Become your BEST self, then --Be Yourself--

[The Iron Chef]

If I simply say "Be yourself" as a tip, I'd get laughed off this board. Almost everyone in sosuave agrees that "being yourself" simply won't cut it in the battlefield of sex, dating, and relationships. For some, using ideas from sosuave will get results in the short term (and that may be good enough for them). For others, they complain that nothing they tried works. The actual quality of results varies greatly from person to person, partly because everyone has had different experiences and come from different situations before they found sosuave. To those with successes, they think that they found out how to not "be yourself". To those with failures, they think they are still "stuck" with "themselves". So where is this all leading to?

This is where my tip comes in: To have permanent and repeatable success, you must ultimately BE YOURSELF.

This by no ways mean that you should stay being your CURRENT self. Rather, you must develop yourself into the "self" that you wish to be - Become your BEST self. But this doesn't happen overnight. It takes long-term painstaking effort and discipline. This isn't one of those quick tips you learn and apply right away.

So why should you expend the effort to become your best self? Becauses that's the only way to gain true, everlasting confidence. When you are truly confident about your WHOLE self, and can justify your confidence with tangible evidence, you'll be NATURALLY attractive. Consider this, if you learn a few ****y/funny comments and all of the sudden think you ARE ****y/funny, you're fooling nobody but yourself. But if you can develop your wit so that you can instantly come up with a joke or cf/remark to any situation, then that will truly become a part of you. You wouldn't be faking when say something funny at the right moment, and you wouldn't worry about "running out of lines".

So how can you become confident about your whole self? Start by making a list of all the things you wish to get/learn/be/change/improve. Such a list might look like the following:

Bigger muscles
Dress better
Be funny
Good conversationalist
More athletic
Surfing
Rockclimbing
Play guitar
Make $xxxxx this year

Obviously you can't work on everything at once. So the next step is to prioritize your goals into A, B, or C. "A" being the most desired goals RIGHT now, "C" being something that's just nice to have, and "B" is somewhere in between. After that, start listing specific plans to achieve your A level goals. For example, going to the gym 4 times a week to build bigger muscles, going to comedy clubs everyweek to see comedians perform, and joining a debate class to learn to argue well.

Of course, the hard part is to stick to these plans for long periods ( 6 months and more). But I guarantee, if you persist long enough to achieve your goal, whatever you have gained will have become a permanent part of you, and you can be confident about that part of yourself. Even if you just achieve one goal, your confidence level will rise dramatically, and subsequent goals will be easier to obtain. You'll say to yourself "Hey, I can do this now. I've proven to myself I can do something I couldn't do before. NEXT!"

Once you've achieved all your A and B level goals, you'll be all-around confident, and other people will be able to see that. You wouldn't have to remember any tips, tricks, and techniques. Everything will flow out of you naturally and effortlessly, so that all you need to do then is to BE YOURSELF.

 

[DJ_Dork]

Did all the above and I have to tell you is that being yourself is the way to go. If a girl doesn't like how you act in a certain way - who cares!!!

 

[Walk this Way]

Good tip. My motto has always been DO NOT PRETEND. You can fake who you are only for so long before you get torn apart and rejected.

 

[HappyHobo]

"Consider this, if you learn a few ****y/funny comments and all of the sudden think you ARE ****y/funny, you're fooling nobody but yourself. But if you can develop your wit so that you can instantly come up with a joke or cf/remark to any situation, then that will truly become a part of you. You wouldn't be faking when say something funny at the right moment, and you wouldn't worry about "running out of lines"."


Above is the reason why tips and tricks ultimately fail in the end.
What good is it to know a line or move to get the ladies?
Every girl is different so the chances are it won't always work.

The best way would be to just let it come naturally. You won't have to go out of your way adapt to the girl you would just naturlaly do it.

Also, i believe this person makes a very good point on knowing what you want. A lot of people have all these things that they want but they never center their focus on that one thing.

To actually get what you want you need to have a central focus on one thing at a time. Its like when you drop a giant bucket of bouncy balls on the tile floor. If you focused on grabbing all the bouncy balls you will miss a lot of them, but if you focus on grabbing each and everyone of them at a time you will be able to grab alot more.

Know what you want first and put your primary focus on that and then move to the next thing.

Not bad of a post.

4 Stars

 

[Nocturnal]

The revolution has taken its hold .

 

[Amog]

The only way to become PUA worthy is to change yourself. Accept the fact that change needs to be made. The reason you are unsuccessful is because you do not have the traits that are attracting women. Learning these traits WILL undoubtedly change you as a person.

 

[Nocturnal]

Originally posted by Amog
The only way to become PUA worthy is to change yourself. Accept the fact that change needs to be made. The reason you are unsuccessful is because you do not have the traits that are attracting women. Learning these traits WILL undoubtedly change you as a person.

As a pick up artist, there is much more techinique and short term ideology (or such an image has been impressed upon me). This site has leaned away from short term, one night stand types of relationships with women to more of a get-to-date-a-few-women-casually and be happy with it.

 

[nibun]

Working on my "B" priorities right now.

this tip deserves a bump

 

[Shiraz]

nice one mate im gonna make a list now hehe

 

[2xp]

sometimes my inner self tells me to go outside and relax in the local park and enjoy this cool summer sun. and sometimes i don't feel like working and socializing with people. are those true inner desires ? i'd say yes.

i mean all i ever wanted as a man was sleep all day and have great sex with cool sexy girls afterwards

i've never thought deeply about this, my initial reaction to your post would be:
apart from enjoying himself from what life gives him, a Man has duties to attend to. a kind of a paying-back system. he can practise sports, hang out with his family, enjoy a fine dinner, but ultimately he must play his role of provider-protector. he must be strong and courageous, and do the job he has to do.

you know what, i just think that being better & stronger & richer is not one of my inner wishes. society and media told me they were the ideals. i would have never pursued these goals if they weren't prerequisites of me being a Man, that is a Man who knows he has responsibilities and duties. i wouldn't give a damn sh!t about clothes and $$$ if they weren't useful for my future family.

we agree on the final result. i mean, we will become both strong and witty and intelligent on all kind of subjects; but maybe you are trying to fool yourself if you think that when you are looking for clothes and $$$, you are actually trying to be yourself. you are not trying to be better, you just obey to society's rules.


anyway, i don't like smashing other people's beliefs and dreams. i mean, if that helps you to be the best, that's great.

about the list thing : writing goals down helps. i don't if it works in the long term. you'd have to be organized and maybe keep a daily journal, compare with what u've done in the past, make long-term objectives and also some kind of week program. like the fitness journal when bodybuilding. This is the BEST way i've found to push me to do things.

joining a debate class to learn to argue well.

strange idea. does that help in daily life, mr iron chef ?

 

[nibun]

2xp: are you really in France? Are you French?

 

[The Iron Chef]

Originally posted by 2xp
:

you know what, i just think that being better & stronger & richer is not one of my inner wishes. society and media told me they were the ideals. i would have never pursued these goals if they weren't prerequisites of me being a Man, that is a Man who knows he has responsibilities and duties. i wouldn't give a damn sh!t about clothes and $$$ if they weren't useful for my future family.

we agree on the final result. i mean, we will become both strong and witty and intelligent on all kind of subjects; but maybe you are trying to fool yourself if you think that when you are looking for clothes and $$$, you are actually trying to be yourself. you are not trying to be better, you just obey to society's rules.

That's perfectly fine. The point of my post is to become YOUR best, however you define "your best" to be. This is not about obeying society's rules. In fact, just what are your definition of "society's rules"?
If you want to disobey the "rules" simply for the sake disobeying or rebelling against society, then you're just conforming to not conform.

:
about the list thing : writing goals down helps. i don't if it works in the long term. you'd have to be organized and maybe keep a daily journal, compare with what u've done in the past, make long-term objectives and also some kind of week program. like the fitness journal when bodybuilding. This is the BEST way i've found to push me to do things.

Writing down goals is a fundamental step to achieving long term success. It serves as a compass to guide your actions. Beyond that, how you choose to reach your goals is up to you.

:
joining a debate class to learn to argue well.

strange idea. does that help in daily life, mr iron chef ?

Learning debate means learning to arrange ideas in a very organized manner so as to support whatever claims you make. It helps speed up your thought process so you'll be less likely to get "stuck" during a conversation. Debating also naturally helps you speak better (in fluency, articulation, and clarity). Whether you think that's helpful in daily life is up to you.