Being imperfect

[becker]

I just had sort of an epiphony (well, not really, but just an idea).

You know how people always hated the teacher's pet in school, or the guy who is the best athlete out there, or whoever was the best at anything? People are always looking for flaws in others, but at the same time, they don't want people who have too much baggage. To me, this seems like a contradiction.

Here's the way it works, and if you can understand what I'm writing, then you might be able to incorporate this into your life. Basically, you can be the coolest guy out there, be the best at everything, basically be the one everyone loves to hate. This will get you to a certain point, but here's the trick.

You have to be vulnerable. You need to be Superman, but have an Achilles Heel, such as kryptonite. For example, a guy who is seemingly perfect in every way, but just when people think you're perfect, you reveal a weakness (such as a difficult childhood). This creates compassion. People like to feel compassion toward a person, and without this, the flip side is feeling jealousy and resentment. People (especially girls) are drawn toward a guy who is great, but has his weak spot, again, a vulnerability. It's amazing how powerful this stuff can be, because people are drawn to others with problems. Just look at how many people love those talk shows with people on it with problems.

Try it and see how well it works in creating attraction, or at least raising interest and curiosity in you.

 

[Speed Demond]

Just a quick thought on what you said about being a teachers pet and what not..i think the thing with alot of these ppl not being liked is they they crave beign in the spot light and the center of atraction. This is something i Truely dislike because my frame of mind it u should do things to make yourself happy and who cares if others think any thing of you. I really agree on what u have to say..good post.

 

[becker]

Thanks, I'm wondering if anyone else has done this before

 

[phloyd]

I think the key could be modesty. If a guy is really smart or a good athlete and is cool about it, that could work just as well I think.

The people that are really good at something and have an inflated ego because of it are the ones people seem to dislike.

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by phloyd


The people that are really good at something and have an inflated ego because of it are the ones people seem to dislike.

Barry Bonds.

 

[Kodiac]

What if your vulnerability is women or past relationships ?

For example - Say im this macho kinda guy, nothing phases me out, i pass of everything... i have the whole i don't give a sh*t attitude and im always a challenge etc.. etc..

But when things get more intense and her IL raises up enough to say that she loves me and asks if i love her back i say something like "Ive been hurt in the past blah blah" kinda stuff. But, don't tell her by whom or what (as i don't talk about past relationships or ex's) - remain a mystery.

Show's her i do have feelings. Keeps up the challenge and also creates mystery. Also shows im not predictable and i do have a weakness or vulnerability as you put it.

Just some ideas.

 

[becker]

Yeah, Kodiac, that definitely is on the right track.

Personally, the way I've done this is that I give off this "my life is just totally perfect" vibe because I avoid too many negative things. Then, what you do is to throw in things like "I had a difficult childhood and I'm still bitter about that", and stuff like that that shows a weakness that you've had to cope with.

Works well for some reason, but the thing is, it has to be somewhat true and sincere in order to not come off the wrong way. This isn't the best place to lie, because you'll likely get caught somehow by slipping somewhere.

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by becker

You have to be vulnerable. You need to be Superman, but have an Achilles Heel, such as kryptonite. For example, a guy who is seemingly perfect in every way, but just when people think you're perfect, you reveal a weakness (such as a difficult childhood). This creates compassion. People like to feel compassion toward a person, and without this, the flip side is feeling jealousy and resentment. People (especially girls) are drawn toward a guy who is great, but has his weak spot, again, a vulnerability. It's amazing how powerful this stuff can be, because people are drawn to others with problems. Just look at how many people love those talk shows with people on it with problems.

This is an interesting point and I would like if some more experienced DJs would chime in.

I had a girl I dated recently bring this exact topic up in conversation. I was busting her chops making fun of her about being nerdy (she is kind of dorky but it's actually kind of cute and endearing) - anyway she comes out with something like "Why does it always have to be like that. You are always the cool one and I am always the dork".

I was like "What are you talking about?" and she replied something like "Well why can't you ever be vulnerable or tell me something about yourself that makes you vulnerable?"

I responded with "Look, obviously I'm not perfect - I have my flaws just like everybody else. You'll see those things for yourself in time" (or something like that).

So it was a situation where she was actually asking me to reveal something about myself that would make me "vulnerable" but I didn't give in.

My way of thinking (at this point in time - as my opinions change as I gain more experience) is that women desire strength and ability in a man - why would I want to undermine that impression of myself to her (on purpose). Of course in time I will have my moments of weakness (I am human afterall ) and it will be in those times that she learns of my vulnerabilities.

 

[laydee1]

All guys have some vulnerability and when a girl identifies it, she identifies with him - It provides a safety-net for a girl to get to know a guy and this creates intimacy.

And intimacy can lead to everything else.

You don't have to immediately tell her all your past failures and problems...but she will ALWAYS know there is something underneath the DJ act - women's intuition

 

[becker]

Ronin I, that's crazy that you've experienced that, and that she actually asked you that question.

The reason why you should not make yourself seem perfect and actually reveal your vulnerabilities is that it creates a connection, because the girl will be able to sympathize or feel a more intimate connection, as laydee1 said. In the other person's eyes, they see it as you sharing a secret with them that nobody else will be able to see from the outside. I think it's best that you share something that doesn't totally destroy your image. I wouldn't say something like "My weakness is that I have trouble holding a job".

One example that seems to be very effective is that if you were a very good student and got good grades, then you reveal that your parents were very hard on you early in your life, and they were very demanding on you when it came to grades. The key here is that you become somewhat of a tragic character, but you've risen above your adversity to become a better person, but your past remains, and can't be changed, so you have to live with it. This shows you know how to face your problems rather than running from them.

If you say a specific thing that makes you vulnerable, like what I said above, it also makes it more believable, rather than just seeming like you're feeding them a line in order to gain their sympathy.