being a challenge on match.com?

[32swf]

I've been chatting with a really cool guy on match.com for about 2 weeks now. We seem to have a lot in common, and I think we could really hit it off. I've been waiting for him to ask to meet, because I've been agressive in the past and I wanted to play this one differently, but 2 weeks and nothing yet.

So I emailed him today and asked if he'd like to go see a comedy play on Saturday night at an outdoor ampetheatre here in town. He gets back to me a couple hours later and says "thanks, but I can't. It's a good friends 35th birthday and we're all going out."

He doesn't counter offer or anything. Is he not interested or is he just not good at this internet dating thing??

Should I just forget him and move on, or should I send him a response saying something like, "Well let me know if you'd like to get together sometime" and leave it in his court??

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Damn, you sound like a fun babe... what more can a guy ask for? F him....

Sounds like the guy is chicken sh*t...... *shrugs*

 

[stormwriter]

That's weird, cause guys usually understand their role, that they are the ones that should be the aggressor, and ask the woman out. So, i would just NEXT him. If he really wanted to spend some time with you, then don't you think he would have asked by now?
Maybe, by virtuing of NEXTING him, he will come to his senses and realize HE has to invite you out.

Or, he's not interested in you. That's a possibility. In that case, NEXTING him is in your best interest.

If he's too wimpy to ask you out after TWO FRICKING WEEKS, then he's probably not some dude you want anyways.

He could be waiting for you to ask, though.

God, dating sucks, doesn't it? It's all guessing games... argh.

 

[8ball]

Hey..no offense 32swf..but has he seen a picture of you yet?

If not, he could be gun shy about meeting someone he knows nothing about.

~Or~

Did you recently send him a picture? Maybe you just weren't his type.

~OR~

Maybe you said something that really turned him off.( Multiple kids w/ multiple fathers....living w/ ex-boyfriend but nothing serious, that type of thing)

 

[32swf]

agh

no offense taken.

Yes, I have 4 photos on my match profile, so it can't be that. And I'm pretty cute too.

I have no kids, no exes in the picture. No real baggage at all.

I know he's new to internet dating, and I've been doing it for over a year now. So I'll just give him the benefit of the doubt for now, and give him another chance, because I am pretty interested in him, and I think we could really connect.

I'll email him and say I'd like to get together sometime, and to let me know when he's free.
does that sound ok?

Originally posted by 8ball
Hey..no offense 32swf..but has he seen a picture of you yet?

If not, he could be gun shy about meeting someone he knows nothing about.

~Or~

Did you recently send him a picture? Maybe you just weren't his type.

~OR~

Maybe you said something that really turned him off.( Multiple kids w/ multiple fathers....living w/ ex-boyfriend but nothing serious, that type of thing)

 

[DankNuggs]

Here's a question for you 32, you've probably seen a picture of this guy, and read a few intelligent emails. You have glamorized his most photogenic image, and a witty email and concocted a fantasy of who this guy is in real life. Why are you sweating him so much that your taking the aggressive route? I'm sure people online are more skeptical that average because 1.) they've turned cyber after failing in reality. 2.) There is so much more anonymity and potential for lying, harm...etc.. But its your job to be skeptical, not his.

We all talk about oneitis as creating a fantasy of someone you like, and allowing it to take precedence over what is actually happening. Online dating is just a minor form of that. So leave him alone, unless he decides to grow a pair, and start acting like a person in reality would. I'd give 100-1 odds he's a tool, and thats without knowing anything about your conversations. So if you want a lapdog you can throw around, keep pushing and you'll get your date...He'll probably look half as good in reality with the personality to match when he can't take four hours to come up with a witty response to all your comments...Peace and gl

 

[OddTech]

Agree with the posts here, you already gave him some signs that you're interested. And he doesn't seem to be reciprocating. I have a hypothesis for this. From my experience, when I use online matching, I literally emailed 100 girls at a time. It is quite possible that more than one girl replied. The other girls are "more" his type than 32SWF. In that case, you're on his backburner. There is nothing much you can do, except to seek other men.

I have no exes in the picture

BTW: Seeing girls with their ex'es on Match.com is such a turn-off.

 

[netman]

Before I got into my current LTR, I dated a lot. I was always honest about dating other people, but I never told a girl I was dating, "oh, I can't make it this Saturday because I have a date with this other girl". I felt it wasn't necessary to tell them.

Since you guys are single and the whole point of match.com is to meet a lot of people, maybe he just had some other dates lined up real soon that he hasn't told you about and he doesn't have the time to give you 100% right now, which I don't think is wrong. And if that's the case it's not that these other girls could have profiles better than yours, but maybe he's just playing the field just like you are.

You already showed interest, so maybe you should take a step back a little and wait until he reciprocates. Good luck.

 

[32swf]

Dang it!

well, an update on my match.com dude. Evidently he has oneitis and isn't ready to date. dammit. Is there any hope here, or do I just move on? How long is a "time out" for a guy?

his message:

Hey 32swf
Sorry to be so late in responding. It's been a very weird week. I won't go into it all, and this may be awkward to bring up, but tonight I got shot down (gracefully) by a girl I really love and am kind of not ready to get out there again. We weren't currently dating, but had in the past, and I got a wild hair that told me I could try once more and convince her that things would be different if we dated again. She told me that she was really happy with her current guy and we talked about a lot of other stuff, and I stopped trying eventually. She's still a friend and didn't get mad or anything, so it went as well as could be expected, considering. Nevertheless, I should probably take down my Match.com profile or something. I don't know. I appreciate the offer for a beer at Legends, but I'll pass for now. It's a lot to process and I just need to take a time-out for a while. OK? I'll talk to you later,

 

[assasin]

Oh well.

Point him in our direction if you're still interested and then try him again in about 12 months.

Remember, inside every nice guy there's a Real Man trying to get out.

 

[Frosty]

32., considering his email, leave him alone and let him work things out. He made that much clear in the email.

Once he has worked it all out, maybe he will think more of you. Maybe. For now, I would seek another match.

 

[OddTech]

Yup, don't put all your eggs in one basket. There are other great guys out there. Give him the time, at least 3 months.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I agree with you guys. This is the reason why people shouldn't date one person at a time without knowing that there's an agreed upon commitment between the two. It's always a gamble putting all your effort into one person with just the hope of something developing. With multiple 'possibilities' in the wings, you're never in a state of having to wonder how someone feels about you, you're too busy to have time to

Cisco

 

[BobbDobbs]

It's a load of BS. A guy who was in a serious relationship that just crashed MIGHT react the way he claims (pull my profile down, yada yada yada.) But this was just some ex-gf that he was trying to strike it up with again.

Move on. I don't think he is being straight with you.

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by BobbDobbs
It's a load of BS. A guy who was in a serious relationship that just crashed MIGHT react the way he claims (pull my profile down, yada yada yada.) But this was just some ex-gf that he was trying to strike it up with again.

Move on. I don't think he is being straight with you.

I have to agree here. He could be telling the truth or more than likely he's just trying to blow you off nicely.

Either way you've got to completely NEXT him. If he contacts you in the future you can decide from there how to proceed but I doubt that will happen.