I was hanging out with a couple of guys and one of the guys is great with the ladies. He's always bragging about all the chicks he's banged and I really got intimidated by this, sometimes it seems like he just rubs it into your face. It bothered me all night and then I realized I need a serious attitude adjustment. Being a hater is just as bad as an AFC. I have been shy all my life and had a bad case of social anxiety which I have made a lot of progress on, but I still find myself intimidated or thinking I am in a competition with this guy or other guys who are good with the ladies, and it's not healthy. I have made a lot of progress but I want to get to the next level, I want to be a genuine DJ, not fake it. So I guess my question is has anyone been in the same situation and overcome this? The only direction to move is forward, but right now the enemy isn't the ladies, it's the man in the mirror.
Attitude Adjustment
- Thread starter steeler_6
- Start date
The short answer is you need to fix your inner game because you're just fronting your outer game otherwise.
The achievements and actions of other people, especially when they don't relate to you, have nothing to do with you. Just do your own thing at your own pace, and never give up.
An analogy I just realized is going to the gym when you aren't buff -- if you start second guessing yourself because you aren't as built as some of the guys there, you'll never motivate yourself to be that good.
The achievements and actions of other people, especially when they don't relate to you, have nothing to do with you. Just do your own thing at your own pace, and never give up.
An analogy I just realized is going to the gym when you aren't buff -- if you start second guessing yourself because you aren't as built as some of the guys there, you'll never motivate yourself to be that good.
Colossus
Master Don Juan
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Props to you for realizing this.
Being a DJ is about a new level of understanding and a way of conducting yourself. Dont confuse this with a 'natural' player who beds a lot of women. The two can coexist, but not in everyone.
I believe that almost ANYONE, no matter how far down the AFC abyss, can develop the habits and understanding of what we call a Don Juan. But---not everyone can be a player, which ends up discouraging newbies who think that once they master this skillset they will be picking up women left and right. I hate to say it, but this is reality---we arent all created equal. Not every man is handsome, not every man has that natural social ease, not every man has palpable charisma.
You can better yourself and be a student of life, and actually end up living a very fulfilling life both in regards to women and everything else. It depends on your will to learn and how much temporary social discomfort you are willing to endure for the sake of lasting personal betterment.
Being a DJ is about a new level of understanding and a way of conducting yourself. Dont confuse this with a 'natural' player who beds a lot of women. The two can coexist, but not in everyone.
I believe that almost ANYONE, no matter how far down the AFC abyss, can develop the habits and understanding of what we call a Don Juan. But---not everyone can be a player, which ends up discouraging newbies who think that once they master this skillset they will be picking up women left and right. I hate to say it, but this is reality---we arent all created equal. Not every man is handsome, not every man has that natural social ease, not every man has palpable charisma.
You can better yourself and be a student of life, and actually end up living a very fulfilling life both in regards to women and everything else. It depends on your will to learn and how much temporary social discomfort you are willing to endure for the sake of lasting personal betterment.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
Always remember, it's not about how many women you've ƒucked, but how many women WANT to ƒuck you.
Don't always be the one putting yourself out for her. Don't always be the one putting all the effort and work into the relationship. Let her, and expect her, to treat you as well as you treat her, and to improve the quality of your life.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
I've been on the self improvement path, and I have progressed but attitude is everything. I want to change it, common sense says I should be able to just stop a bad habit but for some reason it's like I'm punching air or a huge wall that I know that it can be torn down but I don't know how to. Perhaps this is just another learning experience. For a while I took it personal but I thought about it some more. I mean I do need some work on my social skills, I am still pretty passive, and still over-analyze a lot.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
This belief is rooted in the old idea that pure "willpower" is the solution to changing compulsive behavior and it is demonstrably incorrect.steeler_6 said:
MY experience in the study and practise of recovery from addiction concluded that an "act of will " is NOT sufficient.
BY that I mean just "thinking " yourself out of the self defeating behavior is rarely successful...you have to "behave your way out ".
The most effective method is to replace one bad habit with another desired habit.This takes design and patience and persistence. Relapse is common... The old habit needs to be "elbowed out" by persistent inclusion of the desired habit until the new behaviour becomes your default method.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
\mrRuckus said:It depends on how much willpower you have to start with. The problem is that people try to willpower up the willpower, which can't happen since you don't have it to begin with.
Exactly -
If you could marshall the willpower to remove a troublesome habit you would have done it and removed that problem .
If i was single, I wouldn't even let other guys enter my mind-frame. There's you, and there's the countless number of chicks. Don't even think about other dudes. Thinking about other dudes is gay, AFAIK.steeler_6 said:
Always strife to be the best (real) man you can be, and just go with it.
It's probably not true, but I don't think there's anyone as sly as me. Think like that. If you don't get that crooked grin every now and then, you're not doing it right.
Create self-fulfilling prophecies. Always assume the positive. Assume she likes you. Assume she wants to talk to you. Assume she wants to go out with you. When you think positive, positive things happen.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
lol your right on about that one lol. I don't plan on giving up one bit, I mean my life has already changed for the better than what it was 2 years ago. I now see this as a learning experience, I mean I practiced body language, teasing, kino and have had some success but attitude is the core of it all. It's strange how you can read about it and hear about it, but it's means nothing until you truly internalize it and understand it. One more step in the right direction. Time to get back into the trenches.azanon said:
I really got the right idea just reading all of the materials available at this site; especially all of the material covered in the DJ bible. If you incorporate all of that along with improving yourself as a man, you're going to be better off that a heck of a lot of guys.steeler_6 said:
But back on point, "competing with other guys" is an idea that's completely not in my mind. The thing I'd struggle with the most is rejection because it'd probably be hard for me to understand why they'd do such a dumb thing. I think that's where you want to be. Leave the humility in the churc*. You're the s***, plain and simple. You just have to believe that. Why? Because how could you expect them to want you over everyone else, if YOU wouldn't want you over everyone else?