NOTE: Sorry the formatting is messed up, I'll fix it when I get the chance.
You are an AFC if you experience one or more of the following in your life:
1) You develop "feelings" or "fall in love" with women you've known\dated for a short period of time. (normally around 1 -
2 weeks)
- You fantasize about your life together. Being a couple. Possibly after only the second date.
- You constantly worry about "losing" her so you give in to easily and show her too much attention. Aware that this is going against DJ wisdom.
2) You become fixated or obsessed with ONE woman.
- You think about her constatly. You wonder what she is doing "right now".
- You analyse your every move. You keep second guessing yourself. Wondering if you did anything "wrong" in your last encounter with her.
- You look for signs that she ISN'T interested.
- You worry constantly.
- She seems "so perfect" and you can't imagine being with anyone but her.
3) Rejection hits your VERY hard.
Once you are rejected you:
- Become angry with her for being such a "b__ch".
- Become depressed and feel worthless, a failure.
- It can take a month or more to "recover". (took me 3 months once!)
Why dos AFCs act this way?
It could be any of the following reasons:
- You've never had a girlfriend, STR, or LTR.
- or have had very few GFs.
- You're a virgin.
- You're shy around people in general.
- You're shy around women.
Why does an AFC do these things?
The reason you keep falling in love or developing feelings for a woman so quickly is because of DESPERATION. You rarely date women so when one comes a long you grab hold of her as if you have found the holy grail. You place her on a pedastal. You become so wrapped up in her, hoping she is The One. Because if she isn't then you're going to have to go and APPROACH another woman! GASP! "Oh god, NO!I couldn't possibly risk the rejection! I'd better hang on to this one!"
You become obsessed with her because she is constantly on your mind. You think about how badly you want to have sex with her. You want her to be your girlfriend. You may have finally found a girl that likes you. You want to make sure you get everything perfect. A single mistake could cost you! PEDESTAL!?!
As an AFC you put so much effort into each woman you meet that you raise her value in your own eyes. You have not had many woman who seemed interested in you, so you think this one is special because she likes you. Also, you may have tried REALLY hard to approach her. All this effort just makes you feel she is worth more than she really is. Think about how DJ's use the principle of CHALLENGE to raise their value in the eyes of other women. Do you think the same principle won't affect you?
What are the first steps in recovering from being an AFC?
- Realise that "love at first sight" is a myth. Love takes years to develop. But lust happens in an instant. You might like this girl a lot: She's sexy, intelligent and great to be around. But you don't love her. Look around you - there's plenty of women that would be just as good, if not better. Do you think all these girls with boyfriends are total *****es? Not ALL of them...
- If you haven't dated a lot of women, then you can not possibly be a good judge of the "perfect woman". How can you possibly know what you REALLY like in a woman if you've only dated two? Well, I never realised how important INTELLIGENCE was to me until I met an intelligent woman! DATE LOTS OF WOMEN. LEARN WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.
- Since you haven't dated a lot of women. You shouldn't be looking to settle down. You'll regret it later in life. Go out and date as many women as you can. Experience them all.
- Realise that you're a great guy. Not perfect, nobody is. But you have a lot to offer any woman. If you don't feel this way, then start going to gym and playing sports. Get some hobbies. Study hard. Improve yourself. Learn to respect yourself.
My advice to you
1) Forget about nexting women if you're an AFC. Nexting is what real DJs do to weed out flakey women. By nexting a girl you are losing out on the EXPERIENCE necessary to become a DJ. Many DJs here knew that my last oneitis was an attention *****. They told me to next her. I didn't. But because of that I have learned a lot about women (plus I got to make out with an HB7
). EXPERIENCE is the best teacher. Learn as much as you can from a woman before you next her. Don't next her at the first little sign of flakiness. Even if she ends up using you, you'll be that much wiser.
2) If a woman likes you enough, she'll go on a date with you. Ask her three times, if she turns you down for all of them she's not interested or is playing games. Move on. Don't just ask once and then give up. Be a little persistant, but not obsessive.
3) When AFCs come here and ask "I have this girls number but, [PLACE IRRELEVANT INFO HERE]. Should I call her?". What they're REALLY asking is "IF I call her up and ask her out, will she reject me?". CALL HER! I don't care if she didn't seem interested. Just GROW SOME BALLS! You ask her out, she says no. The end. If she says yes - great you've got a date!
4) Don't brag to your friends about getting a number/organising a first date. Why not? Well, how stupid are you going to feel if she gave you a false number or cancels at the last minute. Your friends ask, "So how was your date with Sarah?" and you have to tell them about your rejection. It makes rejection easier if you keep your dating life as secretive as possible. I keep all my dates secret until I've been on my first one. That way rejection doesn't hit me as hard.
5) Don't take dating so seriously. Nothing scares of a woman more than a man who wants to "get serious" after 4 dates. Just have fun with her, enjoy each others company. "Go with the flow", let things just happen. Don't force them.
6) If you're not experienced at kissing then you must jsut accept that you'll feel akward. But if she's really into you and it's in private, it won't be so bad. (ASk me, I know)
7) Try and build a list of numbers. Not easy, I know. But it will help. Keep your options open.
8) Keep busy. This stops you from fantasizing about women. It also shows her you have a life.
What if I'm shy?
Being a shy DJ is challenging. It's bad enough for you just to talk to a MALE that you don't know. Never mind a female! Well, it is still possible to grow the balls to approach a chick when you're shy. So do it. But if you feel your shyness if holding you back, work on it. I am, and it's doing wonders. This all takes time, but be patient and it WILL pay off.
Live your life! Don't waste a single day!
Regards
Santos
You are an AFC if you experience one or more of the following in your life:
1) You develop "feelings" or "fall in love" with women you've known\dated for a short period of time. (normally around 1 -
2 weeks)
- You fantasize about your life together. Being a couple. Possibly after only the second date.
- You constantly worry about "losing" her so you give in to easily and show her too much attention. Aware that this is going against DJ wisdom.
2) You become fixated or obsessed with ONE woman.
- You think about her constatly. You wonder what she is doing "right now".
- You analyse your every move. You keep second guessing yourself. Wondering if you did anything "wrong" in your last encounter with her.
- You look for signs that she ISN'T interested.
- You worry constantly.
- She seems "so perfect" and you can't imagine being with anyone but her.
3) Rejection hits your VERY hard.
Once you are rejected you:
- Become angry with her for being such a "b__ch".
- Become depressed and feel worthless, a failure.
- It can take a month or more to "recover". (took me 3 months once!)
Why dos AFCs act this way?
It could be any of the following reasons:
- You've never had a girlfriend, STR, or LTR.
- or have had very few GFs.
- You're a virgin.
- You're shy around people in general.
- You're shy around women.
Why does an AFC do these things?
The reason you keep falling in love or developing feelings for a woman so quickly is because of DESPERATION. You rarely date women so when one comes a long you grab hold of her as if you have found the holy grail. You place her on a pedastal. You become so wrapped up in her, hoping she is The One. Because if she isn't then you're going to have to go and APPROACH another woman! GASP! "Oh god, NO!I couldn't possibly risk the rejection! I'd better hang on to this one!"
You become obsessed with her because she is constantly on your mind. You think about how badly you want to have sex with her. You want her to be your girlfriend. You may have finally found a girl that likes you. You want to make sure you get everything perfect. A single mistake could cost you! PEDESTAL!?!
As an AFC you put so much effort into each woman you meet that you raise her value in your own eyes. You have not had many woman who seemed interested in you, so you think this one is special because she likes you. Also, you may have tried REALLY hard to approach her. All this effort just makes you feel she is worth more than she really is. Think about how DJ's use the principle of CHALLENGE to raise their value in the eyes of other women. Do you think the same principle won't affect you?
What are the first steps in recovering from being an AFC?
- Realise that "love at first sight" is a myth. Love takes years to develop. But lust happens in an instant. You might like this girl a lot: She's sexy, intelligent and great to be around. But you don't love her. Look around you - there's plenty of women that would be just as good, if not better. Do you think all these girls with boyfriends are total *****es? Not ALL of them...
- If you haven't dated a lot of women, then you can not possibly be a good judge of the "perfect woman". How can you possibly know what you REALLY like in a woman if you've only dated two? Well, I never realised how important INTELLIGENCE was to me until I met an intelligent woman! DATE LOTS OF WOMEN. LEARN WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.
- Since you haven't dated a lot of women. You shouldn't be looking to settle down. You'll regret it later in life. Go out and date as many women as you can. Experience them all.
- Realise that you're a great guy. Not perfect, nobody is. But you have a lot to offer any woman. If you don't feel this way, then start going to gym and playing sports. Get some hobbies. Study hard. Improve yourself. Learn to respect yourself.
My advice to you
1) Forget about nexting women if you're an AFC. Nexting is what real DJs do to weed out flakey women. By nexting a girl you are losing out on the EXPERIENCE necessary to become a DJ. Many DJs here knew that my last oneitis was an attention *****. They told me to next her. I didn't. But because of that I have learned a lot about women (plus I got to make out with an HB7
). EXPERIENCE is the best teacher. Learn as much as you can from a woman before you next her. Don't next her at the first little sign of flakiness. Even if she ends up using you, you'll be that much wiser.2) If a woman likes you enough, she'll go on a date with you. Ask her three times, if she turns you down for all of them she's not interested or is playing games. Move on. Don't just ask once and then give up. Be a little persistant, but not obsessive.
3) When AFCs come here and ask "I have this girls number but, [PLACE IRRELEVANT INFO HERE]. Should I call her?". What they're REALLY asking is "IF I call her up and ask her out, will she reject me?". CALL HER! I don't care if she didn't seem interested. Just GROW SOME BALLS! You ask her out, she says no. The end. If she says yes - great you've got a date!
4) Don't brag to your friends about getting a number/organising a first date. Why not? Well, how stupid are you going to feel if she gave you a false number or cancels at the last minute. Your friends ask, "So how was your date with Sarah?" and you have to tell them about your rejection. It makes rejection easier if you keep your dating life as secretive as possible. I keep all my dates secret until I've been on my first one. That way rejection doesn't hit me as hard.
5) Don't take dating so seriously. Nothing scares of a woman more than a man who wants to "get serious" after 4 dates. Just have fun with her, enjoy each others company. "Go with the flow", let things just happen. Don't force them.
6) If you're not experienced at kissing then you must jsut accept that you'll feel akward. But if she's really into you and it's in private, it won't be so bad. (ASk me, I know
)7) Try and build a list of numbers. Not easy, I know. But it will help. Keep your options open.
8) Keep busy. This stops you from fantasizing about women. It also shows her you have a life.
What if I'm shy?
Being a shy DJ is challenging. It's bad enough for you just to talk to a MALE that you don't know. Never mind a female! Well, it is still possible to grow the balls to approach a chick when you're shy. So do it. But if you feel your shyness if holding you back, work on it. I am, and it's doing wonders. This all takes time, but be patient and it WILL pay off.
Live your life! Don't waste a single day!
Regards
Santos
