being blatantly disrespected/hated...and how to deal with it?

[h2o]

this may be a long post, but i'll try to keep it as short as possible.

when i first moved on campus this semester, i was pretty sociable (though still am), and i got to know a whole bunch of people. at the very beginning the guys in my suite and i got along okay. i even drank/partied with them twice. i was trying to just be friends with everyone. i did notice that they were quite immature on a lot of levels, but i just did my best to ignore that stuff. after the second time i drank with them i started distancing myself and hung out a lot more with my best friend (who i know from before). i've also recently started to get to know my roommate better...you may remember i posted about being "sick of the guy" - my roommate in this thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=70271

well, someone pointed out that he gets more pu$$y than me, which is true. one of the reasons i'd also gotten off on a bad foot with him is because the other guys in the suite always make fun of him (i think they're insecure and jealous, since they don't have gfs).

anyway, i don't know what it is, but the guys in my suite especially one of them, won't even say hi to me when they see me. they just look me straight in the face with contempt or something. i mean, for a while i've tried just being nice and still saying hi, and treating them with some respect (like humans). i mean, this one guy never ever starts a conversation with me. i think i've always been the one to start talking to him.

and the fact is, i'm not trying to be friends with him, i'm just being a respectful neighbor. why do these guys hate me? should i just straight up ask him what his ****ing problem is? or should i continue to act like i'm an innocent/naive and don't know that they hate me.

i don't want to respect these guys either, but because i have a position on our buildings student council, i have a reputation to keep intact, and so i'm not sure how to go about this.

get this, btw, these guys from my suite hung up a bulletin board next to our floor elevator that has a picture of the female ra of the floor on it. and on it reads "ten reasons blah should be president": 1) she's hot 2) she's pretty 3) she's beautiful...

...i almost threw up when i saw that. what's more they kiss this girl's arse 24/7. i think the fact that my roommate and i don't involve ourselves in that stuff may be why we're hated or despised? besides that the guys are pretty immature and one of them always throws food and **** when i used to go out and eat with them.

i know people come and go, but it's just not fun being disliked by everyone. especially when most people have the same mindset around here, it's tough to find people i 'click' with.

i just really feel like kicking one of their asses. they are so damn rude.

 

[shrewd]

sounds like they still haven't left highschool, only now they have less rules to restrain them lol...I say confront them and ask them what their problem is, my guess is they will bi tch out and you won't have anymore problems. We have the same sort of situation on our floor except it's 2 pretty much equally sized factions instead of everyone against one or two guys. Anyways the years almost over just ride it out and get a house with friends next year, hopefully.

 

[Julian]

if you cant make them love you then make them fear you.

 

[Happiness Renewed]

Originally posted by Julian
if you cant make them love you then make them fear you.

This is interesting. Care to expand?

 

[AC/DC]

Originally posted by Happiness Renewed
This is interesting. Care to expand?

If there's no chance of you guys ever getting along, then make them FEAR you and what you can do.

 

[h2o]

thanks for the replies. yeah, these guys act a lot like they are still in high school. and what makes it even worse is that i'm a sophomore and the two worst ones are juniors (including the one guy who is really an ass). i'm not planning on moving out next semester though...this is my first semester on campus, and it's been pretty practical living here so far...i may get an apartment in a year or so.

yeah, i'm sick of being innocent/naive. the thing is, the last time they were drinking, on saint pat's day, i came back at night, and the bad dude was outside of his room holding a glass of some drink. and, he kept eyeing me, like he was afraid i would ask to come and drink with him or something. i should've confronted him right then and there, but that was before i made this post.

i don't know about making them fear me and all, but if they don't apologize or acknowledge that they've done something wrong, then that's what i'll do...sounds like good advice anyway.

for the most part i just do my own thing, and if we run into each other (for example while brushing our teeth in the bathroom or something), then i'll confront the guy. i guess at this point there's not much of a chance of us coming to terms. but it's not like i've ever done anything to offend or harm them. i seriously don't know wtf went wrong, and i'll ask them this tomorrow, and i'll be sure to mention how it went.

 

[Kerensky]

Dude, you got this set. I'm sure you're a cool guy and haven't done any wrong, but some people are just *******s.

What I've learned is that when dealing with *******s, you gotta launch a blitzkrieg on their ass. If you're normally a calm guy, this could work in your advantage. Try to make peace once or twice, but if the crap starts again, get serious and in their face. Now, considering these guys are juniors and may be stronger than you, that might not be smart, but in general, make sure they know you're not taking their crap.

 

[Centaurion]

I don't think that you should start a fight or anything like that.

If it were me, I would ask them what the funk was up. Next them you see them giving you the bad eye, just look back and go :

'Hey man, you got a problem or something? If you do, please tell me.'

Don't be aggressive, just be casual.

Maybe they dont know you, and it's only a trivial matter.

 

[h2o]

confronted the *******s...field report

i just finished confronting these guys. i had come home from dinner about 30 minutes ago, and as i walked in one of them made another stupid joke. i just told him "fu, seriously, fu." and went into my room. i thought it over, then walked in front of the room that two of them were in.

the one guy who i think is most disrespectul sat at his laptop and just chatted online. the other dude turned around to face me and was the one i basically talked to.

i told him that i could sense that they didn't really like me, that they were making cracks behind my back. i asked them what i had done to piss them off. i told them that if i annoyed them by asking them to come eat with me (i did this a lot before) then i apologize for annoying them. i said that i'm not trying to be friends with them and that i don't see what they hold against me. i said that i don't really find myself 'clicking' with them, that we don't share similar interests, so i'm not trying to be friends and that's why i stopped hanging out with them as much.

the guy who was talking to me (i'll refer to him as d), agreed that we don't really click. he said that the reason i may feel like i'm not liked is because i have my room door closed most of the time. true, i do, but how is that relevant? anyway, i told them, i'm not trying to fit-in with them. also i told him that when i first moved in, when i was getting along with them, that they talked a ton of **** behind my roommate's back, and that if they have similar problems with me they can say it to my face. d said that he didn't realize i was so angry. i said it's not so much that i'm angry...i'm under control, but just fed up with their bull****.

the whole time anyway, the one guy who i think has the biggest problem with me just typed away, chatting online. only glanced at me a few times. i even mentioned him, i said "especially you, blah, i think you have the biggest problem...what the **** is up? say it to my face" and he didn't look at me, just mumbled something as he was staring at his laptop. i'm guessing he's just a little scared *****. d is a big guy, so i guess he isn't scared of me, which is why he did all the talking. also, while we were talking, the one guy who throws food walked in...i said hi blah, he said hi back...he's a little ***** too. i don't have a problem with the d guy, he seems like he got my point. i actually have a problem with the other dude (and the immature loser who follows his every step) who wouldn't even look at me. he's the guy i'm pretty pissed at, because if he has the decency he would straight up say what the **** his problem is.

i also mentioned that on the elevator the other night when i was going out, they were also all going out to dinner together (the whole suite except for my roommate); once i walked into the elevator they were all there already, and the ra (that one who they praise like she's queen of the universe) told them to stop making comments about "you know who." i guess who that is? the only reason i didn't say anything then is because one of the guys who's also on our hall council walked in, and it was no longer an appropriate moment.

anyway, i really don't have a serious problem with the d guy who talked to me. or much of the others as much. it's just that one guy who won't even respond. he just ignores me like he's better than me or something. and it's not like i'm going crazy or crying or whining or anything...i'm just behaving like a mature adult who likes to settle things verbally before succumbing to other tactics. besides that, i only used the word "fcuk" like 3 times. yeah like he's too good to listen to me because i used bad words? i want to really beat his ass. honestly though, i don't want to do the same thing he has...do you think i have the right to ..."make them fear me" under these circumstances?

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

sounds like you got some respect from d...which is a good thing...

I know you aren't trying to win friendships or buddies...but next time you get some beers..offer d a heiniken...it will be good to have at least one of those guys on their good side. most likely, d will pass along that you arent such a bad fella after all and can squash any of this in fighting..

damn..hahaha..if not..hope u get your own pad sooner than later.

 

[Kerensky]

Originally posted by SuperGigaloDJ
Challenge them to a fight.

Noooooo. Not this.

Dude, see you did awesome. Just gotta get serious about it because like he said he didn't know "you were so angry" about it. You got the point across, now just let it be because like HPNOTIQ said, you got the respect of the big guy D. So it's all set. Now you can live your life. Good job h2o.

 

[Centaurion]

but like, how do you behave around them when you are in your apartment? Do you sit in your room with the door locked 24/7 and don't socialize with them at all? There was this guy at my apartment that was like that, heh we used to talk **** about him all the time cause he was so friggin anti social. I'm staying at a dorm, and when ever I'm at the apartment, I leave my room door open. It kinda signals that you are an open/social guy. It's happened a couple of times that some gfs of my female flatmate just pops in to my room.

And yes, good job on confronting them!

 

[h2o]

thanks. yeah, -HPNOTIQ-, the next time i get some beers or something i'll do that, good idea.

well, my door is closed sometimes, but it's actually my roommate who closes it...i keep going back and opening it sometimes when he closes it and tell him to leave it open. and i did also talk to them, like, we currently are doing that bracket for the ncaa tournament in our suite, so i would talk to them about the games and stuff (with those who did talk to me). though i am overall somewhat a quieter person then most of them are...i mean when i found this site i was shy, but even though i've become more social/confident and all, i think it's just part of my character that i don't talk that much...though some of the guys in my suite are just very talkative.

yeah, i'm not going to go on being pissed off anymore. i'm glad i got my point across, and now i'll just live life and talk to them, atleast now that they know i won't take **** from them. and as far as that one guy goes, i'll just ignore him too.