Asking a girl out for a drink/coffee - when you don't drink... What are other options

[Heretolearn]

Hi,

Asking a girl out for a drink/coffee - when you don't drink... What are other options please.

I like the idea of the low key way to get to know someone but feel stupid asking a girl for a drink when I dont usually do that. Not even a big cafe guy or anything like RARELY go.

What is something I can ask a girl (i.e want to catch up for a drink) without having to worry about not drinking coffee/alcohol or half the other stuff. Are there other options from cafes? And how do I ask a girl to the cafe?

*I know, I know at my age sure but I am starting again

Thanks

 

[Mr. Me]

You understand the point of the "coffee date" is not about coffee. It's to give you a low cost, minimal time meeting within which you're to see the girl physically for the first time if you've met her online to see if you like the way she looks and she likes the way you look, and to gauge her interest level before committing to a lengthier real date. It also weeds out golddiggers well.

As such, the beverage itself can be anything: tea, soft drink, water, juice or nothing at all. Alcohol I try to stay away from because 1. Don't want it to interfere with my judgment, 2. Don't want it to compromise my behavior and 3. Don't wanna give the impression like maybe I'm a bar guy or need that alcohol fix.

And how do I ask a girl to the cafe?

When you sense her interest, you state:

"Hey, why don't we meet up over a cup of coffee for a little bit and get to know each other better? I'm free Monday at 6:30, there's a Starbucks on xxxxxx St."

If she's interested, she'll likely say "yes" everytime you take a breath in this sentence. I've had that happen, it's hysterical:

YOU: ""Hey, why don't we meet up..."
HER: "Okay".
YOU: "over a cup of coffee for a little bit... "
HER: "Okay".
YOU: "and get to know each other better?"
HER: "Okay".
YOU: "I'm free Monday at 6:30, there's a Starbucks on xxxxxx St."
HER: "Okay".

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Here to learn,
I really don't see much chance for you on the Dating scene if your ability to compromise with a Woman doesn't extend to drinking something you are unhappy with....Anyway what's wrong with hot chocolate in the coffee shop or a Claytons in the Bar,it won't kill you.

 

[Heretolearn]

Dear Here to learn,
I really don't see much chance for you on the Dating scene if your ability to compromise with a Woman doesn't extend to drinking something you are unhappy with....Anyway what's wrong with hot chocolate in the coffee shop or a Claytons in the Bar,it won't kill you.

I do not like bars. Pass.

Cafe ok, but not the manliest to say hey, want to get a hot chocolate at the cafe lol so was asking for better ways to say it. Hoping some people can provide help.

 

[Mr. Me]

I thought I did. What did I miss?

 

[STR8UP]

"I do not like bars. Pass."

Sorry if this comes off as offensive, but you sound like a pansy when you say that.

It's not like all bars are skank infested outhouses. If you go to a nice LOUNGE where the music and lights aren't blaring early in the evening (9ish) it's low pressure, relatively cheap, and easy to break off early if necessary.

I can understand if you are a recovering alkie or you absolutely loathe the taste of alcohol or you are ALLERGIC to it or something, but goddamn....order ONE vodka and OJ and be sociable.....

 

[horaholic]

I dont see a problem with taking a girl to a nice lounge, and drinking something nonalcoholic. The setting in a lounge is much more relaxed than a coffee shop. You dont have to drink, but if she has a ****tail or two, she will loosen up, and be more comfortable. I would never do a coffee shop date. A dinner or movie date is better than a coffee date, and I am opposed to those kind of dates at the start.

If its not gonna be an action date, the drink date is best, cuz its casual, cheaper, and loosens you up. How do you loosen up at a coffee shop?

Like str8 said, find some neat little out of the way lounge, and take her there. Drink sprite if you want. I have this one place, that noone I know goes to, that I always bring my girls. It's like a classy old man bar. The jukebox is all Frank Sinatra, and stuff like that. The owner is really cool. Almost mafia-like. Theres pictures of him with celebrities, covering the walls. Theres a jazz piano in the back room, and fireplaces. The carpet is tiger print, and the booths are zebra print, but in a good way. The whole place is really dark, neat, classy, and seductive. I've banged four out five chicks I've taken there. Find a place like that. You should just have ONE drink. It will loosen you up, and probably improve your game.

 

[STR8UP]

The fact is, you are limited on the first date. Dinner is an absolute no-no in most cases. And don't even think about a movie unless it's AFTER you have hit the lounge for a drink and it's back at your place or hers.

The lounge type bar is the perfect venue. I've met girls at a coffee shop and it felt more like a job interview than anything. Women are all about the "vibe". You have to set the tone and you never get a second chance if you kill it the first time around.

There is a fairly new "old vegas" style lounge that just opened that is walking distance to my place. It's in the basement of a condo complex that is right on the lake. You walk down some stairs and go through the door under the red light. You step in and it's like a classic 60/70's vegas bar, complete with low comfy seating, funky chandeliers, a couple of black felt pool tables, and happy hour drinks from midnite-2am 7 days a week. It OOZES a sexy vibe.

There are actually several of these low key joints I can easily walk to from my place. If I don't know the chick well enough for her to be comfortable meeting at my place, I can walk there and meet her and then get a lift back when we're done. Perfect setup

 

[Heretolearn]

Man those cool bars sound perfect! Made me want to go there lol but you guys are not my type.

Look not knocking bars just not for me. Say you are going to dance with a girl, do you pick a song/situation you feel comfortable with or go for something you have no experience in/no interest to get experience in (bar for me).

I chat well with people and come across well so I am told. Its just getting into a situation. Personally I have gone for the park/walks/meals etc. But trying to get a step before that step as that step has lead to this cycle. Sleep with girl, get attached. Think she is awesome. Disregard the bad because the good is SOOOO good.

Then rebuild myself when it changes lol.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Here to Learn,
Well you have told us what you don't like,what do you like?...The Great Outdoors,physical activity,The Arty Farty scene...Having said that,what sort of Bird do you want to pull?When you decide this then we might be able to help even though"You guys are not my type".

 

[Heretolearn]

Dear Here to Learn,
Well you have told us what you don't like,what do you like?...The Great Outdoors,physical activity,The Arty Farty scene...Having said that,what sort of Bird do you want to pull?When you decide this then we might be able to help even though"You guys are not my type".

lol bad joke about 'you guys are not my type' being that the way they made it sound so awesome for a date, my joke was that I was tempted to go there with them for a date but said no 'because they are not my type'.

Ok back to the joke drawing board lol

Anyway, thanks. Yeah, with dates and the like I have never really had spots (except for meals which can be a bit full on unless you know the girl a little first).

I think cafe will be a good spot but from seeing my posts/feelings. I guess i am just making excuses as I am not really feeling the whole dating thing right now. Will just focus on other stuff.

Thanks heaps though!