Asking girls out--why it's not a big deal

[Moose_God_II]

I've noticed that a lot of guys on here have quite a bit of anxiety over asking girls out, and for the most part, it's un-justified.

You see, it's all in how you look at things and frame situations. With a little experience (and dating a few real *****y chicks), you realize that a first date is really just an interview (yeah I know I kinda stole that from Van Wilder, but it makes sense.) Now you wouldn't be nervous about putting in an application to get a job somewhere, would you? That's all asking a girl out is; it's seeing if she's hiring and putting in your application. After all, this girl probably barely knows you, so if she says no, why feel rejected? She didn't reject YOU, she simply is not taking applications at this time, for whatever reason.

I know this is kind of a random thought, but it made sense in my head...and maybe it seems kind of weird using work as a dating analogy, but it is work. And just like a job, there are good ones, great ones, and god-awful ones...and if you lose one, just keep interviewing!

 

[librito]

you are right on.......you are a fast learner....now go out and get some rejections under your belt...if you are not getting laid is because you are not getting rejected..

 

[loving]

Hey, thats a very apt metaphor.

 

[stubbornlights]

This is the wrong perspective to have on dating.

When you ask a girl out, you're not asking her for an interview, as though you were applying for a job. That mindset establishes you as the inferior; she has something, you're placing a request for it. So wrong. Girls will smell that on you. Don't be the sweaty palmed dude who can't help but stutter nervously as he answers interview questions for a job he'll never get.

You should be coming from a place of equal value. Don't place her on a pedestal, neither in your interactions with her nor in your philosophical dating metaphors. When you go up to a girl to ask her out, the kind of thing you should be thinking is: "I'll give this one a chance, let's see if she's fun enough to warrant getting to know her."

You are the SELECTOR, because you are the PRIZE. When you speak to a girl, you're being extremely generous because you have selflessly graced her with your presence. But you're a humble dude, you keep a low profile, though you know to the depth of your being that you'll bring untold goodness into her life.

 

[Jitterbug]

When I ask a girl out on a date or to hang out, whatever, I'm assessing whether she is just good for a lay, a short fling or a potential candidate for a LTR.

You're kinda on the right track, OP, but women shouldn't be compared to jobs. They're more like hobbies.

 

[MatureDJ]

you are right on.......you are a fast learner....now go out and get some rejections under your belt...if you are not getting laid is because you are not getting rejected..

Exactly. Rejection is the price for ejection.

 

[Daniel1099]

some of you guys should really stop lying to yourself...

you're being extremely generous because you have selflessly graced her with your presence.

WTF IS THAT

bro you obviously think the girl is cute..so YOU come up to her to see if she will bite...you cant keep telling your self that YOU are the prize...when she is obviously the fish, and your the the bait that you want her to bite...

she will KNOW that your putting up this "im better than you" front. and she will immediately be turned off...

instead you need to approach with a, Getting to know attitude, or i think your cute attitude...and be confident about it...

not this, egotistical, narcissistic, sexist idiot who thinks he is better than every breathing thing

 

[stubbornlights]

WTF IS THAT

bro you obviously think the girl is cute..so YOU come up to her to see if she will bite...you cant keep telling your self that YOU are the prize...when she is obviously the fish, and your the the bait that you want her to bite...

she will KNOW that your putting up this "im better than you" front. and she will immediately be turned off...

instead you need to approach with a, Getting to know attitude, or i think your cute attitude...and be confident about it...

not this, egotistical, narcissistic, sexist idiot who thinks he is better than every breathing thing

To wit:

You should be coming from a place of equal value... When you go up to a girl to ask her out, the kind of thing you should be thinking is: "I'll give this one a chance, let's see if she's fun enough to warrant getting to know her."

I'm pretty sure that qualifies as a 'getting to know' attitude. But, whatever, for the fun of it let's go over your other stuff, too.

The front isn't 'I'm better than you.' It's 'I'm a man of high value, so I'm not going to supplicate to you and put you on a pedestal.' I said, quite clearly, that you should be coming from a place of equal value. But, when you're starting out and you have these philosophies like the OP that automatically position you BELOW the girl, you need a drastic corrective.

Why wouldn't you believe that you're the prize? I don't need any one girl, so what if she's cute? Is that all she has going for her? Is that enough to satisfy my interests? Nuh-uh, broheme. If you live a life with plenty of girls in it, and you're conscious of your ability to pull in any circumstance, then you are most certainly the selector.

And there's nothing self-defeating or narcissistic about understanding that you'll bring a lot of value into a girl's life. That's just acknowledging that you're an amazing guy, with a lot to share. That frame is soooo much healthier than going up with a half-empty cup, looking for her to fill you the rest of the way. You don't have to think that you're better than every breathing thing. You should recognize that you're a guy of value, though.

 

[Daniel1099]

im just saying...

girls can see right through you if you put up a front...

so be real...dont act like a macho douche bag...

and girls will like the CONFIDENT you, that had the balls to say something...

dont be the SUPER AWESOME MOTORCYCLE RIDING, CLUBBING , TIGHT SHIRT, DESIGNER JEANS queer that thinks he can EVERY GIRL just by walking in the room....


take off the mask and be REAL