Back in The Game

[Victory]

INTRODUCTION

I'm 27, and until now, I've had only a couple of short-term relationships. It's not that girls weren't interested, but I just had low self-confidence because I never had my act together. I have missed many opportunities with Quality women because of this, so I'm motivated to improve in this area.

So, starting three years ago, I took myself off The Market, purposely avoiding women while I worked on own self-improvement regimen:

• Working out - still have a ways to go, but major improvement here already!
• Work - My constant dedication here is paying off considerably
• New wardrobe - classy watch, new Docs, italian cologne, no more jeans-and-a-T-shirt
• New hairstyle - went from boring "80's side-part" to "spiky messy", soon to get highlights
• DJ boards - lurking all summer, and have read most of The Bible
• Salsa class - starting next week
• DJ Bootcamp - starting next week!

I still have a lot I want to do for myself, but I feel I'm finally ready to get back into The Game.

Well, a co-worker of mine must've gotten the vibe, because two weeks ago he offered to set me up with a friend-girl of his wife's.

She's a 24 year old blonde with a 5-year old son, whom she shares custody with the father. She's bookish and liberal, and her favorite author is *gulp* Virginia Woolf. Two red flags already, I know, but I'm in this for the experience. Also, she apparently has not dated for about 2 years.

Wednesday: I did a reconnaisence mission into her town to scope out a decent coffee house with a lot of stuff going on nearby that we could walk to.

Thrusday: I called her one week after I got her number from my co-worker (I just said I'd call sometime during the week.) We talked for about 20 minutes, got her laughing, then set up a coffee date for Sunday (tonight.)


THE DATE


Itinerary:

• Meet up for coffee on the main drag of the town she lives in
• If I dig her, make up some reason to visit the bookstore a few blocks down (she loves reading)
• Walk her to her car

Strategy:

• Pay for her coffee, etc
• Open doors and pull out chairs for her
• Have a good time, but don't force anything. It doesn't matter if we don't click
• Apply kino and EC if I'm interested
• ****y & Funny. This has always been natural to me, but now I am aware of how useful it can be

Summary:

I got lost on the way in, so I arrived a few minutes after our meet time. She had just arrived and bought a coffee before I walked in.

She's a short, cute blonde (6.5) with a lot of energy (almost manic), which is the way I like 'em!

We greeted each other, then I went to the counter to get a drink and a cookie (offered her something to eat, but she declined)
She came over and joined me at the counter. The girl behind the counter was cute and showed interest in me. I got my stuff, we sat down, and started talking.

Convo was about 50/50 balance and we talked for about an hour about our jobs, etc. Very smooth with few silences. She was pointing out a lot her own flaws, which unbeknownst to her, was giving me plenty of ammo for my neg-hit M-60. I think I had a full belt clip by the time we were done. Whenever I kept EC, I could almost see her IL rise.

When we finished our drinks, my IL was about 60%, so I suggested we walk down to the bookstore to find a book I wanted. I knew it wouldn't be there -- I didn't want to buy something and lug it around for the rest of the date.

At the bookstore, I stepped up the C&F and was ripping on her the entire time, and she was eating it up. She soon began applying a lot of kino and EC, starting in the bookstore and as we were walking to her car.

I then had her drive me to my truck, and we talked for a bit in the parking lot. I made a ****y remark, and she told me she wanted me out of her car, so that was that.

I told her I'd call her some time next week.


WHAT I DID RIGHT

• Did a lot of C&F and she was laughing almost the entire time. I may have overdid it a bit toward the end, but her IL was way high
• I was making good eye contact, which is a weak area of mine, and she was responding to it!
• I didn't mumble or stutter at all
• While we were in the bookstore, I wandered off from her and she came over to me about 5 minutes later

WHAT I CAN IMPROVE

• I had many opportunites to kiss close, but choked every time (couldn't figure out a transition!)
• I didn't initiate enough Kino, but my IL wasn't really that high until the end and she was getting more aggressive anyway
• The first time I held a door for her, she made some remark like "ooh, thanks, you're such a man." That pissed me off a bit but I just blew it off. When we got to the bookstore, I made her open the door for me. Then, as we were leaving, I opened it for her and a couple coming out after us. She said, "No, you're only supposed to open it for me!"

KINO

• She asked if I had a "six-pack" (someone told her I had one.) I made her show me hers and tickled her stomach a bit. I didn't let her see my stomach, because it's still a bit flabby and I'm still working on it. I just replied in a ****y way, "Yeah, I'm no stranger to the gym." (got that line from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air sitcom)
• Felt her "guns" while she was flexing. (Me: "Okay, start flexing" Her: "I AM flexing!")

****Y & FUNNY

Way too numerous to mention them all, but here are the zingers:

• While walking otuside, I stopped at all of the "Don't Walk" signs, and made her wait even when there were no cars around. I made up a bull**** story about how I was once arrested for Jay-walking and did hard time for it. She believed me for a few seconds and then hit me in the shoulder when she figured it out.
• After wandering around the bookstore unable to find my book she was pushing me to ask someone.
  
  Me: (through grit teeth) You ask someone
  Her: But I can't even pronounce the name of the book
  Me: Just go up and ask. When you start to pronounce it, I'll step in and correct you. It'll be cool.
  Her: But I'll be the one that looks dumb.
  Me: Hey, I'm the cool one here. You don't have anything to lose.
  
• Passed by Self Improvement section. I stopped and said, "Okay, you should just hang out in here and knock yourself out. I'll be over there..."
  
• I picked up a book on Van Gogh art, and started looking for a painting I had seen while traveling abroad.
  
  Her: What's the name of the painting?
  Me: Ummm, like "Wheat Fields" or something
  Her: He made a lot of paintings with hay and stuff in it
  Me: *flipping pages* Damn, you're right, there are a lot of hay fields in here... this is gonna be like finding a haystack in a...
  Her: HAHA -- oh no, please don't say the rest -- HAHA
  
  I didn't even finish the sentence because she was laughing uncontrollablly, like she had to walk away to compose herself
  
• While she was giving me a ride to my truck, I was annoying her by rolling the power windows up and down constantly. She told me to stop because my behavior was "like in scary first-date territory." I just kept doing it.
  
• Sitting in her car:
  
  Me: I'll call you some time next week.
  Her: Ok, I'd call you but I don't have your number
  Me: Yeah, we better keep it that way, too. You're kinda weird... I don't want you calling me every five minutes, etc.
  (that was what made her kick me out, but I had been calling her names all night, so I'm not worried)

CONCLUSION

By the end, her IL was about 95% -- She's been sucked into my love vortex and I'm in the driver's seat.

The girl seems to have had a rocky past, so I'm not rushing anything with this one. She's fun and has a nice little bod, so I'm going to see where this goes. She might end up being a lot to handle, though.

All of the things I've picked up from you guys gave me a lot of confidence, and I thank all of you who have contrbuted here in the past. Any feedback you have would be very appreciated.

Thanks for listening.


Victory


________

Celebrate the moment
As it turns into one more
Another chance at victory
Another chance to score

-- Rush

 

[LogicalOptimist]

Good work. I should hope that anyone who doubts the power of self-improvement and the rest of the DJ material sees this post.

I think we had a "Success Stories" area once... should it be brought back?

Two red flags already, I know, but I'm in this for the experience.

Heh... only two?

As you said, you're more interested in the experience than you are the girl. Taking each moment as it comes, no expectations. That's the way.

Be proud of how far you've come, and remember that self-improvement is a process and not a product. Don't stagnate. Keep going.

 

[SamePendo]

Great stuff

 

[TesuqueRed]

Quality post! This should be an example of working through the basics in the bible, IMO. I know on Steele's list he rigorously forces newbies to write out what they intend to do (draft a plan) get feedback on it, revise it, go out and execute and then do a post-event breakdown very much like this. They don't bother commenting unless the see a plan.

What's that saying? Preparation prevents pyss-poor performance--??

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Congrats on making a concentrated effort to change yourself for the better!!

Here are the few things that I think you did wrong on the get together.


Although you didn't pay for her coffee, you had the intention to. That's a big NO-NO!! You need to have the girl qualify herself for rewards like this, meeting her for the 1st time, is not a reward for you, its a blessing for her.

You spent waaaay too much time together for a 1st get together. Coffee should be 30-45 minutes max. Cut the event off right when it seems that she's enjoying herself the most. This will give her the gift of missing you.

-Overkill on C/F. Don't try too hard. I always am C/F, but I don't try to making EVERYTHING C/F.

The first few get together's should be you extracting important information out of this chick. For example, find out what she looks for in a guy, what feelings these give her and then work on them. Seduce her, make her laugh and end the event first and you'll be styling.


PIMP

 

[Victory]

Thanks for all the feedback everyone!

Originally posted by TesuqueRed
What's that saying? Preparation prevents pyss-poor performance--??

YES, exactly. I've also found it especially helpful to write down and internalize two or three topics I can bring up during a lull in the coversation.

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
Although you didn't pay for her coffee, you had the intention to. That's a big NO-NO!!
[/B]

From reading the Bible and the discussion here, there doesn't seem to be any real consensus on what works best in this area. My take is that it may not matter as much, as long as you're not buying expensive dinners, etc. right away to impress her.

So my strategy as a newbie is to keep it simple and just assume I will be paying for everything. I'm also the one deciding where we go, so I have control over costs. At this point, I'd rather not worry about how to handle who's going to pay the check. I will probably experiment with the other philosophy when I get more experience, though!

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
You spent waaaay too much time together for a 1st get together. Coffee should be 30-45 minutes max. Cut the event off right when it seems that she's enjoying herself the most. This will give her the gift of missing you.
[/B]

I thought it may have been a hair too long, but we really didn't start having fun until after we left the coffee house. Speaking strictly in terms of time, I probably shouldn't have walked her to her car, but that's when things could have gotten good if I hadn't choked during that stage -- looking back, I realize I missed 3 opportunities to kiss close -- THREE! I think one lesson here is not to let things stagnate at a certain level for too long. Kick it up a notch or get the hell outta there.

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
Overkill on C/F. Don't try too hard. I always am C/F, but I don't try to making EVERYTHING C/F.
[/B]

I think it may have balanced out in this instance, because during the first half of the date, we were having a more serious chat, and I did get to learn a lot about her.

Once we left the coffee house, though, I started up the C/F in a big way, and once I got going, it was almost too hard to stop because she was totally eating it up. But I also realize now that I was using it as a crutch toward the end.

You comments have been very helpful. Thank you.


Victory

 

[KiInCollege]

Remember, always try for a kiss close. Don't choke next time, because a kiss close sets the tone for the next date, as well as has her think of you and that kiss over and over. It's also the test you use to next her.

ALWAYS KISS CLOSE ON THE FIRST DATE.

 

[Victory]

Second Phone Convo

THE INTEL

I found out from my co-worker that she had a great time on our first date. She thought I was smart, and that I should call her again.


THE PLAN

Set up the second date, which is to be an action date. My strategy was to be the same as the first call, which went pretty well: start with small talk, then once I get her laughing set up the date and get the hell outta Dodge.


THE PREP

I spent a lot of time yesterday surfing the web for places to go. My first choice was mini-golf, since I rule at it and I've had good date experiences with it, but found that there are almost no courses in my area! (I'm still relatively new here)

So, the next choice was pool. Today, I drove out to recon a pool hall in a town near the both of us, and found it to be a super-cool place, very classy and laid back, with a bar & grill. There's also an arcade next door. Great location with a lot of other stuff around it.


THE CALL

The first time I called, I got her answering machine, but didn't leave a message. I called again about 30 minutes later because it was getting close to her bed time and I was sure she'd answer, which she did.

She's going camping most of next week with her family and the friend that set us up (and his family.) So the convo started with small talk about camping. I made a Yogi Bear reference, but that failed because she grew up without TV so she's not really familiar with any cartoons -- which sucks because I practically have a cartoon personality.

We talked about a few things for about 10 minutes, and I made her laugh a couple of times. Anyway, this convo wasn't smooth because I could never get a point where I felt comfortable setting up the next date.

So finally, in a lull, I confirmed that she would be free on Sunday -- I recall her saying so at the end of our date. I was wrong, she was already leaving for her trip then. That derailed me and left me in a kind of a vacuum.

She said she'd be back on Thursday and would be free the following Sunday, and we could hang out then. She mentioned that she didn't have my number. I kind of dissed her last time on this subject, and so I replied again with a somewhat ****y "Yeah, well we wouldn't want that... but I'll give you a call next week." Wrapped up convo from there.


WHAT WENT WRONG

• I had no real exit plan. I felt that because I used the "I gotta go soon" thing last time, I shouldn't use it this time, but I believe I was wrong. I will just keep using variations from now on (eg "I gotta get a bit to eat soon, and I'm starving, so...")
  
• I talked for way too damn long. I realize now how ineffective phone convos can be compared to in real life.
  
• Damn her parents for raising her without TV. Damn them!
  
• I ended with "Well, I'll let you go now" and then a rather weak-sounding "ok, bye". From my experience in music, I've learned that the beginning and ending of any performance has the biggest impact, so if you do those well, the middle stuff doesn't matter as much. I'm curious to see if that applies to dating.
  
• Maybe I should just give her my number. I'm not sure that holding out is really going to help me, and I wonder if it might actually work against me.

CONCLUSION

I don't think I did any permanent damage this time around, but I'd bet her IL went down about 5%.

She gets back Thursday. I don't want to call her right after she gets back just to set something up for that Sunday, so I'm debating whether I should just wait until the following Monday.


Thanks for listening.

Victory

_________

It's a test of ultimate will
The heartbreak climb uphill
Got to pick up the pace
If you want to stay in the race

--Rush, Marathon

 

[Captain Anonymous]

I like how you take the time to lay out your plans correctly, and I like the fact that you are taking this all very seriously, and are making a big effort to get everything right.

An often quoted quote from Bruce Lee (especially on these forums) states that you should be formless, like water. Maybe this will come in time, but perhaps you should try it out.

Anyway, I wish you good luck.

 

[squirrels]

Just out of curiosity, when she kicked you out of her car, was it a playful, "Get out of my car fool" kick-out, or did she seem genuinely upset?

Either way, it sounds like you're doing good. Maybe a little thick, because she's had some guy trouble in the past, but if you're getting good responses, then roll with it!

Watch out for the whole "kid" situation, though. That kind of stuff really sits bad with me.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Great reports. Just wanted to comment on your other dates. If you don't have any, why not?

 

[Victory]

Originally posted by KiInCollege
ALWAYS KISS CLOSE ON THE FIRST DATE.

Thanks, I love this kind of straightforward advice!

I'm sure that's in the Bible somewhere, but when you're in the thick of things, it can be easy to forget. I'm tatooing this one on my forearm.

Originally posted by Captain Anonymous
An often quoted quote from Bruce Lee (especially on these forums) states that you should be formless, like water. Maybe this will come in time, but perhaps you should try it out.

I'm not familiar with the quote from Bruce Lee, but I am familiar with the phrase "Mind Like Water": your responses to life should be in exact proportion to the events -- don't overreact or underreact.

I'll stick with form for now, though.

Originally posted by squirrels
Just out of curiosity, when she kicked you out of her car, was it a playful, "Get out of my car fool" kick-out, or did she seem genuinely upset?

It was playful.

Originally posted by squirrels
Watch out for the whole "kid" situation, though. That kind of stuff really sits bad with me.

I agree, that immediately puts a limit on how far I'm willing to go with her. LogicalOptimist summarized my attitude the best as being "about the experience, not the girl." I am proceeding with caution.

Originally posted by Oscar Wilde
Just wanted to comment on your other dates. If you don't have any, why not?

My original plan was to officially get back in the game next week, starting with the DJ Bootcamp, and Salsa class on Friday. This set up came unexpectedly, but I figured I should take it on to gain some experience, kind of like a pre-season game.

I think my co-worker has given her the impression that I don't date much, though, so when my social situation changes, it'll be interesting to see how she handles it (and how I handle it!)


Victory

 

[Victory]

New Hair Day

I got blonde highlights in my hair last night, as planned. It takes a little getting used to, but it's pretty cool.

I got a couple remarks of recognition at work today. One guy brought it up when we were in a rather large meeting with our more social co-workers, and I was a little uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything too stupid. Other people have tried not to remark on it (they obviously notice it.) I think after 4 years, some of them have gotten so used to my more conservative look they might not be comfortable with the change.

Anyway, by lunch time, I wanted to go somewhere that I could get some clearer feedback on it, so I went to the nearby Subway that I hadn't been to in two months. Before that I was a regular there about 2-3 times a week for 2 years.

Mind you, the last time I was there, I had a bit more fat on me, straight parted hair, with geek t-shirt and jeans. Now I'm thinner, have messy hair with highlights, and stylish long sleeved shirt.

As expected, the two 30-something asian ladies are there. One is pretty cute and we had kind of flirted before, the other one I think is married.

As soon as they recognized me, they kind of stood together, eyes bugged out, and jaws open. Pretty soon they started giggling like school girls, asking me where I've been, saying they missed me, asking if I had a new girlfriend, that they loved my hair, and just flirting in a big way.

When I was about to leave I kind of joked like "okay, so I'll see you gals in another couple of months" and the cuter one got worried like "are you going somewhere? You still work near here right?" I think toward the end, they said bye to me about three times: when they gave me my sub, when I got my drink, and when I was walking out the door. I believe I made their day, and they definitely made mine.

The cuter one I think was interested in me before, asking about if I had a girlfriend, etc. Her english isn't too clear, so it's not always easy to converse, but I've done some C/F with her with good results. She was also the one who showed the most interest today, and she even seemed a bit nervous. I haven't seen for sure if she has a wedding ring, so I may eventually hit her with a line like "well, if you weren't married, I'd ask you for your phone number, but..." and see what she says.


Victory


_________

Live for yourself...there's no one else
More worth living for
Begging hands and bleeding hearts will only cry out for more

-- Rush, Anthem

 

[Victory]

Phone Message #1

Well, this girl I've been referring to so far thread (henceforth referred to as ShortBlondeGirl01*) was gone until yesterday camping. I decided not to call her last night, because I didn't want to call her immediately after she got back. I did tell her last time, though, that I'd call her this week and set something up for Sunday night.

Well, I forgot that I'd be on-call that day for my job, so I wouldn't be able to go out that night, and I figured I should call her anyway out of courtesy. Her available times for calling her are supposed to be 9 to 11pm, but I figured, **** it, I'll call her this afternoon since that's convenient for me.

So I just left a message on her machine (I HATE THOSE THINGS). I typed out very briefly what I needed to say beforehand so I wouldn't be "umming" and "uhhing" too much -- I just hope I didn't sound like I was reading off of a script. Oh well.


Meanwhile...


Tonight is my first salsa class! I've researched some salsa clubs in the area, so it'll be a bit easier to talk some salsera into practicing with me.

Next week I start my DJ Bootcamp and have already picked out my target terrain for my Hi's and Eye's during week #1.


Victory


* yes, I'm hoping to eventually reach the double digits with short blonde girls.

 

[Victory]

Damn...

I came back from the gym tonight after an AWESOME workout, I was totally wired and listening to Iron Maiden on the way home. I call up ShortBlonde01 like I said I would in my last phone message.

Her: Hello?
Me: Hey! What's up, this is Victory!
Her: Hey, Victory.
Me: How are ya?
Her: Umm... kind of... *sigh* "blah"... how about you?
Me: Uh, well, I WAS doing good until now. Now I'M "blah" I guess. *snicker*
Her: Well..... (pause) *sigh* I'm about to make you even more "blah"...
Me: Oh yeah? How's that?

She explains how she thought she was ready to start dating again, but she still has a lot of things to work out, and she seemed really pre-occupied with something.

I briefly empathized with her like "yeah, it can take a while to get things together, I know how it goes", while I was thinking "EJECT! EJECT!"

So she said she had fun with me the one time we went out, and I eventually just kind of said "Bye" rather abruptly, because I didn't want to waste any more of my time.

I guess it's a good thing that I avoided some drama, by her cutting it off sooner than later, but damn, I want some experience.

So, statistic-wise, does this count as a flake or an LJBF?


Meanwhile...

My first salsa class on Friday was very cool, and there are a few hotties there. I didn't really take the initiative to meet anyone, but I did go out of my way to give someone directions to the restroom, and offered my pen to someone. That may seem like small fry stuff, but in the past I would usually just keep to myself in those situations. Baby steps.

Oh yeah, I also had an opportunity to C&F the instructor and choked.

I also started my bootcamp today, but I'm not going out in full force until tomorrow. I will probably post my results in the bootcamp thread.


Victory