article: Unemployed men struggle in the dating game

[MatureDJ]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/06/04/AR2009060402998.html

Being too cheap can be a turnoff for women like Virginia Wall, 40, who works in retail sales in Philadelphia. She doesn't believe in coffee or drinks as a first date and expects the man to pay.

If he can't afford to take her to lunch - nothing fancy, just a casual place to sit and get to know each other over a sandwich - then he probably shouldn't be dating, she said.

Virginia, being a stuckup old bag is a turnoff to me. I'll date your niece.

 

[wjh]

Of course the article is written by a woman.

I love the shaming language "Being too cheap can be a turnoff for women like Virginia Wall, 40"

Pathetic.

 

[picard]

women always expect men to pay dates.

 

[Da Realist]

I have to disagree and say at least for the last half of the quote, she's right. If you don't have your stuff together, you shouldn't be trying to take a woman out. But, if everything you do with that woman HAS to cost money and you ALWAYS have to pay for EVERYTHING, its time to drop her.

 

[ketostix]

I have to disagree and say at least for the last half of the quote, she's right. If you don't have your stuff together, you shouldn't be trying to take a woman out. But, if everything you do with that woman HAS to cost money and you ALWAYS have to pay for EVERYTHING, its time to drop her.

Yeah but do you hold women to the same standard, being able to pay not just for themselves but having the ability to pay for a guy? Women can't demand equal economic opportunity and expect men to pay at the same time. Being broke and unemployed doesn't stop any woman from dating so this is a huge double standard.

 

[Warrior74]

Yeah but do you hold women to the same standard, being able to pay not just for themselves but having the ability to pay for a guy? Women can't demand equal economic opportunity and expect men to pay at the same time. Being broke and unemployed doesn't stop any woman from dating so this is a huge double standard.

What about women is fair? It is a double standard, but that's not going to change a woman's mind about dating a broke man. Just like it's not going to change your mind about her having a billion dollars but looking like a fvcking landwhale.

 

[wjh]

I have to disagree and say at least for the last half of the quote, she's right. If you don't have your stuff together, you shouldn't be trying to take a woman out. But, if everything you do with that woman HAS to cost money and you ALWAYS have to pay for EVERYTHING, its time to drop her.

I wouldn't give a sh1t if women WERE honest about it, but they're not.

Hence the AFC sensibilities that plague us.

If women just said, hey look, I want an alpha bastard to have sex with and not stick around to raise my kids, but you can be the provider of my children and if you're lucky and make enough money maybe you'll have sex once a week - then I wouldn't be so uppity over it.

It's the dishonesty that pervades, and how you're shamed into having an objective opinion, that pisses me off.

At least with an honest environment we could make women accountable for their actions. But honesty is not the best policy for women. Honesty is a masculine trait that has its rewards in business and war. For women, it's a burden, and something that should be overcome.

So you can't expect women to be honest, really. All you can do is understand who they are and why they're doing it, and live your life accordingly. These are the biological and evolutionary mechanisms that exist today, and have not been purged from our system via reciprocated shaming.

This all used to invigorate me, I felt empowered. Now I'm in this state of melancholy while I pursue the things I need to purse in my life to make me the man I want to be.

I just set the bar really high, and sure there are speed bumps with girls, but I know that at the end of the day when push comes to shove I'll drop a girl who doesn't manifest the qualities I desire.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

women say crap like "he must be able to pay for...." because they assume, based on their experience, that almost all guys they meet are AFC's. So of course they only expect what an AFC can offer, monetary supplication. It is the only scale they know of with which to measure a man.

Of course being 40 virtually guarantees they will never meet someone with any game to speak of, keeping them in their world of AFC supplicators.

It seems like a paradox, but younger, hotter girls are the ones that sometimes say "Looks, money doesn't really matter that much" because they've actually experienced being seduces by DJ's, and they are lucky enough to experience what REAL seduction is, and how it sometimes has NOTHING to do with looks and money.

40 y/o women have forgotten guys like this exist.

 

[STR8UP]

All the more reason to NOT date. Sliding in under the radar by "meeting up" instead of "taking her out" gets you more pu$$y.

If you don't want to play her game don't walk into her stupid dating/provider frame. If she isn't down for YOU setting the frame, you don't want her anyway.

 

[trajhenkhet02]

Women that are attracted to men strangely enough do not hold them to their provider duties. I've seen guys with no job spin game on an HB8 while being married and still not have any repercussions. Like others have already said learn to set the frame.

 

[Willis]

Virginia Wall, 40

that says enough for me....

 

[WaterTiger]

Women that are attracted to men strangely enough do not hold them to their provider duties. I've seen guys with no job spin game on an HB8 while being married and still not have any repercussions. Like others have already said learn to set the frame.

Now I'm guessing that the little HB8 your talking about is in her early 20's. The game is more effective on her because she's young and looking for fun.

Virginia, age 40 is in a whole nother space. At 40 she probably has a house that's half paid for, a car, nice career and a hefty 401K. When she meets a man who is unemployeed the first thing that pops in her mind is The Golden Rule: He (or she) who has the gold makes the rules.

If she has to pay for lunch, dinner, drinks, movie tickets etc, then she is buying the frame and she owns him. She's putting HER assets into him, with no promise of repayment.

They guy mentioned in the article already HAS a relationship with the lady. That makes a HUGE difference to her, she cares for him and is willing to help him out. (No doubt, however, she has friends who are calling her crazy)

This is a blatant double standard. I will not deny it.

 

[Ballie]

You always pay for the date with an older women as they have been "spoilt" by their ex chump husbands. It is up to the DJ not to be taken for a ride and take them out to expensive restuarants until after you are having s*x with them. After then they will expect you to pay - but hey, as long as you having fun it's ok. Just make sure she reciprocates by cooking you home made meals then it evens out.

Quality women after all do expect a man with a bit of money in their pockets especially when he is over 50, since by that time he should have his act together

 

[MatureDJ]

But honesty is not the best policy for women. Honesty is a masculine trait that has its rewards in business and war. For women, it's a burden, and something that should be overcome.

Very well stated.

 

[insidious]

Honesty is a masculine trait that has its rewards in business and war. For women, it's a burden, and something that should be overcome.

I agree too, very well stated.

The problem, as anyone who works in a modern corporate, office environment can attest, is that more often than not there is a pussified and pervasive female sensibility that women and men seem to contribute to. Honesty is in very, very short supply.

It is something you'd expect from women, but sadly, for the most part, the suit and tie-wearing man of today is hardly a man.

 

[Nutz]

women say crap like "he must be able to pay for...." because they assume, based on their experience, that almost all guys they meet are AFC's. So of course they only expect what an AFC can offer, monetary supplication. It is the only scale they know of with which to measure a man.

Of course being 40 virtually guarantees they will never meet someone with any game to speak of, keeping them in their world of AFC supplicators.

It seems like a paradox, but younger, hotter girls are the ones that sometimes say "Looks, money doesn't really matter that much" because they've actually experienced being seduces by DJ's, and they are lucky enough to experience what REAL seduction is, and how it sometimes has NOTHING to do with looks and money.

40 y/o women have forgotten guys like this exist.

Those are actually some really damn good points. Good food for thought.

 

[mrRuckus]

When times are good, save some money.

When times are bad, spend that savings.


Problem solved.



or invite non-insufferable girls over to watch fraggle rock. Worked for me last week. shrug.. heh

 

[Da Realist]

Yeah but do you hold women to the same standard, being able to pay not just for themselves but having the ability to pay for a guy? Women can't demand equal economic opportunity and expect men to pay at the same time. Being broke and unemployed doesn't stop any woman from dating so this is a huge double standard.

If you want to call it a double standard, ok; but if a woman is looking for security from a guy, a man with no job doesn't fit the bill most of the time. Now if you were with this woman for a little while, she should have no problem being there till you get on your feet. But a woman that does not know you will not decide to pay for everything except for two reasons. Either she thinks she has to basically buy your love or she's rich and just wants a man. Neither situation is great because sooner or later she's going to act like she runs your life. Now if you and her are just hooking up for sex, then that's another thing.

 

[ElChoclo]

Wrong WaterTiger, the 40 year old "virgin wall " probably has virtually no assets and plenty of credit card debt. She probably can't afford to pay for a date for 2 herself.

There are women who will stay with a man even when he has nothing and they have plenty, and she isn't one of them. Women who require anything are plain no good.

 

[The DomMega]

I've been dirt broke dating gorgeous women without issue, and I've also been on the successful end of things with obvious favorable results. If you have game, in most cases you needn't worry about what the first date should consist of or otherwise. I do drinks on a first date, no questions asked. I do this for a few reasons.

1. Yeah, it's cheap.
2. I want to know who I'm dealing with. I'm not going to feed some random when I haven't the slightest idea who she is as a person. She could be mean, have mental issues over a past ex, or be completely psychotic. There's plenty of psychos out there not to factor this in.
3. It's a precursor. If I actually get along with the girl I'll take her someone else after the initial ****tails. However if I take her to dinner right off and don't like her or don't want to be around her, I'm still stuck paying for that meal. I don't think so.

There's nothing wrong with drinks. I don't do coffee because that's essentially a daytime activity and I don't recall much happening after a daytime meeting of any kind. Complete waste of time in my opinion.

It is funny how certain women just demand a meal or for the guy to pay for EVERYTHING! I found out a long time ago that vagina is essentially free or relatively inexpensive, why am I going to go all out for someone I don't even know I like yet?