Being hugged by girls.

[DonGorgon]

To many females hugging is like shaking hands... It is a sign that she finds you physically attractive but not necessarily a sign that she is actually interested in you....

Hugging can be a good conversation starter - i.e. "wow you really warmed me up there girl!" *smile*

Hugging can do wonders for your social proof as other and females see you getting physical attention from women so publicly, now they wanna give you attention too. =)

 

[saber]

lol i was just thinking about this the other day but its definaetly because you are socially and physically distant...as in become a more social/touchy feely person

i was never a touch other people person but as soon as i started i felt a lot closer to those around me and suddenly started receiving more physical contact as well

oh...someone said to ask for a hug??? thats retarded and desperate and people will realize this

 

[X-ecution]

You don't want to become that guy.

The kind of guy who doesn't understand attraction, gets plenty of hugs from girls and then wonder why they fvck the other guy. Most girls who hug guys do it because they are too comfortable around them and its like hugging another girlfriend. Most of the numbnuts who go out of their way to try hug girls do so because its the only cheap thrill they can muster (oh wow! I felt her t1ts against my chest!! I am going to be jerking off tonight!!)

Understand attraction first so you won't end up like a live version of her teddy bear. Hugging is best done after sex, as a reward. Girls hug plenty of people through out the day and maybe to you it means something but to her it means nothing.

i agree. hugs don't mean **** really. it's just like you going up to one of your boys and giving them a handshake or a hi-five

 

[DonJuan11]

What does a hug mean when you get one from somebody whom you aren't going out with? Are they innocent or can they mean more? One thing that has really bugged me is that I have seen girls hug guys around me, but completely ignore me. How do I become the kind of guy that girls want to wrap their arms around?

You don't want to be that guy. A hug is pointless unless she's a friend that you don't want to sleep with.

I've refused hugs from a few girls on Christmas and their birthdays because its so pointless. They get offended but who cares.

Does James Bond hug a girl he wants to sleep with?

 

[DonGorgon]

You don't want to be that guy. A hug is pointless unless she's a friend that you don't want to sleep with.

I've refused hugs from a few girls on Christmas and their birthdays because its so pointless. They get offended but who cares.

Does James Bond hug a girl he wants to sleep with?

I never refuse a hugg from a cute girl...

 

[thefonz]

Dj Damage is dead on

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Maxtro,

I dont know, but it seems that allot of things appear to be getting to you lately, like you feel slighted by other women in your environment feel like there is a conspiracy against you where women think you have the coodies and dont want to touch you or just look at you like you are creepy, or needy.

Well, I'll be - the prostitute thing, or adultfriendfinder thing hasn't helped much in the department of feeling 'integrated' I guess, eh?

If this is really getting to you, all I can suggest is trying out a cuddle party
http://www.cuddleparty.com (although it may be hard to get in because again, if you are a male you need to bring a female to get in unless there is space available so it also sucks).

Otherwise, to hug a girl, it's probably best to try and get some friends, or go to a social event or something where people shake hands, and while you try to shake a hand you extend your arms forward and hug someone. There was a time in the past I was like you and wanted to be hugged.

Until I discovered there are worst things that can happen than getting a hug or whatever -- if you bond to a girl, and she's not attracted to you and gets intimate with another guy, then you'll sort of feel that hug doesn't mean anything since you still wont feel 'special' to her (because she didn't get intimate with you, but with another guy) and it will fall through the cracks in the hindsight of that.

The hight of my interests in hugs I think was around 2003, and on it's peak interest I would go to church and try and get hugs of other people at church when it was greeting time or after service.

 

[Play the Game]

Cuddle Party Rules

WHAT TO WEAR: Pajamas - nothing too risqué. Think more comfy than sexy. (More drawstrings, less lace. No shorts.)

WHAT TO BRING: A pillow or stuffed animal if you like. Juice or sparkling cider is always welcome. Sorry, no liquor folks. Otherwise, just bring your smiling self.

STICK TO THE RULES:

Rule # 1 - Pajamas stay on the whole time.

Rule # 2 - You don't have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever.

Rule # 3 - You must ask permission and receive a verbal YES before you touch anyone. (Be as specific in your request as you can.)

Rule # 4 - If you're a Yes to a request, say YES. If you're a No, say NO.

Rule # 5 - If you're a Maybe, say NO.

Rule # 6 - You are encouraged to change your mind.

Rule # 7 - Respect your relationship boundaries and communicate with your partner.

Rule # 8 - Come get the Cuddle Caddy or ME if there's a concern, problem, or should you feel unsafe or need assistance with anything today.

Rule # 9 - Tears and laughter are both welcome.

Rule # 10 - Respect people's privacy when sharing about Cuddle Parties and do not gossip.

Rule #11 - Keep the Cuddle Space Tidy

Rule #12 - Thank you for arriving on time.

They should just call it non-sexual body contact party. Jeez.
I imagine this place is full of confused middle aged manginas who haven't gotten any in years.

 

[Maxtro]

In my social circles hugging tends to be a sign of inclusion, of acceptance. One hugs one's friends and those one wants to be one's friends, male or female.

Some of you are always going on about social proof. What better social proof than walking into the local hot spot and having a stream of women wanting hugs?

I completely agree with this. When I have seen girls hug another guy but not hug me there is definitely a feeling of being left out. It feels like something is wrong with me. Being the guy that everybody wants to hug seems to be a great thing as long as you don't come off as harmless. There is a balance.

If you're in a social setting where hugs are common and thus seemingly insignificant, it's a simple way of expressing feelings of attraction in a subtle, in a very open yet not so obvious way. Several times over I have had secret little affairs with women who were in otherwise committed relationships. In every case they began with little social hugs in full view of their SO and everyone else, yet no one else was wise to it. When there is an initial mutual attraction; between eye play and what is coded in hugs is often all it takes.

Sometimes a hug is just a hug, but sometimes it is a whole lot more.

How sneaky I'm sure many relationships have started with a hug. Heck has anybody had a relationship with a girl without hugging her first? It's always, hug, kiss then sex.

 

[Dole]

You don't want to become that guy.

The kind of guy who doesn't understand attraction, gets plenty of hugs from girls and then wonder why they fvck the other guy. Most girls who hug guys do it because they are too comfortable around them and its like hugging another girlfriend. Most of the numbnuts who go out of their way to try hug girls do so because its the only cheap thrill they can muster (oh wow! I felt her t1ts against my chest!! I am going to be jerking off tonight!!)

Understand attraction first so you won't end up like a live version of her teddy bear. Hugging is best done after sex, as a reward. Girls hug plenty of people through out the day and maybe to you it means something but to her it means nothing.

This goes both ways. There's this one girl that used to give me the best hugs like jump on me and wrap her legs around me. She fvcked everyone except me back when I used to be AFC. Now she wants to fvck me every time she's drunk but I am just not that into her ( She hasn't stopped giving me these hugs now that I have changed my ways ). On the other hand this other girl always gives me hugs and puts her head on my shoulder or chest when she hugs me ( i am tall ). Recently I was having some girl issue's and she tryed hooking up with me while I was "down" but I was just not that into her and told her I am not interested right now...

What I am trying to say is that this can go both ways... Just depends on how the girl interprits your status with her.:cheer:

 

[Ace of Flames]

They should just call it non-sexual body contact party. Jeez.
I imagine this place is full of confused middle aged manginas who haven't gotten any in years.

They need to address what you should do if you get a boner, because I can guarantee it happens.

And what if two people become interested in each other? Do they have to leave? You can't stop attraction.

 

[The Inside Man]

hugs?

nah.

when you meet a woman you shake hands like you shake hands with a man..except not as hard..but harder than her. You also keep eye contact with a nice smile..the proceed to be the dominate person while starting the conversation however you would like. then you have somewhere from 3 to 10 min to sound and look like a man..and use some kino.

for sure! Thats how I do it also, not some grabby sally. Some guys try to hug girls a lot to try to get with them, or get to feel them or whatever..don't be that desperate. But if I am good friends with somebody I usually hug them(if we havent seen each other in a while), although with guys its the handshake-half hug thing.

 

[Maxtro]

Maxtro,

I dont know, but it seems that allot of things appear to be getting to you lately, like you feel slighted by other women in your environment feel like there is a conspiracy against you where women think you have the coodies and dont want to touch you or just look at you like you are creepy, or needy.

This is just stuff that I have been noticing. Years ago there was a girl that I had a crush on at an old job. I talked to her a lot, drove her around like a retarded shoffer and even listened to her problems. One day at work a excoworker that hasn't been there a while showed up and she gave him a hug. For all I known she never talked to him and yet he got a hug I never touched her and she never gave me a hug for anything I've done. It seemed very odd to me. At me new job there is a new girl that has hugged a few new guys and put her arm around them but she seems almost cold to me. She may just not like white guys. But it is stuff that I notice.

Well, I'll be - the prostitute thing, or adultfriendfinder thing hasn't helped much in the department of feeling 'integrated' I guess, eh?

Those things were only to get sex. Nothing else mattered and I got nothing else, expected nothing else.

If this is really getting to you, all I can suggest is trying out a cuddle party
http://www.cuddleparty.com (although it may be hard to get in because again, if you are a male you need to bring a female to get in unless there is space available so it also sucks).

Otherwise, to hug a girl, it's probably best to try and get some friends, or go to a social event or something where people shake hands, and while you try to shake a hand you extend your arms forward and hug someone. There was a time in the past I was like you and wanted to be hugged.

Until I discovered there are worst things that can happen than getting a hug or whatever -- if you bond to a girl, and she's not attracted to you and gets intimate with another guy, then you'll sort of feel that hug doesn't mean anything since you still wont feel 'special' to her (because she didn't get intimate with you, but with another guy) and it will fall through the cracks in the hindsight of that.

The hight of my interests in hugs I think was around 2003, and on it's peak interest I would go to church and try and get hugs of other people at church when it was greeting time or after service.

I think I'll pass on the cuddle party, that concept sounds very AFC. To me a hug is a simply nothing more than a nice way for a girl to nonverbally say, "I think you're nice and you don't creep me out." But if a girl hugs other guys and not me then I kind of feel that she is saying that I do creep her out.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

This is just stuff that I have been noticing. Years ago there was a girl that I had a crush on at an old job. I talked to her a lot, drove her around like a retarded shoffer and even listened to her problems. One day at work a excoworker that hasn't been there a while showed up and she gave him a hug. For all I known she never talked to him and yet he got a hug I never touched her and she never gave me a hug for anything I've done. It seemed very odd to me. At me new job there is a new girl that has hugged a few new guys and put her arm around them but she seems almost cold to me. She may just not like white guys. But it is stuff that I notice.

It's already a given that this is getting to you. I do not know about the subconcious mind and how it influences things from happening in the environment, but my theory is that you have some negative feed-back loop going on in your mental process that is contributing to this. You have to think positive and start picturing yourself getting hugged or just dont let it bother you -- because it seems you are looking and expecting for this type of stuff to happen, and guess what, it's happening.

I believe that you view yourself as creepy and have a very low self-esteem because you had to resort to low avenues to get sex or relationships and this has contributed to a damaged self-concept. Because you view yourself like that you are giving off these strong vibes and people are treating you consistently to your self-concept.

I tell you one thing, if something was to bother me, and I was to focus on it, it will likely happen in some way or another. The things that gripe you the most or bother you the most, seem to just raise their ugly head. So, there may be nothing wrong with you other than what's in your own head - that's what I'm saying here.

Those things were only to get sex. Nothing else mattered and I got nothing else, expected nothing else.

Those 'things'? They are people not things. I'm just saying, if you connected with a woman before to the extent of having sex, whether you paid for it or not, then why is this hug thing bothering you so much? It seems like it's more important to you then sex is or your past sexual experience with a woman.

It goes back with my theory is that maybe you weren't really looking for sex at a deeper level, but they are looking for a real intimate connection - what I'm learning from your experience is that a prostitute or a casual hook-up from adultfriendfinder doesn't cut it compared to by a girl that has genuinely displayed affection, even if it is with a hug.

I think I'll pass on the cuddle party, that concept sounds very AFC. To me a hug is a simply nothing more than a nice way for a girl to nonverbally say, "I think you're nice and you don't creep me out." But if a girl hugs other guys and not me then I kind of feel that she is saying that I do creep her out.

The concept of going to a prostitute or going on zero-game territory like adultfriendfinder to look for sex is also very AFC, but you needed it, and you went that far, so you can pass on it if your like, but again, if you are going to pass then dont let this 'hug' thing get to you. It sounds like you are in dire need of a hug from a woman - that sounds AFC too if you look at it because hugging is associated with friendships and friendzoning things, it's not even a valid goal on a seduction board.

You've probably heard of the two ladder theory? - one ladder for friends and another for lovers. The ladder for friends, may have close cuddling and hugging, but another guy would get her pants while her friend has blue-balls, and it gripes even worst for her friend because he is so close to her but cant cross that threshold while another guy sails through it effortlessly. So, this hugging thing is classic AFC if you look at it.

Like I said, I hugged a girl last year, and she turned on me afterwards because I lost my cool with her after being shell-shocked by something she wrote and she rejected me after I wouldn't appear to give her a chance to explain herself, and while I have a nice memory of that hug, it still appeared to have ended badly.

 

[Maxtro]

It's already a given that this is getting to you. I do not know about the subconcious mind and how it influences things from happening in the environment, but my theory is that you have some negative feed-back loop going on in your mental process that is contributing to this. You have to think positive and start picturing yourself getting hugged or just dont let it bother you -- because it seems you are looking and expecting for this type of stuff to happen, and guess what, it's happening.

Yeah it is getting to me. But I am trying to understand what is happening and why and then I'll hopefully be able to move past it.

Those 'things'? They are people not things. I'm just saying, if you connected with a woman before to the extent of having sex, whether you paid for it or not, then why is this hug thing bothering you so much? It seems like it's more important to you then sex is or your past sexual experience with a woman.

It goes back with my theory is that maybe you weren't really looking for sex at a deeper level, but they are looking for a real intimate connection - what I'm learning from your experience is that a prostitute or a casual hook-up from adultfriendfinder doesn't cut it compared to by a girl that has genuinely displayed affection, even if it is with a hug.

LOL in those "things" I was meaning the event/experience not the actual women Getting a hug from a normal girl is more real. I'm trying to bring the fact that women are real, into my reality. I don't know if that makes any sense. As for the other women, the circumstances were different, there wasn't any connection and I didn't really want there to be any. Back then, I was looking for sex and nothing. Now I want intimacy and sex, to feel a connection but that is getting off-topic. Brining it back on track, I just want to start feeling contact from girls, and having them actually like me.

The problem with something like http://www.cuddleparty.com is the fact that it feels like AFF but the only thing you get out of is is cuddling if that. It just seems as fake. If I were to get a hug from a girl I want her to do it because she likes me at some level.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Maxtro,

You have to change your mind before you change anything else because again this is getting to you at a psychological level.

That's why I suggested cuddle parties, or perhaps you could even shake your friend's hand or trying to hug her yourself or do that with people around. If you really want something you have to go for it. If you are not used to hugging people then try hugging for practise. Just go out there and do it (purpose it in your mind, whether it is one day, one week, one month, etc... you are in this for the long-haul).


Well Maxtro (you can skip this as this is sort of a rant), you have taught me a very valuable lesson in my own personal life past. I virtually hated a normal girl that hugged me because another guy got some with her while I felt slighted and sort of lost orientation with the whole thing before it went into some whirlwind of madness, where I wanted to go on adultfriendfinder to find a casual hook-up to experience intimacy. In retrospect, a year later, I still remember that hug, and now with your experiences with AFF and prostitues, I now know I wouldn't have gotten anything better than that hug I got from her and was just fooling myself that they could substitute for her 'sexual rejection'. So, ironic as this sounds, I shouldn't have complained and made a fuss that I have never kissed a girl or had sex or anything of that nature and doubed myself as a man to let it fall through the cracks - but I was so shell-shocked at the time, I suppose I felt I couldnt' help myself.

 

[AFC Savior]

this is a ****ed up loser thread

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Take your loser talk, afc_savior, and shove it up your you know what.

Maxtro, on further thought, I think it's more important that a girl is really true and loyal then just getting a hug for the sake of getting a hug or even a display of affection. I mean, that's why people break-up right if the partner cheated - any intimacy experience between the partners prior to the cheating or disreputable conduct is not going to keep the relationship together. If someone demonstrates that you cant trust them and is disloyal or is not satisfactorily transparent, then even if there was an intimate hug then it doesn't mean anything.

Again, some of these girls that are in your life I think are just cruel or something, if they sence that something is going to bother you, I think they deliberately try to fvck with your mind and get off with the idea of doing something to bother you, whereever the 'weak-spot' is. In your case the weak-spot is 'hugging', so girls pick that up and start hugging other people except for you knowing that this may bother you. I think everyone can attest to this - you'll likely have to go outside of your social circle and meet new people and then hug them or something.

 

[Maxtro]

Luke,

I appreciate your input but I think you are over-analyzing this. This thread has turned into a public dialog between you and me and has basically scared everybody else away. I had no intention for this thread to go so in depth.

 

[tryst type]

I always deny hugs from hug *****s. I either say I'm not in high school anymore and she can kiss me instead or ill say I don't hug on the first date and give her a fist pump.