. Its good training.

3) Ask yourself what their intent is, why are they doing it? Ask yourself what your intent is, why are you even hanging with these guys? Ask what the general intent of the people around you is, are they the ones who just screwed up?

If you are constantly the butt of peoples jokes than its probably you. YOU need to lighten up. They want you to make something bad into something good, they're training you. let them call you *****, and you can say "i'm your *****, but you ****ing fruitloop I forgot my vaseline so no sex for us tonight". Goes for anything, twist it into an inside joke and your cool on a whole new level.

 

[qwerty654321]

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