guys what do you think about asking this direct question to a girl who sending mixed messages? just to cut any doubt off and let her know that her answer will drive some consequences. I know that mixed messaged are bad but proabably this is something that clarify the situation? what's your opinion on that?
are you seeing someone else? thoughts about this question
- Thread starter joker79
- Start date
Greasy Pig
Master Don Juan
Need more context. Are you fvcking her? How long have you been dating. What's she been doing to p!ss you off?
she's always the same girl greasy. I fvcked her long time ago and then she went in push and pull mode. I've been "dating" her for 4 months with long silences and sudden passion, then she goes witht the "i don't give a **** attitude and then kisses me. Two days ago we met and agreed on a date and today she's not available anymore? WTF?? Anytime I come a little bit stronger she backs off, but then she shows she likes me. I'm trying to spin more plates but she comes back eveytime to mess with me. Atom will scold me I know but I think that a simple question like that will clarify everything. Last time I've asked something like that she gave me "I'm not looking for a relationship" bs and then two weeks afterwards she was all over me and jelous. If she answer yes, she will lose me, if she answer no then she's BPD. Lose-lose?
i can't really understand why she's behaving like that, that's why i'm chasing a resolution. The time we spent together was really high quality so I see her as a person to invest into when she is on the right side of the moon. And she's not behaving bit**y usually, but anytime I ask for something that could be related to dating. relationship, commitment, she backs off without giving me a clear explanation. Then silence comes for 1 week. if i try to re-engage her afterwards, she's absolutely happy and literally jumps on me. WTF!
I would ask, "What do you mean by 'seeing'?"
I try not to buy into/use the lingo like "relationship", "girlfriend", "hanging out", "not ready for a relationship." It's better to just cut through the crap and be straightforward.
If she says, "I mean seeing like dating," I would look at her seriously and say, "Would that bother you?" or something like that.
If she starts acting more loving and is like, "I want you all to myself," then this is a sweet girl, keep her.
If she says, "No, not at all, I just wanted to see where you are coming from," or any number of thousand responses along those lines, she is a b!tch.
EDIT: I am sorry, I misread your post. Would I ask that question myself? Nah- I would be looking at body language and her apparent interest in me because those things would most likely tell me if she was seeing someone else.
I try not to buy into/use the lingo like "relationship", "girlfriend", "hanging out", "not ready for a relationship." It's better to just cut through the crap and be straightforward.
If she says, "I mean seeing like dating," I would look at her seriously and say, "Would that bother you?" or something like that.
If she starts acting more loving and is like, "I want you all to myself," then this is a sweet girl, keep her.
If she says, "No, not at all, I just wanted to see where you are coming from," or any number of thousand responses along those lines, she is a b!tch.
EDIT: I am sorry, I misread your post. Would I ask that question myself? Nah- I would be looking at body language and her apparent interest in me because those things would most likely tell me if she was seeing someone else.
Last edited:
@parad0x: too much investment at the beginning but I got all the buy messages and I went for it. Lesson learnt. Probably a strong oneitis that needs to be cured with NC and kicks in the ass if she comes back. Thinks she played well from the beginning to keep me as a backup guy, I don't know how to interpret it differently. But everytime she comes back, she show a behaviour like "now I'll give you what you want" and then she let me down. eveytime.
update, this is crazy, i'm really pissed off: i met her accidentally and had a brief chat.
me: "hey I didn't know you weren't available tonight"
her: "i told you, i'm having drinks with my friend" (previous version was "i have plans"... without any definition of "plans") - THIS IS ABSOLUTELY FALSE, she didn't tell me anything
me: "ok, happy drinks then (a little bit sarcastic).
her: rolling eyes
me: "unfortunately I can't do anything next week, are you available other days in this week (I know, it's a superbeta thing but i need to know the answer to judge her attitude)
her: "sorry no availability"
me: "ok then I think it doesn't work for me this way"
her: rolling eyes
me: "ok a need to go now, text me later"
her: "ok"
Of course i don't expect any text.. it was absoultely weird as two days ago we had a lovely chat with her super-sweet and interested. I'm getting to the conclusion she's BPD. Anyway I'm going NC now, I am sure 100% she will contact me back in 2-3 weeks.. probably i did wrong confronting her but i needed to hit myself the wall to find a strong reason to ditch her. any opinion?
me: "hey I didn't know you weren't available tonight"
her: "i told you, i'm having drinks with my friend" (previous version was "i have plans"... without any definition of "plans") - THIS IS ABSOLUTELY FALSE, she didn't tell me anything
me: "ok, happy drinks then (a little bit sarcastic).
her: rolling eyes
me: "unfortunately I can't do anything next week, are you available other days in this week (I know, it's a superbeta thing but i need to know the answer to judge her attitude)
her: "sorry no availability"
me: "ok then I think it doesn't work for me this way"
her: rolling eyes
me: "ok a need to go now, text me later"
her: "ok"
Of course i don't expect any text.. it was absoultely weird as two days ago we had a lovely chat with her super-sweet and interested. I'm getting to the conclusion she's BPD. Anyway I'm going NC now, I am sure 100% she will contact me back in 2-3 weeks.. probably i did wrong confronting her but i needed to hit myself the wall to find a strong reason to ditch her. any opinion?
Some simple steps
Joker... you are playing in her world, not yours!! Flip it!
You were fine with your dialogue with her, but then you got needy and after she said she's not avaiable this week... you asked about next week! Big no no! Especially with a girl that doesn't really deserve your time yet with her recent nasty behavior! Don't do that to yourself ... you are devalueing your worth and time. Would Steve McQueen put up with that ****?!! Exactly!!
Moving forward...
Always let her be reaching out to you - never you contacting her... Oh, and btw... start dating a handful of other girls while dealing with this one.
When she contacts you - chit chat a bit and then after 5 min say - so whats up? You want to get together? If she says yes, ask "What days are you available to get together?" Setup up the date and get off texting, the phone, whatever.
If she says "Im busy, or I'm not available, whatever..." then say "Well it was good chatting with you, I have to run along now, definitely keep in touch... Bye!"
There, done! Your indifference will throw her and confuse her... in essence you are maintaining your cool and having her start to chase you.
Each week the same thing... have her reach out to you and see if she initiates a date. If not, blow her off.. eventually she'll be blowing up your phone and email with wanting to hangout!
Good luck.
Joker... you are playing in her world, not yours!! Flip it!
You were fine with your dialogue with her, but then you got needy and after she said she's not avaiable this week... you asked about next week! Big no no! Especially with a girl that doesn't really deserve your time yet with her recent nasty behavior! Don't do that to yourself ... you are devalueing your worth and time. Would Steve McQueen put up with that ****?!! Exactly!!
Moving forward...
Always let her be reaching out to you - never you contacting her... Oh, and btw... start dating a handful of other girls while dealing with this one.
When she contacts you - chit chat a bit and then after 5 min say - so whats up? You want to get together? If she says yes, ask "What days are you available to get together?" Setup up the date and get off texting, the phone, whatever.
If she says "Im busy, or I'm not available, whatever..." then say "Well it was good chatting with you, I have to run along now, definitely keep in touch... Bye!"
There, done! Your indifference will throw her and confuse her... in essence you are maintaining your cool and having her start to chase you.
Each week the same thing... have her reach out to you and see if she initiates a date. If not, blow her off.. eventually she'll be blowing up your phone and email with wanting to hangout!
Good luck.
thanks guys
@deep: the roles are reversed unfortunately
@Jmadrid72: yes agree. I'm getting angry as i'm the one 100% initiating contact so the risk is to lose her (altough think is a clear message if she doesn't come back to me). But at this point in time i have nothing to lose. I shold treat her like a guy
@Parad0x: short term is the best strategy but then what if i want in some way to re-connect? Girls today have afcs ready to put them on the pedestal, my experience is that is better for them an AFC they can control rather then break the confort and contact again an alpha (which i am not but i'm studying..)
@deep: the roles are reversed unfortunately
@Jmadrid72: yes agree. I'm getting angry as i'm the one 100% initiating contact so the risk is to lose her (altough think is a clear message if she doesn't come back to me). But at this point in time i have nothing to lose. I shold treat her like a guy
@Parad0x: short term is the best strategy but then what if i want in some way to re-connect? Girls today have afcs ready to put them on the pedestal, my experience is that is better for them an AFC they can control rather then break the confort and contact again an alpha (which i am not but i'm studying..)
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
When you put a girl on the spot with an uncomfortable question, she will give you the politest lie possible so as to hurt your feelings the least. They do the same thing to each other; that just how women are.