baby momma situation

[engenie]

We were dating long distance for about 2 years before she got pregnant, & while i was spinning other (local) plates. she found out i had sex with other girls when she gave birth & had std test positive.. then i moved in with her for the kids sake & thinking we would be able to work out the relationship. then we bought a house cuz her little studio apt was too small for our family. been living in it for about 4 years, but found out recently she cheated on me and then broke up with me after telling me about the affair.

The relationship never was really amazing- she has had super low sex drive probably due to trust issues, she also said i complain a lot during sex, i had some injuries that have since recovered and i've been doing more strength training to fix them. just today told me she doesnt ever want to have sex with me again. we havent had sex since 2018!

we had been sharing master bedroom but now she's told me to sleep in the other room. this kind of pisses me off and shes using the excuse she paid for the bed

i dont want to leave the house and abandon my daughter, and hope i can work things out with her but i'm feeling like its not worth fighting for .. we get along really well as long as were not talking about what happened between us, like she considers me her best friend .. but i know she wants to just **** other guys at this point. shes in therapy for some issues shes working thru which i had no idea about when we started dating.. problems with emotional connection. probably explains the sex drive / lack of sex and reasons i kinda treated her like ****.

thinking i can up my game and get her back but i know it will take some time .. i told her im gonna start seeing other women which shes cool with, and even encouraging me to go get laid , willing to get a studio apt we'd share so i dont bring bitches home to the kid.

not really sure how to best handle this. we havent done any court custody stuff as we're currently getting along but who knows when i start spinning plates again

 

[MrWood]

she has had super low sex drive probably due to trust issues, she also said i complain a lot during sex, i had some injuries that have since recovered and i've been doing more strength training to fix them. just today told me she doesnt ever want to have sex with me again. we havent had sex since 2018!

I have chronic pain and a paralyzed arm, no matter how much hell I suffer...
I have never complained during sex


My take is that: you are a whiny little b1tch and she absolutely does not see you as a man or worthy sex partner.
You can complain all you want about "her issues"
my only words... good luck.

hint: its you, not her

 

[Serenity]

We were dating long distance for about 2 years before she got pregnant, & while i was spinning other (local) plates.

The fvck up begins here. Long distance relationship, bad idea. Not using protection, bad idea. Fvcking other women, again without protection, bad idea.

From there it devolves into a series of several bad decisions driven by fears.

then i moved in with her for the kids sake & thinking we would be able to work out the relationship

This is a common idea, that never works out. If you want to do something for the kids sake, then GTFO of trying to have a relationship. It's better to grow up with split up parents than witnessing every single day 2 people who clearly resent each other, it's way more damaging.

then we bought a house cuz her little studio apt was too small for our family.

No, just no!!! Bad decision. You should have split up and worked out custody.

been living in it for about 4 years, but found out recently she cheated on me and then broke up with me after telling me about the affair.

Of course, there was never any love present. The relationship was never about you two as it should have been, you both did it for the kid.

The relationship never was really amazing- she has had super low sex drive probably due to trust issues, she also said i complain a lot during sex, i had some injuries that have since recovered and i've been doing more strength training to fix them. just today told me she doesnt ever want to have sex with me again. we havent had sex since 2018!

we had been sharing master bedroom but now she's told me to sleep in the other room. this kind of pisses me off and shes using the excuse she paid for the bed

Remember, this relationship was never founded on love and trust in the first place. This is what you get.

i dont want to leave the house and abandon my daughter, and hope i can work things out with her but i'm feeling like its not worth fighting for

You might as well start looking for a way out, this is practically irreversible. It will be the best for all of you.

like she considers me her best friend

Ouch!

shes in therapy for some issues shes working thru which i had no idea about when we started dating.. problems with emotional connection. probably explains the sex drive / lack of sex and reasons i kinda treated her like ****.

It's not that simple. As you said, she fvcks other guys so there's nothing wrong with her sex drive, it's you. I'll take a wild guess and say that it's about the sum of your bad decisions.

thinking i can up my game and get her back but i know it will take some time .. i told her im gonna start seeing other women which shes cool with, and even encouraging me to go get laid , willing to get a studio apt we'd share so i dont bring bitches home to the kid.

You can't get her back, not with that mindset and definitely not with your "strategy". Again, you should GTFO, sort out custody and live YOUR life. Continuing down this path of trying to hold onto her for dear life will eat away at your fvcking soul, it's not too late to eject before you turn into an empty husk of the man you once was.

not really sure how to best handle this. we havent done any court custody stuff as we're currently getting along but who knows when i start spinning plates again

If you're right about her being as friendly as you say then this can easily be solved if you play your cards right. You DO NOT want to drag it out until the sh!t inevitably hits the fan and she starts to hate you, it's a lot easier to sort this out if you're on friendly terms. You need to start making the right decisions NOW.

Imagine there's a time bomb and you don't know exactly how much time is left until it blows up in your face, that's the situation you're in now, what do you do? Do you just leave it as is and cross your fingers that it will go off in the very distant future or do you immediately get to work defusing it? It's a no-brainer, you get to work defusing it ASAP. Also, when defusing a bomb, you don't want to cut the wrong wires, so don't rush it blindly, play it smart.

 

[MatureDJ]

You are such a weenie that I'd have dumped you too!

 

[bcude]

Serenity nailed it. This is completely over and dead. You haven't had sex for 2 years and she doesn't mind you having sex with others while fvcking other men but seeking therapy for her trust issues. Come on, this never worked from the beginning and you are completely friendzoned and she's in full control of this relationship, so work out the custody while you're on good terms, don't wait it out.

 

[lamath]

The relationship never was really amazing- she has had super low sex drive probably due to trust issues, she also said i complain a lot during sex, i had some injuries that have since recovered and i've been doing more strength training to fix them. just today told me she doesnt ever want to have sex with me again. we havent had sex since 2018!

Sorry man this must be very hard.

You are finding excuses for her......... no sex because of trust issue really? Reality is you are not turning her on. too much time together will do that.


Best thing to do here is to flip the scrip on her.
YOU DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER ANYMORE !! If you truly believe it the separation will be much easier because you will know its on your term.
You dont find her attractive she is a prude and a cheater treat her accordingly. Cut the communication between you 2 to a minimum, nothing about emotion or feelings, she will want to talk but its not to make you feel better its to make her feel better. Give her nothing, no attention no support, no time and no money in other word treat her like a fat chick.


She wants to end it because she want to run to that guy she cheated with. After a short while she will have doubts and try to contact you to see if you are still there as a back up plan to relieve her insecurity and feel better. Make sure you dont give her what she wants, the more secure she is that your are the back up the less doubt she will have about leaving you.


Be strong and put yourself first !

 

[thinker]

@engenie it's over this is dead dead dead dead, O did I fail to mention that this is dead? She is fvcking other guys and worst of all she is encouraging you to fvck other women. A women that has genuine desire for a man will not be encouraging him to fvck other women, she may tolerate that but she will not be cheer leading for it. Since you say you are on good terms with her now is the time for your exit, don't wait until things go bad it will only be worse for you. And one last thing get a paternity test to make sure your daughter is really yours.

 

[lamath]

@engenie it's over this is dead dead dead dead, O did I fail to mention that this is dead? She is fvcking other guys and worst of all she is encouraging you to fvck other women. A women that has genuine desire for a man will not be encouraging him to fvck other women, she may tolerate that but she will not be cheer leading for it. Since you say you are on good terms with her now is the time for your exit, don't wait until things go bad it will only be worse for you. And one last thing get a paternity test to make sure your daughter is really yours.

+1 on paternity test

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

How are you allowing someone to treat you like this?