justanotherguy
Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2009
- Messages
- 15
- Reaction score
- 4
So I have this week off, which is why I wrote that first post (on top of the other reason). Admittedly, I had to check back to see if anyone agreed with me, and it seems like it went over well. I trolled some of the other threads and even looked at some of the articles on the main page -- curiosity got the better of me and I still could use some pointers. I'm writing this post because I inherently disagree with some of the articles/posts that have been written. A lot of them are true to a certain degree but are inherently flawed because they only hack away at the branches of the tree, but don't really attack the root of it all. They tell you how to mimic being confident, but that doesn't solve the problem.
The single best advice that I ever got was from my close friend. She's always the center of attention and always has guys drooling over her (yes, I learned from a woman, and yes, she's the biggest alpha I've ever met). She told me this (something along these lines):
"Think of your life and everyone else's as separate shows. If you do so you'll notice many people want to be the star of other peoples' shows and that's because they can't stand watching their own. I, on the other hand, only care about being the biggest star of my own show, and as the star of my own show, I dress, act and do things that make the show better to me. I couldn't care less about anyone else's show and because of that, other people die to have roles in my show because they're so desperate to be a star on a good show as opposed to a stupid one, which is theirs."
Yes, that was the greatest advice that I have ever gotten and let me tell you why. Look at these boards, you'll see it all over the place: some guy asking if everyone thinks he's striking an alpha pose, another guy whining about his friend getting all the chicks, others giving woman number ratings saying that they're dating an 8 or a 9... these are all pathetic attempts to get approval from other people so that they can be the stars of other peoples' shows.
Instead, you should be asking yourself:
"Do I think this woman is hot?"
"Do I like the way I dress?"
"Do I do the things that I want to do?"
"Do I find myself interesting?"
"Would I date myself?"
How can you possibly expect others to give you approval when you yourself haven't already given it to yourself?? Think about it in the terms of how my friend put it. If you're watching a show and the hero of that show doesn't believe in himself at all, would you root for him let alone respect him? More often than not, it's an absolute no.
When I started thinking that way, it was the most liberating experience ever. I stopped caring whether people perceived me to be awesome, because I already knew I was awesome. I stopped being that guy who would try to one up others in conversations, because there was no need to. I stopped worrying whether women like me, because I'm the most awesome person in my show so I already assumed that they wanted to be in my show. I dressed and bought the clothes that I wanted and that I thought looked good on me instead of clothes that I thought people would like on me, because, well, this is MY show. I lost weight and kept in shape because I wanted to do it for me, because why would I want to look like a scrub in my show? I started talking to the women I wanted in my life and treated them as applicants to star in my show. I couldn't care less if someone else thought they were hot or not. If I got rejected by someone, I'd laugh about it and shrug it off, because I just thought of it as a humorous side-plot in my show and I would share it with people shamelessly.
It's the concept of "if you build it, they will come." When you do your own thing the way that you want to do it and other people see you enjoying your life, it becomes infectious the same way that shows on television influence people as to what is cool and what is not. Thoreau wrote, "the mass of men live lives of quiet desperation." That desperation is the need for approval, and if most people are that desperate too, what the hell are you doing asking them for approval?
Some people say that you shouldn't be yourself, but I find that being myself -truly being myself and not lying to myself- has been what caused me to attract the people I want to be around in my life. After all, you're your own harshest critic, so if you get yourself to the point where you like yourself, chances are that other wills like you too. And if not, f*ck'em, because they're the villains in your show.
That's my own secret to confidence. Once you're happy about yourself, you don't need to worry about the bull**** games that people play, because you'll know that they only do so to try to manipulate they're way into your show due to hating their own, and you'll have no problem calling them out on it.
The single best advice that I ever got was from my close friend. She's always the center of attention and always has guys drooling over her (yes, I learned from a woman, and yes, she's the biggest alpha I've ever met). She told me this (something along these lines):
"Think of your life and everyone else's as separate shows. If you do so you'll notice many people want to be the star of other peoples' shows and that's because they can't stand watching their own. I, on the other hand, only care about being the biggest star of my own show, and as the star of my own show, I dress, act and do things that make the show better to me. I couldn't care less about anyone else's show and because of that, other people die to have roles in my show because they're so desperate to be a star on a good show as opposed to a stupid one, which is theirs."
Yes, that was the greatest advice that I have ever gotten and let me tell you why. Look at these boards, you'll see it all over the place: some guy asking if everyone thinks he's striking an alpha pose, another guy whining about his friend getting all the chicks, others giving woman number ratings saying that they're dating an 8 or a 9... these are all pathetic attempts to get approval from other people so that they can be the stars of other peoples' shows.
Instead, you should be asking yourself:
"Do I think this woman is hot?"
"Do I like the way I dress?"
"Do I do the things that I want to do?"
"Do I find myself interesting?"
"Would I date myself?"
How can you possibly expect others to give you approval when you yourself haven't already given it to yourself?? Think about it in the terms of how my friend put it. If you're watching a show and the hero of that show doesn't believe in himself at all, would you root for him let alone respect him? More often than not, it's an absolute no.
When I started thinking that way, it was the most liberating experience ever. I stopped caring whether people perceived me to be awesome, because I already knew I was awesome. I stopped being that guy who would try to one up others in conversations, because there was no need to. I stopped worrying whether women like me, because I'm the most awesome person in my show so I already assumed that they wanted to be in my show. I dressed and bought the clothes that I wanted and that I thought looked good on me instead of clothes that I thought people would like on me, because, well, this is MY show. I lost weight and kept in shape because I wanted to do it for me, because why would I want to look like a scrub in my show? I started talking to the women I wanted in my life and treated them as applicants to star in my show. I couldn't care less if someone else thought they were hot or not. If I got rejected by someone, I'd laugh about it and shrug it off, because I just thought of it as a humorous side-plot in my show and I would share it with people shamelessly.
It's the concept of "if you build it, they will come." When you do your own thing the way that you want to do it and other people see you enjoying your life, it becomes infectious the same way that shows on television influence people as to what is cool and what is not. Thoreau wrote, "the mass of men live lives of quiet desperation." That desperation is the need for approval, and if most people are that desperate too, what the hell are you doing asking them for approval?
Some people say that you shouldn't be yourself, but I find that being myself -truly being myself and not lying to myself- has been what caused me to attract the people I want to be around in my life. After all, you're your own harshest critic, so if you get yourself to the point where you like yourself, chances are that other wills like you too. And if not, f*ck'em, because they're the villains in your show.
That's my own secret to confidence. Once you're happy about yourself, you don't need to worry about the bull**** games that people play, because you'll know that they only do so to try to manipulate they're way into your show due to hating their own, and you'll have no problem calling them out on it.
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