argue with female colleagues today

[LittleBigOne]

Today during break at work i got in an argue with two female colleagues of mine.
One of the woman complained about her bf because he didn't do anything special for her during Valentines day. She was whining and whining. I could have moved away but i didn't. Then she told us that he never did anything special in all of the eight months that they are in a relationship and that men are so inlogical.
I asked her why she expected something special during Valentines day since he never did anything special and told her to accept it or deal with it and that she might be the one who is inlogical. She got angry then and her colleague told me i could not say something like that.
By the way, i do not have feelings for this woman.
Lately i have no patience with such kind of woman who complain about their relationship. I hear it too much. How would you handle such whiner!? Do i need to shut my mouth?

 

[DJDamage]

. How would you handle such whiner!? Do i need to shut my mouth?

Don't stick your nose in other people's personal business especially women and especially at work. If you aren't working for yourself, keep your opinions to yourself or down on the low.

Women like to trap a group of men in a conversations by whining about their boyfriends and hoping those men will jump up to her defence which usually happens (so these men can feel elevated in their status compared to the "backwards" boyfriends these women have). However In the end of the day, those men who jumped up to these women's defence got nothing but a pat on the back and the women ended up returning back to their boyfriends beds and stuff their whiny mouths with their c0cks.

Either change the topic to something more light, or walk away. Nobody is putting a gun to your head so you can listen to their sh1t.

 

[Mr. Me]

You also were trying to offer her a solution to her problem, when really what she wanted was merely to have a listening empathic ear to vent her feelings to. That's one way women are wired differently then men.

That's why the other female thought what you said was inappropriate too.

You could just nod in understanding and earnestly, sincerely say, "wow, that must feel terrible" - and just watch, she's gonna think you're wonderful for doing that. It's incredible. Works all the time.

 

[Alexander the Great]

What DJDamage said.

Never argue with women in the first place. You've already lost before you even begin.

The best strategy with women is to play innocent. Next time ask her why she didn't do anything special for him. Isn't a relationship a two way street?

If she makes a fuss, saying "he" should do it first, put up a big smile, say "Hmm, if you say so". Then excuse yourself and walk away smiling. After all, you have business to attend to. Colleagues are not your friends, especially not the women. Don't be the guy colleague at work who "listens to me so well" while at home she has her boyfriend up the rear.

Don't be the work tampon. You have business to attend to.

 

[Mr. Me]

>> Never argue with women in the first place...

Next time ask her why she didn't do anything special for him.>>

That sounds like an argument would brew out of that.

Yeah, I suppose I should state that I'm not saying be an emotional tampon when you listen, soaking up sob stories all day long from everyone and handing out kleenexs when they visit your cubicle for their daily emotional release. I'm just showing this is how women are wired, and you can use knowledge of that to keep things smooth, instead of being told what you said was inappropriate and creating long lasting ill will among your co-workers, as you would if you put them on the defensive or negated their feelings.

 

[Alexander the Great]

That sounds like an argument would brew out of that.

Hey, that's why I said to walk away smiling after her reply. Play innocent. If it sinks, good. If it doesn't, don't try.

Also I wasn't impying that you were saying to be an emotional tampon to everyone, Mr. Me. No worries. Indeed, we must be aware of the system's circuitry before we can apply it well. Always keep in the back of our minds that women want to be listened to, and not have their problems solved. I hear ya.

 

[LittleBigOne]

Thank you so far for your comments.

I agree, it's not a good idea to stick my nose in others people buseniss, especially woman. I trully don't like to do that but it's a kind of hard to avoid with her since we are in the same team and same breaks. And she talks a lot about her bf and their problems. She even complains about his wardrobe because it's more large then hers.
What i mean is that she should realize what the truth is. That she is the one who is making the problems and that it is anoying. In general i have this idea about woman who complain about their bf, accept it or do something about it. And yes, i understand that they like to have some ears who listen but when i tell her 'oh how terrible for you' (while i don't mean it, she is just that stupid to think she really means something for him) i am afraid she will see me as her work tampon forever.
She knows now -hopefully- i am not the person who is gonna listen to that crap and that makes her angry now.

 

[Mr. Me]

She knows now -hopefully- i am not the person who is gonna listen to that crap and that makes her angry now.

That's what I'm talking about. Now you're on her sh1t list. God forbid she ever becomes your supervisor. Or dates your boss. Or you need her as a reference. Or she works on a project with you and undermines you, or influences a higher up against you, or...

Maybe a combo of what I and Alexander suggested is a good approach. To paraphrase: "empathize and excuse yourself, and get the hell out."

Being alpha male c@cky backfires in certain situations where smart remarks alone won't do the job (may even hurt you) and the alpha cool dude knows there are other tools at his disposal and uses them accordingly and has the discernment and wisdom to know when and where.

And she talks a lot about her bf and their problems. She even complains about his wardrobe because it's more large then hers.

Trust me, I hear what women confide to each other about. To me, to you, to many guys, it constitutes the most ridiculous, banal petty tripe in the world. But the key is: they're not talking about facts, we think they are, but they're not. They're talking about how they feel! They're saying "his wardrobe is larger then mine" using those words to really say, perhaps, "I don't feel like I'm pretty enough for him which makes me feel like I'm ugly". It's crazy.

So, we guys, when we hear a complaint, what do we do but try and fix it. "Hey, then do something about it, lady!" And you'd be right, of course. But it's like talking in dog language to a cat. You're on different wave lengths.

More importantly, you'd have to figure out why it annoys you what others say and learn to turn that off, or be forever annoyed at work. Or on the bus. Or at a party. Or when you're girlfriends' friends come over. Or anywhere you come across that. It is what it is. They're venting. Same noise the air ducts make. Pretend it's the same background sound.

 

[Sinistar]

Actually you engaged instead of running away and you stood your ground instead of caving in and agreeing with her.

Now, read her actions and observe the irony. Her BF is not doing all of this stuff and look where she is - with him! Typical, he's not acting AFC and she still desires him because he won't cave. If you ask me, her biggest (and only) concern is that she didn't have anything over the top from him to show off to her other friends the day after. What if he did give her (insert overhyped V-Day stuff here) then what would she have been talking about. Him, him, him.

I think the only place you missed something (other than just not getting involved in the first place) was how you allowed the colleague to respond (her telling you that you coudn't say something like that). You should have set her straight right there in a very firm, calm and matter of fact no questions asked way. Probably not a good time for your CF. Basically letting her know that you don't subscribe to the over-hype of V-Day and her general shaming technique. Unfortunately, now both women know you're the type who will ultimately back down when confronted with pro-AFC shaming and expectations. And this can be just as awkward if one becomes your supervisor one day.

It's not a last word, I-win sort of thing. It's your mindset and how you move through the world. Plus it can actually be entertaining (and sometimes even attraction building) when you stand rock solid in your beliefs without getting emotional and without saying to much. How many guys do that, probably about 183 in the entire USA by my last count.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Always remember that when it comes to communication, men focus on content, women focus on context. Men approach communicating from a rational deductive perspective; it's the information and the ability to act upon it that is important. Women approach communicating from the context of what is being communicated, what happened, how they felt about a certain situation or prospectively feel. The content information's importance is primarily about setting the conditions for relating the context.

 

[STR8UP]

Arguing with a woman is futile. Two of them against one man and it's even worse. Don't waste your breath.

 

[edger]

Arguing with a woman is futile. Two of them against one man and it's even worse. Don't waste your breath.

Yeah, it's pretty tough arguing with a woman. It really is, a no-win situation.

 

[window]

Rollo is spot on. This can be a big leap for guys when they get this. Also don't be a therapist to women no matter who it is...

 

[Jitterbug]

What exactly are you trying to achieve by arguing with them?

 

[jophil28]

Lately i have no patience with such kind of woman who complain about their relationship. I hear it too much. How would you handle such whiner!? Do i need to shut my mouth?

Perhaps you should try to get your head around this -- an integral part of a woman's relationship with a man is her right to complain about him to her G/fs.
A woman regards her complaints as just an expression of feelings which she shares hers with her girls. Women do this ,I suspect, to cement their connection with their friends who also seem to expect these "updates" to be delivered frequently like the 11pm news.
Complaining is a way of being center stage and a guarantee of sympathy. However here is the kicker, a woman who is whining about her B/f is not neccessarily UNHAPPY. SHe may appear to be miserable but the emotional benefits derived from spilling her feelings far outweigh her distress. If that were not the case she would not do it so habitually would she ?

I have seen a woman cry and sob for two hours in an hysterical display of hurt and frustration -- she was having the time of her life !

This partly explains why a woman NEVER hears your offered solutions to her problem.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Women don't want you to solve their problems, they want you to listen about their problems. Women talk, Men do.

 

[mrRuckus]

Women don't want you to solve their problems, they want you to listen about their problems. Women talk, Men do.

And i'm going to enjoy every moment of their suffering since they can fix their problems and choose not to.

It's better than getting annoyed by it.