ARGH! potential one-itis? This is not supposed to happen to me!

[Egoist]

I have honestly thought that this would never happen to me. This year, I broke up with an LTR g/f and embraced the single life. I got jaded, cynical, stopped believing in love, screwed a few girls, etc. I was absolutely sure I was gonna be a single gigolo for a WHILE. And i was well on my way. At this point I was working on my skills, my confidence level was way up, i was actually getting good at closing and all that other BS. I have 2 easy FBs, and one more complicated one. Approaching women is not a big deal either. I didn't want a girlfriend AT ALL. No use for one. Who needs one? Im good for myself, independence rocks, blah blah blah.

and BOOM


she enters my life. First time i saw her, i felt a spark, and its been getting worse and worse every time i see her. She sort of works for the same place, but i see her only on occasion, like once every week or two. She gave me some major IOIs and all, and if this was a regular situation, i would have treated her like any other woman, but here is the problem: she lives with her boyfriend of 2 years.


Anyway, so its complicated. Work makes it complicated, boyfriend makes it complicated. But what absolutely kills me is that its affecting my entire outlook. I don't care about picking up girls. I don't care about my FBs. Other girls do not interest me anymore. I find myself thinking about her a LOT. This has not happened to me since I was a teenager when I met my LLTR girlfriend who is the only girl i've loved.


What. the. hell?


this is not supposed to happen. I was 1000% sure that this would never happen to me, just as I was getting so good at women (well i was good before). Basically, I know the potential of having almost any woman I want, but all of a sudden I don't care anymore. I feel like I am falling for this girl, and it makes me both pissed and happy.

And of course, to make it fun, it has to be the unavailable girl at work....

So yeah. I dont know what to do about this. I'm lost. I guess the dilemma is whether I should force myself to forget her and keep playing the field, or risk (a lot) and go after this girl.

P.S. I will beat any of you fvckers who mentions anything about reading the bible.


P.P.S. Don't think I am not trying to fvck other women. It's just not helping. Last night I basically turned a sure thing down. I am going out with friends tonight, and another girl who wants to fvck me is gonna be there. I'm probably not gonna care again. Fvcking sucks.

 

[izza]

I have a story from my own life, maybe you will think it helps in your situation.

I fell in love with a girl once. At first, I did things that people say a natural would do - I left her, I didn't talk to her much, I mocked her, I dominated her etc. Certainly you've heard this sort of story a thousand times. Slowly as I fell in love, all these "natural things" were replaced by what we call chumpish habits - I saw less and less of my friends, I ignored my schoolwork, my piano, my chessboard, my voicelessons and my arabic (I have a lot of hobbies). I spent less and less time with my roommates, who I love and who were my closest friends. It will come as no surprise that I began to depend on this girl for happiness and that she eventually left me for someone else.

Now most people would say, lookie here, chumpish mistake, ignoring your friends and your hobbies and so forth, that's why you became too needy. But that wasn't really the problem. Before I met this great girl, I convinced myself I loved my life and that I was happy, but her love gave me a taste of what happiness should be like in all the domains of my life, including my love life. Compared with what she had to offer, no part of my life could make me happy, and as my love for her grew, every other part of my life that was fake fell away like leaves in autumn. This is what a person who "fits" with you does to your life. All that was a fake passion (like how I pretended to love learning Arabic just to distract myself from my miserable life) dissipated. If you drink lots of hot chocolate in winter, you don't need a scarf. In the same way, I abandoned the fake passions like Arabic and ignored my semi-friends like clothing I didn't need anymore, since my heart was already warm.

I eventually lost that girl, but the problem wasn't with her or with my behavior per se. If I could have had the choice between sex in a warm bed with her and any part of my life, I would have picked the former without hesitation. The problem was that I didn't love my life or my friends as much as I loved being with her.

I share this story with you because it sounds as though this girl "fits" for you. As a result, you don't give a fig about these other girls. I'm not saying you don't care about the rest of your life, but all I'm saying is that this girl that gives you "oneitis" (which I don't think there's anything wrong with) sounds like a much better person for you than these other FB's. The others are falling away like clothing you don't need anymore.

This girl sounds worthwhile, and you sound a bit frightened of falling in love with her, my brother! Maybe you feel like all this doesn't really apply to you. Maybe you're right, but I really hope you'll drop the girls you don't need and go for the one that promises to make you a better man.

Just my thoughts on the matter. I'm sure you'll do what's best for you! Have a great night and a happy new year,

 

[Kaptain]

Infatuation???

You feel some emotion for a girl. Whatever.

Egoist you are not a machine. You don't just clinicly and coldly churning through chicks. Do you?

You have recognise that your infatuation for the lady in question. A AFC would let it consume them. A DJ would show control and wouldn't beat themselves up over it.

 

[arlanda]

izza, that was a great story and amazing analogy!

 

[AmIAFC]

One-it-is happens to all of us. Eventually, we will run into that chic whose natural/artificial qualities will attract our needs and desires.

Coming from a male-dominant home, I naturally wanted to find a woman who was more subservient and obedient than your regular stuck-up, “independent woman” type.

I ran into this psycho girl at a local bar. She seemed needy, clingy, and afraid. I thought I could be the man to save and protect her, but it was all a ruse on her part. See, psycho women are very perceptive if anything else: Over the course of a few days, she gradually molded her personality and body language to fit the type of woman I was in search of. I was dating a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and had I not been warned by close friends and eye-witnesses, I would probably be in a mess right about now.

The point is, it wasn’t the girl’s fault…it was my fault. I felt that I needed to find “THE ONE” to complete me, to make the final touches in the process of me becoming a self-satisfied man. All my life I’ve been socially programmed to believe that, but now I realize that I need to take care of my **** first. I’ve got a lot more important things to worry about than some broad who eats, sleeps, ****s, and bleeds…like college loans, bills, rent, and making sure I don’t get jacked/jumped/stabbed/shot on my way to work every morning.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by izza
snip

wow dude, thanks for the thought out post. I know exactly what you meant about the other girl, i was in love with my ex and know exactly what you're talking about. It's crazy when you are young and haven't experienced love, it just creates crazy chaos in your life. It was a thing that killed the relationship for me. We both depended too much on each other in a relationship, and it was having a lot more of a negative effect on certain things in our lives than positive. She built this whole dependency on getting married to me and having kids, everything was timed out perfectly, so to me it became this weird mechanical thing. At the end, i realized that i really loved her, but wasn't in love with her. Sad, but ces't la vie.

in this situation, last thing i was looking for is something serious, but i guess life has a funny way of making things happen when you least expect them.

Originally posted by Kaptain
Infatuation???

You feel some emotion for a girl. Whatever.

Egoist you are not a machine. You don't just clinicly and coldly churning through chicks. Do you?

You have recognise that your infatuation for the lady in question. A AFC would let it consume them. A DJ would show control and wouldn't beat themselves up over it.

yeah you are right. I am much better off in this situation understanding all the underlying factors. I chose to take the red pill, and i have to deal with both the negatives and positives of understanding the truth behind men, women, relationships, all that. So i won't act like and AFC and do crazy ****, ill just sit back and see what happens.


I was always a sucker for a slow seduction anyway.

 

[Kaptain]

:woo:

 

[frivolousz21]

Egoist- dont ever flame me again.


your only choice is to move on...its not one i tis..it hasnt developed into that..but it could..dont let it.


but you didnt say if she was into you or not?

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by Kaptain
A AFC would let it consume them. A DJ would show control and wouldn't beat themselves up over it.

Amen Kaptain. A dj shows true control.

I pretty much agree with what everyone else here has said.
Egoist im in a slightly similar situation as you. With all this going on, im able realize women with bf's are just plain trouble.

She is honest to me about the situation. But what exactly she wants out of being with me? well she's not being honest. Everyone has their secrets and hidden agendas....which plays much with the ego and desires. Humans are known for taking things for granted until they lose it.

Last time i was out with her i've seen some things (through her actions) that made me realize i'd be better off moving on. So the next week or 2 im going to break it off.

Egoist, with your situation i dont know the entire complexities of it. However in situations like these it's best to move on with your life and forget about her. You want something more out of this with her, but she still has the bf being strung along. Unfortunately things such as these are out of our control, such as feelings, and the only thing left to control are our own actions & decisions.
We're only human, and hey...shyt happens

 

[GuitarPlayer]

Originally posted by Egoist
P.S. I will beat any of you fvckers who mentions anything about reading the bible.

My advice? Read the DJ Bible.



Seriously, I'm in a similar predicament. I sort of have the hots for a girl I work with. Believe me, she is NOT the kind of girl I should have the hots for. She's flirty with everyone and acts strange sometimes.

Good luck.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
Egoist- dont ever flame me again.

don't make me laugh

Originally posted by frivolousz21


but you didnt say if she was into you or not?

yeah she's acting interested (im not doing much, she is) but not like "oh, i wanna **** you even though i have a b/f" Just really interested. I dont think she's the type to cheat anyways, so thats a good thing.

she's acting like a typical monkey considering grabbing another branch, in other words.

anyway, like i said before, im just gonna play it as it goes. I'm not losing any sleep over this chick or anything.

 

[Maverick001]

Egoist,

When a quality woman enters your life and the connection with her is working out, this doesn`t mean that the other parts of your life fall by the wayside. Far from it.

If you have genuine passions and are in pursuit of things that get you fired up and have you greet every waking day with enthusiasm and drive to accomplish your goals, then a quality woman only ENHANCES that and doesn`t replace it. If the latter is happening then the former needs to be reevaluated.

Your life is like a car. You`re the driver, designer, and mechanic. The woman is only a companion on the journey. If she`s not there, it doesn`t matter because you can still drive the car and enjoy it.

DRIVE THE CAR UNTIL THE WHEELS FALL OFF.

Do this whether there`s a woman there or not.

The funny thing is, once all areas in your life are in focus and you`ve got them worked out, all kinds of quality women will show up.

Just my 2 cents.

Cheers,
Mav

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by Maverick001
Egoist,

When a quality woman enters your life and the connection with her is working out, this doesn`t mean that the other parts of your life fall by the wayside. Far from it.

If you have genuine passions and are in pursuit of things that get you fired up and have you greet every waking day with enthusiasm and drive to accomplish your goals, then a quality woman only ENHANCES that and doesn`t replace it. If the latter is happening then the former needs to be reevaluated.

Your life is like a car. You`re the driver, designer, and mechanic. The woman is only a companion on the journey. If she`s not there, it doesn`t matter because you can still drive the car and enjoy it.

DRIVE THE CAR UNTIL THE WHEELS FALL OFF.

Do this whether there`s a woman there or not.

The funny thing is, once all areas in your life are in focus and you`ve got them worked out, all kinds of quality women will show up.

Just my 2 cents.

Cheers,
Mav

yeah i know all that, but good reply nonetheless.