Asking her to come to your place?

[Zion]

This is gonna be a bit weird, so bear with me.

Real cute co-worker and I made out a few weeks ago while having drinks with some common friends. We've been flirting for a little longer than that though. She 24 and I'm 22.

Anyway, here's the weird. I live in the same area with her a few other colleagues from work so we kinda formed a group. We go to/leave the office together, go to the same gym and it's become a tradition to stop for a drink at the local lounge. Because of this the two of us have never been on a "proper" date since there's always at least one other person with us.
However, they always leave early. And we kinda know that. So we end up with a couple of hours to ourselves each time.
We keep appearances while others are around and flirt as if nothing ever happened. It's really fun since they're completely oblivious but the moment they leave we transition into making out and being all intimate. It's kinda weird.

Here's the problem. She's leaving on a 3 week delegation on Wednesday. Considering this thing between us has been going on for about 2 weeks, 3 is a long time. I'm not sure how easy keeping attraction up for so long will be if we don't have sex before she leaves. She's comfortable at my place since "the group" has been here before.

So should I just casually tell her to come over tomorrow night for some good pizza and a bad movie? I know I will kick myself in the balls if I don't get a lay with her. I gotta at least try.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

I've had this work once or twice before by making it look like an accident. Pick a neutral place very close to your place for a date and "forget something". Invite her in and offer her a drink while you use the bathroom, make a sandwich real quick, etc. Last year I smashed a chick on the first date by setting this up at a bowling alley a block from my house. Then there is plausible deniability and her slut defenses go down.

 

[BrainDamage92]

Dude why wait for so long. Ask her baby! Nothing to lose,

but ****ing with coworkers has a flip side, if things go sour between you too, there is 95 % chance she will try to pull some **** at work which will make you look bad or smth. I dont think like females, so I cant name a specifi thing, but they are masters at drama I know you know it.

So you better perform in bed an keep it as casual as possible. But no doubt you should ask her to come over, its beyond the point of no return already.

 

[Zion]

Dude why wait for so long. Ask her baby! Nothing to lose,

but ****ing with coworkers has a flip side, if things go sour between you too, there is 95 % chance she will try to pull some **** at work which will make you look bad or smth. I dont think like females, so I cant name a specifi thing, but they are masters at drama I know you know it.

So you better perform in bed an keep it as casual as possible. But no doubt you should ask her to come over, its beyond the point of no return already.

Don't know what to say. You'd be right in most cases yet she doesn't really seem like a drama queen.
Plus she's well aware I'm not the "relationship" type of guy.

 

[Zion]

I've had this work once or twice before by making it look like an accident. Pick a neutral place very close to your place for a date and "forget something". Invite her in and offer her a drink while you use the bathroom, make a sandwich real quick, etc. Last year I smashed a chick on the first date by setting this up at a bowling alley a block from my house. Then there is plausible deniability and her slut defenses go down.

It's not a bad tactic but I don't think it fits my style. I'm quite certain I got this without having to be sneaky.

 

[Zion]

They never seem like drama queens. You won't realize she's a drama queen until you're already in too deep.

Oh come on, most of the times it's completely obvious.

Nevertheless I know exactly just how stupid it is to **** where you eat. But I've already made the decision that in this case it's worth it.

 

[R.C]

You don't seem to be new at this so if you think that ****ting where you eat is worth it in this case, by all means go for it.

Having inside jokes, protecting "your secret" when others are around, knowing something they don't, these types of things skyrocket the process of building a connection. The fact that she's already been at your place, you work together, go to the same gym.. you may not have been on a "proper" date but she is used to being with you in multiple environments and situations. That can only work in your favor.

I could see that line working if you're cheeky like that and subcommunicate your true intentions but nevertheless she's attracted, she's comfortable, there's a connection, she's leaving and she knows it too. I think you got this OP.

3 weeks may or may not be a long time since she's leaving on a business trip but you don't really have anything to lose.
If you live in the same area it's even better, because the logistics of going to work in the morning won't be a problem.

Did you tell her you're not interested in a relationship with her or in general?

 

[Zion]

In general of course. Finding a girl that's worth being your girlfriend is rare. It's so so rare. For me at least. I can't settle if I don't feel she has something greater than her looks going for herself. Plenty of beautiful women out there, that alone isn't enough.

I could see myself with her, but there's no point thinking in those terms until she gets back.

 

[Zion]

2x post. Sorry.

 

[Huffman]

So, how did it go?

 

[Zion]

Talked to her and she mentioned having plans before I got the chance to ask. Gonna do it today.

 

[Bingo-Player]

im struggling to see what the issue is ?

she's shown clear interest in you , regardless of wether theres a 3rd party at your "dates" or not..... it reads to me like she is enjoying having something secret going on with you

this is good because it generates mystery on its own negating her hamster from playing games of its own

i think you hold most of the cards here

think of a topic that your both interested in and then find something you need to "show" her relating to said topic....... back at yours

sex should be inevitable

good luck

 

[Zion]

She was sick as fvck yesterday. Kind of a bad timing but I went for it anyway.
I told her to come spend the night and she said that she kinda feels like a wreck. I suggested she can feel like a wreck at my place as well.
She hinted that "we both know what's going on here", so I replied by asking her just how easy she thinks I am, and told her not to overthink sh!t. The conclusion was that she "might come".

Her answer seemed quite genuine but I'm not an idiot so I didn't hold my breath. Went out with some friends instead but still texted her at around 9 PM.

Me: "You letting yourself be expected princess?"
Her " ) princess I just woke up. I can't make it... cant get outta bed,sick. tomorrow if you're free I'm coming."


It's really good that she rescheduled on her own initiative right? I think I got this.

 

[Zion]

@Update:

Got a text:

Her: "Princess you got a printer?"
Me: "I'm at the office. I have multiple printers"
Her: "Yea but at home?"
Me: "Yea, got one @ home too."
Her: "so I can print the plane ticket"
Her: "ok great then I'll see you tonight at your place"
Her: "also I want that alphabet soup you promised :* )"


I'm actually quite proud of myself right now, hahah.

 

[R.C]

You cheeky bastard. Did you call her out on the printer pretext on purpose?

Props if you did :crackup:

 

[Zion]

****. Or rather, didn't ****. I couldn't get the kill.

She came over, escalation was pretty easy but hit about 3 stages of light LMR.

"We work together. Don't you have principles?", with a smirk on her face. I used to tell her I don't date coworkers before all this started. It's been our inside joke since.
You listen to her actions not her words, so I agreed, amplified and kept escalating.

"How old are you again?". Same smirk, taking a cheap shot at the fact that I'm 22. She's 24 but her usual demographic is guys in their late 20s / early 30s. Jokingly replied "25". She then said "Sure sure. I could be your mom". Lightly shoved her away and replied "A'right, go home. My libido is dead for the next 6 weeks." She laughed and jumped me again. Agree, amplify, escalate.

At this point she had no problem with me running my hand under her shirt / in the back of her jeans. No bra. **** yes.
Then I reversed her on top and she basically dryhump/grinded on me while wildly making out for a good few minutes. She was all over me, getting really into it, but stopped me as I was about to take her shirt off. I said "It's cool", but froze for a moment and half-panicked since I was really not expecting that. Took me by surprise and I honestly didn't know how to escalate further. I choked.

Things kinda cooled off there and I didn't manage to get the ball rolling again. ****. Time was also pressuring us since she she had some more packing to do at around 1:30 AM, her feeling sick didnt help much and we both were really tired. Excuses? **** yeah they are.

Anyway, made out with her again in the doorway. In hindsight maybe I should've just pulled her back to my room as a last ditch, but instead, this time I stopped and told her "Ok ok, run". I felt like trying yet again would come off a bit as needy so decided to do the opposite. Took a gamble, hopefully it pays off. But **** me if it feels that way right now. She did seem reluctant to leave though.

If I were to invite her over today, I'm 99% certain she'd be screaming my name in 3 different languages. Except her plane is leaving in one hour.

She has about 3 other dudes chasing. We talk about our "side-projects" every now and then. Two are apparently friendzoned and she doesn't find them as attractive in the least. I know one of them, I don't think he has what it takes. She logged on facebook yesterday for a few moments and these 2 guys immediately jumped her. Like literally 1 second after showing online. She also forgot her account logged. The thought seeped into my mind but I immediately discarded it. Doing **** like that would destroy my identity and all I stand for.
She clearly stated interest in third, but he's married and about 30 something. They made out a few times and he invited her on a holiday but she refused. I don't get it, I'd **** that particular guy myself. Something about morals.
I always encourage her to go for a dude if she likes him. Because **** it, if she's gonna be with me it's because I'm better than the competition.

Finally, from what I can tell she treats all those guys quite badly. Like your typical orbiters, to varying degree. She's never been disrespectful towards me though, and we really seem to get along quite well.

So:
1. Did I **** it up? Should I have been even more aggressive? Her affection was almost girlfriend-ish, all of our dialogues where fun, lots of big smiles and overall happy atmosphere. I was actually enjoying these "cuddly" moments. It's disgusting.

2. Also what do you suggest I should do over the course of these 3 weeks? Text a few back and forth's every few days while keeping it light and fun or should I go for "building a deeper connection", talk to her a bit more frequently about her experience there and all that?

And holy ****ing **** this turned out to be a huge wall of text. But it's entertaining, so read it.

PS: She initiated texting this morning.

 

[R.C]

You probably could've gotten a lay, not gonna lie.

But even so, it could clearly have gone much worse. I know countless stories that involve half-boner cuddling over watching a movie to the background sound of the guys' soul slowly being crushed by awkwardness.

Here's what you did really good:
- You escalated. You didn't close but you took your "relationship" to another level regardless. Up until now you were just making out, now you're intimate. Not fully, but damn close. A ****up can be considered not closing next time she's at your place.
- You created comfort. Big smiles? little to no awkwardness? that's good. She enjoys spending time with you.
- You didn't pressure to the point of becoming needy. Encouraging her to go after guys she likes shows willingness to walk away and that you're not over-invested. It's all the more better if you're genuine about it.
- It takes a lot to respect her privacy when the opportunity simply lays itself out for you. Congrats, not many would have done that.

OP the point is that you seem to have your sh!t together quite well regarding some core fundamentals. The fact that she texted you first in the morning only makes it better. Over the next weeks text her, start light and fun but don't be afraid to go deeper.
Keep in mind that regardless of how this turns out, you did good. I think it will go well thought.

 

[Bingo-Player]

OP how is this chick perceived in the workplace ?

I’ve painted a picture of her in my head as office eye candy and by the sounds of things she would seemingly know it too

You have played it well up until this point nice and cool .....which is why she is still interested

However the fact she didn’t put out when she came over sets one or two alarm bells ringing for me .....i know there’s the possibility that actually she may not be a complete sloot but from what I’ve seen from women over the years i would choose not to believe that

To me the fact you haven’t had sex yet mean’s she is firmly dictating the pace of your “relationship” i recon she didn’t want to “give it up” to keep your interest high and to ensure a nice flow of attention for her whilst she is away ........

My advice is to go completely ghost for the entire duration of her holiday and communication she attempts to make then be polite but shut it down

She will be so glad to hear from you when she gets back she should put out immediately

 

[Zion]

OP how is this chick perceived in the workplace ?

I’ve painted a picture of her in my head as office eye candy and by the sounds of things she would seemingly know it too

You have played it well up until this point nice and cool .....which is why she is still interested

However the fact she didn’t put out when she came over sets one or two alarm bells ringing for me .....i know there’s the possibility that actually she may not be a complete sloot but from what I’ve seen from women over the years i would choose not to believe that

To me the fact you haven’t had sex yet mean’s she is firmly dictating the pace of your “relationship” i recon she didn’t want to “give it up” to keep your interest high and to ensure a nice flow of attention for her whilst she is away ........

My advice is to go completely ghost for the entire duration of her holiday and communication she attempts to make then be polite but shut it down

She will be so glad to hear from you when she gets back she should put out immediately

Nice read.
She is office eye candy. Easily one of the hottest ones. And yeah, she knows it too. Not from me though. I've never once validated her on her looks.
Actually no, wait. The 2 of us met up one morning and I greeted her with :"Damn, someone is sexy as fvck today. Oh, but don't worry, you look alright too." That's the most she ever got from me.

I'm well aware there's lots of beautiful women in the world, so that alone doesn't mean much to me. She knows where I stand on this subject.

Anyway, in my experience women are less invested in a "relationship" before sex, and more invested after. With us, it's exactly the other way around. So in a sense, yes, she does dictate the pace, but I dictate the direction.

My impression so far is that she's the high quality type, and it makes sense for her not to put out before leaving. She knows that if she did, I'd have "completed my mission" and would be able to relax and pursue her less, since I got that out of the way. Typically that would increase my chances of fvcking someone else while she's gone.

On the other hand, if her plan was to tease the **** outta me and leave a lasting impression for the upcoming 3 weeks, would that keep my interest high? well fvck yea it would. And it did.
Maybe I could have gotten a lay that night. Maybe. But from a "business" perspective, the profitable move for her would've been if I didn't.
I'd gotta admin I'd be quite impressed with her if she actually were that smart.


I don't know if going ghost is the right move. However, I was planning on letting her initiate about 75-80% of the times and I'll do the rest.
She initiated twice yesterday. In the morning via text and at night via facebook. Chatted a bit more the second time but every now and then I'd leave the conversation hanging on purpose to see what happens. Sure enough if I took too long to reply she'd just try to mix topics up to re-gain my attention. She also didn't hold back on cheeky flirting and giving me a lot of that "us" mentality. She was basically gaming me.

 

[R.C]

Nice read.

Anyway, in my experience women are less invested in a "relationship" before sex, and more invested after. With us, it's exactly the other way around. So in a sense, yes, she does dictate the pace, but I dictate the direction.

My impression so far is that she's the high quality type, and it makes sense for her not to put out before leaving. She knows that if she did, I'd have "completed my mission" and would be able to relax and pursue her less, since I got that out of the way. Typically that would increase my chances of fvcking someone else while she's gone.

On the other hand, if her plan was to tease the **** outta me and leave a lasting impression for the upcoming 3 weeks, would that keep my interest high? well fvck yea it would. And it did.
Maybe I could have gotten a lay that night. Maybe. But from a "business" perspective, the profitable move for her would've been if I didn't.
I'd gotta admin I'd be quite impressed with her if she actually were that smart.

She obviously wants to sleep with you OP. Otherwise she wouldn't have come over, let alone reschedule and come over.
What she did makes sense. You're just dealing with high-quality women sh!t here.

Don't ghost her. Keep that ratio if it holds. I guarantee she won't contact you again these following days but waiting too long may be counter productive. I'd say the optimal move is to take your time, enjoy your weekend and contact her on Sunday night.