Being tested - how to call her on it?

[Dirtheart]

I was wondering, if a woman is testing you by asking for favours, things and generally seeing how far you'll go to please her, how do you call her on it?

Do you just say no, I can't, I'm busy or is it best to address the matter directly by letting her know you're onto her game?

I was chatting to a woman today. There's a mutual attraction there, but she constantly asks for favours. Today she asked me if I'd research something for her on the web and I told her "I don't have the time". She said it was no problem, but seemed really insulted.

So how should I have refused without her taking it personally?

 

[rgeere]

Yeah, don't do anything for them, don't fix anything for them, but if you have to do something for them tell them how much it will cost. Give them this big fat financial estimate with a contract and everything.

I'm exagerating a little of course, but that's the attitude I have when a girl tries to get me to do favors for her, especially when she expects that I should do it for nothing.

 

[Dirtheart]

Well, my DJing lessons suggest I did the right thing even though it felt awkward, but I don't want her (or anyone) to think I'm selfish or petty.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
I was wondering, if a woman is testing you by asking for favours, things and generally seeing how far you'll go to please her, how do you call her on it?

Do you just say no, I can't, I'm busy or is it best to address the matter directly by letting her know you're onto her game?

I was chatting to a woman today. There's a mutual attraction there, but she constantly asks for favours. Today she asked me if I'd research something for her on the web and I told her "I don't have the time". She said it was no problem, but seemed really insulted.

So how should I have refused without her taking it personally?

If you do have time and are interested in a girl that does this to you maybe you could sit down and guide her as she does the reaearch she wants. I don't think that she is necessarily intentionally trying to use you or test you, it's just the way women are when they like you and want to be around you.
Maybe next time it happens you could turn it into a dating opportunity where you are both doing something together.
It would give you an opportunity to kino her and do the c/f routein on her. That's just my suggestion I wasn't there...

 

[Skweints]

I think Senor Fingers put it best in his little PDF book... if a girl asks for a favor, make a deal with her. Basically, you're telling her "I'm not gonna do [favor] for you, but if you do [favor] for me, I just might THINK about about it." I had a girl back in the States (before I got deployed out to Okinawa) who used to ask favors of me alllllllll the time, and being the AFC I was, I'd gladly oblige her. Then I started reading this book called "Body Language Secrets", and started to figure out what I was doing wrong. Now, I was kind of confused, so when she asked me for a favor, I straight up told her no and gave her a good reason why. After that, she never asked for a favor again. And if she had, I would've said something to the effect of "Oh, so you want me to do this for you? You know, that's gonna cost you. How about you buy me a pack of smokes, and I may recconsider doing you this favor." with a smile. She'll either buy you the smokes, or stop asking you for favors. Either way, you're getting SOMETHING (Respect) out of the deal.

Besides, researching something is kind of something huge to ask of. I know when it comes to research myself, I tend to spend hours. I would say it was a test, however, never be too sure. Is she really incapable of doing that by herself? I would suggest, if anything, just offering to help, but give her a time limit.

 

[DJUofS]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
I was wondering, if a woman is testing you by asking for favours, things and generally seeing how far you'll go to please her, how do you call her on it?

Do you just say no, I can't, I'm busy or is it best to address the matter directly by letting her know you're onto her game?

I was chatting to a woman today. There's a mutual attraction there, but she constantly asks for favours. Today she asked me if I'd research something for her on the web and I told her "I don't have the time". She said it was no problem, but seemed really insulted.

So how should I have refused without her taking it personally?

I usually like to come across with a sarcastic remark so they don't know what to think. I will usually respond with something like "sure, i'll get right on that" and grin, or I will say "yeah, ok" and grin. Obviously I use a Sarcastic tone also. This seems to work very well for me, however; I am only 19 years old. Our age difference may change how well this response is taken.

edit: I forgot to mention that I usually don't do the favors unless I get something in return or it is to my benefit.

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by Dirtheart She said it was no problem, but seemed really insulted.

You did nothing to insult her. Forget about it

 

[WaterTiger]

Dirtheart~

As my Dad used to tell me, "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch". If you aren't getting favors back from her, then she's USING you, and that's not fair. Keep the favors in equal balance.

She wants a ride to work? She can pay $5 for gas.
She wants you to move her furniture? She can take you out to dinner.
She wants you to research stuff on the computer? She can do your laundry.
She wants you buy her something? She can buy you stuff too!
She wants you to go to the Opera? She can go to a baseball game!

 

[Dirtheart]

Thanks everyone. My generosity was probably one of my biggest AFC traits at one time, but I'm learning.

Just wondering though, should I ever address this issue directly and explain that I think she's testing me or that I think she's trying to take advantage.

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
Just wondering though, should I ever address this issue directly and explain that I think she's testing me or that I think she's trying to take advantage.

hell no

What would that accomplish?

 

[thissucks003]

Always barter for your services. Never sell yourself short. She won't appreciate you as a person, unless she has to work for it.

She wants you to do a favor for her, tell in return she has to do x, y, and z. She appreciate you more once she knows that you have value.

TS

 

[PeeGee]

Never call women on stuff, and never tell them off. They won't 'learn their lesson' and start doing things 'your' way. It's just petty and they won't respect you for it.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

never throw anything back in a woman's face.
always keep them guessing and never supply them with what you know about them.
you did the right thing in turning her down.
just keep going your regular speed and dont lok back.
if she wants to try another approach with you, then let her.....if you want.
man, it took me years to figure that out.

 

[ScrewIt]

here's a short story..

back in my AFC days, i'd do things for this chick, usch as favors, that i liked (attention wh0re)...i found out she didnt feel the same....then...through the break i broke away from my AFC ways. then early this yr, i wisened up, she called me up to 3x for favors, i just said nah i cant i have work that day which is true, and other times i simply said i was busy on those days. No harsh feelings, but now she doesnt even bother talking to me. This goes to show the only reason why she'd talk to me in the past was cuz i could do her favors, and gave her attention. Plus she's a user, the ONLY girl USER i have ever met in life. She not only used me, but a lot of the ppl she claims to be her friends also, she uses a lot, even her ex she uses.

when they ask for a favor ...you could just ask "what do i get in return?" meaning its not that easy.

some girl this semester asked me to see what my friend's sister said about being physician. I said "hm..what do i get in return?"
she said, i'll treat you to dinner. of course i never bothered cuz i had no interest at that time, PLUS i wasnt sure if it would be AFC, to go through with it.