approach anxiety? stop being a douche.

[secretasianman]

I suffered from extreme AA the entire first year I was sarging, and it took this epiphany for me to finally break out and get Anti-Approach Anxiety. Nowadays I get worried that if I DON'T approach a hot girl, some other PUA is gonna be nailing her to the kitchen counter on Valentine's Day- ain't gonna happen, guys!

Right now, if you're suffering from AA, your basic frame is almost certainly something like this: "She's hot and gets hit on all the time, and I'll come off as awkward and the conversation would die off in 20 seconds and it's safer to just not approach". Even if you don't actually think this to yourself every time, this type of basic attitude is the source of AA. So listen up:
Hot girls do get hit on all the time. 99/100, however, it is an awkward experience initiated by some chode with no game, making boring conversation, and not adding any excitement or value to her life at all. This is where **** tests and ***** shields come from (I know, I know, this is hardly groundbreaking stuff- hear me out).

SO. First off it's important to understand that WOMEN DO NOT MIND PEOPLE TALKING TO THEM. Seriously, women talk 100 times more than guys do. Listen to them gabbering right now. Talking is something all women love to do. Talking is easy. SO LISTEN UP: EVEN IF YOU HAVE A SUPER BORING CONVERSATION, THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING THAT WILL HAPPEN IS THAT YOU WILL COME ACROSS LIKE A NORMAL GUY.

Think about that. Normal guys are boring and awkward around hot women. So even if you crash and burn and are boring and awkward, YOU'RE NORMAL, CONGRATULATIONS. That's the WORST case scenario! Wrap your head around this concept, care for it, feed it, nurture it, ponder it and all of it's implications. You can do NO worse than normal. It's like someone giving you a test and saying, "Oh by the way, the absolute lowest score possible is a C. You literally cannot, under any circumstances (other than burning the building down or slapping the teacher in the face with your ****) FAIL this test." There will be NO pressure and NO anxiety once you actually, properly I N C E P T this idea into your consciousness. You're gonna like the way you approach and open; I guarantee it.

Second, when you walk past a hot girl without talking to her, you are being a selfish, unchivalrous douchebag because you are placing your own fears and wants above her needs. Women NEED you to improve their lives. They are DESPERATE for something exciting to happen. They silently BEG you every day to start a conversation and drop an atomic love bomb into their world. I'm not even kidding, ask ANY girl you know.

Better yet, ask every girl you DON'T know. If you're trying to kick AA, go up to a hot chick tomorrow and just ask her, "So when I see a cute girl out and about, I should absolutely go talk to her right? Girls all silently hope for a fun guy to spontaneously start talking to them, right?" If someone produces a recording of them asking a stranger this question and the answer is anything other than "YES", I will PayPal that individual $100 dollars, provided that you keep the conversation going after that question and close the set. No ****.

Alright, I'm rambling here, but for now, just remember:

Normal guys are boring and slightly awkward when talking to hot chicks, ergo...

a)Even if you are totally boring and awkward, the worst you can be is normal.
b)If you open girls and are even slightly interesting and fun, you will get their number and you will **** real live female women.
c)NOT opening a girl means you are a selfish **** who wants to retain all the awesomeness in your life for just yourself.
d)All women want to be opened.
e)For the love of GOD go outside and talk to girls.

 

[JohnChops]

I used to be really jaded when it came to talking to random women. For example I would see this hot blonde and im like" she is prolly an idiot, no intelligence, or is just going to turn me down and be a b1tch about it" But then ill end up seeing her talk to other people and she is actually really nice. So then ill go talk to her and she is really sincere and fun/nice to talk too. Its crazy, I agree that you have to open up a women. They wear their outer shells hard because weird people approach them everyday but YOUR not weird your just looking for a conversation! And damn it she will give you one every time!

Good post man, itll give a lot of people here some realizations.

 

[oscarkool]

I've never personally understood the point of sarging/approaching lots of girls. It's just something I've never done and don't like to do. You could say I have AA but it's also backed up by the fact that I'll be out with guys that will approach 10 girls and work 10 times harder than me and we'll both go home empty handed or we'll both pull when I only talked to 1 girl.

So I dunno, it's just never been something I understand. As for opening, I open girls at the right time. It's always situational or indirectly though. I just don't approach and I don't think it really helps your chances that much at all, at least from what I've witnessed over the years. I have PUA friends that all they want to do is 'sarge' and I'll go with them, watch them burn all this energy, and then I'll talk to 1 or 2 girls, pull and they'll go home with 0 after talking to 20+.

But I won't deny at all that approaching can get you girls, it definitely can as it becomes a numbers game. If you're talking to a ton of girls, eventually 1 is going to bite the bait which doesn't get tough at all around last call. Anyone with a brain can pull at that point. I just have that sniper mentality where I like to score with the least amount of effort possible. Work smarter, not harder peeps.

EDIT: oh and

Second, when you walk past a hot girl without talking to her, you are being a selfish, unchivalrous douchebag because you are placing your own fears and wants above her needs.

is a really terrible mindset to have. So we're being selfish by not talking to every hot girl we see? So we just ignore all the average/not good looking girls. That's pretty douchey imo.

Second, who cares about her needs? Game has always and always will be about yourself. If you're worried about her needs above yours, then you're never going to get the results that you want.

Third, I already tackled above about approaching. You don't need to approach every girl you see right away. Why would you do that? If you blow yourself out with every hot girl within the first 20 minutes of being at a bar, you might as well go home. A better strategy would be to grab a drink, hangout with your buddies, and strike when the opportunity presents itself. There will be plenty of opportunities throughout the night. You don't need to exhaust all of them within the first 20 minutes.

P.S. One of my good buddies is great at the bars, classic 'natural' and he does this exact sniper strategy. Guy has laid more women than most people on this board combined. And he'll approach maybe 2-3 girls MAX.

 

[NobodyCares1]

@oscarkool what you are saying is a better strategy, but only at bars and praties. But think about it in school, you don't approach as many women there, I know I don't but sometimes I may stip myself of a great opportunity by not doing it. I do approaches at bars, discoes but I'm there two maybe three times a month if I'm lucky and with sniping I don't approach every time, that's just not enough. So I need more hunting ground like school etc.

Now I'm not saying you should approach every girl at school, that would be wierd, you should snipe there too, but sometimes even if you see a great opportunity to talk to some cutie you just chicken out and I think that this thread should help you to set your mindset so the approach won't seem so frightening to you.

Also this is more about overcoming AA that scoring a women, and for overcoming AA a shotgun is better.

 

[Asterisk]

this just might help nice post, dude!

 

[oscarkool]

@oscarkool what you are saying is a better strategy, but only at bars and praties. But think about it in school, you don't approach as many women there, I know I don't but sometimes I may stip myself of a great opportunity by not doing it. I do approaches at bars, discoes but I'm there two maybe three times a month if I'm lucky and with sniping I don't approach every time, that's just not enough. So I need more hunting ground like school etc.

Now I'm not saying you should approach every girl at school, that would be wierd, you should snipe there too, but sometimes even if you see a great opportunity to talk to some cutie you just chicken out and I think that this thread should help you to set your mindset so the approach won't seem so frightening to you.

Also this is more about overcoming AA that scoring a women, and for overcoming AA a shotgun is better.

I disagree because AA is a mindset, plain and simple. I know guys that have done thousands of approaches and still have massive AA. Why? Because they put approaching at the top of game. Approaching to me is like .5% of game. It is neglible. It isn't important at all. It won't remove any fears and doubts. It shows how far behind these puas are when they spend so much effort on approaching 'sets' and all that. It's laughable. Elementary thinking. Do you really think a group of 4 girls sitting at a table catching up want to talk to 1 random dude? Get a clue.

So much energy spent approaching. There's better ways to spend your energy that will net you equal rewards.

These PUA guys seem to think you can build a girls attraction or make her interested in you. Well, sorry to burst everyone's bubble, but if a girl isn't attracted to you initially (you have about 3 seconds before she decides), nothing you do will change that. You can be the best PUA in the world, but if this particular girl is only attracted to a certain type of guy and you're not it, then there is nothing you can do except wait until she's drunk (or maybe chase her for a few months and spend a lot of effort and money). There's a reason why most LRs you read tend to involve alcohol...

A better solution is to simply have a good time, talk to girls that bump into you or walk by you, make conversation with groups, etc. and strike when the iron is hot. That means if you see a girl checking you out, get on it. Simple fact is that not all girls are going to like you. This whole idea that you can pull the hottest girls in the bar when she's not attracted to your type is the fantasy that has been making millions for these 'gurus' for over a decade.

Anyone good with women knows that they have decided if they will sleep with you within about 15 seconds from the moment they meet you. Anything after that is really just you messing up your chances lol.

But don't take my word for it. Just look at how ugly these 'guru' girlfriends actually are.

 

[BMX]

This post is very much valid. Just because you go out whether it be solo or with a wing and do cold approaches does not imply that you are a practicing PUA, at all. This is very much a part of my trial-and-error repertoire as it has been a part of my success with women. Even if you strike out 100's of times, this is still helping you to achieve comfort in your own skin and will lead you to being more outgoing. I've been rejected plenty, trust me on that and I always tell them (in my head of course) "Thanks for playing" and go on to whoever I meet next.

As per point D) the OP made, I agree 100%. I have told myself out in the field after spotting a female that she is begging for me to approach/open her. Even if they have not taken notice. You have to control the set by maintaining a worthy attitude like this. They will pick up on your positivity (or neediness if you wreak of it).

My prior daygame experience helped me to get dates, hookups, party invites, dances, etc. and during nightgame as well. You still have to approach at night although everyone else is there doing the same. Daytime approaches are a lot more dynamic for me since they are done in mixed crowds, a hell of a lot more locations/possibilities, you are sober (I hope), you can go it alone and you ARE viewed as normal even if rejected. It's just daytime business and you've got stuff on your agenda you are accomplishing while flirting and getting numbers. This was true when I was in junior college, my 4-year college, big cities and suburbs, the beach, the park, etc. and will continue to be for me.

These approaches to me are like setting up your shot in golf on the teebox. There are several ways to jack your drive but when I'm up there, I do not have all day and I will make my shot within a limited time constraint without entertaining the negatives. I will continue to open women even though more and more are opening me/hitting on me in public these days.

 

[RickyLGillies]

Hi,

To overcome your approach anxiety, you have to change your perception of skill and / or challenge. In case your perceived ability matched your perceived challenge level for seducing a woman, you are ‘in state’ every time you approached a woman. If you’re reading this, then it’s obviously not. Trying to improve your skill level to eradicate approach anxiety forever is a difficult strategy.

Hope this helps.