At what pace should I be progressing in this transformation from AFC to DJ?

[squirrels]

I'm trying my best to be patient with this whole attitude switch and slowly let the more assertive, manly attitudes take over. But patience has never been one of my strong suits. I DO want to see immediate results.

I've come a long way already, I suppose. I used to not even be able to TALK to attractive women. Now I'm at the point where I can chat them up a little, maybe a little flirting, but can't get much further than that.

What I'm wondering is how long it was for most of you who came in as utter AFC losers between starting to take lessons from this site/forum and actually being successful with women. (By successful, I mean dating/sex)

I want to give it as much time as it'll take for me to grow into the man I oughta be and I don't want to judge my progress solely by my success rate with women, but at the same time, I'd like to know if I'm "hung up" at a point and need to start rethinking my outlook and behavior.

What do you thinK?

 

[matius]

You should work on you first. Learn to love yourself and then work on loving others (not in some cheesy doink way, I don't mean that)...What I mean is, if your goal is to have sex go get a hooker. Sex should come naturally with people you want and dig to be around. Okay, so there will be a ONS or twenty- but you know what I mean.

Work on you and let them come into your life because you are happy and they want to be around you. This does not take place overnight...and if you don't work hard or have the right mindset it could always avoid you- for life.

What if I said 6 months.
And another guy said 1 week.
Would you believe either of us?

 

[mb121]

Depends on person, but from my understanding from posters in previous threads it takes several years to become close to perfect, but months to get decent results if you play your cards right.

 

[Starman]

I always get people asking me "How long does it take to get over the death of somebody you love?" (I had alot of family die)

SO I tell them..everyone copes and moves at their own pace.

I doubt anyone can move from a COMPLETE AFC to a NATURAL DJ..

Ive been here like 4 months and have seen alot of progress in myself..Im no where I want to be..and still act AFC from time to time...stop focusing on a timeline..

and try to do the exercises in this forum..they really help

 

[trueplayaz]

It is completely possible to move from a total AFC to being, for all intensive purposes, a natural DJ (naturally occurring maybe not, but completely indistinguishable from one both inside and out). Infact, this kind of transformation when executed with full commitment, a heavy dose of intelligence and knowledge of the human mind processes is probably superior.

How do I know? Because I made that journey, uncomfortable as it was - but I loved every minute of it...

 

[God Of War]

The problem is that you still think any of this really matters.

 

[trueplayaz]

exactly, none of this matters

 

[Starman]

SO true playaz..based on your account you are able to snag any woman anywhere anytime?

I hardly doubt anyone on here went from zero to hero..Marked self improvement yes, but AFC to Natural DJ..hardly.

 

[trueplayaz]

In one year I went from no life, No money, Slobbish, very few friends (AFCs) or girlfriends. Had a major break up which almost detroyed me. I vowed to completely reinvent myself. I did.

1 yr later: Good Body, great social skills, big social circle, own business, popularity, etc. But it necessitated moving to a new town and starting at zero and I did cut off contact with everyone I knew which made the process a lot easier. You see I concentrated hard on improving me rather than going for the quick fix. I guess we take what we want from this DJ thing - Some take a little, some a lot. I took a lot...

P.S. hardly? Yes it was ****in hard

 

[trajhenkhet]

I'll say this much, the road to self improvment is endless. I think once I hit a point where giving extreme effort in my endeavors no longer seemed like a chore, is when I knew I had reached a point beyond where I was (including my dating life). Come to think of it, I now enjoy giving extreme effort to whatever I do. Which leads me to this beautiful truth...

Being a DJ is not a process of becoming, but a process of being

 

[trueplayaz]

exactly trajhenkhet, its a state of being.


'I now enjoy giving extreme effort to whatever I do.' <= this is the sign of someone who has found their correct path. Its def. one of the fundamentals of the DJ's life.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by trueplayaz
exactly trajhenkhet, its a state of being.


'I now enjoy giving extreme effort to whatever I do.' <= this is the sign of someone who has found their correct path. Its def. one of the fundamentals of the DJ's life.

Here's a question...do you enjoy giving extreme effort to anything that offers NO reward in return? Is it one of those, "The reward for hard work is more hard work" situations?

Dunno why...something about that is discouraging. It's like fighting a war you know you can never win. Why do you keep fighting?

 

[squirrels]

I'm sure I'm missing the point, but somehow continually striving for a goal too high to achieve seems like an empty life. One might say that it's not the goal, it's the experience you get along the way. But the experience doesn't seem to be an adequate motivation in and of itself.

 

[trueplayaz]

squirrels, I understand where you're coming from.

But I meant if you want something , you put as much in as possible to obtaining it. We all have dreams and it takes hard work to get there. Most things we place value on require hard work to obtain - directly or indirectly. However, need to see the 'hard work' as an enjoyable challenge rather than just hard work.

Its enjoying the journey that is important. Enjoyment also makes achieving your dreams much more likely. DJing is about expanding on your possibilities and potential. Enjoying the process and challenge of doing is just as rewarding as the end result.

I was refering to putting 100% into achieving goals in general and problem solving in general. In the general DJ picture everything you do that improves you sharpens the picture that little bit more. It doesn't mean endless hard work, just a more effective lifestyle. Putting 100% into things you have to do anyway leaves you more time to put effort into other areas in your life thus increasing what you get out of this world.

 

[Deep Dish]

Two years is where I am at right now. And I'm still evolving. It's odd, I used to hate changing myself, but now I hate the thought of staying the same.

Anyway, the change started slow, very slow. It took over six months for the change to truly begin kicking in. It's very hard radically shifting something that was established for well over two decades. But given enough persistance, the rate of change and ease snowballed. And it's only been the past eight months or so have I been experiencing almost unhindered changes.

Also, along the way, my plans shift, became more ambitious and wider in scope [In other words, it's not just about women anymore]. Had I stuck to my original intention, I'd have succeeded my goal long ago, but it wouldn't match what I have, am, and will be experiencing.

Continually striving for a goal too high to achieve seems like an empty life.

No, it's not too high. You only think it's too high. And yes, there are the experiences you will experience along the way.

 

[aguynamedwill]

two years here too. and not alot of dating. but at least i can:

hold eye contact with a cute girl
say hi to a cute girl
ask a cute girl her name
have a short conversation with a cute girl
make a cute girl laugh
get flirted with by a cute girl

i can ALMOST:
get a cute girls phone number (i still get nervous)

two years ago i couldn't do any of that. i wouldn't even have thought it was possible that a cute girl would flirt with me.

At least now those things i CAN do are so habitual (i.e. its an automatic reaction to the presence of an attractive female) that I don't think too much of them anymore. I just do them. It just happens. Which is a form of success.

Most of my spare time has been spent playing computer games or reading stuff on this site. So the lack of success has been down to me and my choices. When I do go out, I almost always meet someone. I just don't go out enough.

SO GO OUT AND PRACTICE. I should listen to myself more often.

-Will

 

[es_mer8]

It took me about a week to going from barely even acknowledging the existence of a female to talking, flirting, and getting numbers from them. I've made vast improvement in such little time but I understand as well I got a ways to go physically. Mentally I believe I got the right mindset. I still got a lot of weight to lose and I don't know how much I lost in Week 2 (Week 1 I lost 6 lbs) because during the weekend, I went to graduation parties, ate my graduation cake, went to Red Lobster, and last night I drank either 7 or 8 beers, including a 40. I worked hard before and now I'm working harder after to make sure I lost maybe 2-3 pounds. Anyway, I want to get down to about 205 lbs by the tail end of August. So that way I can be cut up as well as have some muscle but I'm not aiming at getting buff (yet). So I want the physical aspect down. So I got a ways to go.

 

[matius]

I'm sure I'm missing the point, but somehow continually striving for a goal too high to achieve seems like an empty life. One might say that it's not the goal, it's the experience you get along the way. But the experience doesn't seem to be an adequate motivation in and of itself.

From this statement I learn that you are not motivated, unwilling to work and lazy. Start making yourself feel better with each new day and fill yourself up on the way to your dreams man, damn.