Becoming A Man Means Freeing Your Heart

[radiodude]

Many guys spend day after day on this site looking for some magic formula or cure all for their inner emptiness.

Alot of guys these days look to women to fill that void in their lives. This is mistake number 1.

Mistake 2 is not realizing what the problem actually is.

THE TRUTH: Something inside you has died, or has never really lived.

Recently I have been reading "Wild At Heart" by John Eldridge. I would encourage every guy on this site to go out, buy it, and start applying it to their life. He's a Christian author, I won't go into religious/spiritual aspects here. I will say though that this book addresses the real problem of most Men today.

Each man has a wound. A wound deep in his heart. Alot of guys today live the life of a poser as a result of this wound. It has caused the masculinity w/ in a man to become warped. A man either is too passive, or too driven.

The point I'm getting at here is that most of us have kept our hearts locked away. Our masculine heart that is. It's our masculine heart that causes us to be wild, fierce, and passionate about life.

The more we embrace this deep locked down part of us, the more masculine we will become. This will produce the polarity in our lives we all crave. We will become happier, more content, and ultimately know who we are as a man.

We must let our hearts out to truly live and be the MEN that we want to be.

 

[silverdog]

hmmm nice post, but how would one go abouts unlocking one's heart?

 

[matius]

That sounds good. Are you saying you got some kind of an answer from that book?

 

[3rdeye]

Originally posted by radiodude

Each man has a wound. A wound deep in his heart. Alot of guys today live the life of a poser as a result of this wound. It has caused the masculinity w/ in a man to become warped. A man either is too passive, or too driven.

The point I'm getting at here is that most of us have kept our hearts locked away. Our masculine heart that is. It's our masculine heart that causes us to be wild, fierce, and passionate about life.

you have somewhat of a point here, but maybe im not gettin it.
you say that man is either too passive or too driven. but in my opinion its better to be driven by our own postive personal goals whether it be getting fit, or goin back to school, its all leaning towards being driven, and these goals can also make you wild fierce an passionate. so im curious to what the point was you were tryin to make, im interested in what your saying but its all to vague. or maybe being driven isnt such a bad thing.. passiveness is a killer on us all...
maybe i will just have to check out this book, but i would liek u to explain a little more first about your point.
peace

 

[HappyHobo]

Radiodude,

Your words seem like they have the potential to be inspirational but you need to elaborate more...

The point I'm getting at here is that most of us have kept our hearts locked away

How have we kept our masculine hearts locked up?

It's our masculine heart that causes us to be wild, fierce, and passionate about life.

We know this already, how shall we unleash this power?

I urge you to clarify all of this before we end this thread

 

[SLIKKER_THAN_AVG]

I think i know what he's getting at here.

Each man has a wound. A wound deep in his heart. Alot of guys today live the life of a poser as a result of this wound. It has caused the masculinity w/ in a man to become warped. A man either is too passive, or too driven.

This "wound" is created by todays society. Today men are restricted in their ways of expression..and as a result they unconsciously create a certain persona of themselves that is "acceptable" to society..but it doesnt reflect the passion and drive within a mans heart. Masculinity is different within than what society makes it out to be.

The point I'm getting at here is that most of us have kept our hearts locked away. Our masculine heart that is. It's our masculine heart that causes us to be wild, fierce, and passionate about life.

The hearts of many men have been locked away because of todays restrictions. As a result..many men arent the "men" they were meant to be because that inner drive is gone..if that makes sense..

The more we embrace this deep locked down part of us, the more masculine we will become. This will produce the polarity in our lives we all crave. We will become happier, more content, and ultimately know who we are as a man

In other words, we must put on our loin cloths, growl like lions, club women in the head, then take them back to our caves LOL.

Actually....its a good point about masculinity though.

 

[SLIKKER_THAN_AVG]

By the way i read the book as well, its a good read. Not overly religious or anything like that..the author is christian, but you would be surprised at some of the stuff he writes..its refreshing.

radiodude that wounded reference is an interesting analogy hey?

 

[radiodude]

I'll explain further

Thanks for the reply's and questions guys.

There are three core longings within every mans heart:
1. An adventure to go on.
2. A battle to fight.
3. a beauty to rescue.

A man needs to run wild and free. Unincumbered by restrictions and life's tedious day to day hassles.

What has happened nowadays is that many men have had their strength beaten down, cracked and worn away.

When was the last time you stood up for something??? Are you afraid to confront people on certain issues? Are you frightened of what might happen if you let your strength show up??? See, thats the thing, many men are afraid of their own strength.

I work in an office all day long. Now, I do enjoy my job, let there be no doubt. But, there's always something in me that wishes I could be outside in the woods, or someplace, enjoying the sun, nature. I wish sometimes that I could work with my hands, get dirty, sweat, etc. There's something that feels natural about it to me.

Where in life do you find yourself not fully jumping in at, or participating?? Working on cars? Playing basketball with the guys at the gym?? Advancing yourself at work? Alot of guys shy away from this sort of stuff because they know they don't know alot about it, or don't think they have what it takes, and are afraid of being exposed, laughed at...wounded even deeper. Part of this problem stems from the fact that they never got involved in these type of activities b/c they were never exposed to it alot, or raised with these type of skills/knowledge.


Let me continue below..........................

 

[Kwah]

I get into enough trouble with my penis being free, I dont think I can afford to let my heart out regularily too.

 

[radiodude]

continued

In one part of the 'field manual' edition to the book, John Eldridge writes some thoughts he's had regarding the release of his masculine heart. in this particular section he confesses that he often edits his heart (keeps it in a box) And writes that he's afraid if he lets his masculinity show up too much he might

"1. Start taking heads off"

"2. rip the cloth's off of some beautiful woman"

"3. Go on some wild harebrained adventure"

Is that not a true description of what we often think and feel as men?? I know for me it certainly is. It struck such a cord with me when I read it.


What makes you come alive? Thats where you'll find your true masculine heart.


Latley, I've begun searching myself for things that cause me to 'come alive' if you will. Areas where my aggression/passion/fierceness come out. It could be anything from an activity, to a principle or a belief.

We must start embracing that man deep within us. We must let him out. Not in a reckless way, or abusive way, but in a good way.

We must be dangerous...in a good way.

Today's society hates dangerous men. Yet at the same time we can't take our eye's off of them. Why do you think that is?

If a man is abusive, or too driven, he needs to learn how to be kinder, friendlier. This doesn't call for him to become a wimp, it simply means he needs to embrace goodness. If a man is too passive or frightened, he needs to release and embrace his wild heart. It's there. You may not think it is, but it is.

Women are often attracted to the wilder side of a man. It's easy to see why when you think about it. B/c the wild side of a man is that which validates her feminine beauty.

Eldridge talks about women also having a wound. Whereas a man needs to know if he's powerful enough, if he's got what it takes, a woman needs to know that she is beautiful, that she is lovely. She wants to know if you 'delight' in her. Then, she wants to join you on your adventure, support you in your battle, and be swept away by you at the end.

These are the core human longings.

But Eldridge make it very clear that we as men cannot go to a woman to validate us as men. Too often a guy will consistantly go to a woman to be validated as a man. He thinks, if he gets a girl, that means he's a man. Not true though. Our masculinity is bestowed on us from God and our fathers. NOT FROM WOMEN!!!

Which brings me to the root cause of the wound. It's always a 'father wound' that we carry. Our relationship to our dads is a direct indicator of what we'll be like as a man. Many guys never recieved enough validation from their father or 'father figure' in their lives. Male bonding is like food for a mans soul. It nourishes him and helps him grow as a man.

I've got to get back to work, but I'll continue later, below.

 

[Kwah]

waitaminute... we arent supposed to do stupid hairbrained things?

 

[Igor]

Originally posted by Kwah
waitaminute... we arent supposed to do stupid hairbrained things?

No no, that's still ok. Now go out there and make us proud!

Good post though, keep it going

 

[vectorz]

Hey, save this thread for deepandpathetic.com

 

[silverdog]

Hey good post man

 

[Kwah]

OH good, cause I intend to make an ass out myself this evening. At least 5 shut downs/#'s. only the evening will tell me which it is