Asking a girl if "we can take it slow" automatic LJBF ?

[volks33]

I went out with this beautiful woman, a solid 9 (for me). I feel there was chemistry (she admited it too) but I also feel that we didn't connect physically (and it will be difficult to get close to her; she is a bit cold and I am just starting at gaming (yes, at 33!)

Here is the question:
Asking her flat out if we can take it slow, will that result in automatic "Lets just be friends?" ? Or, if she is interested, will only help ease the tension? I know, I know, it's not the don juan way.

 

[The_Scotman]

i would act rather than talk - the more you discuss it, the more awkward it will become. jsut get her in the mood and kiss her or somethin

 

[TheDoctor]

From what I have concluded in my experiences, women hate discussion when it comes to relationships. DONT SAY 'CAN WE TAKE IT SLOW'. Move at your own pace, be confident in your actions, and make sure she knows your interested. In other words, if you want to take it slow, do so but make sure she is aware that you have an interest and aren't just spinning plates. Read her body language and take it from there.

Keep reading, there is a plethora of information on this site, some of it very informative and very well written. Learn how to keep HER interest level up and you should be fine moving at your own pace.

Good Luck

 

[Igetit!]

From what I have concluded in my experiences, women hate discussion when it comes to relationships.

No disrespect intended Doc,but I completely,100% disagree with this statement. You say that women hate discussing relationships? From my experiences,that's ALL they want to talk about. They can't get enough of discussing relationships.
I disagree with you on this one,but what you said about him moving at his own pace is right on.

Now to the OP,where do you get this idea that if you were to tell this woman that you want to take things slow that she'd LJBF you? You're completely off base on that one. More than likely,saying this would just make her more clingy. I'd take the Doc's presciption of just moving at a pace that comfortable for you. If she tries to rush you into anything,I'd be like,"Woah,wait a minute. I barely know you. Slow down speedracer".

This way you'd still be saying the same thing to her about going slow,but in a more playful tone,than saying it in some "serious" talk.

 

[Dannyrt34]

From my experiences,that's ALL they want to talk about.

I also agree from my experience. The girl I went out with wednesday night kind of freaked me out when she told me she wants to have kids and stuff (didn't really direct it to me, but still made me uncomfortable). This was a first date too.

I just rolled with it and asked her if she wants to name her kids 'Optimus Prime' and 'Megatron'. It got a good laugh and made me feel less uncomfortable.

 

[WC2]

From what I have concluded in my experiences, women hate discussion when it comes to relationships.

I know what you're trying to say..

Women LOVE talking about relationships. However, when we talk about relationships with them, we put ourselves into a category we don't want to be in. We become their friends they like to gossip with.

Women talk with other women about relationships. They gossip. Of course they love it. Subconsciously however women DON'T WANT TO TALK RELATIONSHIPS with a man she is interested in. She will effectively, lose interest.

As far as telling this chick to 'take it slow'..

I think that's a weak-minded power play that only some dude with no balls would pull. First of all, actions speak louder than words.

Meet other chicks and talk to them as well. Don't make her your only option. Once she's your only option, of course you're going to obsess about her. Let your mind naturally act and show her that you've got options and don't necessarily need her. You may want her, but you don't need her.

No reason to tell her this, act upon it.

 

[SabylaBella]

I would say that if things seem to be going to fast for you, tell her to that you want to go slow. I'm a woman, and I'm dating a guy that did this with me. I wasn't trying to pressure him or anything, I just asked him if I was supposed to "make a move," and he said he wanted to take things slow and I'd know when he wanted more. Weeks later I am absolutely going insane over it, it drove my attraction to him through the roof. I am doing my best right now to play it cool and let him call the shots. He will dissapear for a few days and I question as to whether or not I turned him off, then he reapears to my delight.

I've also gone out with other guys and have concluded that Mr. Slow is real catch and I love the way we get along. So now I sit here and agonize about him because I don't see him as often as I'd like. I wonder if he reads stuff like this about women.

If things are too fast with this girl and you can tell she likes you, go ahead and tell her it's going too fast for you. It might just make her crazy for you. However, if you are seeing each other once a week or a few times a month with minimal contact in between dates, that's slow and I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[volks33]

2nd date went well..

She didn't give out any hints / flirt etc. so cold...
I flirted a bit to see her reaction, it was well received but she left no clues. I'm really interested but she remains cold ...

next?

 

[Igetit!]

2nd date went well..

She didn't give out any hints / flirt etc. so cold...
I flirted a bit to see her reaction, it was well received but she left no clues. I'm really interested but she remains cold ...

next?

Boy,talk about a contradiction.

You start off by saying that the date went well,then in the next three sentences,you talk about how cold she was. Weird.

I wouldn't go as far as saying to next her just yet if you still like her,but if you ask her out again,and she gives you some excuse as to why she can't go and at the same time she does NOT suggest another time for you two to get together,THEN I'd next her.

There's no point in continuing to pursue a cold woman who gives you the run-a-round when ever you try to spend time with her.

 

[TheDoctor]

I know what you're trying to say..

Women LOVE talking about relationships. However, when we talk about relationships with them, we put ourselves into a category we don't want to be in. We become their friends they like to gossip with.

Exactly. When things aren't going good, they want you to get things back on track, not sit down and "talk" about why things aren't on track. When some part of a relationship fizzles, they want you to take action to correct the problem. If that takes basic, short dialoge to achieve this, then that's fine. Less talk more action is the best policy.

Thanks WC2

I see what you are saying too Igetit. When you go AFC and a girls interest drops, she doesn't want to talk with you about why her interest dropped, she wants you to get off your ass and stop acting AFC and be the MAN she wants you to be.

 

[TheDoctor]

No disrespect intended Doc,but I completely,100% disagree with this statement. You say that women hate discussing relationships? From my experiences,that's ALL they want to talk about. They can't get enough of discussing relationships.
I disagree with you on this one,but what you said about him moving at his own pace is right on.

Also, Igetit, you have to consider my advice is somewhat bias as I have been in a LTR for the past year. I try to structure my advice from the single man's perspective (a perspective I experienced for years and years as I was afraid to commit to a single girl for fear of missing out on that one HB10 lurking out there somewhere). Sometimes it doesn't alwasy get put on paper like that.

My statement reflects my girl wanting action vs. dialoge about our problems, etc. Talking about the problems in the relationship only builds them up more when I should be taking affirmative action to correct the problems, not talking about them over and over and over.

I came here to learn about AFC behavior and how to curb it. I have had no problems getting girls back to the house to "play" in my single years. I have, however, developed AFC behaviors that have affected my LTR. She started losing interest. I came here to identify those behaviors and crush them. I'm making progress thanks to all you DJs out there and you're advice in here.

 

[vitor]

I would not say anything about the relationship unless she brings it up. You saying to her lets take things slow assumes you are in a relationship and that for some reason you are not ready to commit, or are having mixed feelings. Just take it slow for whatever that means for you. Next time you go out with this "COLD" woman as you say, go in for a kiss or some touching, good response from that keep seeing her, bad response, she pulls away, turns head then move on...