Automatic Friend Zone by Your Friends GF

[Moonlounger]

Hey guys, are you automatically placed in the friend zone by the girlfriends of your friends?

A few of my good friends are currently in exclusive relationships, one for about a year and another for a few months.

The girl who's been with my friend for a year initially showed interest in me. I go shooting with her dad every once in a while, just never met her until about a year ago - I wasn't interested at the time, but clear interest was there on her part. Long story short, my friend who's dating her now also met her through her dad. The dynamic between me and her obviously changed when they started dating, and now she treats me like any other guy friend and I the same to her.

This got me thinking the other day, once that relationship dynamic changes, and a woman starts treating you like the friend of her boyfriend and you only really hang out in a group setting, are you pretty much in the friend zone forever?

My other buddy has been dating this other chick for a few months, I've been at two social gatherings with him and her, and there was some blatant interest on her part the first time. However, the second time it was there, but maybe not as strong.

To be honest, I'd definitely go after her if she was still single, but have no intention of messing up a good thing for her boyfriend/my friend. It was somewhat annoying hanging out with them - I was probably checking her out a little too obviously and flirting a bit even. Dude talks about banging her and how awesome she looks naked, how she comes from such a good family, is such a kind person etc, etc. He's pretty unaware of game, but has the body of a Greek god. She made a comment on how good my beard looks last time, and now my buddy is growing one. She said she wants to introduce me to her younger sister.

I got invited to a board game night with both friends and their girlfriends, and declined because I was busy, but also didn't want to be in that 3rd wheel social environment.

Alright, long story short, to increase any chance I have of ever getting with this chick, should I stop hanging out with him and her together and just attend "guys nights" instead? If I'm around in a friendly social setting, psychologically I think this paints me as a friend, even if it's subconscious.

They could eventually get married for all I know, and good for my buddy if that were to happen, but if she's ever single again, I'm going after that. Just trying to think long term here and maximize any odds in my favor. She's gotten to me a bit, though I'm still out there dating other women.

 

[FairShake]

You want advice on how to fvck your friend's girlfriend? With the caveat "if she's ever single" of course.

That's a big "Come on man!"

 

[dasein]

Man, go find women who aren't dating your friends, and when you find one, don't sit around flirting for ages, take action. Your post comes off as narcissistic, sorry to say. Who needs enemies with friends like you?

 

[Moonlounger]

Alright guys, thanks for the advice. I should try and be a better friend.

Thinking about this further, the best way to handle this is to not hang out with couples when you're the only single guy there.

 

[Moonlounger]

Well, thanks for your honesty, that's one of the main reasons I come here.

Kind of ****ty to be looking for a certain type of woman for a long time and you finally meet one who seems interested too, but you can't pursue because she's dating your friend. Anyways, if she were really interested, she wouldn't be with him and would make herself available.

If life kicks you in the balls like that you probably did something wrong, whether it's too big of an ego or standards that are too narrow or something.
I like tall redheads, but there's really not many of them around.

Probably the prudent thing to do is quietly remove myself from the situation. Hang out with my friend on "guys nights", not get mixed up with his girlfriend's sister, and get my head straight.

 

[Moroder]

If life kicks you in the balls like that you probably did something wrong ...

Sorry for saying, but when exactly did life kick you? You stated in your OP that you weren't interested at the time you met first her. This kind of stuff just happens. You want them, they don't want you, then they eventually do want you but you're in an exclusive thing etc. Or vice versa.
Don't get stuck up on this one tall redhead, though. Life will send some more your way.

 

[Moonlounger]

Oh that was another friends GF who was interested before dating my other friend. I was using that as an example of how women's attitudes towards you change once you start socializing as a group. I was never interested in that one.

A little hyperbole, but I spent a bunch of time and effort trying to find chicks like that redhead, and she pretty much falls in my buddy's lap. Feels like my efforts were wasted, like a kick in the nuts for him to get her so easily. But that's life.

 

[VikingKing]

Don't be a sh!t bag friend. That's fvcked up.

 

[Alvafe]

it a friend GF? I put her on friendzone, I don't care if she did to me or not

 

[Eco-J]

Taking your question at face value, I don't think your stuck in the friendzone forever. Instead of hiding from these girls, take them off the pedestal and just hang with them as friends while you date other women - including women they introduce you to. Then if down the road they do break up, you're someone they know as a high value guy and they may pursue you.

But, yeah, don't fvck with your buddies' gf. That's just weak - there's a ton more out there (even tall redheads).

 

[Moonlounger]

Taking your question at face value, I don't think your stuck in the friendzone forever. Instead of hiding from these girls, take them off the pedestal and just hang with them as friends while you date other women - including women they introduce you to. Then if down the road they do break up, you're someone they know as a high value guy and they may pursue you.

But, yeah, don't fvck with your buddies' gf. That's just weak - there's a ton more out there (even tall redheads).

Hey man, thanks for answering the question directly. For now though, I'll quietly remove myself from situations where she will be present to prevent any possibility of ****ing with my friends girlfriend until I get my head straight. I understand nothing should ever develop between me and her.

Same redhead as in this older thread btw:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=222543

Alright, appreciate it guys.

 

[dasein]

Kind of ****ty to be looking for a certain type of woman for a long time and you finally meet one who seems interested too, but you can't pursue because she's dating your friend.

All relationships end. Most sooner rather than later. Will say that every time in life a friend had a woman I thought I might want, down the road, I was VERY glad I didn't get her... other than in bed.

 

[backbreaker]

you're done. and it has nothing to do with her interest level in you either.

she won't risk being seen as a skank by the people around you. you aren't worth that. no offense. **** i'm not worth that.

 

[MattR1984]

Any decent quality girl won't jump from friend to friend in the same social circle. Date the sister man. Man code, Bros before hoes, seriously. Don't be that sleeze bag friend who no one trust and is always left out of **** because no one trust him. There are guys I know who have girlfriend's and wife's I'd bang but I consider none my friends. My friends wife's and girlfriends I don't even look at like that. True friends are hard to find and not worth a piece of ass. Wayyyyy too many girls out there.

 

[Moonlounger]

All relationships end. Most sooner rather than later. Will say that every time in life a friend had a woman I thought I might want, down the road, I was VERY glad I didn't get her... other than in bed.

Yeah they are an odd couple, she seems pretty inexperienced, props to my friend though.

you're done. and it has nothing to do with her interest level in you either.

she won't risk being seen as a skank by the people around you. you aren't worth that. no offense. **** i'm not worth that.

Great point, hadn't thought about it that way. No way a woman would risk her reputation as a skank when word could get back to her family and friends.

I was dead in the water from day 1 and didn't know it. She probably just wanted some attention and was harmlessly flirting. **** that.

Stupid of me think otherwise, oh well, live and learn.

Any decent quality girl won't jump from friend to friend in the same social circle.

Bingo. Red flag for a chick that does do that. I'll remember that.


Damn my friend is one lucky ****er. I saw the same women on a dating site and was going to email her but she disappeared. A month later my friend and her are exclusive. Snooze you lose. :crackup:

I got carried away. Thanks for the reality check guys.

 

[VladPatton]

This is like asking "hey man, is your wife single?"

Forget the friend's girl, man, there's nothing there for you. Don't $hit in the middle of your social circle.

 

[YawataNoKami]

Hey guys, are you automatically placed in the friend zone by the girlfriends of your friends?

A few of my good friends are currently in exclusive relationships, one for about a year and another for a few months.

The girl who's been with my friend for a year initially showed interest in me. I go shooting with her dad every once in a while, just never met her until about a year ago - I wasn't interested at the time, but clear interest was there on her part. Long story short, my friend who's dating her now also met her through her dad. The dynamic between me and her obviously changed when they started dating, and now she treats me like any other guy friend and I the same to her.

This got me thinking the other day, once that relationship dynamic changes, and a woman starts treating you like the friend of her boyfriend and you only really hang out in a group setting, are you pretty much in the friend zone forever?

My other buddy has been dating this other chick for a few months, I've been at two social gatherings with him and her, and there was some blatant interest on her part the first time. However, the second time it was there, but maybe not as strong.

To be honest, I'd definitely go after her if she was still single, but have no intention of messing up a good thing for her boyfriend/my friend. It was somewhat annoying hanging out with them - I was probably checking her out a little too obviously and flirting a bit even. Dude talks about banging her and how awesome she looks naked, how she comes from such a good family, is such a kind person etc, etc. He's pretty unaware of game, but has the body of a Greek god. She made a comment on how good my beard looks last time, and now my buddy is growing one. She said she wants to introduce me to her younger sister.

I got invited to a board game night with both friends and their girlfriends, and declined because I was busy, but also didn't want to be in that 3rd wheel social environment.

Alright, long story short, to increase any chance I have of ever getting with this chick, should I stop hanging out with him and her together and just attend "guys nights" instead? If I'm around in a friendly social setting, psychologically I think this paints me as a friend, even if it's subconscious.

They could eventually get married for all I know, and good for my buddy if that were to happen, but if she's ever single again, I'm going after that. Just trying to think long term here and maximize any odds in my favor. She's
gotten to me a bit, though I'm still out there dating other women.

The Stupid, it burns

 

[Cloudtopsun2100]

staying friends with your bro > random lay