Anyone got tips for finding decent mates in your 30's ?

[Bingo-Player]

Kind of hit an infliction point in life , most of my older friends from my 20's are pretty much zombified within their day to day lives and are all stuck in my hometown not really doing much other than procreating and working

If I'm lucky and give 3 months notice I may be able to band a couple of them together to do something on a weekend but even then I always feel like there's this invisible pressure for them to all get back home as quickly as possible to their boring partners and lives

I left my hometown last year with one of my best mates but in all honesty he is kind of directionless in life and usually broke

he seems to just want to sit in his room all day watching tiktoks and instagram reels sometimes he will be up for going out but this will be very infrequent he's not super sociable

I have met a few guys in the gym and out and about this year and have done some activities with them

but generally most of them seem to be either broke , boring or anti social

One guy is 33 single , like a proper steroid using gym bro but seems to spend all of his free time in his apartment playing computer games

I suggested we go for a few drinks he told me he doesn't like going to environments other than the gym as it causes him "anxiety"

I work for myself at the moment so obviously very little opportunity there too make new mates

I am pulling my hair out at the moment , like where the fvck can I find some normal sociable dudes who like going out for beers , chatting with women and like other man stuff ?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You into sporting events at all?

If so I'd suggest going out to bars to watch some events when they are on live and you'll get plenty of interactions with people who obviously have at least a few things in common.

 

[patb]

I’m continually shocked that as much time as I waste, and as little as I like going out, I still do more than probably 90% of 30 somethings.

 

[Stanley]

I have made a concerted effort in making new social groups after leaving behind quite a few old friends. The best thing I did was first change my mindset to being receptive to others and remaining positive and removing judgement early on. A now good friend of mine was someone I despised when I first met him, but then we got to know each other and I stood up in his wedding. I used to disqualify people on seemingly arbitrary reasons.

For me, the biggest thing was going where people are who express similar interests.

I joined a boxing gym and found some cool guys to bro down with, same thing with the Sambo BJJ gym I tried out. I'm giving a go at learning tennis and i'm sure I'll make friends there as well. I empathize with the sentiment of people not wanting to go out and socialize and do things. Ever since covid it seems this behavior has ramped up quite a bit. So going where people are already out being social is a good way to find folks who want to be out

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

he seems to just want to sit in his room all day watching tiktoks and instagram reels sometimes he will be up for going out but this will be very infrequent he's not super sociable



but generally most of them seem to be either broke , boring or anti social


I suggested we go for a few drinks he told me he doesn't like going to environments other than the gym as it causes him "anxiety"

I work for myself at the moment so obviously very little opportunity there too make new mates

I am pulling my hair out at the moment , like where the fvck can I find some normal sociable dudes who like going out for beers , chatting with women and like other man stuff ?

That's most millenials for ya and it's why I despise our generation. I was lucky enough to stumble across a solid group of guys in my early 20s who i've remained friends with since; meanwhile my friends from high school are largely becoming phased out (at least in part due to them being ruined by marriages).

Best bet might be to find a group of guys in a self-development inner circle (where I met mine) in those psuedo cults like Men of Action.

The older you get the harder it becomes. Watch "I Love You Man", idk.


Also

If I'm lucky and give 3 months notice I may be able to band a couple of them together to do something on a weekend but even then I always feel like there's this invisible pressure for them to all get back home as quickly as possible to their boring partners and lives

Most of the men I know are complete slaves to their wives. This hurts but you have no choice but to move on from them, they're lost until they get divorced.

 

[The Duke]

You find guys like yourself in bars doing the same thing you do when you go to the bars.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I sense that this is going to have to a case of " build it and they will come"

there's a hell of a lot of directionless & aimless people out there ( especially men ) it has undoubtedly become more difficult too settle with a mentally stable partner especially once you reach 30

People seem to be getting stuck in their ways very very young now and I see it causing a lot of psychological issues later down the line

You find guys like yourself in bars doing the same thing you do when you go to the bars.

Aimlessly Propping bars up has never really been my thing , I Live opposite a pub its full of balding overweight middle aged men stumbling around , and smoking talking about what could have been

I find the environment very depressing

 

[Manure Spherian]

.

I still do more than probably 90% of 30 somethings.

What do you do?

 

[Solomon]

Kind of hit an infliction point in life , most of my older friends from my 20's are pretty much zombified within their day to day lives and are all stuck in my hometown not really doing much other than procreating and working

If I'm lucky and give 3 months notice I may be able to band a couple of them together to do something on a weekend but even then I always feel like there's this invisible pressure for them to all get back home as quickly as possible to their boring partners and lives

I left my hometown last year with one of my best mates but in all honesty he is kind of directionless in life and usually broke

he seems to just want to sit in his room all day watching tiktoks and instagram reels sometimes he will be up for going out but this will be very infrequent he's not super sociable

I have met a few guys in the gym and out and about this year and have done some activities with them

but generally most of them seem to be either broke , boring or anti social

One guy is 33 single , like a proper steroid using gym bro but seems to spend all of his free time in his apartment playing computer games

I suggested we go for a few drinks he told me he doesn't like going to environments other than the gym as it causes him "anxiety"

I work for myself at the moment so obviously very little opportunity there too make new mates

I am pulling my hair out at the moment , like where the fvck can I find some normal sociable dudes who like going out for beers , chatting with women and like other man stuff ?

OP I totally can relate as I have gone through this as well on and off in my 20s and 30s.
I know people reciop[]

Kind of hit an infliction point in life , most of my older friends from my 20's are pretty much zombified within their day to day lives and are all stuck in my hometown not really doing much other than procreating and working

If I'm lucky and give 3 months notice I may be able to band a couple of them together to do something on a weekend but even then I always feel like there's this invisible pressure for them to all get back home as quickly as possible to their boring partners and lives

I left my hometown last year with one of my best mates but in all honesty he is kind of directionless in life and usually broke

he seems to just want to sit in his room all day watching tiktoks and instagram reels sometimes he will be up for going out but this will be very infrequent he's not super sociable

I have met a few guys in the gym and out and about this year and have done some activities with them

but generally most of them seem to be either broke , boring or anti social

One guy is 33 single , like a proper steroid using gym bro but seems to spend all of his free time in his apartment playing computer games

I suggested we go for a few drinks he told me he doesn't like going to environments other than the gym as it causes him "anxiety"

I work for myself at the moment so obviously very little opportunity there too make new mates

I am pulling my hair out at the moment , like where the fvck can I find some normal sociable dudes who like going out for beers , chatting with women and like other man stuff ?

You find guys like yourself in bars doing the same thing you do when you go to the bars.

You will meet them at the bars etc
However OP be warned there are lot of scumbag/no honor types at bars, who will betray you over some coochie
I've had this happen more than I can count, this is one of the reasons I do not partake in nightlife anymore
I stick with people now that are focused on success and improving themselves

In my 30’s, focusing on building my lifestyle and career. You will naturally find those that have similar mindsets as you along the way. I wouldn’t focus about seeking to find acquaintances, it just happens when your paths cross. Same with women.

It may not be easy at first but once you build a lifestyle that bring high quality people to you, you will find the diamond in the roughs