Being "responsible" with women?

[Die Hard]

Finding myself in a constant split about this. Many of them just don't know what they want, lol. They think they do, but they really don't...

Girl sees hot guy, he has high SMV, she's impressed with him and feels a strong attraction to him.... So she just wants him, mostly on a sexual and instinctual level, at first. Actually, I think it's more correct to say she wants him to want her and she wants him to "take" her!

But when he actually "takes" her and they end up having sex, she slowly starts to discover her own emotions. If he doesn't give her attention or acts a bit cold, she notices that it affects her, that it makes her feel disappointed or sad. She slowly discovers that actually she doesn't just want sex from him, she also wants him to like her and be kind to her. Most of the time, it takes a few times of having sex before this really kicks in and she actually realizes that there exists more in her inner world besides that sexual/instinctual desire for the guy...

It's so funny, but many of them don't seem to realize this at the beginning. I mean, how well do you know someone after you had one or a few dates and then you ended up in bed together? Clearly, you don't know whether you and the other person are a good fit in the long run, so it might be smart not to catch feelings for the other person too quickly, right? Nope...they just don't think about all that, they just want you to take them. Even if you tell them that it's smart to keep distance, they just kinda force you into it. I've often warned them, try not to fall in love with me very quickly, it's better to not stay over at my place after sex, because sleeping together (literally sleeping) after sex, will stimulate bonding.
Take it easy, we don't know each other that well yet, it isn't smart to go so fast...

But they just push for it anyway, lol. They delude themselves "Nah, I don't fall in love so easily, don't worry", "I don't care, things just feel great with you, I just wanna live in the moment and not think about the future", "Perhaps it's not smart but it just feels so great to cuddle up against you in bed, so I'm gonna do it anyway" blahblahblahblahblah....

Actually, many times they pull me along in this dynamic, at some point I just give up trying to slow things down and then I get attached as well. Two or three months later, after foolishly floating on this pink fluffy cloud together, we finally start to think seriously about whether we are a match in the long run, and many times it turns out the answer is no.
In which case we eventually break up and both of us go through a sad and depressing withdrawal phase, like a heroin drug addict trying to come come clean of that shyt.

Other times, I resist this dynamic and keep my distance, no matter if she tries to go too fast. I often know upfront that it's probably not gonna work out in the long run, some women are just too emotional, too childish or have whatever personality traits from which I already know that they're not gonna be a good fit to get into a LTR. So I stay distant and just enjoy our time together, while she keeps trying to pull me into that "getting attached" dynamic. At some point she starts to get frustrated and starts to manipulate me, acting cold or distant, displaying bitchy behavior etc. Which obviously gets under my skin, so I get pissed off... I'm not getting into the attachment dynamic too fast and I won't be manipulated into it by her "punishing" me with bitchy behavior, so if she's pisses me off one too many time, I just break up with her and cut all ties.
Then she's all sad and heartbroken, basically dying inside because she lost me, which is really sad to see. I know the pain is real, I've been there many times myself. I don't wanna do that to someone...

Sometimes I meet someone new and she's flirting with me and giving me those signals I explained at the beginning of this post:
Girl sees hot guy, he has high SMV, she's impressed with him and feels a strong attraction to him.... So she just wants him, mostly on a sexual and instinctual level, at first. Actually, I think it's more correct to say she wants him to want her and she wants him to "take" her!
And I think to myself: "Yes, come here!! I'm going to take you!!!"

But my next thought is about that end situation which I just explained:
Then she's all sad and heartbroken, basically dying inside because she lost me, which is really sad to see. I know the pain is real, I've been there many times myself. I don't wanna do that to someone...
And I think to myself: "Better not follow your dyck, you know how things will probably end up. She doesn't think about that possibility yet, and even if you tell her all the things you just explained in this post, she will STILL do that self-delusion thing and tell herself she won't fall in love or end up with hurt feelings. She's just following her instinct (just like you following your dyck) and wants you to make a move on her and take her.
So you be the wise and responsible one here, temper your instinct and just wish her a goodnight, go home and rub one out, it might save a lot of drama..."

One answer to this problem is just finding a woman who's right for me in the long run and dismissing all women who already give me a feeling that things are not gonna work out in the long run at the moment I first meet them.
Well, I haven't met that woman in all my years so who knows I won't meet her soon or possibly never. Am I supposed to live like a monk in the meantime or possibly forever?
Sometimes I have great sexual chemistry with a girl and I just wanna fvck her brains out. Most guys just follow that instinct and do it. I was also more like that in the past, but nowadays my conscience immediately starts bugging me with all the things I explained in this post and I often just reject the opportunity when women basically offer themselves to me. However, when I do that, I look back at the missed chance with regret too. "Man, you think too much. She's a grown up so if she wants to have sex with you, it's her own responsibility to think about the possible consequences, not your responsibility. Besides, if you don't fvck her, she'll get into it with some other guy anyway. If she's gonna end up disapppointed by a guy anyway, then let it be you so at least it was you who enjoyed her instead of the other dude"

The latter is what I always told myself in the past and made me just go ahead and get into it with women. Now I can't decide anymore, I feel split between two opposite thoughts or two opposite urges. But I can feel the latter thought is winning me over lately, lol. "Stop thinking so much, just fvck her brains out and we'll see what happens later on..."

Anyone else recognize this? If so, what are your thoughts about it?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Bang them once to get her out of your system and if you have a feeling its not gonna work out in the long run, ghost/block them

 

[Die Hard]

Haha! Sounds easy enough, Dr.Suave

 

[The Duke]

Ive always been up front and clear about my intent and where I stood with all of my relationships. At the end of the day, If they got hurt because they were hoping for more and it never materialized then that's on them, especially casual relationships.

However there are some that will stay, hoping they can convince you to change your mind and further commit at some point. I had two like this in my past that i hurt deeply when I ended things and hate that, but they have to take some responsibility for sticking around.

But anything that's less than 3-4mo or I haven't heard "I love you" then it's all fair game. It's game on, i'm not really concerned about looking out for her feelings.

I don't think a woman ever gives two fuhks about protecting a guys feelings. They are too selfish and ran by their emotions.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Being "responsible" with womens feelings is clearly white-knighting as women do not give shyt about mens feelings when they friendzone them for social and financial benefits.

One mustnt promise them a relationship just to get in her pants but declining a fvck because you know you she is not LTR material for you, takes it way to far.

 

[pipeman84]

but declining a fvck because you know you she is not LTR material for you, takes it way to far.

It's just a fvck, what can go wrong? It reminded me of this meme
In other words, depending on the baggage and the red flags she has that made you decide she's not for LTR, who knows what can happen?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

TLDR should you feel guilty about sleeping with high interest women you know are likely to get attached and hurt?

Its a good question. I usually sabotage it if I think she will get attached and I know I don't want that with her. It usually means my overall SMV is too high for long term or that I see early red flags.

Seems morally obvious, except:

1. Selfishly, it ruins our sex life because most women dont qualify for LTR
2. Women have *zero* qualms about not only sleeping with us knowing we might get attached, but even worse intentionally getting us to attach in order to feed their ego.
3. It doesnt seem fair that they can do this but we cant because we feel its morally wrong.
4. Often greed is the reason the woman is pursuing us to begin with.
5. Often ego is the reason the woman who initially pursued us out of greed or lust, spun plates the entire time, and sometimes even pushed us away at times during the courtship now feels entitled to our commitment, not genuine desire and respect for our intrinsic value of which they had little initially. They just dont like feeling rejected, i.e. they want to be the ones to reject us first or at least hold that control. So you're supposed to project your morals and empathy onto what is essentially a pure power motive.

How "hurt" are they going to be. C'mon man, it's part of life. Shouldn't be your job to try and control other people's mental state. That's why so many women leave guys because they end up feeling like they are responsible for way too much of a man's happiness.

 

[manfrombelow]

Men are permanently wired to have the tendency to "protect" and "provide" for their females and their offsprings.

Hence, most men fall prey to unworthy women who only seeked to exploit it.

 

[RazorRambo24]

I totally understand what you're saying but .. trust me, once you start meeting more confident/higher value women.. who know what the deal is, they don't get as mushy or demand more. These girls can be a real asset because they can actually balance that line between friendship and sex andkeep emotions out of it. Sure, you like them and have love for them, or they might have love for you.. But its' more of a deep appreciation kinda thing for the exchange..

When you're still dealing with insecure girls, you'll find that the reason they're sucking your emotions out of you is because they are coping and tryin to make upp for their insecurities by trying to pull more validation and attention out of you. That's why when you find great quality women, you make sure you don't fucc **** up.. Always be kind and always be respectful... because there are so many girls out ther ewho have insecurities or toxic traits/red flags..

When men of value or sexual value keep insecure/toxic girls in their life, they're simply settling.. Idk if thisis because they cant find other women or what but its just not worth it in the long run.. You can't just believe that you'll be able to handle all that baggage

My plates are hot but they'r enot bimbos.. They got **** going on. One of them is big into yoga, music festivals, shuffling, has a business where she creates custom jewelry, is into fitness, and works a part time job at a bank. Another one is a nurse with hobbies of her own, the other works in wedding events and catering and has time to rockclimb and do other hobbies. Think back to the girls you deal with and ask yourself, do they have anything going on? Or does their life revolve around their friends and you?

 

[member160292]

@Die Hard

Your post has a lot of merit. I had options and eventually settled for the best that my gut was telling me. It was painful to let the ones that didn’t qualify know. I still feel it weeks later. Rejection hurts everyone, women feel it more since they are emotional. That’s why when they find someone they want, they will be on their best behavior. I always make it clear to the women I date that my greatest strength (and weakness) is the ability to walk away easily. That sets expectations and limits the hurt that may eventually follow.

However, knowing the pain you caused will reside with you for some time. Time heals wounds and eventually we move on from the experience.