Avoid Rhetorical questions, please.

ThunderMaverick

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I posted this in the discussion forum, but I've been seeing a few new mature men just getting out of relationships here and maybe this story applies to them as well. It might be reinforcing to the veterans here as well.

Enjoy!

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After consuming much alcohol last night I went to be pretty shitty.
While asleep in my drunken state I had a dream about the ex. (don't ask and don't smack me. I can't control who pops into my head ALL the time.)

N E WAYS, in the dream I'm making out with her on a couch and working every part of her body. As I'm doing this, I look up to watch her face as her eyes roll in the back of her head in ecstasy. However she wasn't rolling her eyes in the way I wanted her to. She was rolling her eyes around the room, almost looking for the right way in which to ask me something.

"How would you go about knowing if a girl likes you or not?", she asked me.

I stopped dead in my tracks, my boner looking up at me with a "what-the-hell- just-happened-should-I-keep-going?!" look. I told my c0ck to stand down and I jumped off her. I ask her WHY SHE WOULD ASK ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!

"I dunno, I just wanted to see what you'd think about it, you know I like girls too. There's this girl I kinda think I like." Now folks, it's pretty bad when you have competition for the male side, but women too? It's a nightmare. I will never date a bisexual girl again. Issues man, issues.

It boggled my mind why she would ask me something that would potentially hurt me and whatever we had going on that night. Anger quickly oozed over me like hot tar and I just let my common sense go. I ask her, in the biggest AFC tone I could muster...

...."Did you ever love me?"

She shrugs and says "Not really."

This made my heart stop. I ask another AFC question.

"Did you miss me when you were with that other guy for a year?"

Again, she shrugs with a bit of an attitude, "No dude, not at all."

"Not even a little bit?" At this point I'm looking for any sign of B.S. She HAS to miss me, I KNOW IT! How could she not!? We had such a great time together despite a lot of the bad times.

She shakes her head at me and gives me this pathetic look. You know, the look you give a bum when they ask you for change and you don't have it? THAT'S the look she gave me.

"Not even a little bit" she says regretfully.

I get huffy and I just start talking shit about her wasting my time and how she never loved me and yadda yadda. In my dream I lost my cellphone as well so as I'm whining and crying I'm looking for my phone under the couch and whatnot. It was a sad scene. Before I totally broke down in my dream, God decided to have a bit of mercy and give my body a little kick to the head to wake me up. I'm sure him and Jesus were like "Hahahaha ohh ok ok we gotta wake him up!" 'No dude let's see more! This is awesome!' "No no dude he's gotta get up. Next time we'll do something even better!" -_-

So of course I wake up with a horrible hangover. My head is pulsing and my mouth feels like it's been raped by a bag of cotton. This got me really thinking though, and I don't do much of that.

I was talking to another forum member here about rhetorical questions and why they're one of the worst moves you can make in what seems like a healthy relationship. When I was in a relationship I use to ask my ex.. "So...would you ever have a threesome?" "Hell yeah" she would tell me. It made me sick to my stomach, but I wouldn't stop there, I'd pry and prod until we'd both walked away sore. "Oh really? Would you do it if I were away for a few months? Would you do it if you knew the girl really well?!" Guess what? I never got the answer I PERSONALLY WANTED. She would be honest with me and I didn't accept it. Now I could have made a couple of choices:

1. Could have walked away from everything, seeing that there might be storm clouds in the horizon.

2. I could have totally said "cool" and dropped it...

3. I could have kept my mouth shut and let her actions speak for themselves, letting the relationship take it's natural course.

When I would ask these questions I was looking for what I thought were signs of loyalty and trust. At times she would tell me that I had nothing to worry about that she was loyal and trustworthy. She would ask ME "why are you asking me this?!"

It really came down to how possessive I possibly was. I felt I wasn't strong enough to keep what we had together, so in my head if I reinforced it with questions then it would be alright. My mind started playing tricks on me and pretty soon I started to only see what I wanted to. She would have a threesome if she were single so that means she's a slut and she wouldn't be loyal to me. She's too different from me! It's not going to work. I would tell her this after I asked one of many silly rhetorical questions. It would break her down to the point of frustration. "It's not going to work! It just isn't. We're totally not on the same page" I would yell. I mean it got to the most pathetic point for her when she looked at me with tears in her eyes saying "Please don't break up with me". Over a fucking imaginary scenario!

As time went on she saw that I wasn't as strong as I let on in the beginning. In the beginning I didn't care about losing her. I didn't have any investment so of course I could take it or leave it. When I had it it was like a piece of diamond that I didn't want to share with anyone. I grabbed it so tightly it broke....yeah.

When you ask rhetorical questions you're only looking for what you want to hear. It displays your insecurities that much worse than a real situation. It's not happening! Why dwell on something that isn't happening?! Don't! We say always go by actions and I'm telling every man (because every man, no matter how old you are is prone to doing this) NOT to ask stupid questions that have nothing to do with how she treats you. She will see this as a tactic reserved for chumps and abusive guys who want to solidify loyalty, and of course she'll slowly detach herself from the relationship. She might not even know it. The damage is so cumulative that you won't know until it's too late.

Don't make the same mistake I did. Don't ask stupid rhetorical questions if you're looking to hear what you want to. Better yet, leave them out of your relationship's diet. You're a man and if she's with you because you act how a man should act, then you don't need to ask anymore questions.

The question that all rhetorical questions come down to is...


..."Are you MAN enough to maintain this?"
 

lookyoung

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I agree with your thread.:up: Nice job. I used to also do this in my younger years. I would ask girls how many guys they have been with? Most of these questions are useless anyway being that a girl will never tell you anything about her sex life. Do you think a woman who has fvcked 50 guys or had threesomes ever admit it to a potential mate. The answer is no. At least the girl your talking about was honest.

Never go by what a girl says. Go by what she does. Look at her character and her qualities. Also pay attention to details about her. Me personally I don't think a girl could ever fool me. If a girl has been with alot of guys I just know. Don't tell me how I know but I know. I guess its what I call a mans intuition.:D
 
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