Asked a girl out, she says "let's confirm.."

[bigbird090]

Hey Guys,

So I asked a girl out via email because I don't have her number or see her in person (she went to my college and now lives in the same area I do)


From me:
So I wanted to follow-up with what I mentioned to you a while back, if you're still up for it haha

I want to go see the new Denzel Washington movie, Flight, when it comes out next week. I was wondering if you wanted to see it too.

Let me know.

Response from her:
Sure, sounds good to me. Let's confirm next week

What should I do next?

 

[Iceberg]

What should I do next?

Confirm next week, I suppose. Something like, "Hey, I have some free time Wed or Thurs. Either of those days work for you?"

It would have helped if you asked for her number in this email. That way, you'd be communicating via phone instead of email.

Also, I can tell from your email that you're a bit timid about this. Next time you're in this situation, skip the part about "So I wanted to follow-up with what I mentioned to you a while back, if you're still up for it haha"....it makes you sound like you're not accustomed to asking women out.

Also, as a rule of thumb, movie dates are awful and best reserved for real girlfriends. There's not a lot of chance to build rapport in the silence of a movie theater.

 

[bigbird090]

Cool, yeah I might think of doing something else then. I'm just not sure if she is actually down to go out or not with that whole "lets confirm next week".

I think I'll send her my number so that she can text me hers. I'll just tell her I'm buying the tickets tomorrow.

 

[Purefilth]

NO, Say "I'll call you when your scehule is less uncertain" then never call her

 

[Iceberg]

Cool, yeah I might think of doing something else then. I'm just not sure if she is actually down to go out or not with that whole "lets confirm next week".

I think I'll send her my number so that she can text me hers. I'll just tell her I'm buying the tickets tomorrow.

This takes us back to my "timid" comment in my earlier post.

If you want her number, just ask for it. As simple as "My number is *******. What's yours? I'm away from my computer for a while, and it's easier to reach me there."

There's no harm in asking for her number. If she's going to flake because you simply asked her for a number, then she's going to flake anyway. Best to find out now than to tiptoe around it.

I'm not breaking your balls. Just trying to challenge your thinking a bit.

 

[Alvafe]

what iceberg says, don't give her your number (did that one time, it was not good), ask for her number, like hey send me your phone number and when I find some time I call you to meet for the film.

and you guys really think its bad for movies? I mean you kind will have some things to talk about after it, so it kinda a ice breaker no?

 

[EastWind]

She's stalling. No high-interest there, you'll probably end up pushing the rock uphill.

In situations like these, I used to give the girl a dead-line, as in "OK, but I need to know by tomorrow at the latest." Now if she stalls I just say "No worries, maybe I'll see you around."

 

[bigbird090]

ok cool, thanks guys

I asked her for her number and that i would confirm the day with her soon.

So "Let's confirm.." is stalling and is probably another way of flaking?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

and you guys really think its bad for movies? I mean you kind will have some things to talk about after it, so it kinda a ice breaker no?

No!


It is bad for movies if dealing with a broad who really isn't interested. Or dealing with a girl who you still don't even know is into it.

Also, OP, don't use the "I'll buy the tickets tomorrow" line in order to create pressure and make her decide soon. She already knows if she wants to go or if she's interested. The "Let's confirm" thing means she is using you as a back up plan in case nothing better comes up and she's feeling up to it, which they usually don't feel up for it when dealing in low interest situations.

 

[nismo-4]

No!


It is bad for movies if dealing with a broad who really isn't interested. Or dealing with a girl who you still don't even know is into it.

Also, OP, don't use the "I'll buy the tickets tomorrow" line in order to create pressure and make her decide soon. She already knows if she wants to go or if she's interested. The "Let's confirm" thing means she is using you as a back up plan in case nothing better comes up and she's feeling up to it, which they usually don't feel up for it when dealing in low interest situations.

OP, you made Judge nismo cringe. I've got goosebumps.

What she said is just a way to hold out for a better man. You also don't have her number. You're more into her than she is into you. She senses your timidness. Not good. Even if she don't flake on you, just how far do you think she decided she's gonna let you get? :woo:

You're dealing with a low interest girl. Your princess is in another castle, maybe not today, but yours? A snowball's chance in hell. You have been placed on the backburner. That's my ruling.

Case closed. Go for another girl.

 

[bigbird090]

Thanks guys..I'm currently waiting to see if she responds to my last email by texting me her number. I'll let you know what happens.

 

[headFirst]

Thanks guys..I'm currently waiting to see if she responds to my last email by texting me her number. I'll let you know what happens.

So you learned nothing. lol, that's alright. Hope it works out for you.. Just out of curiosity why do you have her email and not phone number in the first place? Did you sneak it off blackboard?

I remember I took a guy out on my floor with me when I lived in the dorms as an undergrad.. I felt bad for him because he never went out so I was like alright I'll take him out with me. First off, was the worst mistake ever. This guy wreaked of desperate.. and when he finally had enough liquid courage he tried sealing the deal with this girl by not asking for her phone number but saying hey, "what's your email?"

I was like omg.. really? Last time I hung out with that guy..

 

[JohnChops]

to be honest ive had good success with movies, build some rapport before going in to the movies though. The movies keeps your air of mystery because it stops you from babbling (if you do) about yourself. Plus arm around her, hand on leg, kino kino kino works in the movies!

But OP why didnt you just get her number? And why would you pay for her ...... first date, you guys arent boyfriend and girlfriend. But your learning, youll get the hang of it

 

[sighsigh]

The advice people have been giving in this thread is overall really good.

As Iceberg said, dates to the movies (especially first dates) are not great since you can't build rapport. At least take her out for a quick coffee afterwards, since, as you said, you will have 'some things to talk about after.'

 

[TheWolfMan]

Alright hopefully she responds with her number, but she probably won't. Never give a girl your number and tell her to text you her's. This puts the ball in her court and you have lost the game before you even started playing it. What you should have done is asked "What's your number?" simple as that, no response then next her. If she responds then you have her number, and you avoid all the lame bs of "Here's mine, no you go on ahead and text me so I have yours". This is not alpha behavior and it is just awkward and unattractive. What's with all these OP looking for advice and then not listening to any of us? Like seriously what's the point of creating a thread, like they already know what they're going to do in their head and nothing we say is going to change their decision. Just a waste of time. I don't know I'm just venting, seems like this is going on a lot lately.

 

[JohnChops]

The advice people have been giving in this thread is overall really good.

As Iceberg said, dates to the movies (especially first dates) are not great since you can't build rapport. At least take her out for a quick coffee afterwards, since, as you said, you will have 'some things to talk about after.'

Agreed, FIRST dates there are bad. Unless you already built rapport

 

[Iceberg]

Alright hopefully she responds with her number, but she probably won't. Never give a girl your number and tell her to text you her's. This puts the ball in her court and you have lost the game before you even started playing it.

Yep. Making a move can be stressful. There's the risk of rejection and embarrassment...basically, it takes balls to make a move. And now he put the weight of that stress and risk on a woman (who doesn't have balls).

Even if a girl likes you, she might not feel comfortable being put in that position.

I hope it works out. But whatever...we all learn at our own pace.

 

[blindnowisee]

@Bigbird

Without having read any of the comments below (apologies for that.. I'm on a somewhat tight time schedule today and just wnated to get my sosuave hit ;-):

My two cents:

Be assertive.

Your text comes across a bit weak. The 'haha' and 'I was wondering..' sets the precedent that you're unsure and that you perceive her as higher value than yourself.

First date should always be drinks. Find yourself a ****tail place / lounge bar / jazz club / <somewhere interesting to go for drinks> and send her a text to invite her using words like "Let's grab a beer / ****tail at XYZ next week. Wednesday evening (or any other evening Mon-Thu as you have BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKEND) this place has a great buzz"..

Back on topic:
I'd revert with 'send me your number.. I'll get my people to confirm with your people..' i.e. make fun of her use of the word 'confirm'..

 

[thevilittletroll]

expect her to flake. i'd be supprised if she even responds to the email giving you her number. expect nothing but excuses from her from here on out. even if she does give you her number, dont expect it to turn into any dates. you built no attraction with her whatsoever. no attraction = flakes.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Okay, okay, so... allow me to play Devil's Advocate here. Yes, movie dates for the first date are typically not a good idea.

However, in reference to her response to you... this is one of the few times where the response of "Let's confirm next week" may be due to simply not knowing what time the movie starts. The movie doesn't start until next week, and depending on the theater the show times may not be listed yet.

Granted, it still would have been nice to pin down an estimated time of when this date may occur... but it's YOUR job to propose all the details of said date when presenting it. You said "let's go see a movie" but you didn't tell her what time of day you'd like to see it, where you'd like to go, if there are going to be any activities before or after... in short, your proposal was WEAK and short on details.

This could have left her thinking that maybe you needed some more time to figure out these things; thus, her response being "let's confirm later next week." Why? 'Cause you had NO real details to confirm with in the first place!

SOOOOO... figure out the details, then send her another message (or, better yet, CALL HER if she sends you the number) and give them to her. At that point, if she flakes out, at least you know she did it having all the information, and you can move on to the next...