Being around an ex girl

[StoneyRU]

Hey guys,

Backstory:
Met a girl this summer, acted beta, fell too hard, ended up not working and I understand my screw ups. Found out she was texting other guys and dropped her and ignored her completely when she kept trying to contact me.

Here's the thing:
We have a lot of mutual friends. One being my roommates girlfriend. So she visited this weekend and I come home Friday from work to this ex girl in my living room. I say what's up and ignore her. She comes up to me when I'm in the kitchen and catches me off guard by saying are we friends and asking why I ignored her and asking why I said there were other people involved. I kinda ****ed up here I know but I sarcastically said yeah... And just reiterated that it was her actions and it why does it matter it's over. Also asked what she expected me to do, which yes I know was dumb. So I go on a run and get back and we go out with a bunch of people. I had a blast while ignoring the **** out of her all night. Spoke a little at the bar but mostly distant. Got home drunk and she tried to talk to me again. I was pretty drunk and so was she so it didn't go anywhere. Next morning I tell everyone I'm going to chick fil a and she says let me go with you. Jesus. Whole time in the car she's being a sarcastic ***** and asking why I won't tell her why I keep saying other people are involved. I just keep saying look it's over. She gets mad says some hateful **** and is like I don't want it to be awkward which no ****ing way it won't be. So I say look we can be friendly and I dodge the questions.

Here's the kicker:
She comes over again Saturday night to hang out! My roommate makes sure it's ok with me so I'm like whatever we're gonna chill in the hot tub then go out. So she gets over I come downstairs and don't say a word to her. Don't even make eye contact. I get in the hot tub and guess what boys? I see her and my roommates girl with their suits on. I'm like no ****ing way this is happening. So I'm like whatever play it cool. The whole time they are I'm the tub I ignore her. Don't even make eye contact. Had a blast though making jokes and smiling and having fun with everyone else. I can see her staring at me and **** as I'm smiling and laughing. So the other girl and her finally get out and go inside. After 30 or so minutes after some boys come over she comes out and says bye. My two roommates say bye and I completely don't say anything.

I know I'm gonna see her again in 2 weeks. Going to the same football game and tailgate. Planning on saying hello and ignoring her again and having a blast.

Question is- what is the best approach to take around ex girls? I really wanted to bring a girl home the night we went out but the bars were dead cause it rained. I also wanted to flip **** on her but knew that wouldn't do much.
I know this will happen to me again (with someone else) and I know someone else reading this will go through the same soon.

Thanks

 

[Krueg]

I know the feeling of being around an EX after breaking up. It can suck or the feeling can be mutual.

In your case it seems like your still p!ssed about it.. Its like your trying to rub it in her face that your ignoring her. If someone I knew was ignoring me, I would wonder why and think something is up. Or that their just being a$$holes.. The next time she is suppose to come over, you should be gone, out doing something! Wanna really ignore her? Move on!

 

[Checkmate12]

While I think your intentions are on point, I think your execution is faulty. And here is why.

By ignoring her and saying "its over, it doesn't matter", you are trying to display your attitude of indifference to her which is great.. but the problem is you're taking it too far. If you were really over it and you were really indifferent towards her then you wouldn't go to such ridiculous lengths to ignore her. She is just another person to you now, a nobody. She has no significance in your life. When you sit in the same hot tub with somebody and avoid even making eye contact, you are very blatantly trying too hard and I think she can see that. She can sense that you still care and you're pissed.

Not that it matters what she thinks. I just think if she is going to be coming around regularly that your life would be a lot easier if you simply treated her like another random acquaintance. Don't initiate conversations or unnecessarily acknowledge her presence, but don't stare at the wall all night just to avoid looking at her. Ya feel me?

 

[StoneyRU]

I definitely feel ya. And yes I'm still a little bitter and pissed about it all, especially when she acted like a *****. And I wasn't staring off in the distance to ignore her I was more just conversing with everyone else and not including her. Does show that I still care gotta move past that and onto other things.

 

[Aubree]

Most people cannot remain friends after a breakup, but if it will ever be, it will be later — much later. The atmosphere immediately following a breakup is too emotionally charged for it to happen right away, if at all...

 

[StoneyRU]

Any tips on how to rid this bitterness and anger? It seems like a daily routine where I think about this situation and get mad. Not only at her for playing me and not treating me right, but myself for really stooping to that beta level and allowing it to happen.

I'm 24 and have banged/had flings with a lot of girls, especially in college. She was the first girl I really was attracted to since a 3 year relationship in high school/early college. I was single and had a lot of plates ever since but I just got real infatuated with this girl like I haven't been since my past ex, mostly because she is really hot.

Anyone ever been in this situation and successfully moved on? I got a ton going for me (job, looks, personality, huge social circle, etc) and am starting to pick my confidence back up but I can't shake the fact that I'm pretty angry at the situation and want to cuss her out when I see her.

 

[Uncharted]

Yes it's easier to move on when you are hooking other chicks. The more you think about it, the more it will kill your confidence.

Get out there, meet other girls and bang them.

When I see my ex's out I usually just treat them like an acquaintance. I will walk over, say Hi, possibly some small talk, then leave. If that's too hard for you, you don't owe her sh!t so don't worry about what she thinks.