are you the jealous type?

[Lt dan]

i love this tip. probably cuz i get jealous easily, i printed this article out a month ago and today i had to read it because an inflamed sense of jealousy, this crap works wonders for me. i got it off the main site(obviously)



Are You the Jealous Type?
by Allen Thompson


I hope not!

Jealousy is one of the quickest and surest ways to get dumped.

Jealousy is a sign of insecurity. It indicates a lack of confidence on your part. By acting in a jealous fashion you're essentially "telling her" that you don't feel worthy of her love, and that you're worried she's going to find one of the many, many guys out there who are "better than" you.

Not to mention the fact that it's an incredibly annoying personality trait.

Never forget that women are attracted to confidence in men. If a woman realizes that you're lacking in self-confidence then she'll lose respect for you. And if she doesn't respect you, she CAN'T love you. And every time you act like a jealous idiot, you lose more of that respect.

Now don't try to tell me that you're the "jealous type" not because of a lack of confidence, but because you really love and care about her. Or because you can't trust her. I'm not buying it... and she won't either.

Jealousy is about YOU and your feelings of insecurity; your lack of confidence; your feelings of inferiority. And it's your problem. It has nothing to do with her. (And if you really can't trust her, then why are you wasting your time. Find someone that you can trust.)

So what do you do if you ARE the jealous type?

Well, since you know that acting in a jealous fashion will push her away from you (by decreasing respect) and acting in a confident fashion will draw her toward you (by increasing respect), then...

... ACT CONFIDENT.

Let her do whatever she wants. Give her all the freedom she wants. Don't complain when she goes out with her friends. Smile when she says she's going to have lunch with her old boyfriend. Encourage her to go to that male strip club. Proudly display your confidence to her.

And know that ACTING CONFIDENT in the face of these circumstances (which make most men jealous) will actually draw her to you. By doing this, you're essentially turning a negative personality trait (jealousy) into a positive personality trait (self-confidence).

You should welcome these types of situations and view them as OPPORTUNITIES to display your confidence to her... and to draw her closer to you.

Powerful Stuff!

 

[PEACEDJ]

Chyeah, that helped me greatly.

 

[Lt dan]

You should welcome these types of situations and view them as OPPORTUNITIES to display your confidence to her... and to draw her closer to you.

money!

 

[The Dominated1]

Lt Dan

I agree

That is one of the best "turn a negative into a positive" examples that I have ever seen.

 

[becker]

This concept sounds great on paper, but we should all know that theory and reality are sometimes 2 different things.

Sure, you can let the girl do whatever she wants. Go out with her ex-boyfriend for lunch, etc. Problem is that you're exposing yourself to possible competition, and it will probably make you have to work that much harder to keep from another confident guy stealing the girl's heart. I've seen it happen to friends of mine, unfortunately. I know it sometimes works out positively, but I just wanted to point out that given it's not foolproof, people should be somewhat careful taking the advice so literally.

Another thing is that letting her do anything and everything may be misinterpreted as a lack of caring for the girl. She might be going with her ex-BF to lunch to make you jealous and test you. Remember girls do that sort of crap? This is where you have to read the individual woman and know how she operates before just jumping into a generalized reaction to the situation.

Finally, HBs are by nature, double edged swords, which undermine confidence. On one hand, you're with a HB, which is great for you. On the other hand, people are attracted to HBs, which leaves her open to attack by other men. The solution? Either be somewhat cautious (to me, being confident is one thing, but being careless is another), or just find an average girl who isn't as attractive and settle. Relationships take a little more effort than sitting on your arse and thinking that will sweep a girl off her feet and she'll come swooping back into your arms, especially when you are involving other guys, who can be nice, or can be snakes. I mean, we're mostly men on this board, so you tell me whether I'm wrong on that.

You can always sit around and watch her slowly drift away, but I think that may be about as successful as sitting around waiting for girls to pick you up. Passivity doesn't seem to work in any circumstance when it comes to women. Being confident is sort of like being passive. I think it works better if you're not already involved. I think the rules change once you're in a committed relationship.

 

[becker]

I'd like to say another thing, which is, there are a few girls I know with BFs, and they're all over me. I'm not interested in them though, but they're always trying to get me to go to lunch with them, get me to do stuff with them, and they make it clear they have BFs.

I was charismatic and indifferent with them, purely for the sake of practice, and they ate it up. Problem is I am not interested in getting together with them, or anyone else for that matter, at the moment. These are girls I'd likely go for if I was looking to get involved, but I am not.

Wonder what their BFs would think if they knew?

 

[ZeeOwl]

Yep. Jealousy is a pretty efficient means of driving away most women. Notice that I said "most". Some (which are exceptions) actually like it. I was in a LTR with a woman who was the jealous type. And also insecure, of course. I was insecure too, but it was more in my self-esteem. I have never been jealous. This used to drive her nuts. Like becker said, some women interpret this as a lack of caring. She did. I remember, she used to pull pretty obvious stunts to try and provoke me. So there's no hard set rule here. Jealousy is usually bad. But in certain specific cases, it can be a positive thing.

As for turning jealousy into confidence; while it's a great principle, it's something that's probably extremely difficult to pull off. Because jealousy is simply a manifestation of extreme insecurity. Kinda hard to go from there to confidence...

 

[Lt dan]

yeah, that thing worked for me last time. didnt work for me this time. yesterday she kinda ignored me and it seemed like she was always talking to other guys...not me. and then last night i read the thing and i was all, alright im all good tomorrow i wont care. well today i cared. it pissed me off. another factor might have been that i didnt get much sleep last night, and that shlt can make you emotional i guess, lack of sleep. heres a strange thing, theres this guy and she always takes his hat and wearsit. it one of those hats that have a bill but i dont know how to fvcking explain it. like the one gwen stefani wears alot, if she still wears it. well she looks really good in it actually, but its like shes just trying to flirt with the guy.


ok question. do chicks, in ltrs, from time to time just kinda play "hard to get" and ignore you, she wasnt ignoring me really, its just that it was like she didnt really feel the urge to be with me.


i know she really digs me, and maybe she just thinks it doesnt bother me.


maybe i need sleep


another thing, i was in mopy ass mood all day. just didnt feell like smiling. if i fake it will she recipricate, if she sees me happy will it make her want to be with me and cheer her up too?

 

[ZeeOwl]

Well, the woman I was talking about earlier who I was in an LTR with (we were married, actually! lol), occassionally would tell me about guys who flirted with her, or showed her they found her attractive in some way. I never saw any of this, so I don't even know if it was true or not. But it was obvious that she was trying to get a rise out of me. I never bit the hook, partly because her game was pretty obvious, and partly because I'm not the jealous type. So yeah, girls will pull that kind of stuff on you. They're tests. I voluntarily failed! haha

Though in the situation you described, you may have just needed sleep. That will make you more emotional, and less in control. Which is always a bad thing around women. Turn the computer off and go to bed!

I have no idea about the fake good mood. Never tried that. Probably best to stay away from faking emotions. But mopy is a really bad one to be in, around your GF. Get some sleep.

 

[matius]

I had been very jealous in a past relationship with a hb, what happened, well I got extremely paranoid about who she was hanging out with and what was going on- and we fought n scratched until she just went away- it was the dumbest thing you could imagine, on my part.

To me, it does seem like the smart move to not even let it phase you in the slightest that she's flirting or hanging out with someone else-- I'm new to these boards - but wouldn't that mean she has a low interest level in you - and it's time to start moving in other directions, get back to you hobby hardcore right?

My question to those who doubt the advice in the first post- how could one use his jealousy, skills and attitude in a positive way when dealing with this type of situation? Is it best to go into a relationship (even a girl you want to see long term), with the disposition that no strings should become attached when it comes to these things and have an open relationship? Seeing whoever you want? Now I realize you will eventually dislike that idea- when you've bonded and feel like your world together has no boundaries, but I guess I'm just looking for some ideas on how to deal with that- it's seems inevitable based on past relationships.

 

[becker]

Seems to me like the only way out of something like this would be to find a girl who is loyal and has the same ideas as you in regards to relationships.

I know a girl who is very nice, and she has a BF, and has been with him for a very long time. She is still very loyal, because before I knew she had a BF, I tried to take her out and she refused, even though it was not really a big date or anything.

Getting a jealous person with someone who is very friendly to the opposite sex is like a recipe for disaster. My first GF hwas like that, and she had this guy friend who she talked with incessantly on the phone, and all she did was do stuff to make me jealous. She was insecure because she always felt lucky she was with me, so she did stuff like that. I never cheated on her or anything to make her feel like I was going to pull away either. Girls can be like that.

Seems like the better catch the person is, the more likely the jealous behavior from the partner may arise.