Tarfun
Don Juan
The following is a message I wrote in response to another user who PM'ed me. It responds to the questions he posed me and it's a bit of a personal piece, but I felt like there might be some information in here you guys might find useful and remember to never stop learning, teaching, and supporting each other.
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I’m glad you PM'd me dude. I checked out some of you post after you responded to my post the other day and man I really see a lot of similarities between the 2 of us and I was really hoping to get a chance to talk to you. On the same note, I really didn't wanna go out and offer any unsolicited advice so I was pretty thrilled to see your message tonight.
I started lurking the boards here about 2 years ago, there is some awesome stuff here. I really started practicing this stuff in the field about 14 months ago. I did not hit is super hard, did not go our 4 or 5 nights a week trying to practice it. To this day, I am still a Friday and Saturday type of guy, but there are tons of opportunities every day to polish your conversation skills and just generally improve you comfort level with interacting with people. I went out with the attitude that I did not know a stranger, I would chat up anyone and everyone. I initially set out not specifically to improve my skills with women, but to improve myself with people in general.
So forget specifically about the girls for a while, this is a growing and learning opportunity for you. In this regards, it sounds like you are on the right track, you're working out, eating better, upgrading you wardrobe, learning salsa and muay thai, all these things are great. You are working on creating a better you. In regards to your hangup girl, I promise you, the more you focus on these things the less you'll focus on her. I was caught up really bad on Blake when I first started, and whenever I was sitting home and she would pop in my head I would go run or go smash my heavy bag until I was gassed. I focused really hard on self improvement, and polishing my all around social skills and I began to see noticeable improvements not only in the way I looked but also just generally the way I felt physically and emotionally in a month.
It wasn’t until I was feeling happier, healthier, and more emotionally grounded as a complete person that I started noticing improvement with the ladies. It wasn't because I read more forum posts, or learned some ****ty canned openers, or any other tricks or tips. I was because I was building the type of confidence and self worth that cannot be faked only earned.
I was actually considering writing a post on this yesterday, but in the early going I really remember finding victories in the small things, a laugh, a smile, a playful hit, a feigned expression of being offended. To this day, I still love the small things most of all. They are my favorite because they remind me of how far I've come. Yeah, I blew it with tons of girls, was too passive, was too aggressive, said the wrong things, failed **** tests, pissed her off. But there 2 things I NEVER did. First, I never took the small things for granted, I used them as stepping stones and encouragement for greater accomplishments, getting a number, a kiss, a date, or intimacy. Second, I never failed to try to objectively critique myself, evaluate what I did well and what I did poorly.
I know at this point I am kinda rambling, I'm jumping back and forth between writing this and reading your PM. Going back to your dilemma with the girl, its definitely a difficult situation. I was in a situation similar to yours when I was in college. Obviously, you cannot no contact her because you are in class with her every week. As I said above, focus on you, in this case it means focusing on your school work. Treat it like you do you working out or muay thai, school is another means we have to enhance ourselves as individuals. I'm assuming you are younger than me (I'm 28 btw), but let me assure you that smart is sexy. I don't know about you, but if I ever decided to settle down I want the complete package, the holy trinity for me: smart, sexy, and fun (emotionally stable is pretty cool too). You gotta be the complete package to get the complete package, so read some classic literature, watch some classic cinema, keep up on your current events, know some key things about art and classical music, learn history, in short, know a little about everything.
Finally, you asked what I did to get with those 2 girls that broke my heart. I did a lot, I made myself a better more confident man. Like I said earlier, I built the type of confidence that can't be faked, it's not acting, posturing, pretending, trying to analyze exactly when to smile, putting on a show, running a routine. It's just me now, I do what I want, say what I want to say. I get women because I have something to offer them; I'm smart, funny, well educated (BA in History and English), a great conversationalist, have a decent job (firefighter/paramedic - not the best paying job in the world but women like it and the territory comes with some great stories to boot). I make it known on no uncertain terms exactly what I want. There is nothing I need from her, not her company, not her great personality, not her money, not her pvssy, because she does not possess anything that I cannot get somewhere else, and I sure all hell am not gonna deal with her **** to get it. It's a deadly combination when you have all the things she wants and she has nothing you need. You have all the power because you hold all the cards.
Thunder, it's 1230 here, and I gotta work in the morning, I hope some of this helps. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
Sincerely,
Tarfun
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I’m glad you PM'd me dude. I checked out some of you post after you responded to my post the other day and man I really see a lot of similarities between the 2 of us and I was really hoping to get a chance to talk to you. On the same note, I really didn't wanna go out and offer any unsolicited advice so I was pretty thrilled to see your message tonight.
I started lurking the boards here about 2 years ago, there is some awesome stuff here. I really started practicing this stuff in the field about 14 months ago. I did not hit is super hard, did not go our 4 or 5 nights a week trying to practice it. To this day, I am still a Friday and Saturday type of guy, but there are tons of opportunities every day to polish your conversation skills and just generally improve you comfort level with interacting with people. I went out with the attitude that I did not know a stranger, I would chat up anyone and everyone. I initially set out not specifically to improve my skills with women, but to improve myself with people in general.
So forget specifically about the girls for a while, this is a growing and learning opportunity for you. In this regards, it sounds like you are on the right track, you're working out, eating better, upgrading you wardrobe, learning salsa and muay thai, all these things are great. You are working on creating a better you. In regards to your hangup girl, I promise you, the more you focus on these things the less you'll focus on her. I was caught up really bad on Blake when I first started, and whenever I was sitting home and she would pop in my head I would go run or go smash my heavy bag until I was gassed. I focused really hard on self improvement, and polishing my all around social skills and I began to see noticeable improvements not only in the way I looked but also just generally the way I felt physically and emotionally in a month.
It wasn’t until I was feeling happier, healthier, and more emotionally grounded as a complete person that I started noticing improvement with the ladies. It wasn't because I read more forum posts, or learned some ****ty canned openers, or any other tricks or tips. I was because I was building the type of confidence and self worth that cannot be faked only earned.
I was actually considering writing a post on this yesterday, but in the early going I really remember finding victories in the small things, a laugh, a smile, a playful hit, a feigned expression of being offended. To this day, I still love the small things most of all. They are my favorite because they remind me of how far I've come. Yeah, I blew it with tons of girls, was too passive, was too aggressive, said the wrong things, failed **** tests, pissed her off. But there 2 things I NEVER did. First, I never took the small things for granted, I used them as stepping stones and encouragement for greater accomplishments, getting a number, a kiss, a date, or intimacy. Second, I never failed to try to objectively critique myself, evaluate what I did well and what I did poorly.
I know at this point I am kinda rambling, I'm jumping back and forth between writing this and reading your PM. Going back to your dilemma with the girl, its definitely a difficult situation. I was in a situation similar to yours when I was in college. Obviously, you cannot no contact her because you are in class with her every week. As I said above, focus on you, in this case it means focusing on your school work. Treat it like you do you working out or muay thai, school is another means we have to enhance ourselves as individuals. I'm assuming you are younger than me (I'm 28 btw), but let me assure you that smart is sexy. I don't know about you, but if I ever decided to settle down I want the complete package, the holy trinity for me: smart, sexy, and fun (emotionally stable is pretty cool too). You gotta be the complete package to get the complete package, so read some classic literature, watch some classic cinema, keep up on your current events, know some key things about art and classical music, learn history, in short, know a little about everything.
Finally, you asked what I did to get with those 2 girls that broke my heart. I did a lot, I made myself a better more confident man. Like I said earlier, I built the type of confidence that can't be faked, it's not acting, posturing, pretending, trying to analyze exactly when to smile, putting on a show, running a routine. It's just me now, I do what I want, say what I want to say. I get women because I have something to offer them; I'm smart, funny, well educated (BA in History and English), a great conversationalist, have a decent job (firefighter/paramedic - not the best paying job in the world but women like it and the territory comes with some great stories to boot). I make it known on no uncertain terms exactly what I want. There is nothing I need from her, not her company, not her great personality, not her money, not her pvssy, because she does not possess anything that I cannot get somewhere else, and I sure all hell am not gonna deal with her **** to get it. It's a deadly combination when you have all the things she wants and she has nothing you need. You have all the power because you hold all the cards.
Thunder, it's 1230 here, and I gotta work in the morning, I hope some of this helps. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
Sincerely,
Tarfun