One thing that never fails to seperate the "boys" from the "men" is composure. A man keeps a certain composure at all times, he is not phased by anything. He beomes the rock that women and children lean on during troubled times.
Once upon a time...
His girlfriend gets pissed at him for not "jumping for joy" after seeing her new hair style. She starts to get b*tchy and brings up something from the past. (Ohh, do they love to do this shyt!
)
And, the responses!
Nice Guy:
"Oh! I'm sooooo sorry! Yes, I was a jerk before...I shouldn't have done that. You are soo beautiful! I am soooo lucky to have you! I'll make it up to you, we will go out tonite!"
Mr. Niceguy is thinking: "She is right. I should treat her better, I am lucky to be with her. After all, she gives me sex!" Notice, that he is totally ignorant to the real world. He accepts anybody elses opinion on the situation, and ignores his own. He has no mind, his mind is a bucket full of nonsence acquired from other people. He swallows what the girl says without a second thought. He belives that, for some reason, she is motivated to sleep with him because she is doing him a favor. (Even though WE all know that sex is better for the women...)
AFC:
"But...I...you...I didn't mean it that way, its just...you look the same..."
She fumes!
"NO! Wait, I mean...I am sorry for doing what I did before...and your hair looks fine...WAIT!...I mean great, you hair looks great."
Now, the AFC is thinking: "My GOD! I do NOT understand women at all! She just does NOT listen to reason." He thinks that women are an uncontrollable ticking time bomb that he must rush to defuse. He is fearful of a woman's anger and does what he can to avoid it. He sees an angry or sad woman and only thinks of how to make her happy again. This is probably due to the fact that his father would always say to him "Your mother is angry, I would stay away from her...Don't make your mother angry...I don't care, I just want to keep your mom happy...Don't do that, it makes your mother mad...etc." The AFC is afraid of the woman. (He forgets that he is twice the size of her and has nothing to fear )
Jerk:
"Fine. Pout. See if I give a sh*t!"
He laughs.
"You have no right to bring up sh*t from the past! Anyway, remember that time you...blah, blah, blah...and then you couldn't even pull it back out again! Ha ha! If you wanna PMS babe, you can hit the road, cuz...I DON'T wanna deal with it!"
The Jerk is thinking: "WTF is wrong with this crazy b*tch?! I am tired of this...I wanna go drink! Yeah, I feel like goin to a party or something...talk to some babes...WTF am I still doing here?!" To him, this girl is an annoyance and he does not want to deal with it. He has no motive to please her and make her happy, because he only cares about his own happiness. When the girl gets b*tchy, the jerk gets going. Her attitude only serves to drive him away. He is operating on a gut level instinct: girl=annoyance therefore girl=gone. Then he has time to party! (And we can definitely relate to what he is going through... )
Cool Guy:
"Well, you can sit there and pout, or we can go out somewhere. I am not going to sit here like this for the rest of the night arguing. Come here."
Cool Guy states the facts. He knows he will not put up with this behavior, but he does not get overly emotional. He knows that people sometimes get "caught up in the moment" (indeed, he used this to an advantage in his early years to get some one-night-stands! ) He is a forgiving person and decides to help her cool off.
She sits on the couch, impassive, jaw set, ready to strike. She begins to speak...
"Well, you know, you always do this. You always wan..."
He interuppts her. "COME...HERE."
He knows that he is stronger than her. Her turn to talk is over. It is his time to make a point. He does not use his strength to control her just for the sake of controlling her, he is using his strength to diffuse the situation; after all, nobody deserves to feel bad.
She slithers over. He puts his arm around her and looks at her.
He knows that his touch is strong. He knows that women like to lean on somebody, physically and mentally. When she is protected, she will be comforted. (Why do you think they try to flinch away from the "one arm embrace" when they are angry? They want to stay angry, they know that you will comfort them!)
"Look at me. Look at me. Do you really think that I hate like your hair? What do you expect me to do? I mentioned it, I let you know that I noticed. What else am I supposed to do? I don't think that your hair is the issue here. Are you feeling a little insecure about your apperance? Huh?"
He breaks the "impersonality" of the verbal argument by making her look at his eyes. This enables them to connect on a deeper level, and he is not afraid of this because he knows that he is right. He is confident. He states what he thinks is the problem. (He is right in this case; but if he was not correct in his assumption, there is more of a chance that she would tell him the real problem. "I know whats wrong, it is blah blah blah..." is MUCH better than "Is there a problem?" People would rather clear up a MISCONCEPTION than volunteer NEW information.) He breaks the angry, somber mood with a little sarcasm. This trivializes her emotions (for now) in order for him to show her that there is no basis for them. He is not making fun of her insecurites for the hell of it, he has a GOAL.
He playfully pokes her.
All playful contact with a girl is a little sexual...kino is key. It is body language for changing the "subject", it changes the mood.
"You think your turning in to an uglo! Ha ha! You know, you are insulting ME when you think these thoughts! Yeah, it hurts my feelings! You think that I would let myself associate with ANYTHING less than hot sexy babes! Huh? Look in the mirror. Go ahead. Do YOU like your hair? You should, you know why...because it is on your head. Give yourself a sexy look..."
He lets her know, in a funny way, that she does not need to worry. He uses his position (strong, desireable male) to boost her percieved position. She thinks she is inadequate, he uses his obvious adequacy to show her that, in fact, she is adequate. He does not tell her "you are beautiful", he tells her "how little you think of me if you think that I would let myself settle!" He lets her know that when she puts herself down, she puts him down. (People LOVE to beat up on themselves, but they are less apt to bring down another with them.)
She laughs, then gives the mirror a seductive grin...
He does not just tell her how to think, he gives her proof so she can come to that descision herself.
"You should think that you are the baddest b*tch around. Wow, look at that hottie! I feel sorry for any guy that crosses your path! Your almost starting to turn me on babe!"
Plays to vanity. Why is this important? It is overcompensation, he takes an insecurity and turns it into a vanity. So, when the moment is over, the vanity will level off into strong confidence.
She turns and gives him the look...and...well...lets just say that they end up leaving 30 minutes late (if you know what I am saying!)
In Conclusion
The "Nice Guy", "AFC", and "Jerk" let the situation control them. They let thier emotions get in the way of what they should have been trying to accomplish. Emotions are nature's way of exaggerating, they multiply the situation beyond the bounds of reality.
This is good, as long as it is a good emotion. The "Cool Guy" though, recognized the situation for what it was. He subdued his negative emotions, he threw away his ego. He did not think in his mind that the situation was a "catastrophe" like the Nice Guy and AFC. He did not think that the woman was "attacking him out of nowhere" like the Jerk. He knew that if he stayed calm and cool and COMPOSED, that he would eventually conqure the negativity.
It is his job to stand strong; if he does not, NOBODY WILL.
People do strange things, try not to do the same. Be cool.
Once upon a time...
His girlfriend gets pissed at him for not "jumping for joy" after seeing her new hair style. She starts to get b*tchy and brings up something from the past. (Ohh, do they love to do this shyt!
)And, the responses!
Nice Guy:
"Oh! I'm sooooo sorry! Yes, I was a jerk before...I shouldn't have done that. You are soo beautiful! I am soooo lucky to have you! I'll make it up to you, we will go out tonite!"
Mr. Niceguy is thinking: "She is right. I should treat her better, I am lucky to be with her. After all, she gives me sex!" Notice, that he is totally ignorant to the real world. He accepts anybody elses opinion on the situation, and ignores his own. He has no mind, his mind is a bucket full of nonsence acquired from other people. He swallows what the girl says without a second thought. He belives that, for some reason, she is motivated to sleep with him because she is doing him a favor. (Even though WE all know that sex is better for the women...)
AFC:
"But...I...you...I didn't mean it that way, its just...you look the same..."
She fumes!
"NO! Wait, I mean...I am sorry for doing what I did before...and your hair looks fine...WAIT!...I mean great, you hair looks great."
Now, the AFC is thinking: "My GOD! I do NOT understand women at all! She just does NOT listen to reason." He thinks that women are an uncontrollable ticking time bomb that he must rush to defuse. He is fearful of a woman's anger and does what he can to avoid it. He sees an angry or sad woman and only thinks of how to make her happy again. This is probably due to the fact that his father would always say to him "Your mother is angry, I would stay away from her...Don't make your mother angry...I don't care, I just want to keep your mom happy...Don't do that, it makes your mother mad...etc." The AFC is afraid of the woman. (He forgets that he is twice the size of her and has nothing to fear
) Jerk:
"Fine. Pout. See if I give a sh*t!"
He laughs.
"You have no right to bring up sh*t from the past! Anyway, remember that time you...blah, blah, blah...and then you couldn't even pull it back out again! Ha ha! If you wanna PMS babe, you can hit the road, cuz...I DON'T wanna deal with it!"
The Jerk is thinking: "WTF is wrong with this crazy b*tch?! I am tired of this...I wanna go drink! Yeah, I feel like goin to a party or something...talk to some babes...WTF am I still doing here?!" To him, this girl is an annoyance and he does not want to deal with it. He has no motive to please her and make her happy, because he only cares about his own happiness. When the girl gets b*tchy, the jerk gets going. Her attitude only serves to drive him away. He is operating on a gut level instinct: girl=annoyance therefore girl=gone. Then he has time to party!
(And we can definitely relate to what he is going through... ) Cool Guy:
"Well, you can sit there and pout, or we can go out somewhere. I am not going to sit here like this for the rest of the night arguing. Come here."
Cool Guy states the facts. He knows he will not put up with this behavior, but he does not get overly emotional. He knows that people sometimes get "caught up in the moment" (indeed, he used this to an advantage in his early years to get some one-night-stands!
) He is a forgiving person and decides to help her cool off.She sits on the couch, impassive, jaw set, ready to strike. She begins to speak...
"Well, you know, you always do this. You always wan..."
He interuppts her. "COME...HERE."
He knows that he is stronger than her. Her turn to talk is over. It is his time to make a point. He does not use his strength to control her just for the sake of controlling her, he is using his strength to diffuse the situation; after all, nobody deserves to feel bad.
She slithers over. He puts his arm around her and looks at her.
He knows that his touch is strong. He knows that women like to lean on somebody, physically and mentally. When she is protected, she will be comforted. (Why do you think they try to flinch away from the "one arm embrace" when they are angry? They want to stay angry, they know that you will comfort them!)
"Look at me. Look at me. Do you really think that I hate like your hair? What do you expect me to do? I mentioned it, I let you know that I noticed. What else am I supposed to do? I don't think that your hair is the issue here. Are you feeling a little insecure about your apperance? Huh?"
He breaks the "impersonality" of the verbal argument by making her look at his eyes. This enables them to connect on a deeper level, and he is not afraid of this because he knows that he is right. He is confident. He states what he thinks is the problem. (He is right in this case; but if he was not correct in his assumption, there is more of a chance that she would tell him the real problem. "I know whats wrong, it is blah blah blah..." is MUCH better than "Is there a problem?" People would rather clear up a MISCONCEPTION than volunteer NEW information.) He breaks the angry, somber mood with a little sarcasm. This trivializes her emotions (for now) in order for him to show her that there is no basis for them. He is not making fun of her insecurites for the hell of it, he has a GOAL.
He playfully pokes her.
All playful contact with a girl is a little sexual...kino is key. It is body language for changing the "subject", it changes the mood.
"You think your turning in to an uglo! Ha ha! You know, you are insulting ME when you think these thoughts! Yeah, it hurts my feelings! You think that I would let myself associate with ANYTHING less than hot sexy babes! Huh? Look in the mirror. Go ahead. Do YOU like your hair? You should, you know why...because it is on your head. Give yourself a sexy look..."
He lets her know, in a funny way, that she does not need to worry. He uses his position (strong, desireable male) to boost her percieved position. She thinks she is inadequate, he uses his obvious adequacy to show her that, in fact, she is adequate. He does not tell her "you are beautiful", he tells her "how little you think of me if you think that I would let myself settle!" He lets her know that when she puts herself down, she puts him down. (People LOVE to beat up on themselves, but they are less apt to bring down another with them.)
She laughs, then gives the mirror a seductive grin...
He does not just tell her how to think, he gives her proof so she can come to that descision herself.
"You should think that you are the baddest b*tch around. Wow, look at that hottie! I feel sorry for any guy that crosses your path! Your almost starting to turn me on babe!"
Plays to vanity. Why is this important? It is overcompensation, he takes an insecurity and turns it into a vanity. So, when the moment is over, the vanity will level off into strong confidence.
She turns and gives him the look...and...well...lets just say that they end up leaving 30 minutes late (if you know what I am saying!
)In Conclusion
The "Nice Guy", "AFC", and "Jerk" let the situation control them. They let thier emotions get in the way of what they should have been trying to accomplish. Emotions are nature's way of exaggerating, they multiply the situation beyond the bounds of reality.
This is good, as long as it is a good emotion. The "Cool Guy" though, recognized the situation for what it was. He subdued his negative emotions, he threw away his ego. He did not think in his mind that the situation was a "catastrophe" like the Nice Guy and AFC. He did not think that the woman was "attacking him out of nowhere" like the Jerk. He knew that if he stayed calm and cool and COMPOSED, that he would eventually conqure the negativity.
It is his job to stand strong; if he does not, NOBODY WILL.
People do strange things, try not to do the same. Be cool.