Become More Attractive to Women

[Industry]

( Written from Kat Chen's point of view from her little study room in somewhere northeast of Singapore - just above Australia for those of you not geographically inclined like Kat herself. She never fails to patronise SBS when she buys the SBS annual bus guide. Whoever says men never asks for directions don't know women! This article is written to amuse the general public, so if you use any of the info below, the author of this article will not be held liable for any bad consequences you face!)

I remember I was the only one left UNMARRIED and yet I was the 2nd "best-looking" girl in my group. I was never short of dates but why have I not settled down yet? Yes, I remember turning away lots of men because they weren't easy on the eyes. No regrets though.

What happened to attractiveness? Was I still attractive in the eyes of the opposite sex? Why are some people more attractive than others?

The other day, I saw a goodlooking Asian man at Delifrance, enjoying his wholemeal bread and the whole time he was focused on his food. If there was a caterpillar on his lettuce, I was sure he would have noticed. But this attractive man didn't notice me. He had a Chippendale dancer look the way his face was sculpted. but when he started picking his nose with his littlest finger, I was immediately turned off. So, besides physical attractiveness, a person can be attractive in other ways.

One of the ways to being or getting attractive is to have the qualities to fulfill the needs of others. Secondly, you show confidence that exudes a look of "success and happiness". Thirdly, if you lower the love costs of others (I will get to this later), you could become more attractive.

ANYONE can be attractive if he/she is able to recognize or create situations that make you more attractive. Mathematically, attractiveness is written as:

attractiveness = qualities to fulfill needs of others + confidence to fulfill needs of others + lowering love costs of others +
situation forces



Do you have the qualities to fulfill the needs of your soulmate?

* Physical Attractiveness - sexual arousal, strength, and size
* Similarities - attitudes, goals, background, interests, intelligences, sex drives, etc…
* Social Skills - social etiquette, good hygiene, communication skills, social networking skills
* Emotional Intelligence - self-awareness, managing emotions, empathy, managing emotions in others
* Entertainment - humor, talents, novelty/mystery
* Wealth

What type of needs are there to be satisfied?

Some people have several or all of the following needs:-

* esteem needs (to feel confident/pride, fullfilled through communications skills)
* social needs
* safety needs
* spiritual needs
* entertainment needs (fun/hobby)
* sexual needs (libido)
* materialistic desires (through increase in wealth although not necessarily a "need")

Now, let's go to the first quality requirement for attracting the opposite sex. ("Darling", "loved one", "soulmate", "ideal mate" refer to "other half" or "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" or "spouse".)

Physical Attractiveness

Goodlooking people are approached more often than homely people. (Ask me - I have been hugging my pc for so long I am still single at 29!)

A person whose social networks are larger are naturally more popular or even more unpopular (look at celebrities). Such people may have better communication skills and they may also make more money.

Also, being around goodlooking people makes you more attractive. Your esteem needs might be met because you may feel better about yourself for being able to attract a beautiful lover. (Demi Moore is a good example of why some people hang out with others much younger than themselves as they serve to boost their self-image and confidence.) Goodlooking people are usually more sexually arousing and because of the given opportunities that life somehow creates on its own (what with How-to books and Viagra!), they also have better sex lives.

Variables that influences physical attractiveness are facial features, body type, weight, and height. Social influences, such as the media, dictates what is beautiful and what is not. Society tells us wrinkles, pigmentations, freckles, moles, obesity, etc that these aging signs are not attractive and that people with double-eyelids are better-looking. Europeans and Caucasians are encouraged to get a healthy tan while Asians are encouraged to get fair!

Biases towards physical attractive traits stem from evolution because they were attractive for breeding and survival. Any deviations of physical appearance were possible signs of illness or disease. Young looking, large breasted women with low waist-to-hip ratio represented health as well as the ability to bear and nurse babies. Tall and athletic males were more attractive because they were better able to protect and provide for females and their offspring.

My Observations

Less physically attractive people work harder to meet people than physically attractive people. That is why most people are surprised when they meet a goolooking person in a personals profile!

Younger actresses have more and better movie roles. This explains why heroes are always goodlooking and villains are always ugly or mean-looking!

Facial features' measurement of attractive people are the average of the population. Average weight, height, and breast size will also be considered most attractive.

People who date for sex will value physical attractiveness the most.

Both female and males value physical attraction equally.

Men seem to prefer women who are shorter than them. Women prefer men taller than them.

Some men are intimidated by women more well-educated than they are, but most women are not intimidated by men more well-educated than them.



What are the tactics to increase one's Physical Attractiveness?

If you consider yourself a short man, stand next to a man who's shorter than you!

Pursue people who are not as goodlooking as you are (you will feel better of yourself)!

Resort to plastic surgery. Get yourself a nose job or new breasts (for women only). Or go get Dr. Raffles Wu cheaper than plastic surgery thread-pulling "youth" one-day surgery.

Improve your smile. Get braces, whiten your teeth, or even
dental work.

Exercise to lose weight or to get an athletic body.

Go to a dermatologist to improve your acne condition. (I prefer

Dalacin or Ro-accutane - they worked wonders for me, I wished I got them earlier. These are prescriptive medicines and so, require doctor's monitoring of your health and some blood tests first.)

Wear sun-protection cream.

If balding, try Rogaine or consider a hair transplant.

Even if you're not fashionable, wear nice clothes of colours that compliment your skin tone, lifestyle and personality.

Learn self-defence or martial arts so people can admire your muscles.

What are the tactics to decrease physical attractiveness of your love interest? (Now, who would want to do that unless you wish to get OUT of a relationship.)

Cook high fat meals, discourage exercising, and then laugh at her extra flabs of fat around her waist..

Induce stress to cause acne and more frown lines.

Buy love interest things he doesn't use like a nail file. (Note:

Buying a beauty product for a woman may come across as a negative message so be careful there unless insult is your intention.)


Similarities

People usually like people who are a lot like themselves. The more things you have in common with people, the more likely you will love them and they will love you back. A lover who shares common dreams and ambitions will provide for your esteem needs easier. When someone shares similar hobbies and interests with you, there is little conflict about what to do for entertainment. If you and your loved one or soulmate share similar attitudes about sex and have similar sex drives, you are more sexually compatible. Also, if both of you are materialistic to the same degree, there will be less arguments about financial issues!

Having similarities makes it easier to understand one another and conflicts are less. What is it in the other person that should be similar to yours? Ethnicity/culture. language, intelligence, emotional intelligence, schooling, income, social economic status, moral/values, hobbies/interests, religion, ambition, life goals, sex attitude/drives, and family goals are all considerable factors. However, it would be up to you to prioritise what must be similar between you and your ideal mate. Some people of different race or religion have been known to enjoy years of marital bliss so do keep your expectations realistic. You may wish to drop a "stubborn expectation" after meeting someone great but who has crooked teeth, for example.

Similar people usually congregate together. Examples are clubs or organizations.

Intelligent people will find intelligence more attractive than those who are not.

Similarity in attitudes about outlook on life explains why some opposites appear to attract each other although they do not have similar upbringing.

So if you love doctors, try to join a club where lots of medical professionals join (or attend a medical convention but usually they aren't cheap)! If you love intellectual people, look for love in a library (I had no luck in the library though). If you are looking for another vegetarian soulmate, search for one at a vegetarian-members only personals here.

 

[Industry]

Social Skills

Social skills refer to the ability to follow "social rules" for interacting and mingling with others. These skills include social etiquette, good hygiene, communication skills, and social networking skills that affects your ability to keep or maintain freindships. People who do not have good social etiquette or hygiene may embarrass the people they are with, thus lowering social benefits or making social benefits negative.

Communication skills facilitate understanding and maintaining friends. They also help to avoid and resolve conflicts. Also, couples with good communication skills have better sex lives as they are more communicative of where they would like to be touched and aroused.

Good etiquette, good hygiene, and communication skills affect social networking abilities.

For most people, social networking skills are attractive because these skills can be used to gain popularity and to increase social status. People with friends also have access to emotional or financial support in stressful times. Therefore, having social skills can be used to fulfill safety needs as well.

My Observations

People who have good etiquette and hygiene are more popular than those who do not.

People who have good relationships are usually good communicators.

People often seek people who are good communicators, when they need a shoulder to cry on.


What are the tactics to increase one's Social Skills?


Get a good etiquette book. What's socially accepted in your country may not be well-accepted in another.

Bath or shower daily (twice daily if humid). Use deodorant if you have body odour.

Brush your teeth and carry breath refresheners and not just mints. Ask your friends to alert you if you have bad breath.

Do not pick your nose, pimples,etc in public! There's no mirror to look at anyway when you do that.
Talk a lot if you must but listening is equally important as part of having good communication skills.
Learn to laze a little while working (don't blame me if you get fired)! Get email, instant messaging, a PDA, and a cell phone to keep in touch with friends.



What are the tactics to decrease one's Social Skills?

Keep talking (with your mouth full also) without allowing the other person time to comment or reply.

Eat your meals quickly so at the end of your meal (or in the middle of it) you'd let out a big fat burp.

Throw away your Spirulina supplements and risk a smelly public fart.

Eat lots of garlic and onions and do not brush your teeth. Do not shower for days.



Emotional Intelligence

Do you qualify HIGH in emotional intelligence?

Are you sensitive to others' emotions? Do you have the ability to identify one's feelings in real time?

Emotional intelligence also involves managing your own and others' emotions. Do you have the ability to neutralize negative emotions like anxiety, stress, and depression? Do you have the ability to motivating yourself to keep your anger in check so that hurting words are not spoken? Do you have the ability to delay gratification or emotional impulses like physical abuse, the ability to recognise emotions in others (empathise)?

These qualities (abilities) are important to support your soulmate's esteem needs and to avoid/resolve conflicts. Empathy is necessary to develop intimate relationships.

Emotionally intelligent people will have more friends and are well liked. Contrary to common sense, emotional intelligence is a more powerful indicator of income than intelligence. Nobody likes to work for a boss who is not emotionally intelligent.

The ability to control other people's emotions is usually useful in relieving stressful situations and avoiding conflicts. So emotional intelligence is a quality that can be used to fulfill safety needs as well.



My Observations

Leaders and popular people usually have high emotional intelligence. (But this isn't the same as being compassionate. Ex-leaders like Adolf Hitler were highly emotional people who react according to his enemies emotions but he wasn't compassionate.)

What tactics are there to increase Emotional Intelligence?

Take anger management or conflict resolution classes or read a book on anger management.

Get a book that tells you the "hidden" messages shown in body expressions (body language teaches you to recognise the signs that can tell you if a person has been lying to you amongst other unspoken emotions).


Entertainment

Certain personality traits have entertainment value. Most people prefer to be around people who are funny and interesting. People who value intellectual stimulation prefer people with intelligence or education. People who like novelty or mystery would be attracted to people who are different or mysterious. People who love music, art, or literature will be attracted to musicians, artists, or writers, respectively. Also, having common hobbies and interests is very attractive because it makes entertainment decisions easy. Lastly, wealth can buy entertainment. For example, if you like traveling, fine dining, or buying expensive things, wealth indirectly has entertainment value.


My Observations

Entertainers, pop-stars and athletes are usually highly valued society members and are paid well.

Intelligence is only attractive to those who need intellectual stimulation.

Some people enjoy rescuing or fixing up screwed-up people. (Florence Nightingale or White Knight syndrome)
Explains why good girls like bad boys. Bad boys are more exciting than good boys!


What are the tactics to increase your Entertainment Value?

Be humourous. Email your friends and family jokes and funny egreetings!
Keep up on current events or information that maybe of interest to love interest. If your love interest loves cooking, you may collect recipe cut-outs from magazines or newspapers for her.
Learn how to play a guitar or piano.
Pursue people who have no talents, hobbies, who do not read, or have boring jobs.
Pursue people who always complain they are bored or have "time to kill".
Bring her on a romantic and entertaining trip.

Wealth
Those who say money cannot buy love are wrong. If you buy a bunch of flowers for your darling and she beams with joy as she receives your lovely bouquet, you have just bought her at least "30 seconds of happiness". However, wealth alone is only one of many attractive traits and it will not guarantee everlasting love.

Money can be used to increase social status, buy financial and physical security, provide primary needs, and fulfill materialistic desires. Rich people are less attracted to other rich people because their financial needs are already fulfilled but they may be attracted to other rich people because of one another's similarities. Rich people may also be attracted to those who aren't rich just because they have similar taste in music (that makes "Opposite attracts." a true statement).

My Observations

Money buys love by increasing your attractiveness to people who are poor or people who have unmet materialistic desires.
Wealth is an indicator for at least one other trait: intelligence, emotional intelligence, ambition, energy levels, diligence, responsibility, and perseverance.
Popularity and physical attractiveness are more important to young women. Wealth and social status are more important to mature women.
Financial problems are the most common reasons for relationship conflicts. Extra-marital affairs or the gradual lack of communication (communicating love and concern) are the most common reasons for divorces.
Rich and powerful people (even the not-so-likeable or mean ones) are considered more attractive by the media.

What tactics are there to use to increase attractiveness using Wealth?

Become rich and powerful through education, business, investments, etc
Rob a bank!
Become a bank-teller and fraudantly add a few zeroes to your account balance (before the decimal point, please).
Spend money to improve physical appearance and wardrobe.
Buy a nice house, drive an expensive car, and wear expensive clothing and jewelry (and get broke after all that).
Buy expensive gifts if love interest likes branded handbags, etc
Donate all your money to me!!
Buy a huge insurance policy and commit suicide before your time.

What tactics are there to use to decrease attractiveness using Wealth? (Are you sure you want to do this?)

Asking if she has enough for her chocolate bar (man, why don't you pay for her).
Getting her a gold ring when she wants a diamond solitaire.
Spend all your money on drugs.

Confidence to Fulfill Needs of Others
Besides having attractive qualities, confidence is very important. If you have attractive qualities but do not appear or act as though you do not have them, you are not attractive.

An attractive person growing up in a family where he/she is told repeatedly that he/she is a loser will have low self-esteem and confidence. Another example is when an attractive woman thinks she is too fat because of the media. On the other hand, a nerdy rich guy has very high self-esteem and confidence because society tells him that he is an attractive mate. You may not have attractive qualities or may even be rich, but if you can appear confident that you have them, you will appear attractive.

My Observations

People who think they are attractive are more resistant to love and likely to be more selective.
People with low self-esteem or low confidence are more susceptible to love.

Lowering the Love Costs of Others
* Proximity
* Meeting Frequency
* Reciprocal Liking

 

[Industry]

Proximity

Many studies have shown that geographical proximity is the most robust variable to predict if people would be couples. Contrary to common sense, people fall in love with people who are geographically close to them, rather than other compatibility factors. Being nearby lowers other people's transportation costs, making you more attractive. In other words, it's more likely you'd find your soulmate in your own country

My Observations

Long-distance relationships are not impossible but are more difficult.
Proximity explains the attraction to the "girl next door".

What are the tactics to increase attractiveness by using Proximity factor?

Pursue people in your neighbourhood, at work, or at school.
Avoid long-distance relationships unless you can afford it.
Live near or hang out where there is heavy foot traffic, like MacDonald's!

Meeting Frequency (Exposure)
Psychological studies have shown that the more you see someone, the more attractive they get. The probable underlying reason is that the more time you spend with strangers, the more effort you take in getting to know them. A stranger becomes more familiar and you both begin to share similar experiences. This explains why affairs with co-workers are very common.

What tactics are there to increase Meeting Frequency?

Be with love interest physically as much as possible.
Instant message love interest often.
Buy a digital camera and email love interest pictures of yourself often.
If you're rejected, ask to be a friend. Work on love interest in stealth mode! (You never know if he's ready to try the relationship with you again.)
Give him or her a locket to wear about his/her neck.

Reciprocal Liking
Studies show that people generally like people who like them back. The reason is because it lowers their rejection cost, breakup risk, and breakup costs. Always tell those you love that you love them.


Situational Forces
* Mood
* Arousal

Mood
The mood of your love interest affects how attractive you are. If your love interest is in a good mood, he/she will view you more attractive. If he/she is in a bad mood, you will also be more attractive if you are in a good mood.

Insights and Predictions

Very moody people will fall in love faster and more frequently.
Reason why people use wine, scented candles, lingerie, and romantic music.
People who play romantic guitar will get laid more often then those who do not.
Explains why being funny and happy is always attractive.

What are the tactics to influence mood?

Plan dates at romantic locations.
Have a romantic music collection and invest in top-of-the-line stereo systems for home and car.
Wear love interest's favorite scent (and make it your signature scent so you know something's not right if he smells NOT YOU).


Arousal
People are more susceptible to love if they are in emotional or stressful situations. If you are present at these situations, you will be viewed as more attractive. When people have bad or good news, they need someone to share the news with. Being present at emotional or stressful situations allows you opportunities to fulfill esteem, social, and safety needs of others. In other words, you are able to provide the benefits of love. (Beware: Many "master seducers" use this tactic to get susceptible women to bed.) Women become more susceptible to what they think is love when they feel loved...and aroused.

People also may mislabel another emotional or physical arousal for sexual arousal. There are numerous studies that show people, who were emotionally or physically aroused, to misjudge the attractiveness of others. When emotionally/physically aroused, unattractive people will be viewed as more unattractive, while attractive people will be viewed as more attractive!

My Observations

Obstacles and stressful events either tear couples apart or make them closer. Couples are usually closer after resolving their arguments and differences. Couples who do not resolve their differences or misunderstandings either grow apart till they split up or they break up immediately.
People are susceptible to becoming horny if they emotionally or physically aroused.
Explains why people wear cologne and perfume (to arouse emotionally/physically).

What are the tactics to influence arousal?

Drive fast and dangerous on a date. (Remember the part about why some women are attracted to bad boys?)
Bring love interest to a very violent or highly emotional movie. And then be there for her when she talks about the movie.
Start an emotionally charged fight and then apologize afterwards (so you seem like a really nice guy).
Flatten a tire on love interest's car and be there to fix it.
Assuming love interest is already attracted to you, get her chocolates (caffeine in chocolate sets the mood for arousal)!

Reasons why some people never commit
They want to be always single and available, but NOT ncessarily a "player".
They love being pursued and pursueing other available singles.
They feel that committing to a relationship too early may increase their chances of being stuck in a "wrong" relationship and ruining their chances of finding their "right" soulmate.
They focus on being happy alone, improving themselves, and continuing their search for their soulmate without hurting anyone since they are not in any commited relationship.
They feel it is sad to belong to a "wrong one" when the right one comes along.
They do not feel confident of a relationship that gives them temporary comfort and friendship.
If they are only in a relationship for sex, they can then be upfront about it and not mislead anyone.
They feel that they can seperate sex from love, a "male skill" that women should realise that truly exists. (If women learn this skill, they won't fall for the "If I go to bed with him, he might fall in love with me." trap.)
They feel that they can manage one or several sex partner/s and still be single.
They do not like the burden of raising a family that comes with marriage.
They keep searching for a perfect "mate" that they don't reaistically know doesn't exist.

A lot of women confuse a sexual relationship with a love relationship, stop searching for their soulmates, and are then forced to turn a sexual relationship into a love relationship.This is the time when one feels very hurt cos she realises it is lust, not love. As such, more and more people are adopting the "wait-n-see" approach when meeting people with the intention of developing a love relationship or marriage.

The good news for women is, men are willing to wait for sex if they truly love you!

Some Advice

If you are stuck in an unwanted relationship, you may wish to free yourself of that relationship so that you can continue your hunt for your soulmate. End any relationship that has no future as quickly as possible. Learn to be alone and heal; do not repeat the "mistakes" you made in your previous relationship/s.

Breaking up is good when a relationship is not going anywhere, not providing for your needs, or costing you too much. Breaking up early lowers your invested costs, prevents you from being trapped, and limits your opportunity cost for a better lover.

If you're ready to search for more friends or a possible companion, be selective with who you get into for a relationship. Refer to your career as "just a job" to avoid being labeled a "workaholic". Allow to explain to your love interest that having other passions besides being in a relationship is a good thing. If well-meaning "match-makers" or friends see you as being too busy for a relationship, they may hesitate to introduce you to potential dates.

 

[Nocturnal]

I know this is a few months old but I figured you probably want some feedback. For the most part, a lot of this is good, but there's so much that I can't possibly agree with all of... for example

Be with love interest physically as much as possible.
Instant message love interest often.
Buy a digital camera and email love interest pictures of yourself often.
If you're rejected, ask to be a friend. Work on love interest in stealth mode! (You never know if he's ready to try the relationship with you again.)
Give him or her a locket to wear about his/her neck.

you might want to rethink some of this a little more and maybe do some bible research. anyway, not bad. maybe the tips section next time?

 

[James Dupri]

good thread, but your writing style is kind of boring to be honest. the average person probably gives up after reading a paragraph or two.

 

[Lusterkx2]

I agree. Good information, but not so entertaining to read.

 

[scribblec]

this post is ****ing brilliant , one of the better ones in this forum.

the whole emotional intelligence thing was spot on, in my leadership course at university they talk about several things that i already knew about due to the whole pickup artist culture.

 

[Just a Shot Away]

Sorry but this post is garbage. He admitted to being a KBJ in his first post and stated he couldn't find a GF, and then proceeded to lecture about how to attract women. Absurd.

I especially liked the bit about how he advised someone to "get plastic surgery" to fix their problems. That's about as anti-DJ as it gets.

 

[scribblec]

obviously its not all brilliant but most of the advice makes sense, disregard the few bull**** paragraphs

 

[Energizer]

I heard women are attracted to serial killers.

 

[xdreamz]

this is a great post. it has details about how people work and it cleared up some misunderstandings for me.