Being Outclassed in college

[Maxtro]

I tired searching the forums and DJ Bible for this issue but found nothing.

First off I’m a rAFC. I’ve never had a girlfriend, never asked a girl out or for her phone number, and I’m 22. I’m currently at the bottom rung of the ladder to being a DJ. But I was able to catch a lucky break.

In one of my college classes there is a girl who is showing interest in me. After three months I finally got the guts to start talking to her and her friend (they are always together.) So for the past two weeks I have been talking to them. If everything worked according to plan I would get her soon.

The problem is that there is a player in the class. He has a girlfriend, my target and her friend knows it and he even showed up with a hickey. Recently he has decided to go after the girl I’m interested in. He is much better at talking to and flirting with the girls than I am. The whole class he kept saying crap and laughing and she kept saying “Shut up” egging him on she also hit him a couple of times. All I could do was sit and watch and let the horror sink in that he might be the one getting her and not I.

But after all this she still showed some signs of interest to me. Why he was doing his thing she talked to me once and near the end of class she waved to me as she walked by. At least she hasn’t forgotten I’m alive. Both of the girls told me that he annoys them but I can see the signs of flirting.

After class I invited her to have lunch with me but she declined saying she needs to go to a tanning salon to get ready for her trip to Cancun next week. I downplayed the invitation and then we say bye. That was the first time I have ever asked a girl to go somewhere with me. I have two more class sessions until spring break then I won’t see her for a week.

Yes I am infatuated with her but that is my current motivation to fight my fear and just go after her. Tomorrow I’m going to invite her to lunch again or ask for her phone number but I don’t know if I should bother anymore. I don’t know what do to next or if I have a chance anymore with this girl. While the player is there I can’t do anything to build her attraction to me but if I ever get the chance to isolate her than I feel I have a fighting chance.

 

[obijuan]

You MUST act quickly. Ask her for her number immediately. Do it in front of him while she is talking to you: assert yourself.

 

[NewMan]

Ok - I know exactly where you are coming from - I used to be very weak with women - before I had my breakthrough...

1 - you are being intimidated by this "Player". His outgoing personality, his looks - his attitude - whatever - it's putting pressure on you and your going within your shell. You should be doing exactly the opposite. I'm not saying you must compete with this guy - far from it, but you must not let another guy put you off of your game. Acknowledge that he is a flirt - good with chicks whatever - and then move on. Don't see him as competition - in fact, you may want to make freinds with this guy and learn a few things from him.

2 - a comment on this.

After class I invited her to have lunch with me but she declined saying she needs to go to a tanning salon to get ready for her trip to Cancun next week. I downplayed the invitation and then we say bye.

Never "down Play" and invitiation. Your a DJ now. You should never feel sorry or try and back out of an invite with a woman. If she refuses - no big deal - you move on. If she has something else to do - no big deal - there's another time. Don't foster rejection - remember - you know your in the game when girls are saying NO. It's better to be playing than sitting on the sidelines.

3 - flirting is flirting. You've got to flirt more and with all women. Just because a woman is laughing at a guy who being the doughnut of the class, does not mean she's going to bang him. If he has no substance - he's dead in the water.

4 - Next move. Don't ask for her number - ask her to do something. Shoot pool. I wouldn't ask her to "Lunch" - it's jsut so fvcking boring in my mind. Action my friend. Tell her your going to get some drinks and shoot some pool with friends or alone. Ask her if she wants to come. Or some other activity that fun close by. Don't be "sorry" for this. Be bold, be strong. If she says no - no biggie my friend - you move on.

Good luck.

 

[Maxtro]

OK, I was planning on doing it after class. I'm guessing I should do it infront of him to show that I'm not backing down. Heh, its going to be two males competeing for the female and I am clearly not the alpha.

The only problem is that if she gives it to me, he would also get the number unless she wrote it on a note or whispered it to me.

The reason I invited her for lunch was because it was 1pm and I was starving.

I've heard about "action dates" before but I'm new in the area and I don't know where anything is. If its what I need to do I"ll do it but I don't want come off bad.

edited

 

[NewMan]

The only problem is that if she gives it to me, he would also get the number unless she wrote it on a note or whispered it to me.



Your making to much of this.

Remember - your the DJ - who gives a fvck. Are you going to run around scared of every potential guy that could be interested in a girl your interested in?

If she goes for him - better it's at the start than 2 months down the line.


Don't play with scared money.

Do you really think he's going to go to the trouble of memorizing her #?

Dude - you gotta grow some B#lls on this one - otherwise you'll never get her.

 

[Maxtro]

quote:
1 - you are being intimidated by this "Player". His outgoing personality, his looks - his attitude - whatever - it's putting pressure on you and your going within your shell. You should be doing exactly the opposite. I'm not saying you must compete with this guy - far from it, but you must not let another guy put you off of your game. Acknowledge that he is a flirt - good with chicks whatever - and then move on. Don't see him as competition - in fact, you may want to make freinds with this guy and learn a few things from him.
------------------------------

So when we are in class tommarow and he is doing his thing what should I do. Ignore him or try to join in? Earlier on we were maybe on the road to becoming friends but now that he's set his sights on the girl I'm after, its going to be real hard to do that.
----------------------------
quote:
Never "down Play" and invitiation. Your a DJ now. You should never feel sorry or try and back out of an invite with a woman. If she refuses - no big deal - you move on. If she has something else to do - no big deal - there's another time. Don't foster rejection - remember - you know your in the game when girls are saying NO. It's better to be playing than sitting on the sidelines.
---------------------------------
What I mean by downplaying is that once she said she had to get tanned we started talking about her skin. How should I have handeled her response? I was actually very happy that I even had the guts to invite her, so her response didn't bug me.

We go to a Jr college up in the hills and there isn't realy anything close by and if it matters she is only 18.

Yeah my response about the phone number was way too wussy. I don't care if he hears it or not.

They are slowly starting to appear. I have allready gone farther with her then any girl.

 

[playa]

Ask her out now and be done with it. If you know the answer you won't have to worry in the future-- it will be dealt with.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Maxtro
All I could do was sit and watch and let the horror sink in ...

Horror? LOL..."Oh, the horror! The HORROR!!"

Get over yourself. Look at it from HIS eyes, the player's eyes. How "horrified" is he going to be if you end up with her instead of him? If he's half the player you make him out to be, then the answer is "NOT AT ALL." She's a girl, man. There are others. There's no "horror" except what you create in your mind.

Don't make dealing with women more dramatic than it has to be.

After class I invited her to have lunch with me but she declined saying she needs to go to a tanning salon to get ready for her trip to Cancun next week. I downplayed the invitation and then we say bye. That was the first time I have ever asked a girl to go somewhere with me. I have two more class sessions until spring break then I won’t see her for a week.

Downplayed? Come on man. What, were you afraid she might actually think you *gasp* LIKED HER?! Oh God, the horror, the HORROR!!!



F*ck a downplay. You should've asked her how long she was going to be in there and seen if she wanted to eat afterward. If it was going to be a long time, then get her number and ask her to go do something later. Stop injecting drama where there is none. One day you're going to actually hook up with a girl, and you're going to think to yourself, "Wow, I had convinced myself that loving women was a cornerstone to my whole life...and THIS is all it is??"

Stop injecting drama into a potentially fun and exciting situation. Just roll with it.

 

[jakethasnake]

Ok, I realy, REALLY hate to be the bearer of bad news - but you're gonna fail. She's going to decline again.


Why? Just look at yourself. You're actually PLANNING things ahead, like it's some movie script! I'll bet you a lot of money that you're already coming off as hesitant and unconfident.


If I were you, I would save myself a lot of trouble and grief and just work on yourself first. That is, unless you're already as fit as a triathlete, super eloquent/witty, and fun as a carnival. But I doubt that - it's obvious that you need a lot more work.



A lot of guys do not have the self-control and discipline to hold off from women hunting until they are 'battle-ready'. Most are still slaves to their desperation for human (female) company, so thus they cave in and ignore prudent advice to work on themselves first. I see a lot of guys here who probably are overweight, extrememly socially inept, and generally a biy dorky, go to bars and parties in hopes of 'scoring' women. Not surprisingly they fail, and come back with stories of how another 'player' is frustrating them and how they are pissed that women keep flaking out. *Newsflash* -- women are not flaking out and players aren't out-hustling you because they are deficient or 'wrong' in any way - it is YOU that is lacking, thus not appealing. Understand that, then control your overwhelming urge for female company (I know you're lonely - most people in this world are) - THEN you'll be taking your first steps toward independence and enlightenment.

 

[Maxtro]

I love this board.

It makes me realize how stupid my thoughts actually sound.

So the general consensus is to just ask her out.

Yeah, once she declined I hid that I liked her. I've had far too many girls end up hating me because I liked them. That was in my WBAFC days though.

Next time I need to think a couple of steps in advance and not just take her response as the be all end all.

 

[NewMan]

So when we are in class tommarow and he is doing his thing what should I do. Ignore him or try to join in? Earlier on we were maybe on the road to becoming friends but now that he's set his sights on the girl I'm after, its going to be real hard to do that

Be yourself - don't try to hard - and don't be in a competition to see who's funnier or whatever.

This guy has a girl right? So what the hell?

Personally I'd become his friend - talk to him - hang with him figure out his game - learn some stuff. I wouldn't open up to him at first, but USE him. Use him to refine your game.

How should I have handeled her response?

How about:-

"Wow - now that's something I'd like to see *wink, wink* - My imagination will be running away with me all afternoon.... What about later on this evening? Give me your number and I'll give you a call"

Don't ask - Tell.

If she refuses your out - move on. Be friends - be cool with her and don't take it personally. Remember she's got other girls friends.

 

[Maxtro]

Originally posted by jakethasnake
Ok, I realy, REALLY hate to be the bearer of bad news - but you're gonna fail. She's going to decline again.


Why? Just look at yourself. You're actually PLANNING things ahead, like it's some movie script! I'll bet you a lot of money that you're already coming off as hesitant and unconfident.


If I were you, I would save myself a lot of trouble and grief and just work on yourself first. That is, unless you're already as fit as a triathlete, super eloquent/witty, and fun as a carnival. But I doubt that - it's obvious that you need a lot more work.

So she will reject me again? Actually I wouldn't mind that. I NEED her to say no to me so I won't be moping after her wondering if I have a shot all of next week. I am infatuated with her but if I know I don't have a shot I will loose all interest.

Originally posted by jakethasnake
A lot of guys do not have the self-control and discipline to hold off from women hunting until they are 'battle-ready'. Most are still slaves to their desperation for human (female) company, so thus they cave in and ignore prudent advice to work on themselves first. I see a lot of guys here who probably are overweight, extrememly socially inept, and generally a biy dorky, go to bars and parties in hopes of 'scoring' women. Not surprisingly they fail, and come back with stories of how another 'player' is frustrating them and how they are pissed that women keep flaking out. *Newsflash* -- women are not flaking out and players aren't out-hustling you because they are deficient or 'wrong' in any way - it is YOU that is lacking, thus not appealing. Understand that, then control your overwhelming urge for female company (I know you're lonely - most people in this world are) - THEN you'll be taking your first steps toward independence and enlightenment.

Yes I am desperte for female company. I'm a fvcking 22 year old virgin. I have NEVER talked to girls outside of school. I simply can't get rid of my desire to be with women unless there is a way to kill my sex drive for a couple months.

NewMan,
Just be myself, I can do that. I can't play on his level but I can play on my own. He has a girl and yet he still percists on hitting the two girls. But he focus's on my target becaue she is the better looking. Thats why I'm after her too

Yeah I'll use him. Pretend to be cool with him and not show any signs of weakness.

Actually I would love to be friends with both of the girls. I have never hanged with girls before and I want to see what I'm messing. I just don't know how to make female friends either.

 

[jakethasnake]

I was reading through the Hall of Fame archives yesterday, and I found this. I think it will help you out quite a bit.


http://www.sosuave.com/articles/persistence.htm

 

[Maxtro]

Thanks Jake, I needed that. I'm feeling better and a bit more confident now. The player is to be expected. Just another guy for her to flirt with but I'm going to end up getting her. Now I can sit there and watch as he makes a fool of himself and just smile.

I'm ready for tommorow, lets see what happens.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Why are you worried about this other character, he has nothing to do with your conquest. You are two mutually exclusive events and he has no impact on your ability to approach and ask for her number. He is a non-issue! Your own insecurity is your greatest barrier!

You should always have a second alternative to offer if a girl shuns your first request for her company! Tanning is a non-issue, it is getting together as male/female that is the objective here!

Ask her for her number so that you two can hook-up when she returns from Cancun!! If she says no, then feel good about yourself, considering that you had the ballls to approach a woman after 22 years of silence!

It is a first step!!

 

[Gonzalo]

Hi, I've kinda been in your shoes before back in the day so I know what you're talkin bout. Now, I hate to "throw the first stone", but everybody in this thread is feeding Maxtro's oneitis for this girl. I don't thik there is much progress in your lifestyle if you go throughout the day obsessing over whether this girl waved at you or not, the come here at night and get advice from people here o what the next move should be so she accepts your lunch date. Dude, if you want a real chage, a real breakthrough, you gotta go "multiple girls". Said "multiple", not banging, not even dating. Start at your ow pace, but the only way to have the I-don't-care player attitude (girls KNOW when you care and when you don') is to kow that wherever you are at the DJ ladder, there is more than one girl you can try your stuff on.

You're thiking about competig with this guy for the girl's attention?? Think about it, when competig, there's a chance you might lose. Better not to. Not that you should't go for what you wat, but don't care about others who want it as well. Just do your own thing. Just, whatever, for chrissake, don't be waiting around till the guy makes her laugh after class to come asking her for lunch as if you've been waiting all week to do so, they can sense that.

I would suggest bootcamp if you havent tried so yet. Good luck dude. G

 

[Maxtro]

It's not oneitis yet, I'll be damed if I let that happen again. Actually a real change would be to actually get the girl. I'm also going to persue other girls but she is the first girl that I'm actually making some progress on. She is going to be gone next week. There is no way I'm going sit at home everyday and wonder if I have a shot at banging her. From now on everything I do with her is progress.

If I loose, I loose. As long as I know I don't have a shot I'll next her. I'm not going to wait around.

"Just, whatever, for chrissake, don't be waiting around till the guy makes her laugh after class to come asking her for lunch as if you've been waiting all week to do so, they can sense that."

Are you saying don't wait till after class to ask her for lunch, they can sense it? Sense what? I don't care if she knows I like her at this point all I want is a response from her but I'm hoping for a postive one.

I started the boot camp, yesterday and I've also finished week one of the DJ reading guide.