Being realistic.....

[CapedCrusader08]

What you said about what the fvuck did I do with my life, well, I have felt that way for a long time,since I was 16. I always had high set goals,but trouble pursuing them.

The computer,getting myself out there,the forum,jesus,3 main problems in one. I have developed a habit of coming home,from work,and on days off,and doing whatever I can to take my mind off of things,rather than being proactive. I really think the whole "screen seperates you from reality,reality making you uncomfortable", has been me in a nutshell. This is mental problem from which I desperatley want out of. I mean, I am shocked looking back at all the time I have spent online,rather than living,getting laid,meeting new people,generally improving. Is it an addiction,a generational thing? Or just me?

I mean,you would think as much as I want all this, I would have worked more toward it. But it's a hard feeling to overcome.

I read you're post in the no masturbation thread,and that brings up some questions. Like energy,vibe,etc. Concerns I have.

 

[Alle_Gory]

People here refuse to help you anymore because they see that you don't want to change. You say you want to, but you don't do anything. If you really wanted to change, you would have done so already.

You just like to complain and look for an 'answer'. You've already been given many answers to many problems and you did nothing. And you STILL do nothing. Actions speak very loud. You can't think about and write down a few things, what about actually DOING things to achieve the goals? Holy sh*t that must be an insurmountable task to actually DO things!


You're just procrastinating because you don't give a sh*t. About yourself, about achieving your dreams, about anybody. You simply don't give a sh*t and you're content complaining about it.

I don't understand why WE have to be the chosen ones for this garbage you like venting.

If you don't want to do anything in your life, go someplace else. This is a HOW TO forum. We don't need people like you taking advantage of the good faith of people here. We tried to help you out, and instead you ask for more. You bum.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

I do want to change. I just don't know how. Or I just can't accept certain things even.

Procrastination has been a problem for me,I will admit that. I realize now what actions must be taken. It has been something that I have had a hard time doing. I want to do lot's in my life,it's the not been doing part which has been killing me. It hasn't been easy. It may be my misperception of things even.

 

[Alle_Gory]

I'll repeat it again:

MAIN STEP 1: Go to the therapist and begin therapy and medication.

While waiting for therapy and medication to take effect: You can hit the gym, take up cooking, learn to play an instrument... whatever. Pick something you would like to do or achieve.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Ok. I will do that,and come back with the results.

 

[DonJuan11]

Well,why would I not be depressed? I wake up every day,and feel miserable.

It's because you are living off your rich parents and need a job.

See,thing is, I don't want someone to take me by the hand and guide me. Doing the actions,achieving the goals,generallt being less lazy has been my problem. This I feel transfers over to other parts of life. Including a sex life,or lack of at the time being. I am willing to try,but for so long,there has been this feeling of being behind,disconnect even. I can't fully explain it.

It's all these anxieties as well. Things like what is a man? Being a man etc. As well as the frustrations of women,sex,etc. I have been worried that my own inexperience would be obvious. But see,I have always wanted more than just going out and banging random girls,oh sure,it's a nice idea,but I want a commited,long term,faithful,trustworthy partner,who is realistic and isn't a mean spirtited,manipulative ***** obviously. But it even seems that idea is poo-poo'ed around here,for it is too afc. All I ever wanted was one girl,not in "oneitis" way,but an obvious realistic way.

I mean,reading alot on here has made me see things differently,yet,my problems still remain there. The main one being lack of chicks to bone. And I'm not one to believe in this purity/holier than thou stuff either. Also,I never really thought so much about my interactions with others before coming onto here.

Being a man is about getting a job and not living off your parents. Fill out a resume and get a job. You have to work for a living. No one is going to give you money because they like you, except your parents.

 

[horaholic]

Caped...Every time DonJuan11 posts about you getting a job and moving away from your parents...You owe me a dollar. Why? Cuz I said so, and I would make a LOT of money. He's totally right, though. I enjoy seeing his name on the post list. I'm like "Gee... I wonder what DJ11's gonna say this time?" For some reason, I find it very amusing. It actually makes me wonder if he knows you in real life.

Here, click this link. It may be the answer to your problems.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o50_ZlMnjqY

 

[Zaraza]

Caped, how old are you? Do you really not work? do you go to school? Do you go to the gym? do you go outside? do you buy stuff in stores? do you cook for yourself? do you sleep 8 hours? do you drink enough water? Are you outa shape? do you smoke weed? drink alcohol? do you bike? can you go to a park? do you have friends that you can hang out with ?


answer those.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

How old am I? 23.

I do work. I have a job that I have had for 4 years now. I like it,I like the people I work with,but I feel it may have stunted me in some areas,specifically education. Which has been a whole other issue over the years.

I am not in school currently.

I don't go to the gym. I have equipment at home that sometimes I use.

Of course I go outside. There has been days I really don't though.

Yes,I buy stuff. Buying stuff has been a problem as well,as I tend to buy too much,and have run into some money problems.

I can cook for myself,I have before.

I tend to oversleep,at the most,9-10 hours I would say.

I drink lots of water.

Yeah. I am outta shape. Been for some time. A few years ago,I had surgery done,had my jaw surgery,corrected an underbite,and I lost alot of weight.

I don't smoke weed,I haven't in a long,long time.

Yes. I drink alcohol

Do I bike? no.

yeah,I can go to a park

The last one,freinds I can hang out with. Well,let's just say I don't,or haven't had,the most active social life I would like to have.

Also, I started reading the game breifly, I get the idea,I see where they are coming from,yet can't apply it to myself,which is where I struggle. I also realize the differences between that and what's discussed on here.

 

[horaholic]

So I take it you didnt see a therapist this week?

 

[loving]

I just realized why no post will be able to help caped..

His problem is thinking

Only your mind can make you sad

"no it cantbe that simple ive got **** to figure out!"

lol

 

[DonJuan11]

How old am I? 23.

I have a job that I have had for 4 years now.
I am not in school currently.
I don't go to the gym.
Of course I go outside. There has been days I really don't though.
I tend to buy too much,and have run into some money problems.
I tend to oversleep,at the most,9-10 hours I would say.
I am outta shape.
I drink alcohol
Do I bike? no.
I don't,or haven't had,the most active social life

Now how could any girl not get weak knees reading those qualities? James Bond ain't got nothing on you.

You forget to mention you live with your rich parents.

 

[Alle_Gory]

How old am I? 23.
I do work. I have a job that I have had for 4 years now. I like it,I like the people I work with,but I feel it may have stunted me in some areas,specifically education. Which has been a whole other issue over the years.
I am not in school currently.
I don't go to the gym. I have equipment at home that sometimes I use.
Of course I go outside. There has been days I really don't though.
Yes,I buy stuff. Buying stuff has been a problem as well,as I tend to buy too much,and have run into some money problems.
I can cook for myself,I have before.
I tend to oversleep,at the most,9-10 hours I would say.
I drink lots of water.
Yeah. I am outta shape. Been for some time. A few years ago,I had surgery done,had my jaw surgery,corrected an underbite,and I lost alot of weight.
I don't smoke weed,I haven't in a long,long time.
Yes. I drink alcohol
Do I bike? no.
yeah,I can go to a park
The last one,freinds I can hang out with. Well,let's just say I don't,or haven't had,the most active social life I would like to have.
Also, I started reading the game breifly, I get the idea,I see where they are coming from,yet can't apply it to myself,which is where I struggle. I also realize the differences between that and what's discussed on here.

OK. Thank you for the honesty and transparency. I understand where you are coming from. I've also had a period im my life where things were slow like yours. Its ok, it happens but you can't stay like this. You need to change.

Education, what do you have? You might be able to use part of your education or get some more education and get a better job.

Gym equipment at home is really a waste. If that's you equipment, sell it and get a gym membership. You need to get out of the house and the gym is one place you can go. Also, there's nothing like feeling shame at the gym. It really boosts your motivation to GET IN SHAPE! YEAH!
Plus, gym equipment is of higher quality and you have dozens of machines and weights available.

You can cook for yourself. Excellent! This is an important part to getting in shape and feeling like a million bucks. What do you cook? I'm looking for tasty asian style and mexican style recipes for whatever. PM me if you want to trade.

Now that you told use your situation we know what we can work with. If you want to change, then stick around. I know why you like to buy things. Besides being a habit, it does make you happy and excited and makes people envious when you have that cool new toy. But I'm sure you know that this soon wears off and you feel like crap after.

Well, I feel like that when I hang out with cool new people or women, or some friends of mine. I don't need to spend money to have that, and because they're friends I can always see them again. The feeling doesn't wear off. Deep down inside, despite the fact that you do this kind of crap to yourself, you DO want to be happy.

So do something about your situation. Its been done before by individuals weaker than you and with less resources. You have no obstacles in front of you, just learning experiences. Its all in your head.


How is the therapist, you told me you had an appointment this week.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

The therapist is for this week,as in this coming week.

Yesterday though, I had a bit of a break through.

I was out shopping after "school", I have to take classes as a result of the oui, and while I was out,I saw many attractive girls, some may be types you wouldn't like,but whatever, I almost,almost found myself approaching. But, like in one of the other posts,I just got too caught up in my head,thinking too much. It's a habit I have had for a long time. Also, on a side note,I hate the superficiality of the world.

Also,there is this guy I work with,he is by all means, well, a natural. He's banged most of the good looking,some ok looking,chicks at work. He's also married,has 6 kids,and that has caused some problems for him in his own life,make you're own judgements,anyways, we have talked about maybe going out some time,and him showing me a thing or 2.

My main problem is,and has always been,basically getting out more,being more social,and getting hobbies and stuff together. It just feels like I have been lacking what it takes. I mean,maybe I am more reserved or inhibited even than others. Certain things, like this, http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=157565, act like reinforcers.

 

[Alle_Gory]

The therapist is for this week,as in this coming week.

Yesterday though, I had a bit of a break through.

I was out shopping after "school", I have to take classes as a result of the oui, and while I was out,I saw many attractive girls, some may be types you wouldn't like,but whatever, I almost,almost found myself approaching. But, like in one of the other posts,I just got too caught up in my head,thinking too much. It's a habit I have had for a long time. Also, on a side note,I hate the superficiality of the world.

Also,there is this guy I work with,he is by all means, well, a natural. He's banged most of the good looking,some ok looking,chicks at work. He's also married,has 6 kids,and that has caused some problems for him in his own life,make you're own judgements,anyways, we have talked about maybe going out some time,and him showing me a thing or 2.

I'm more about a holistic approach. Banging chicks wont make you happy. It is a fun part of it though.


You're beginning to take action and stepping in the right direction. Good job Caped.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

I realize banging chicks is not the be all end of life, I don't want to be someone who is constantly empty feeling,which I do currently feel,and always trying to compensate,always trying to prove something, cause I realize people like are often easily manipulated and taken advantage of.

I mean,this is the one thing that has been driving me crazy,this lack of success,not just with women,but in life in general. I seem to not be able to move forward. I'm learning,and learned,alot from on here,but the big puzzle seems yet to be put together. I mean,is it me, or is it everyone else??

I heard a quote during the oscars show tonight " The biggest difference between people in the world,is those who experienced pleasure and love,and those who haven't." Heavy statement. I mean,maybe I am just different from everyone else. Everyone else is so focused on instant gratification,and superficial stuff,and quick hook ups,and I am not.

Or maybe I buy too much into whatever some people,i.e society says,such as best years of you're life,in the prime of life,etc,where most young men,as they say,sow there wild oats. I will be 24 this year,and I feel so behind in alot of these areas. Looking back,I basically have done nothing the past few years except work,and vent about how miserable my life is.

Plus,I am still confused about what exactly an afc is and isn't. I have a general idea,but isn't the purpose of shedding any and all of those tendencies,whether it's pedestalizing or supplicating,or social awkwardness's?

 

[Dannyrt34]

AFC's are people who feel they need somebody elses approval to feel validated.

They go out of their way to basically suck up to everyone in life cause they feel as if their not good enough for anybody to like them for his/herself. Especially women. Men buy them tons of gifts, and give alot of compliments, and try to hang out with a girl they like every waking minute. To them, this is the only way a girl will like them.

Anyway, just wanted to explain AFC to you, other than that, I'm done giving you advice. You just annoy me.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

hmm,thanks for clearing that up.

I do feel that way as you described,but I don't suck up too people,or shower them with gifts or compliments. I do often feel not good enough,or behind. What about when the guy just hasn't been laid,or has little to no game?


I mean,isn't the goal,or one of the goals,to become this like sex expert/guru?

So then,you do want them to like you for you?

 

[DonJuan11]

hmm,thanks for clearing that up.

I do feel that way as you described,but I don't suck up too people,or shower them with gifts or compliments. I do often feel not good enough,or behind. What about when the guy just hasn't been laid,or has little to no game?


I mean,isn't the goal,or one of the goals,to become this like sex expert/guru?

The goal is to move out of your rich parents house.

 

[Dannyrt34]

So then,you do want them to like you for you?

You got it. Once you have the confidence, and like yourself, that's when the pieces fall together and other people notice without you needing to impress them.