I want this to reach the nice guys out there: so much of who we are comes from our upbringing, especially from childhood.
How many of you were raised by well-meaning but damaged mothers who, without realizing it, conditioned us to be “nice guys” with no backbone? After I've realized this, I’ve often told myself: Become everything your mother told you not to be.
Truth is this thread's premise is only valid if you had a well intentioned, but drank the feminist Kool Aid mom. And honestly many men had this narrative.
I can relate to the assertion that
@Pumax makes. My mother primarily raised me as she did the bulk of the parenting. My parents did not divorce until I was in high school.
My mother raised me as a stereotypical nice guy. I think she was well intentioned but I don't think she fully drank the feminist Kool Aid. There were elements of 2nd Wave Feminism (1960s-1980s feminism) in her thinking, but she wasn't all the way. She was a confusing blend of feminism and traditionalism. Much of her life has been affected by the confusing blend of feminism and traditionalism she has exhibited. Numerous Boomers are this way. I see where
@BeExcellent is coming from on her statement and it's partially correct.
I had to spend a lot of time de-programming from that. Being a "nice guy" has not played well in the mating market for decades. In my early years in the mating environment (the late 1990s and early 2000s), being a "nice guy" was outdated.
I think a lot of middle class + Generation X and Generation Y/Millennial men were raised by parents from The Silent Generation (late 1920s - 1945 births) and Baby Boomers (1946-1964) who didn't fully grasp the changes that The Sexual Revolution (1960s-1970s) brought about on the mating environment. As a Generation Y/Millennial male, I can speak to what I've observed with a lot of 1980s born Millennials and how they were prepared for the mating environment by Boomer parents.
Boomer males and Boomer females that paired off before the end of the Sexual Revolution might not have fully grasped its impact. While most Boomers hit puberty and entered the mating marketplace during the era of the Sexual Revolution, many of them still got married reasonably early in life and weren't that promiscuous. Promiscuity was a thing in the 1960s-1970s, but it was less mainstream than post 1980.
It was possible for a Boomer male to get into an LTR pre-1980 while being more of a "nice guy" that a typical nice guy from the Millennial generation. Boomer females did not penalize them as much for "nice guy" traits as has been common today. Boomer females raising Millennial sons often didn't realize this. When Boomer fathers were present, they often didn't do a good job preparing their Millennial sons for the post-2000 mating environment.
In my own process, high school was a challenge. It wasn't until late in sophomore year that I was noticing I was taller than many of my female classmates. I was ignored until then. Because of this logistical problem, the first 2 years of high school were a waste for me. In the second 2 years of high school, I was in a good enough place from a looks standpoint to date. My social standing was medium too. I wasn't part of the rejects but I wasn't in the top cliques either. While females were no longer rejecting me due to height, I was exhibiting too many nice guy traits to experience the type of success with females that I desired. My high school interactions left much to be desired.
I went to college after high school. Part of the reason I chose to attend the school I attended was for the attractive women. My school was known for its attractive female student body and it had a solid party scene. I've called my school "Hot Girl U" on here before.
At "Hot Girl U", I had been hoping for a better experience than high school. I was starting to awaken in college. I started reading seduction materials from Doc Love and David DeAngelo, 2 well known authors of the late 1990s/early 2000s era in seduction and pickup. David DeAngelo was influential on my thinking during my 4 years of college. I didn't get to experience the success in college that I wanted. However, I made some progress in de-programming and did see some achievements. College sex is a difficult environment. This forum has a great college sex environment thread for those interested.
I thought I'd share this as someone who went to a party school and was in a fraternity there as well. Not wanting to give too much about myself but I went to UGA and graduated a few years ago. While Athens has its hot girls, I do feel like the quality got worse every year due to the admission...
www.sosuave.net
When I was waking up during college, I realized how poorly I was prepared for the sexual marketplace. I saw too many nice guy traits instilled in me from my mom. I saw traits in myself that would have been more effective in the mating environment of the 1950s-early 1970s than my late 1990s and beyond mating environment. I had to update my own traits for the desires of 1980s born Millennial women.
By reading Doc Love, David DeAngelo, and later Mystery, Rollo, and Roosh, I learned what was necessary to succeed in the 2000s and beyond with Millennial women. I have had extended relationships and put up a notch count that is above the notch count of the majority of men. While I haven't gotten close to triple digits, I haven't been destroyed as a beta male. While I've experienced some challenges since my awakening, I have made great progress and have numerous desirable traits.
