squirrels
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2003
- Messages
- 6,620
- Reaction score
- 182
- Age
- 45
I was on another forum where someone had started the age-old discussion about why women run off to get clobbered by jerk after jerk instead of just settling down with a decent guy.
I posted something that actually kinda sounds insightful after the fact. I figured I'd share it and see what YOU guys think.
I'm starting to realize that "good" and "bad" are relative terms. You say these guys are "*******s", but by whose standards? Everyone talks about how their "a55hole friends" get all the girls while they, the "good guy", gets left behind. But these "a55hole friends" of yours somehow still get the title of "friend" from you. If they're such *******s, then why are you still their friend??
I wish I had MORE a55hole friends. You know why? Because they put life in perspective. Women have a lot of excess baggage...no offense to any of the ladies here, but it's true...and feel emotions much more deeply than men do. Affection and support are nice to COMFORT them, but they don't CURE sh!t. Most women don't WANT their feelings placated...they don't WANT to be comfortable and in love and happy.
Despite what they say, they LOVE the fvcking rollercoaster. They chase the a55hole for the same reason that guys fall in love with strippers. I mean, THINK about it, what does a typical stripper have to offer? Commonly a troubled past and more issues than can be counted.
But she has something that no other woman has to the same degree...something you NEED to get up on stage naked in front of a bunch of men...a complete DISREGARD for her own internal anxiety.
I think I just realized yesterday the value of something like that. I've been literally CRIPPLED by anxiety the last couple days. I couldn't ignore it, fighting it just made it worse, I tried to let go of it and it just kept buzzing around in the back of my head. Then something different occurred to me...I EMBRACED it. I suddenly realized that this anxiety was going to be here, it's a part of me, and that I'm OK with that...and decided that I'm just going to live my life at such a level that the anxiety becomes background noise.
There's a LOT of strength that comes from that position. People who realize that bad sh!t is gonna happen and know it's gonna hurt and know that it's NO excuse to not continue enjoying life.
When a girl comes and cries on your shoulder and you hold her and try to comfort her, it's a noble effort, but it does NOTHING but allow her to pass her anxiety on to you for the moment. It comes back just the same. The a55hole guy doesn't cry with her, but he'll give her a hug and LEAD her through it. She feels that he has the same worries and feelings that SHE does and he's willing to take them on and have fun anyway. That's inspirational.
Tell me you don't feel somewhat relieved when you go out with your "a55hole friends". Doesn't their I-don't-give-a-fvck approach to life make you feel free of your OWN worries to an extent? Isn't it fun to get together and make fun of your friends and get into trouble once in a while? You ever talk to them? You ever discover that they have the SAME anxieties and worries as you do?
So the girl has one of two choices...go through all the guys who are "*******s" until she finds one who DOES have a good heart that she can really relate to, or go through the TONS upon TONS of standard guys hoping to find the rare one who's got that a55hole streak but doesn't express it, and then try to bring it out. The former is a LOT more successful than the latter.
A woman is looking for a combination of traits in a man, and that "don't-give-a-fvck-itude" is one among many, but it's one of those that reveals itself instantly on the surface. You can't see compassion, affection, intelligence right on the surface...you need to get to know a person. But strength, sense of humor, carefree-ness, excitement...you see them right away. If she doesn't see them in you, 9 times out of 10, they're not there and you're immediately disqualified, despite whatever other qualities you have. It's like a driving test. You can parallel park the car perfectly, but if you blow the stop sign by a few inches...*BUZZ* better luck next time.
More often than not, when she chases the "a55hole", the guy's a red herring and she has to find someone to scrape her feelings off on so she can get up and try again. If there's a guy out there who has already been disqualified but still wants to offer his support, it's silly of her NOT to take the offer. You're not her "fallback guy"...you're literally "just a friend". It's two different ladders.
A lot of guys say, "well...that's just who I am." Are you happy like that? Are you happy living a simply good-natured life? Wouldn't you rather be living a life that's good-natured and good-intentioned, but also fun, exciting, and FREE of all worry or inhibition?
I've posted this article here before. Might be an interesting read.
http://www.claremont.org/writings/crb/winter2003/moore.html
I posted something that actually kinda sounds insightful after the fact. I figured I'd share it and see what YOU guys think.
I'm starting to realize that "good" and "bad" are relative terms. You say these guys are "*******s", but by whose standards? Everyone talks about how their "a55hole friends" get all the girls while they, the "good guy", gets left behind. But these "a55hole friends" of yours somehow still get the title of "friend" from you. If they're such *******s, then why are you still their friend??
I wish I had MORE a55hole friends. You know why? Because they put life in perspective. Women have a lot of excess baggage...no offense to any of the ladies here, but it's true...and feel emotions much more deeply than men do. Affection and support are nice to COMFORT them, but they don't CURE sh!t. Most women don't WANT their feelings placated...they don't WANT to be comfortable and in love and happy.
Despite what they say, they LOVE the fvcking rollercoaster. They chase the a55hole for the same reason that guys fall in love with strippers. I mean, THINK about it, what does a typical stripper have to offer? Commonly a troubled past and more issues than can be counted.
But she has something that no other woman has to the same degree...something you NEED to get up on stage naked in front of a bunch of men...a complete DISREGARD for her own internal anxiety.
I think I just realized yesterday the value of something like that. I've been literally CRIPPLED by anxiety the last couple days. I couldn't ignore it, fighting it just made it worse, I tried to let go of it and it just kept buzzing around in the back of my head. Then something different occurred to me...I EMBRACED it. I suddenly realized that this anxiety was going to be here, it's a part of me, and that I'm OK with that...and decided that I'm just going to live my life at such a level that the anxiety becomes background noise.
There's a LOT of strength that comes from that position. People who realize that bad sh!t is gonna happen and know it's gonna hurt and know that it's NO excuse to not continue enjoying life.
When a girl comes and cries on your shoulder and you hold her and try to comfort her, it's a noble effort, but it does NOTHING but allow her to pass her anxiety on to you for the moment. It comes back just the same. The a55hole guy doesn't cry with her, but he'll give her a hug and LEAD her through it. She feels that he has the same worries and feelings that SHE does and he's willing to take them on and have fun anyway. That's inspirational.
Tell me you don't feel somewhat relieved when you go out with your "a55hole friends". Doesn't their I-don't-give-a-fvck approach to life make you feel free of your OWN worries to an extent? Isn't it fun to get together and make fun of your friends and get into trouble once in a while? You ever talk to them? You ever discover that they have the SAME anxieties and worries as you do?
So the girl has one of two choices...go through all the guys who are "*******s" until she finds one who DOES have a good heart that she can really relate to, or go through the TONS upon TONS of standard guys hoping to find the rare one who's got that a55hole streak but doesn't express it, and then try to bring it out. The former is a LOT more successful than the latter.
A woman is looking for a combination of traits in a man, and that "don't-give-a-fvck-itude" is one among many, but it's one of those that reveals itself instantly on the surface. You can't see compassion, affection, intelligence right on the surface...you need to get to know a person. But strength, sense of humor, carefree-ness, excitement...you see them right away. If she doesn't see them in you, 9 times out of 10, they're not there and you're immediately disqualified, despite whatever other qualities you have. It's like a driving test. You can parallel park the car perfectly, but if you blow the stop sign by a few inches...*BUZZ* better luck next time.
More often than not, when she chases the "a55hole", the guy's a red herring and she has to find someone to scrape her feelings off on so she can get up and try again. If there's a guy out there who has already been disqualified but still wants to offer his support, it's silly of her NOT to take the offer. You're not her "fallback guy"...you're literally "just a friend". It's two different ladders.
A lot of guys say, "well...that's just who I am." Are you happy like that? Are you happy living a simply good-natured life? Wouldn't you rather be living a life that's good-natured and good-intentioned, but also fun, exciting, and FREE of all worry or inhibition?
I've posted this article here before. Might be an interesting read.
http://www.claremont.org/writings/crb/winter2003/moore.html