Approaching when a girl has already signaled interest?

[Genos]

I've become so used to approaching and talking women who haven't shown prior interest in me (i.e. neutral), that I'm actually more nervous starting a conversation with a girl who has smiled at me or made a heavier degree of eye contact.

I feel like the pressure is on because she expects something from me, and that the bar is higher because of it. I'm not exactly sure what to say or what kind of demeanor I should put on when talking to a who woman is already interested.

Sometimes, and I hate to admit it (this is some ultra beta-ness), I've actually avoided talking to girls who show interest to me. Just earlier today, a cute girl came over and sat across from me at the same table in the library and smiled, but I couldn't bring myself to start things up >_>. Thing is, I would have LITERALLY no problem talking to totally random girl in that situation, but since she seemed interested (for whatever reason, maybe she liked my particular look or something), I hesitated in initiating.

Reflecting on it, I think it has to do a bit with my self-esteem. I actually enjoy working from a position where I was underestimated - since this is what I've had to do for much of my life in every area, it's what's normal for me. In my youth, I'd always been interacting with people older than me, more experienced than me etc., so I'm finding it completely new operating from a position of 'power'/when I'm already on the high ground. I'm also not very confident in my looks (I'd say I'm just average), so it's a bit uncommon that a woman shows initial interest.

For the same reasons, I'm also having trouble interacting with women younger than me in general. I have more experience with girls the same age or older.

Any advice or tips guys?

 

[El Payaso]

You could try reframing the situation in your mind as if she never gave any interest.

 

[foreverAFC]

for me, im just so used to women being unfriendly that when one even looks interested im completely thrown off, i cant believe it, im confused. but i also admit that have never once even come close to feeling anything that could even come close to being described as empowerment or self esteem or self worth, so im sure that is a major part of the problem. oh well.

 

[Huffman]

Why is the bar raised? It's lowered! The first thing that goes through my head is "wow she likes me, I must be really awesome!" and I get a stupid grin on my face

Then I proceed to talk to her with that smile, look her in the eyes. I suck at convo but in that case my body language will just do all the work for me.

 

[Vulpine]

Why is the bar raised? It's lowered! The first thing that goes through my head is "wow she likes me, I must be really awesome!" and I get a stupid grin on my face

"Yeah, you think you have something to smile about NOW..."
*approach*
I get the stupid grin, too.

Konduit, go read up on Anti-Dump's postings here. He advocates ONLY hitting on chicks that have signaled interest. Search "Anti-Dump's Machine": lot's of insight that will get your head right.

 

[Poop1337]

Well the first step is identifying the problem, you've done that. The reason why is probably that you don't want to screw it up. It's that thing where you get a good feeling from her liking you and then get nervous about fcking it up so you'd rather not try at all because it would make the rejection worse cause you got your hopes up. Now that thinking is just retarded so go ahead and don't let this stuff happen again in fact be ultra aggressive and really push yourself when you get a smile or a stare. Don't let yourself come back here and say guys it happened again a girl smiled at me and I just walked away. Keep talking to and hitting on all cute girls you see when you have the opportunity and this should translate to not running from girls who signal interest.

 

[Shift]

You're at an advantage here, because you don't have to generate as much interest with a girl that's already dropping IOI's. I've found that with these girls it doesn't take much more than a smile and some friendly conversation to close (whether it be number close, kiss close, etc.).

In the words of Pook, "Rejection is better than regret."

 

[Poon King]

Your biggest problem (as I see it) is you don't have an abundance mentality when it comes to women. You view the situation as if it MATTERS if you screw it up.. you know.. because this is the last woman on earth and you will never meet anyone else!!

Snap out of it. If you miss one bus you catch the next one. That should be how you few gaming women.

So relax and stop giving a sh!t what happens. Have fun. Try to find out if you even like her before you worry so much about her reaction.

When women come onto me.. I do less. Because if she already likes me.. all I really need to do is figure out if I like her.

 

[Genos]

The reason why is probably that you don't want to screw it up. It's that thing where you get a good feeling from her liking you and then get nervous about fcking it up so you'd rather not try at all because it would make the rejection worse cause you got your hopes up.

^ Yep it's exactly this. Definitely illuminating, thanks Poop, I couldn't have put it better.

In general, you guys are right, I'm framing it my mind as a negative, something that I could lose, rather than a positive (which it really ought to be). It's a mentality thing...y'all ever watch the tv show Suits? Harvey Specter said, "That's the difference between you and me. You wanna lose small. I wanna win big." Two different viewpoints on the same opportunity, and each individual's take on the matter are polar opposites. This situation reminded me of that quote. 'ppreciate the help y'all.

 

[Huffman]

Another thing I just thought of.

Imagine you're at some place. You don't have a woman. Suddenly, a women you don't know comes up to you and signals interest. What's your first reacition? OH CRAP I HOPE I DONT LOSE HER.

But here's the catch, how can you lose her? You never had her to begin with. With just a girl signaling mild interest - which should be happening at least once a week, you don't have anything noteworthy. Why worry about losing it?

In a sense, you're already clinging to her even though you haven't talked a word.

If you're nervous, just accept that you may or may not have sex with this particular girl. But you want to train your DJ skills. See her as a practice girl, learn the game. Actually the first really hot girl I landed was a "practice girl" which I had given up on already. I was just gaming her for fun.