Been in a rut and lost my skillz

[SpartanWarrior77]

So I was on fire around December of 2020. My game was to a point where I could hook over 50% of day game approaches and hook well over 75% (the percentages are estimates but it was impressive without a doubt) of nightgame approaches (In this context, hooking means I was able to generate a high degree of interest, tons or rapport, and pleasant interactions which would often end in at least a contact exchange).

I was starting to develop a highly refined ability to sense nuance and seduce women without many overt displays.

I'm shocked at how bad things got from there...

I moved out of the state I was in, changed jobs, and started a whole new life. I became bogged down by the struggle, mostly financial. I then realized that I made a mistake and moved to the wrong city and wanted to go back to my hometown which gave me access to NYC (still one of the best places for day game). I finally moved back , started a new job and am beginning to feel better.

In the past month, I've done around 125 approaches and my results have been terrible!!! Out of all of that, I only got one BJ and one date, granted I flaked on about 3 girls but still. I've regressed from the high level I was at and now I'm back to being a terrible SOGOP (shiz or get off the pot) type seducer AKA a guy who has no patience and just tries to go from approach to lay as quickly as possible without any empathy or regard for the subtleties I used to be sooo in touch with.

I can't believe how much my skills atrophied. I had been in a truly deep depression over the past few months and it's shocking how much my skills eroded.

Trying to convert approaches to lays in a very quick manner doesn't work well at all. I'm basically pissing in the wind and wasting these approaches. In the past, I would take my time and really be careful with each target slowly but surely working on the interaction, I would often compromise on small things, in the beginning, to drop her defenses and enter her spirit. Once I was in, only then would I begin to change things up and grab the frame but this approach requires patience and attention to detail which is NOT coming back as easily.

Anyone experience this before?

 

[Çharismo]

So I was on fire around December of 2020. My game was to a point where I could hook over 50% of day game approaches and hook well over 75% (the percentages are estimates but it was impressive without a doubt) of nightgame approaches (In this context, hooking means I was able to generate a high degree of interest, tons or rapport, and pleasant interactions which would often end in at least a contact exchange).

I was starting to develop a highly refined ability to sense nuance and seduce women without many overt displays.

I'm shocked at how bad things got from there...

I moved out of the state I was in, changed jobs, and started a whole new life. I became bogged down by the struggle, mostly financial. I then realized that I made a mistake and moved to the wrong city and wanted to go back to my hometown which gave me access to NYC (still one of the best places for day game). I finally moved back , started a new job and am beginning to feel better.

In the past month, I've done around 125 approaches and my results have been terrible!!! Out of all of that, I only got one BJ and one date, granted I flaked on about 3 girls but still. I've regressed from the high level I was at and now I'm back to being a terrible SOGOP (shiz or get off the pot) type seducer AKA a guy who has no patience and just tries to go from approach to lay as quickly as possible without any empathy or regard for the subtleties I used to be sooo in touch with.

I can't believe how much my skills atrophied. I had been in a truly deep depression over the past few months and it's shocking how much my skills eroded.

Trying to convert approaches to lays in a very quick manner doesn't work well at all. I'm basically pissing in the wind and wasting these approaches. In the past, I would take my time and really be careful with each target slowly but surely working on the interaction, I would often compromise on small things, in the beginning, to drop her defenses and enter her spirit. Once I was in, only then would I begin to change things up and grab the frame but this approach requires patience and attention to detail which is NOT coming back as easily.

Anyone experience this before?

Your just stuck in a bad slump that’s all. Your transitioning from one place to another which can take a toll on you as well. If you were depressed for the last few months hopefully you aren’t anymore because that can also throw you off your game. Did the depression go away on its own? Did you take an anti-depressant? How do you know you were depressed and not just under stress? Were you having a hard time getting out of bed? Low energy and sadness? Sometimes the change of season can cause changes in mood as well.

I believe you can still pull women and it’s still in you but your trying to rush into getting sex and might be coming off as desperate and thirsty which can be a turn off for women. If you really approached 125 women where exactly were you approaching them? What exactly are you doing to set up dates? Are you looking presentable, clean and well groomed? Are you trying to get dates online?

Im sure you know this but being able to talk to women, make them laugh and smile, going on dates, showing them a good time, being able have a good conversation, connect with them, listening and seducing them requires patience. They are only women after all and women will be women at the end of the day. Sure you can have ONS’s and a quick lay if that’s what your after but you have to think about what it is that your trying to accomplish when your trying to go on dates? What is the end goal?

I don’t think you’ve lost any of your “skills” per say but you are doing something that is not yielding you the results that you want. Don’t get frustrated and most of all don’t put so much pressure on yourself that you lose sight of what it is that you want. If you can answer these questions successfully… that will definitely be a start.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

Did the depression go away on its own? Did you take an anti-depressant? How do you know you were depressed and not just under stress? Were you having a hard time getting out of bed? Low energy and sadness? Sometimes the change of season can cause changes in mood as well.

Honestly, I was experiencing a pretty good amount of low energy and sadness. I would often lay in bed for a long time or feel very unmotivated to do anything or see anyone. I felt very little desire to connect with those around me. I still often feel that way. I'm tired of the people in my life.

If you really approached 125 women where exactly were you approaching them? What exactly are you doing to set up dates? Are you looking presentable, clean and well groomed? Are you trying to get dates online?

Mostly on the streets or at the mall. I usually text them very shortly after and ask them if they want to hang out in one big text like "Hey, super cool meeting you. Let's set something up for next weekend. Im free Sat evening if that works for you." I am definitely presentable. Just got some new clothes too. I never do online game anymore.

I believe you can still pull women and it’s still in you but your trying to rush into getting sex and might be coming off as desperate and thirsty which can be a turn off for women.

Im sure you know this but being able to talk to women, make them laugh and smile, going on dates, showing them a good time, being able have a good conversation, connect with them, listening and seducing them requires patience. They are only women after all and women will be women at the end of the day.

Yeah, Im probably coming off as too thirsty and uncalibrated. I can't focus on women that much these days. I have too much going on with my new job and shiz too. It takes time to get back into momentum with women.

 

[Barrister]

OP,

We have all had this happen. This year was a perfect example for me. I struggled a bit from about January to April -- had only about 2-3 lays with HB 6.5-7s. Then beginning in May I was on fire. Had one point where I hooked up with 3 different women on 3 successive nights (HB 7.5, 8, and 8.5). These kind of things just happen and a lot of times it is out of your control. The key is not to get down on yourself and let it affect your confidence. Stress at work a lot of times can knock you off your game in very subtle ways you aren't catching too -- so if you have had some sh1t happening there that could easily be the culprit.

Keep your head up, brother.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

So I was on fire around December of 2020. My game was to a point where I could hook over 50% of day game approaches and hook well over 75% (the percentages are estimates but it was impressive without a doubt) of nightgame approaches (In this context, hooking means I was able to generate a high degree of interest, tons or rapport, and pleasant interactions which would often end in at least a contact exchange).

I was starting to develop a highly refined ability to sense nuance and seduce women without many overt displays.

I'm shocked at how bad things got from there...

I moved out of the state I was in, changed jobs, and started a whole new life. I became bogged down by the struggle, mostly financial. I then realized that I made a mistake and moved to the wrong city and wanted to go back to my hometown which gave me access to NYC (still one of the best places for day game). I finally moved back , started a new job and am beginning to feel better.

In the past month, I've done around 125 approaches and my results have been terrible!!! Out of all of that, I only got one BJ and one date, granted I flaked on about 3 girls but still. I've regressed from the high level I was at and now I'm back to being a terrible SOGOP (shiz or get off the pot) type seducer AKA a guy who has no patience and just tries to go from approach to lay as quickly as possible without any empathy or regard for the subtleties I used to be sooo in touch with.

I can't believe how much my skills atrophied. I had been in a truly deep depression over the past few months and it's shocking how much my skills eroded.

Trying to convert approaches to lays in a very quick manner doesn't work well at all. I'm basically pissing in the wind and wasting these approaches. In the past, I would take my time and really be careful with each target slowly but surely working on the interaction, I would often compromise on small things, in the beginning, to drop her defenses and enter her spirit. Once I was in, only then would I begin to change things up and grab the frame but this approach requires patience and attention to detail which is NOT coming back as easily.

Anyone experience this before?

It's amazing that you aren't able to get back into a "flow state" after 125 approaches. My guesstimate is with a few more lays that your game will magically return. Maybe it's something in your interaction that's different. Are you different? Different venues? Less fit? Is your attitude the same? Perhaps your game results are a symptom of something in you.

 

[Çharismo]

Honestly, I was experiencing a pretty good amount of low energy and sadness. I would often lay in bed for a long time or feel very unmotivated to do anything or see anyone. I felt very little desire to connect with those around me. I still often feel that way. I'm tired of the people in my life.

That sounds like depression alright. Believe it or not even when things are going great in people’s lives they still can get depressed. It happens more than you think. That’s why you hear about a lot of successful people who also deal with depression because once you have everything you want in life or accomplish a lot of your goals it triggers something in your brain. Be kind to yourself because its part of the human condition. I’m not a doctor but If I were you I would look into getting on an anti depressant if you can. Not permanently but for the time being to get you out and about. It can help big time with lethargy, motivation and mood.

Mostly on the streets or at the mall. I usually text them very shortly after and ask them if they want to hang out in one big text like "Hey, super cool meeting you. Let's set something up for next weekend. Im free Sat evening if that works for you." I am definitely presentable. Just got some new clothes too. I never do online game anymore.

Have you tried calling them or video calling instead? I usually try to build a little bit of rapport or get to know them a little bit before asking them on a date or try to have some sort of a conversation for at least 5 mins so that I can transition into setting up a coffee date over the phone. I try to keep my texts short and limited. If you get someone’s number and randomly just send a text like the one that you did you haven’t built any familiarity. Your still a random stranger. Plus if you set up something over the phone or video you can better gauge her responses and overcome objections.

Yeah, Im probably coming off as too thirsty and uncalibrated. I can't focus on women that much these days. I have too much going on with my new job and shiz too. It takes time to get back into momentum with women.

Well there you go. You just solved the riddle.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

It's amazing that you aren't able to get back into a "flow state" after 125 approaches. My guesstimate is with a few more lays that your game will magically return. Maybe it's something in your interaction that's different. Are you different? Different venues? Less fit? Is your attitude the same? Perhaps your game results are a symptom of something in you.

Honestly, a lot of things are influencing me. I started going to church again recently and I think that is messing with my game on some level too. I have a priest I see about once a week for my porn addiction, he's a cool dude, kind of like an accountability partner. Whenever I talk about game to him, I don't feel very motivated (this is an obviously bad idea and of course priests aren't the ones you go to talk about game). But its more than that, all these guys now, the Jordan Petersons, Gad Saads, and Roosh have done a number on my mind and I feel myself less enthused with game in some ways.

Im pretty much the same level of fitness as I used to be in one way or another. I just think so much change and challenge has kind of warn me out. Things with my family are pretty crappy too. I can't wait to move out of my parents.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Honestly, a lot of things are influencing me. I started going to church again recently and I think that is messing with my game on some level too. I have a priest I see about once a week for my porn addiction, he's a cool dude, kind of like an accountability partner. Whenever I talk about game to him, I don't feel very motivated (this is an obviously bad idea and of course priests aren't the ones you go to talk about game). But its more than that, all these guys now, the Jordan Petersons, Gad Saads, and Roosh have done a number on my mind and I feel myself less enthused with game in some ways.

Im pretty much the same level of fitness as I used to be in one way or another. I just think so much change and challenge has kind of warn me out. Things with my family are pretty crappy too. I can't wait to move out of my parents.

Hows your self improvement? Sometimes a great amount of determination on "self improvement" fvcks up the energy required to be social and charming. I have a feeling yours will "click" one day when you are in the right mindspace and you will forget you ever had issues.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

Be kind to yourself because its part of the human condition. I’m not a doctor but If I were you I would look into getting on an anti depressant if you can. Not permanently but for the time being to get you out and about. It can help big time with lethargy, motivation and mood.

I would never get on antideps. I've dealt with really bad depression before. It's not easy but it requires a type of day-by-day re-alignment with your values (at least for me). I recently had to decide to really start cutting back on alcohol too. It makes any feelings of depression wayyyy worse.

Have you tried calling them or video calling instead? I usually try to build a little bit of rapport or get to know them a little bit before asking them on a date or try to have some sort of a conversation for at least 5 mins so that I can transition into setting up a coffee date over the phone. I try to keep my texts short and limited. If you get someone’s number and randomly just send a text like the one that you did you haven’t built any familiarity. Your still a random stranger. Plus if you set up something over the phone or video you can better gauge her responses and overcome objections.

Yeah, I don't do any of that. I've lost my patience. It's going to take a bit longer than I thought this time around.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

Hows your self improvement? Sometimes a great amount of determination on "self improvement" fvcks up the energy required to be social and charming. I have a feeling yours will "click" one day when you are in the right mindspace and you will forget you ever had issues.

I think I'm less hype about self-improvement than I used to be. I used to be very optimistic but in a naive sort of way. Now Im more grounded and less neurotic about it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I think I'm less hype about self-improvement than I used to be. I used to be very optimistic but in a naive sort of way. Now Im more grounded and less neurotic about it.

I think self improvement needs to be something that has it's place. A background process that we work on every so often, but when we are not in a state of those improvements, we flip back into the "game" mindset. Self improvement needs to be our personal business, not really something we share or expose to others.

 

[fenix2021]

how old are you man?
you sound a bit like mid-life crisis but then you say you live with your parents, so it's hard to gauge.
[hint re living with parents: 1/4 of NYC apartments are rent controlled / stabilized so they are dirt cheap but most new-comers have no c,ue and go after marker-rate apartments that cost arm and leg.]

 

[xuzaki]

In 2019 my hook rate was similar to yours. I tried some approaches while on a vacation last month, and I also did horribly. For me, a major problem was that I expected x% of girls to hook and y% of girls to bang just like before the korodafirus.

Maybe it could help to acknowledge that there's been a time gap, that the situation is different, and allow yourself to fail for a while without the same expectations.

 

[corrector]

Honestly, a lot of things are influencing me. I started going to church again recently and I think that is messing with my game on some level too. I have a priest I see about once a week for my porn addiction, he's a cool dude, kind of like an accountability partner. Whenever I talk about game to him, I don't feel very motivated (this is an obviously bad idea and of course priests aren't the ones you go to talk about game). But its more than that, all these guys now, the Jordan Petersons, Gad Saads, and Roosh have done a number on my mind and I feel myself less enthused with game in some ways.

Im pretty much the same level of fitness as I used to be in one way or another. I just think so much change and challenge has kind of warn me out. Things with my family are pretty crappy too. I can't wait to move out of my parents.

What does the priest tell you about your porn addiction? I journal it myself and my writings is like an accountability partner.